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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
well my dd is 7 months and i am about 17 weeks pregnant with #2. well # 2 was not planned even though i was really wanting to be pregnant again right after i had dd. i think it was just hormones. i know it wasn't the best thing to do. especially since we are staying at my inlaws right now. well i did get pregnant. only one time with out a condom and a week before my appointment for birth control. dd was only 3 1/2 months! I know the exact date of conception. i am having so much trouble with this pregnancy. not in a medical aspect though, i just really don't want to be pregnant. i don't know what i'm going to do with another baby!they are only going to be 13 months apart! i am sooo scared! i feel terrible that i don't want to be pregnant. i am really scared that i will feel the same way about the baby after it is born. i don't want to resent my baby. the only time i am really actually happy or at peace with being pg is when i go to my doc and hear the heart beat! I wait and wait for those visits because i know as soon as i hear that thump thump thump i will feel better and excited like any other pg woman. i've tried to tell my husband but he really doesn't understand how i am feeling. i've tried to tell him and he tries to understand but he really just doesn't understand, even though he says he does. I know he doesn't understand because he will tell me that its all in my head or just my hormones. i dont know what to do. sometimes think how relieved i would feel if i lost this pregnancy.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: i can't say i don't want that. i feel so terrible and awful and evil when i have thoughts like that. how come some women who really really want a baby just one and they try and try and try for years on end and can't have their own baby and here i am with a beautiful 7 month old and im pg again and i don't want it? that is an awful feeling. i'm afraid that i will have ppd after i have this one. im scared that i won't love this baby as much as my dd or that ( even worse) i will still not want him/her.<br>
has anyone else ever felt this way?<br>
what do i do?<br>
im scared of really talking to anyone. i'm afraid that if i tell my doc that child services will be called and they will try and take my dd away or something.<br>
i really really want to want this baby i do, but the truth is,as awful as it sounds, that i don't right now.<br>
adoption and abortion are both out of the question. dh and my parents and his parents are all looking forward to this baby. they know its going to be hard for us and especially me, so they are all trying to help out the best they can in whatever way they can.<br>
i feel so guilty for feeling this way when so many other women would be welcoming this pregnancy with open arms and thanking god and all i can do i try to say i am excited in front of family and friends.<br>
if i did lose this pregnancy then i would feel so so so guilty and i would feel like it was my fault. and i couldn't give up my baby to someone else because i would also feel guilty for that and i can't stand the thought of someone else raising one of my children. God gave me this child and it is my responsibility. I know god has his reasons for everything. this is going to hard and i can't take the easy way out.<br>
i am so scared can any one help me?
 

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sorry, i am not much of a help, but i've found <a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=623424&highlight=spacing" target="_blank">this thread</a>. maybe you can PM one of those moms, or search for a tribe (moms with close spacing kiddos). there are lots of mamas here in the same boat as you, don't be discouraged!<br><br>
hugs, mama and good luck, you can do it!
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
thanx for the link! so much help!
 

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My oldest two are 13 months apart. I had dd at age 17, ds at age 18. Obviously unplanned, yet my little miracles (I had a myomectomy and was told I would never be able to bear children).<br><br>
It was really hard. Especially with an Ex who would beg me not to have ds. But I am so glad I did. It's a decision you need to make for yourself. But also realize that your hormones are raging right now and we can sometimes think things and do things we would not ordinarily do.<br><br>
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to pm me.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> I sometimes feel this way, even though we did this on purpose, for reasons that seemed good at the time (& we only dtd 1x that month...)! Our babies will be 14 mo. apart - I'm almost 31 weeks preg., & DD just had her 1st birthday last week. I've been a lot more tired this preg., between caring for the LO already here, & we're still nursing, although I'm supplementing too - (decreased supply since 14 weeks along). I think it's perfectly normal that you're feeling overwhelmed, not only by the feeling of added responsibility, but I think the added metabolic load on your body really takes a toll on you. I think the best thing is what you're doing, talking out your feelings w/other mammas who have been or are in the same position.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">:<br><br>
I'm so sorry. I do know exactly how you feel. I felt the same way when I first discovered this pregnancy, even though my son was 18 months then and the spacing won't be so close for us. Since I got pregnant with him on the first try, we assumed that we'd be able to plan the next one's timing pretty well. I was going to stop birth control around fall 2007 so we could have a summer 2008 baby. Instead, we're having a baby in August.<br><br>
And no one was sympathetic about it! Everyone was telling me things like, "Well *I* am happy for you." I'm sorry, but you're happy that I'm devastated? How do you think that makes me feel? No matter how much you love your kids, parenting is HARD. Having a baby when you aren't ready for it is an incredible burden, even if you do love that baby.<br><br>
Are you having a 20-week ultrasound? I know some people here don't encourage them, but I think in your case especially it might be helpful to see those pictures. Maybe if you find out the sex and get some pictures of the baby, it will help you get used to the idea and start bonding with the baby.<br><br>
For me, even though I was devastated at the beginning, it's gotten easier. Now, at around 27 weeks, I'm at the point where I'm really looking forward to meeting my baby. It's still going to be hard, but it's exciting, too.<br><br>
You have a lot of time to work through your feelings about this pregnancy. Don't beat yourself up over not wanting it; it will get easier as time goes by.
 

