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My in-laws are a little strange but harmless. They love my kids dearly, but most of the times they see the girls it's because I need them to watch them. Or if I don't need them to watch them, they either suggest that they come over so "you guys can go run errands" or they want the girls to come over to their house. Their house isn't too far, but it's still an almost half hour drive. She's been asking since they were less than a year old to let them stay the night. I've talked her out of buying cribs and baby beds and all sorts of furniture she thinks she "needs" to have for the once or twice a month that they actually invite us over. I have let the girls stay over on occasion, out of convience and neccesity, not because I thought, "Hey, I don't want my one year old twins bugging me tonight so I'm going to send them to Grandma's!"<br><br>
She also buys a ridiculous amount of clothes for them. She always buys them on clearance, but this last batch of clothing she gave us for their birthday I totaled up to be around $300 (she leaves the tags on), on top of all the other toys they got them. They out-do us at Christmas too.<br><br>
My mom, OTOH, has always wanted to come over here, even when I suggest that she could take the girls to her house. "All their stuff is there, and they're more comfortable at home." I think my mom feels like she doesn't "give" enough to the girls when she sees what my MIL buys for them, but my mom gives them the most time and that's what's most important to me.<br><br>
So today I let my IL's take the girls all day so I could get stuff done around the house. Of course she has all sorts of toys out there, but today they went and bought MOTORIZED CARS for them. WTF?? I'm sorry but this just floors me. Who spends that amount of money on toys that the kids don't even take home with them?<br><br>
I know I'm ranting, I just don't understand what the big draw is for her to have them at her house all the time, or why they have to buy big expensive toys. It's not like my IL's and I don't get along; we do.<br><br>
So call me ungrateful, but while they were trying to impress me with the fact they'd bought them cars (which, BTW, my parents had got them the cozy coupe for their B-day and it was a big hit) I just said, "Wow, you girls won't even want to play with the toys you have at home anymore!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"><br><br>
And I don't like the clothes she buys. They're ugly, but she buys so many that I can't justify buying ones I actually like. I'm being ungrateful. And if you actually read to the bottom of this then you're a better person than I!
 

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You know, if she leaves the tags on the clothes, you can return them for ones you like. I give you permission.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> This is an ongoing thing here too, sorta. DS has 2 sets of Grandparents (my parents and his bio-fathers' parents). His bio-father's parents are mostly out of the picture so... whatever (his bio-father is mostly out of the picture too). My parents love ds to death but do not spoil him. They get him gifts for birthday/Christmas and it's never a lot (I have the added benefit, now, of saying if it doesn't fit in the car it doesn't come with us since we live 2 states away!). It's usually a couple toys/books/clothes for each occaision, from each grandparent. A good amount, I think. My dad might get him a random thing here and there too when we visit.<br><br>
DP's parents, however, go WAY overboard. This last Christmas was their first Christmas with "grandchildren" (it was our first christmas together and dp's brother also got married last summer to a woman with a child so dp's parents, essentially, got 2 grandchildren last year). Anyway, we live near them (like 5 minutes away). I understand DP's mom was excited. But goodness gracious she went way to far overboard! It was a bit of a sore spot for dp and I. I didn't feel dp's parents should have gotten that much for ds. DP wanted me to let it go. When all was said and done they had maybe 8 wrapped gifts for him and then a huge bag of unwrapped gifts. It was bad. But, I didn't say a word to dp's parents. I asked dp to make it clear that the majority of things would be staying at their house, not coming back to ours. And, for the most part, it did. That will be our rule from now on. Gifts that they buy him, stay at their house (exception is clothing, but that's because they don't keep him overnight so it doesn't make sense for perfectly good clothes to sit unused while he outgrows them).<br><br>
As far as clothes go.... DP's mom can buy DS clothes anytime she wants to and I won't complain. Honestly? It doesn't bug me because I know how much ds goes through clothes and it keeps me from having to spend money on it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"> She did end up buying him a "christmas outfit", which I just laughed at because we had already bought him *2* christmas outfits... what did he need a 3rd for?!? But, whatever, her money.<br><br>
Anyway, my take on it? Make a hard rule that what she buys stays at her house. Period. And feel no guilt about it. If you need to make a rule about clothing then say something like "dd's closets are overflowing. In the future we would appreciate it if you only bought them *x* amount of outfits". Anything over that amount stays at her house.
 

