Mothering Forum banner
1 - 19 of 19 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,010 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Short story: I asked DH if he would be interested in giving a performance of the Bach Double violin concerto at school. We have a convocation every Friday at 11am, anyone (usually) can participate if they give notice ahead of time. So he said yes, we ordered the best parts on the planet, we've been working on it and I'm really excited about doing this. SOOOO....Last night we were discussing who we want to play the accompaniments, and in keeping with our "historically accurate" performance ideals it will only be one person per part. DH says "well since its one person on a part, why don't we switch off with the solo parts as well?" Uhhhh NO this was something I wanted US to do TOGETHER
: He claims it will make certain needed players more willing to participate. I'm pissed about it. And he doesnt seem to get why-or worse (and more likely) doesn't care.

Oh well. Maybe Dr. H won't even give us permission to do it, so then I can just feel better about having something I looked forward to being flushed down the toilet.

 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,492 Posts
It sounds like he just has a different set of expectations for the performance than you. Try not to be too upset, people perform for a lot of different reasons. I know it is easy to get disappointed with performing because you put so much time and energy into it, and it's something you're inherently "judged" on - i.e. what kind of performance you give. Plus, you expect to have some fun/a rewarding experience for all your trouble. Try talking to him about why it's important to you to do it a certain way & see what he has to say - maybe he will want to do the solo parts the way you envisioned.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,010 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by paphia View Post
It sounds like he just has a different set of expectations for the performance than you. Try not to be too upset, people perform for a lot of different reasons. I know it is easy to get disappointed with performing because you put so much time and energy into it, and it's something you're inherently "judged" on - i.e. what kind of performance you give. Plus, you expect to have some fun/a rewarding experience for all your trouble. Try talking to him about why it's important to you to do it a certain way & see what he has to say - maybe he will want to do the solo parts the way you envisioned.
I should clarify.... I didn't have a problem with him and I switching between the parts-HE wants OTHER people at school to play some of the parts and NO I'm not cool with that. It was supposed to be US...because I thought he'd want that
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,010 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by plunky View Post
Maybe I'm not awake, but I don't understand the situation...lot of experience in music, but not sure what you're saying the problem is.
DH and I were going to play the two solo parts and have other people from school play the orchestra parts. We'll have two other people for the 1st and 2nd violin orchestra parts, and now DH wants to include them for some of the solo parts and we will play the orchestra parts in their place for whatever movement we trade off on. That IS a common practice in period performance groups, but it isn't what I had in mind for our performance. It was my idea to put this together in the first place and I wanted DH and I to be on the solo parts for the whole thing. I wanted it to be something we did together, and I'm kind of hurt that he's changing his mind about it now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
672 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mama Poot View Post
DH and I were going to play the two solo parts and have other people from school play the orchestra parts. We'll have two other people for the 1st and 2nd violin orchestra parts, and now DH wants to include them for some of the solo parts and we will play the orchestra parts in their place for whatever movement we trade off on. That IS a common practice in period performance groups, but it isn't what I had in mind for our performance. It was my idea to put this together in the first place and I wanted DH and I to be on the solo parts for the whole thing. I wanted it to be something we did together, and I'm kind of hurt that he's changing his mind about it now.
Ah, I see. Is he maybe thinking of this as incentive to get people to want to help with your accompaniment? Maybe he feels that it's easier to ask them if they get to play a few interesting parts? Just guessing, no idea honestly. I can see how you'd be disappointed if you had the accompaniment all set up and were clear on how you wanted this to be different than the norm.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
131 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mama Poot View Post
It was supposed to be US...because I thought he'd want that

So I wonder if you can find a compromise here as it seems that he wants something different. I can understand your frustration at planning this performance and wanting things to go how you have planned. That is valid. However, is planning something, based on your assumptions of what another person would want, setting you up for disappointment?

I just want to say again that I understand putting time and thought and energy into something and feeling frustrated and disappointed if it doesn't go as planned. But that comment really stood out at me.

If you are planning something around what you thought he would want, then is there any harm in changing it up based on what you found out he wants?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,403 Posts
I think I'd go with his idea for this piece, but say "I really want to do something that's just US next time" and find a piece where it's more historically accurate to have you two out front the whole time since he sounds like he's gotten into the performance practice thing.

Thanks for posting this, it reminded me that I need to get started on grading some early-music essays. Fun fun fun.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,433 Posts
Well, I agree with the person who said if you dh knew about your expectations. He could have been just trying to help, or had different ideas on how to do the piece.

Did you explain to him what you wanted and why?

I know, with me, if my partner doesn't tell me EXACTLY how he wants something - I will do it my way. And chances are high, it won't be the way he imagined it, lol. We've learned to be VERY clear with one another on expectations, as we simply can't read each other's mind on stuff like this.

