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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
our wonderfully active, inquisitive, and sensitive boy will be two in february, and we've been experiencing some of this behavior off and on since about 15 months....he's always been a hitter (esp to dh and I, and toddlers his size and smaller) but lately there is a trend developing when we go out to a new place/meet new kiddos......<br>
He'll be very shy at first, hanging on to me for a good fifteen minutes to survey the situation--totally cool and normal. And then he'll dive into lovey mode, sharing random things with the children, or wanting to do baby talk with a smaller child....<br>
But then....the cloud of doom strikes and he goes in for a massive bear hug (again, usually with children his size and smaller) and when he pulls away, it becomes an all-out attack on the poor little ones--he pulls their hair, pushes and pulls them, full-on swats them....and the strangest thing is it's like he can't let go--like he's being electricuted and the energy field is so great he's paralyzed......................<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
what does this mean!??!?<br><br>
a wonderful ma whose kiddies were victims (so patient, she was!) actually sai that this is somehow developmentally normal (also coming from a waldorf perspective)....that the child has to literally tear him/herself apart from the other, so the he/she knows they're .here. and the other person is .there.<br><br>
other than that explaination.....I have no idea what to think, and we're leaving a trail of crying babies in our wake in the meantime.....help!!!<br><br>
TIA<br><br>
Kyara
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
anyone?<br><br>
sorry to pester, just that lots of gatherings are up and coming, and I'm thinking we might have to stay home and avoid these outbursts and consequent tears......<br>
---if this is quasi-normal toddler behavior, I'd be ok with that as an answer, too <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
ayyyy
 

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I'm not sure about the developmental aspects of it, as dd never did anything like this. I would think, though, that you should either be preventing the bear hug altogether if this is something he does every time, OR step in during the bear hug and make sure he's going to be nice when he ends it. Maybe practice gentle hugging and ending it at home (or with a sibling or cousin?) and then remind him when you're out? Teach him how to shake hands instead?<br>
What does he do after the bear hug and the hitting? Does he go back to being lovable and playing/sharing, or does he go find another child to bearhug? What do you do after the bear hug and the hitting?<br>
Could he be getting overstimulated and trying to get you to remove him from the stimulation?<br>
Just a few random thoughts as I said I've not had to deal with this.
 

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My ds also had a problem with hitting, just occasionally, and he still likes to bump his chest into little ones. I think it's just to see what kind of reaction they will get, he's learning. He never did the bear hug, though.<br><br>
Literally, we went to a LLL meeting and he hit every child in there. So i feel for ya! He has gotten over this phase though, if that helps!
 

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I think I read something in the Sears books, about learning about cause and effect....its very, very interesting when you figure out you can make other people do things! And when you're a toddler, hitting or pushing is the fastest way to get a big reaction. I wish I had any solutions for you. The only thing that sometimes works for us is to practice "petting nicely" on stuffed animals and the dog. Then when he goes nuts hitting me when he's nursing, or otherwise is out of control with his hands, I say "Pet, pet!" and he switches to petting. Good luck!<br><br>
Could he be seeing someone else do this and be copying? Does he have any sensory issues?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
it sounds so crazy, doesn't it??...no sensory issues--aside from being overwhelmed by new situations/environments (but secretly I am, too....perhaps its a chain reaction?)--that I know of....we started a parent/child circle in september, and he exhibited the aforementioned behavior, but now after having established a rhythm and now knowing all the kiddos, the hitting and any subversive behavior has stopped....so--maybe just a rather unorthodox way of "getting to know you"<br>
??????<br><br>
I appreciate all of your ideas.....we'll see what happens with a bit more mama helicopter action <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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my son, now 28 mo, has been hitting/swatting off and on for the last several months. from what i can tell, he does it for two main reasons. one is when kids get too close and invade his sense of space. the other -- this may be more what your child is dealing with -- is as a way to say hello. now, when i suspect he's going to hit or when he does, i tell him that hitting is not okay and i tell him that if he's trying to say hi, he should wave and say hello. he'll often do so.<br><br>
the best thing i read on the subject came from Becoming the Parent You Want to Be.
 
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