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Or.....<br><br>
"Wow MIL, your generosity is just so overwhelming, I couldn't possibly be so selfish as to keep all of these things for the children. Since they have more than they could possibly wear I donated the rest to the local DV shelter"<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br><br>
Ok I realize it'll never be said, but just enjoy the thought LOL<br>
Bellevuemama
 

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It seems like they just have a really different way of saying "I love you guys" and "I think about you a lot". It doesn't make it less irritating that you're not feeling it or that you have all the stuff around, but it does sound like they're trying. If it makes you feel better, you probably drive them a little nutty in return...but I wouldn't say you're "ungrateful".
 

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Call you ungrateful? Yeah, maybe. They are their grandparents, and probably for them they feel that they have the right to spoil their grandchildren. So what if they "out do" you? They probably aren't even thinking about that. My grandparents were always the ones to buy us all sorts of things and it was such a treat and they had so much fun doing it. You can turn this into a positive thing. Have you come out and asked them why they don't seem to want to come to your place? Maybe there is a reason that is not obvious. (you never know what people are thinking). I am having a baby, and my MIL wants to have everything. Every time she sees a baby with something that we don't have yet, she'll say "we need that!" and she will sometimes go and get it. I don't necessarily have to use it, but I know that she just wants her grandchildren to have the best of everything, and I don't see anything wrong with that. If I were you, I would graciously accept her generosity, and donate anything that you don't want to use, like the ugly clothes that you don't like. Don't sweat the small stuff.
 

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Seriously? You are annoyed because your in-laws WANT to spend time with your children and enjoy buying them stuff. OK, I will say it--You are ungrateful.
 

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I have twins too and 2 very loving sets of grandparents. My MIL is more down to earth and only buys the girls little things and doesnt go overboard on their birthday, etc. My mom on the other hand, always shows up with something for them. Books, clothes, toys, etc. I dont mind at all. If that makes her happy to spoil her only grandbabies like that, then let her have fun. My parents live 20 mins away, and we try to go there every weekend so the girls get out and they get to spend time with my parents. (this doesnt include the 3 days a week my mom comes over to my house)They have spent the nite with my parents twice. They have never and probably will never (for a few more years) stay with my MIL. She panicks easily and freaks out at everything and having 2, 2 year olds, I can only imagine the crazy calls I would get.<br><br>
IMHO, yes you are being ungrateful. Let her spoil your kids with whatever they want. If you dont like the clothes and the tags are still on them, take them back or give them to a baby consignment shop.<br><br>
Grandparents are precious things in a child's life. I grew up with none, my grandmother on my mom's side is still alive but she has over 40 grandkids, I was just another face among the crowd. My dad's dad died before I was born, his mom died when I was just 8, and my mom's dad died before I was born too. So I make it a point to let both sides of grandparents spend as much time as they want with my kids. I think it is such a special, wonderful thing for my kids get to enjoy and it is priceless for the grandparents.<br><br>
Just let it go.....
 

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I might stem the tide a bit by asking if they mind helping us with storage for the toys. Then suggest a need for a professional organizer to come help you, because you are starting to get overwhelmed with what to do with it all.<br><br>
Other than that, I would also let it go. Quietly pass along some of the stuff to other people you know of who can use the stuff.
 

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They are using "stuff" in place of love, my parents do it all the time because they are unable to show normal affection. When I read the OP I thought "It's my mom!!" I can really identify with everything in that post! Well, anyway, if I don't like it I send it to Goodwill or exchange it at WM (it all comes from WM) for something useful. My mom also has that wierd thing of wanting me to drop the kids at her house all the time. I think it's because she wants to see them but has no interest in ever seeing me. (We only see each other like once a month at the most.)
 

