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Dh and I are going through a really rough patch. It feels like we've been going through a really rough patch for a few years now and I'm tired of everything. Tired of being criticized and put down constantly. Tired of being attacked because my views on how to cook pasta/clean the floor/do the laundry are different from dh's. Tired of feeling that I am the only one putting ds's needs first. Tired of fighting for a marriage that doesn't seem to be working. Tired of feeling like I'm the only one that seems to be concerned that it's not working. Tired of being the only one looking for solutions. Just tired.

I feel like we need some time apart and I feel stuck in this situation. I'm a SAHM with a 2 year old and one due in June. And no family here - I really have nowhere to go and no help. And honestly, the idea of leaving and being on my own scares the s*** out of me. If I was in the US, I would at least feel that I had options.

I just realized that I'm also mad at my mom. Mad at her for telling me to stick it out when we were fighting even before we were actually married. Telling me that 'love is a decision and not a feeling'. Telling me that marriage is work and I needed to keep trying. Pushing me. I keep thinking that I'm not doing enough and I need to try harder. Is it possible that sometimes there's only so much you can do? I can't hold a marriage together by myself. And it's not fair to put that pressure on me.

So I'm learning how to set limits for myself. To believe that my choices and feelings are good enough and not to let other people tell me what to do and how to do it - whether it be how to cook pasta or how to handle my marriage. Which is a good thing. But in the process, I'm realizing that this may not work out - and that I can't make it work simply by willing it to work. Dh needs to meet me halfway. And if he doesn't, I need to decide if I'm willing to live in a marriage like that or if I want to move on. That's scary stuff.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I don't expect anyone to have the solution. I know I need to find that path on my own. I don't feel comfortable talking about it with my friends in real life - you don't talk about personal stuff like this here. And Dh would NEVER act the way he does at home in front of them which makes it hard for them to understand. So I'm just here rambling away. Thanks for listening
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by petitchou View Post
Tired of being criticized and put down constantly. Tired of being attacked because my views on how to cook pasta/clean the floor/do the laundry are different from dh's. Tired of feeling that I am the only one putting ds's needs first. Tired of fighting for a marriage that doesn't seem to be working. Tired of feeling like I'm the only one that seems to be concerned that it's not working. Tired of being the only one looking for solutions. Just tired.

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Originally Posted by petitchou View Post
I keep thinking that I'm not doing enough and I need to try harder. Is it possible that sometimes there's only so much you can do?

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Originally Posted by petitchou View Post
And Dh would NEVER act the way he does at home in front of them which makes it hard for them to understand. So I'm just here rambling away.
It sounds like you are being emotionally and verbally abused. This is a very good reason to seperate and seek some individual counseling even if your h doesn't want to go for counseling. I saw a great website in someone siggie recently that may help you: http://www.youarenotcrazy.com/ . I was abused for 13 years and everything I've quoted from your post above sounds like things my xh would do to me and sounds like how I felt for much of our marriage. Good luck and take care and
!
 
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