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My #1 and #2 are 14 months apart and #2 and #3 are 16 months apart. I had waves of feeling like you are feeling. It's scary and people weren't very supportive to me. You'll make it OK. You'll find that you just do what you have to to take care of everyone.<br><br>
By the time #3 was a few months old I had PPD and struggled to like any of my kids at all. It sucked.<br><br>
If you are feeling like this now and worried about getting PPD, I think it might be a good idea to concider prenatal depression and look into getting help now.<br><br>
There are tons of great things about having babies close together. I can't imagine it any other way now.<br><br>
Hang in there! PM me if you want to.
 

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I planned this baby. My children will be 4 years apart. But, I have regretted my choice pretty much since I got a positive pregnancy test (AFTER 1 try!). The ultrasounds I've had have made me feel pretty good for just a few minutes. I felt like crap for nearly three months. I could barely function in day to day activities. Once I started to come out of the first trimester I started to feel a little better. But, I still worry that I made a bad choice.<br><br>
So, I'm totally there with you. It's rough because you want to love the baby growing within you, but it's just kind of crappy to know you're so tired and have other stuff going on with YOUR baby. Maybe you'll feel better once you pass the yuckies?<br><br>
As for what someone else said--the 20 week ultrasound helped me, too. Once I had a gender and saw her little hands in there--I started to feel a little more connected to her. But, still, I worry about how hard it is to take care of two when I can't imagine loving anyone the way I love my daughter.
 

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Hey don't feel guilty about feeling the way you are. My pg was planned for the most part, I conceived two months after a mc when dd was 22 months old and I have feelings like that alot of the time. I wish that i hadn't gotten pg and I feel so guilty about the way i feel. In the beginning I had spotting and I was relieved to think that maybe I was going to mc but I didn't and now sometimes I just wish that I just hadn't gotten pg. I don't think that it makes me a bad person I love this baby but I wasn't as ready as I thought I was when I got pg. All will work out in the end and we will love our babies and be good mothers to them we just have to have faith that the universe brought them to us for a reason.
 

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SaraBravo, I just realized your dd and I share a name! I haven't met many others with our name!
 

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I wanted to add ...<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>SaraBravo</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8110152"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">im scared of really talking to anyone. i'm afraid that if i tell my doc that child services will be called and they will try and take my dd away or something.</div>
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Please, please, don't think this. How you're feeling is completely normal. You shouldn't have to be afraid to tell your doctor about it. I was upfront with my doctor that I wasn't happy to be pregnant, and she was kind and considerate of my feelings. I am also on antidepressants (was before I got pregnant, too), and she always talks to me about my emotions and how much medication I should be taking. In fact, I think my doctor and her nurses were among the very few people who reacted sympathetically when I said I didn't want to be pregnant. I think, seeing so many pregnant women, they have a better understanding than most people do of how hard it can be.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Just wanted to add a little happy story - my sister and brother are 13 months apart. They were the best of friends growing up, and now, at ages 21 and 22, are still pretty close.<br>
I know it's not advice or anything, just wanted to share that your DD and her future sibling will likely have a wonderful bond that you can rejoice in!
 