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I disagree that they are giving stuff in place of love--because I am sure they love their grandkids very much. They are just different than your mom. Just as we as parents can't compare our kids (one is neat and helpful, the other messy and defiant) with each other and expect to come out equal, the same goes for grandparents. Everyone does their own brand of grandparenting, and for your IL's they like to do it at their house. For them maybe having them come to Grandma's house and having lots of toys their is just part of what they picture to be the best way for them to do it.<br><br>
My parents are of the showering them with stuff mindset, but at the same time they were always frugal with me and my brother. I think they just want to give my kids all they can, and I know now that my dad is retired he has a lot of fun shopping for them as a way to connect with them. I know many people would look down on that, but it is how it is, and my parents love my kids so much. On the other hand, my MIL hardly ever buys them anything, but also shows them lots of love. Both are fine with both my kids and me. Different strokes and all that.<br><br>
I really think you need to work on being more grateful, because you have what many people would LOVE to have. As far as your children never wanting to play with their toys at home and you feeling <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"> about it--that is just silly. Their home will always trump Grandma's house--it is their home. But it is fine for them to have some big toys at Grandma's to use when there. Kids are really not about the toys, anyway--we all know that. It sounds like your MIL and FIL are trying to make a fun place for them to come to, and jumping through every hoop to do that. Give them a little credit for trying at least, and realize that no one is perfect--including grandparents.
 

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I get your drift. I don't think your rant is ungrateful. I'm gonna read between the lines a little:<br>
Your MIL may be a little overbearing, suggested by the fact that she has been asking you to leave your babies over night. And you are probably feeling overwhelmed with the amount of baby stuff (x2) entering the house.<br><br>
And it's no fun being outdone at Christmas. I thoughtfully picked out ds's first train set last Christmas and was so excited about it, a small Brio set we would add to every holiday. It was his only gift for Christmas morning. IL's knew this, but went out and bought a 200+ piece set, and were planning on giving it to him on Christmas Eve. I was so sad. Dh told them to take it back.<br><br>
So, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that the problem is not that your ungrateful; rather the problem is the dynamic between you and your MIL. And for that, I sympathize.<br><br>
Or I'm completely wrong and you are totally ungrateful <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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My XMIL is the same way. She used to buy too much but we would never hear from her and saw her every couple of months. Then my XH left me. She still buys too much. Only now she doesn't let it come home with DD. She has clothes and toys at her house to use when DD visits with her dad, which isn't often. I am glad she keeps the clothes there, especially if it helps her feel involved or whatever. However, she makes no effort to contact us. I have to initiate communication and visits. It's backwards.
 

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And FWIW, I routinely receive at least two bags worth of dollar-store items, yard sale items, or just misc stuff from MIL's garage that she thinks I need. Because, really, don't we all need a ceramic bust of a man holding a baby?<br><br>
I find the best way to handle it is a smile, a thank-you, and then conduct a redistribution of the material later on. People may think that is dishonest, but I think it is the most tactful way to handle it, b/c it's not worth a family war.
 