I wouldn't be mad ... just talk with your dh about how you want it to go, and come up with a compromise.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
135 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mama Poot View Post
Short story: I asked DH if he would be interested in giving a performance of the Bach Double violin concerto at school. We have a convocation every Friday at 11am, anyone (usually) can participate if they give notice ahead of time. So he said yes, we ordered the best parts on the planet, we've been working on it and I'm really excited about doing this. SOOOO....Last night we were discussing who we want to play the accompaniments, and in keeping with our "historically accurate" performance ideals it will only be one person per part. DH says "well since its one person on a part, why don't we switch off with the solo parts as well?" Uhhhh NO this was something I wanted US to do TOGETHER
: He claims it will make certain needed players more willing to participate. I'm pissed about it. And he doesnt seem to get why-or worse (and more likely) doesn't care.

Oh well. Maybe Dr. H won't even give us permission to do it, so then I can just feel better about having something I looked forward to being flushed down the toilet.



First of all, I was so excited to read your post! Another musician mama!!! I'm a flutist and my DH is a pianist.
I really hope you guys will be able to perform that couble violin concerto and also will be able to come to an agreement.
Being a musician also, I can totally understand you're upset about his suggestion. Honestly, I'm not sure why he would suggest that in the first place. I have never heard of letting members of the accompanying orchestra / chamber group play parts of the solos. But maybe in baroque music that does occur? That is not my specialty...

Keep us posted, ok. I'd like to know if you get to play it and how it goes. You can also pm me if you'd like.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
43,705 Posts
I don't fully understand the situation, as I'm not a "music person"- but I do understand that you wanted to do this a certain way and he wants to do it differently.

How about you two just sit down and talk about both of your expectations? Let him know that you're upset and dissapointed by his suggestions, and explain why you wanted to do it another way. Then listen to him- does he NOT want to do it the way you envisioned because he has his own vision, or is he just throwing out possible ideas with no emotional baggage attached?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,010 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by ewink View Post
First of all, I was so excited to read your post! Another musician mama!!! I'm a flutist and my DH is a pianist.
I really hope you guys will be able to perform that couble violin concerto and also will be able to come to an agreement.
Being a musician also, I can totally understand you're upset about his suggestion. Honestly, I'm not sure why he would suggest that in the first place. I have never heard of letting members of the accompanying orchestra / chamber group play parts of the solos. But maybe in baroque music that does occur? That is not my specialty...

Keep us posted, ok. I'd like to know if you get to play it and how it goes. You can also pm me if you'd like.
Yes this does happen in baroque groups. (just so ya know)

I guess I was being silly, if not selfish about the whole thing. SO, we've decided to hand over the middle movement to two other people. This will give us a much-needed break before playing the last movement together.

Back to your regularly scheduled insanity!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,037 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mama Poot View Post
It was supposed to be US...because I thought he'd want that

I think that it's more accurate to say that YOU wanted it, and you're upset that he didn't want the same thing. This is something that is hard for me too, but I've learned that I get better results when I state what I want, rather than expecting DH to think the same way I do.

Anyway. I'm glad you found a solution that works for everybody!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
135 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mama Poot View Post
Yes this does happen in baroque groups. (just so ya know)

I guess I was being silly, if not selfish about the whole thing. SO, we've decided to hand over the middle movement to two other people. This will give us a much-needed break before playing the last movement together.

Back to your regularly scheduled insanity!


I learned something new again!! I never knew that this was a common thing in baroque groups!
Anyway, I am so glad you guys were able to come to an agreement, and hopefully it's one that you're truly ok with. I always find it hard to perform with my DH. We usually end up doing that once a month in our church; DH is the music director there and I usually play my flute there once a month. I try to have at least one original composition for flute and synthesizer (I record the synth accompaniment on CD) but then I need 1 or 2 classical pieces with piano.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,010 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by ewink View Post
I learned something new again!! I never knew that this was a common thing in baroque groups!
Anyway, I am so glad you guys were able to come to an agreement, and hopefully it's one that you're truly ok with. I always find it hard to perform with my DH. We usually end up doing that once a month in our church; DH is the music director there and I usually play my flute there once a month. I try to have at least one original composition for flute and synthesizer (I record the synth accompaniment on CD) but then I need 1 or 2 classical pieces with piano.
Oh yeah...and if you think about it it makes a lot of sense because we all know how exhausting playing a whole concerto can be.

And performing with the DH...isn't that an interesting social experiment!
I'm way too competitive, and I'm really trying to stop being that way. I want to enjoy playing with him, not DREAD it and get totally pissed off at him by the end of the evening!

And to totally derail my thread even more...what kind of synth do you have? We'd like to get one because we're thinking about getting some electric violins.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,010 Posts
Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by talk de jour View Post
Glad you found a mutually agreeable situation!
I love baroque music (I'm a classical singer.) Have fun!
Wonderful...Check out the Dunedin Consort's recording of Handel's Messiah. They use the first version Handel wrote (he did many before settling on what most of us hear today) It is FANTASTIC. We also have another good one by the Gabrieli Consort, but to be honest their English is awful and I can't understand a word
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,474 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mama Poot View Post
Wonderful...Check out the Dunedin Consort's recording of Handel's Messiah. They use the first version Handel wrote (he did many before settling on what most of us hear today) It is FANTASTIC. We also have another good one by the Gabrieli Consort, but to be honest their English is awful and I can't understand a word

Oooh, sounds fantastic. I'll have to check it out!
 
1 - 19 of 19 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top