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This may not be that helpful to you, but I thought I'd put my 2 cents in as a mom who waited to have another baby. My daughter was almost 3 when we decided to get pregnant. While babies are a lot to handle, as kids get older the problems get more difficult to solve. You have to deal with behavior issues, and whining, and clinginess-not to mention the possibility of jealousy issues. I wish that we had tried to do this a long time ago, because I know dh would have benefited from having a sibling a long time ago! I know it's a small comfort, at best, but your kids are going to grow up having each other to play with and I bet it's going to be wonderful for your whole family.<br><br>
That being said, there is nothing wrong with the way that you feel. Embrace it, talk about, because that's the only healthy way to deal with any emotion. My first child was unplanned, and throughout my pregnancy, I was very unhappy. Everything changed when she was born. I can't say that it's always wonderful, or that I don't sometimes wish my life had gone differently. I feel that ambivalence is a natural part of motherhood. But that love that you experience when you have a baby never goes away, and I can always remember it if I try.
 

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i know its hard my 1st was ten months when i got prego with #2.then #2 was ten months when got prego with #3.this forth pregnancy was a totally suprise!although its farther apart than my others,it was the hardest for me.i had lost my baby weight,gotten our sex life back(tmi,but had to share),into a routine,etc,etc.it was hard to be excited.and in the early months with having to take care of my others kids and deal with ms.i spent lots of times crying and asking why(we were using condoms)?but there is a reason,and now at 32 wks i am excited to finally meet her!i still wonder how i will juggle it all.but when i look at every one of my kids sweet faces i could not imagine never having them.they each add something different to our lifes.good luck.hope it gets better for u!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> sending a hug ur way
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
hopefully with all ur advice things will get better.<br>
i did tell my midwife. she recomended a councelor. i havent made the call yet but i will. its hard to make the call for help. im not sure why. i know when i start seeing her things will get better.<br>
it has helped me so much to know im not the only one who has felt this way.<br>
thank you everyone!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Your feelings are totally normal! And I know a lady who survived having THREE daughters, all exactly 12 months apart (+/- a week or two of course). Her daughters are all grown up and the youngest is in college now. It can be done! I'm so glad that you talked to your midwife about it and will be finding a counselor. Best wishes!<br><br>
love and peace. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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My oldest two are fifteen months apart. I have a chronic health problem and, at the time, I had an unresolved problem with my hip that was cause for concern. I was definitely super tired during that pregnancy while also taking care of my toddler (I conceived when he was about 6 or 7 months). I definitely wanted more kids, but I had always figured on a 2 to 3 year gap between, so at first I really panicked. I couldn't see how I would do it. And, we were also living with my in-laws at the time, and it was a stressful situation. And my in-laws were NOT happy about the pregnancy, either. Not at first anyway, although they did get excited soon after they realized it was an inevitability.<br><br>
What helped me get through the scared, reluctant thoughts were remember that God DOES have a purpose and a plan for each person He creates and remembering that I truly do believe that He will not give us more than we can handle with Him. I put all my faith in the fact that I would get everything I needed when I needed it.... and that is exactly what happened. I will not say that it was easy. It wasn't at first. Especially because of my chronic health problem. And my in-laws were not particularly helpful in any way. What WAS helpful was having my mother come stay with us for several weeks just before and after ds was due. I found, in my experience, that the first three months or so were the hardest. I really think the hardest part was the fact that my nipples started hurting towards the end of my pregnancy and didn't fade until several months after, so I was tandem nursing on sore nipples, and my fifteen m-o at the time actually nursed two to three times as much as the newborn!! (Unusual, I have found out, since NONE of the other three have nursed like that, it was just him). There were also just logistics to work out... naps, bedtime, getting things done that needed to be done, etc. I happen to have other friends with children similar age gaps or less, and each of us did have a hard time in the beginning, but each for variable reasons. My point is just to tell you that, yes it is hard in the beginning ... usually the first few months, but then IT GETS EASIER!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> In fact, from the point when my younger ds could finally move around and sort of "play" with the older ds, they have been practically inseparable. It quickly became easier to watch them both than it had been to take care of just one. They are almost completely opposite personalities, and the result has been that they complement each other very well and have learned much and been tempered much by each other. And God really did give me all of whatever (patience, strength, energy despite my health, help, etc) I needed to love these babies and take care of us all... even on the worst of days.<br><br>