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I agree - you are ungrateful.<br><br>
My parents joke it's a grandparent's right to spoil their grandkids ... and since my kiddo is the one and only, he's spoiled ROTTEN by them. But you know what? I think it's really sweet. They love him so very much and deeply enjoy getting him new toys and clothing. I never once thought about them "out doing" me .. who cares?! Alex is going over there to spend two nights this week while he's on spring break .. he's super close with my parents and I would not have it any other way.<br><br>
I'd relax and be happy you have in-laws who love and want to spend time and spoil their grandkids. Trust me, there are much worse things out there. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Hoopin' Mama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10796466"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I get your drift. I don't think your rant is ungrateful. I'm gonna read between the lines a little:<br>
Your MIL may be a little overbearing, suggested by the fact that she has been asking you to leave your babies over night. And you are probably feeling overwhelmed with the amount of baby stuff (x2) entering the house.<br><br>
And it's no fun being outdone at Christmas. I thoughtfully picked out ds's first train set last Christmas and was so excited about it, a small Brio set we would add to every holiday. It was his only gift for Christmas morning. IL's knew this, but went out and bought a 200+ piece set, and were planning on giving it to him on Christmas Eve. I was so sad. Dh told them to take it back.<br><br>
So, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that the problem is not that your ungrateful; rather the problem is the dynamic between you and your MIL. And for that, I sympathize.<br><br>
Or I'm completely wrong and you are totally ungrateful <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"></div>
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Okay you said it way better than I did above, this is also what I think. What I see is that the love is missing from the relationship. There are a lot of people posting here saying "but they love the grandkids so much" but from what I'm seeing in the OP, no they really don't love the grandkids they just like showing off, that's the vibe I'm getting.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mistymama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10796855"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I agree - you are ungrateful.<br><br>
My parents joke it's a grandparent's right to spoil their grandkids ... and since my kiddo is the one and only, he's spoiled ROTTEN by them. But you know what? I think it's really sweet. They love him so very much and deeply enjoy getting him new toys and clothing. I never once thought about them "out doing" me .. who cares?! Alex is going over there to spend two nights this week while he's on spring break .. he's super close with my parents and I would not have it any other way.<br><br>
I'd relax and be happy you have in-laws who love and want to spend time and spoil their grandkids. Trust me, there are much worse things out there. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"></div>
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I agree with your last sentence for sure. But sometimes situations cause feelings in us that we cannot help. And, for me, the history with the person and how I feel they've treated me in the past does play a role in my feelings, irrational as thay may be. Sometimes it's hard to just be happy about certain situations, even though there are much worse things out there.<br><br>
I actively work on being more grateful that my IL's are a part of ds' life. Sometimes, honestly, it's hard. It's hard because of the drama, because of the passive-aggressive comments, and because of all that smoking. And it's hard not to feel undermined, when they are perfectly aware of how I feel about certain things, but joyfully tell me "wait until you see what we got dg, you're really gonna hate us for this one!!"<br><br>
But ds loves them and they are trying to bring him joy, and I work on accepting that. I still might need to come here and rant sometimes, and I hope I'm not viewed as ungrateful for it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Benji'sMom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10796951"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Okay you said it way better than I did above, this is also what I think. What I see is that the love is missing from the relationship. There are a lot of people posting here saying "but they love the grandkids so much" but from what I'm seeing in the OP, no they really don't love the grandkids they just like showing off, that's the vibe I'm getting.</div>
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I don't get this at all. I see that they want to spend time with their grandchildren and the mom can't understand why they would always want to spend time with them.<br>
The gift giving is in addition to spending time with them, not a replacement.<br>
My parents spend a lot of money on my kids because they are in a position to do so and were not in that position when I was younger. They have told me before that they are glad that they are able to do for my children what they could not do for my brother and myself.<br>
It sounds to me that their are other issues (jealousy) between the mom and in-laws. Her parents are <i>so</i> good and his are not. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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I posted above but wanted to add something else. As far as being 'out done', I can relate to that. My mom is like that. This past xmas, dh and I decided to buy the girls a kitchen. I told my mom our plans and the very next day, shows up with a HUGE kitchen for the girls for xmas..I was so <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"> That was something that WE wanted to get them. I didnt say anything and just let it slide, even though it still bothers me. For their birthday, we got them an outdoor swingset (the big ones with the house, etc) It is $399 on sale, so I asked if my ILs and my parents wanted to chip in on it. They agreed, my MIL gave me $50, my dh's grandparents (that live out of state) gave $100, and my mom gave $200..so that means dh and I only get to spend $50...so yeh, that irritates me too. Again, I didnt say anything, but what I did was split her money and put $50 in each of the girls saving plan and then the other $100 on the swing set....Sometimes you have to get creative <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">:<br><br>
I guess my point is, my mom is not doing it to be mean, she means well...I know it comes from her heart and I just learn to keep my mouth shut, be grateful and smile <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 
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