So, yes, you are normal to have these thoughts and feelings. By all means, find someone to talk to. Had my husband and mother not been so helpfully sympathetic, I would have sought other help. I am just writing this hoping that it will help you to know that the hard parts really are pretty temporary and you're right in the middle of it... which means you're about half way through. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, so just hold on to the hope and trust in God that it is there!<br>
M.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
you are so right. God is always there for us and has always given us everything we needed to get by. it may not have been right when i wanted it or how i wanted it but things always seem to work out. why would this be any other way? God feeds all the birds and animals and gives them all they need to survive why would he not do the same for us, his children.<br>
thank you for your words.<br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mommajam</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8168512"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My oldest two are fifteen months apart. I have a chronic health problem and, at the time, I had an unresolved problem with my hip that was cause for concern. I was definitely super tired during that pregnancy while also taking care of my toddler (I conceived when he was about 6 or 7 months). I definitely wanted more kids, but I had always figured on a 2 to 3 year gap between, so at first I really panicked. I couldn't see how I would do it. And, we were also living with my in-laws at the time, and it was a stressful situation. And my in-laws were NOT happy about the pregnancy, either. Not at first anyway, although they did get excited soon after they realized it was an inevitability.<br><br>
What helped me get through the scared, reluctant thoughts were remember that God DOES have a purpose and a plan for each person He creates and remembering that I truly do believe that He will not give us more than we can handle with Him. I put all my faith in the fact that I would get everything I needed when I needed it.... and that is exactly what happened. I will not say that it was easy. It wasn't at first. Especially because of my chronic health problem. And my in-laws were not particularly helpful in any way. What WAS helpful was having my mother come stay with us for several weeks just before and after ds was due. I found, in my experience, that the first three months or so were the hardest. I really think the hardest part was the fact that my nipples started hurting towards the end of my pregnancy and didn't fade until several months after, so I was tandem nursing on sore nipples, and my fifteen m-o at the time actually nursed two to three times as much as the newborn!! (Unusual, I have found out, since NONE of the other three have nursed like that, it was just him). There were also just logistics to work out... naps, bedtime, getting things done that needed to be done, etc. I happen to have other friends with children similar age gaps or less, and each of us did have a hard time in the beginning, but each for variable reasons. My point is just to tell you that, yes it is hard in the beginning ... usually the first few months, but then IT GETS EASIER!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> In fact, from the point when my younger ds could finally move around and sort of "play" with the older ds, they have been practically inseparable. It quickly became easier to watch them both than it had been to take care of just one. They are almost completely opposite personalities, and the result has been that they complement each other very well and have learned much and been tempered much by each other. And God really did give me all of whatever (patience, strength, energy despite my health, help, etc) I needed to love these babies and take care of us all... even on the worst of days.<br><br>
So, yes, you are normal to have these thoughts and feelings. By all means, find someone to talk to. Had my husband and mother not been so helpfully sympathetic, I would have sought other help. I am just writing this hoping that it will help you to know that the hard parts really are pretty temporary and you're right in the middle of it... which means you're about half way through. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, so just hold on to the hope and trust in God that it is there!<br>
M.</div>
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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>SaraBravo</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8166062"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">hopefully with all ur advice things will get better.<br>
i did tell my midwife. she recomended a councelor. i havent made the call yet but i will. its hard to make the call for help. im not sure why. i know when i start seeing her things will get better.<br>
it has helped me so much to know im not the only one who has felt this way.<br>
thank you everyone!</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I hope you have made the call and things are starting to look better for you.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I really feel for you. Please don't feel guilty for the way you feel. My dd was 22 months old when I got pregnant with this one and I still felt that way up until about a week ago when I started feeling some better. I had horrible dark thoughts about abortion (I am very pro-life) and even hoped to miscarry. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> It's a really bad place to be, I know. But even though yours will be really close together, you'll get through it. And it will get easier as they get older and can play together independently. The baby stage can be so hard. Hang in there and try not to worry or feel guilty. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 
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