Mothering Forum banner

Can I love nursing my 2yo again?

463 Views 4 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  caroline9
Dd1 is only two and already our nursing relationship has become a bit of a power struggle. I know she still needs to nurse, and in many ways is still a "baby", but my patience is wearing thin and I often dread nursing her. Before becoming pregnant with dd2, I felt very strongly about child led weaning, but now I'm not so sure . . . the hostility I sometimes feel when dd1 nurses, feeling attacked when she comes up to me open mouthed saying "um, um" in a loud cry and appearing like she's going to bite me, feeling like there are times I have to hide or hold off nursing dd2 (who's only 2 months old) so I don't have to tandem nurse - these things are really pushing me towards thinking about weaning. We still have some sweet nursing moments, but they are few and far between, and I wonder if the tension that wicks off me when she nurses is doing her psychological damage.
I loved nursing her, until about halfway through my pregnancy. I want to love it again, but how?
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Your newborn is only two months old? Hugs, mama. That's a difficult part of tandeming, or it was for me. Actually, the first 8-10 months were really difficult for me. At 2, it's hard to wait to nurse, but some children are mature(although that isn't the word I want to use, my exhausted brain can't find the right one right now) enough to understand waiting. I talked a LOT with my older nursling from day one, even though she was only 14 months when dd2 came along. She seemed to understand a lot, and was able to wait. Of course, her temperment is very laid back and relaxed (that's the word I was lookign for!!) so she's still very much easy to reason with. Her older brother and younger sister, OTOH are terrible to try to reason with. (insert shrug smilie!) Dd2 is now 2.5 and still has trouble with *wait*. So I think that you should try talking to your 2 yr old. Explain that it hurts you, makes you uncomfortable, etc when she nurses, and that it would be so much nicer if she would be willingn to wait until baby is finished. Also, make some time, just for her. It's funny. I remember when someone suggested that to me, I thought "Yeah right! I can't stand to nurse her now, I'm gonna make special time to do it?" LOL But the fact was that when I had her all on her own, snuggled down and nursing again, I remembered what I'd always loved about nursing her, kwim? She got to be the baby again for that time, and I got to see her as the baby again, instead of this big kid who's taking time and energy away from the actual baby! (rolleyes) And try to relax. You're doing wonderful things here. Know that your feelings are totally normal. Know that you can get past them. 2 months! You're adjusting. She's adjusting. Baby's is learning how the family works. Give yourself time.

And FWIW, I thought I'd *never* tandem nurse. I hated it pretty much from about 1 month in to about a year. Well, dd2 is 2.5 and dd1 is 3.5, and we're still tandem nursing (love) It can work.
See less See more
i'm in the same boat.
i have been limiting nursing a bit by sometimes counting to 10 aloud and making DD stop at 10.

nursiing her alone sometimes is a good idea too.
the more i try to get away the more she wants to nurse so i just nurse her a bunch when i can.

i don't have any real advice. i'm just trying to hang in there until DD weans one day.
I'm with Artist Mama. And like you, I never thought I'd feel anything but totally enthusiastic about nursing DS. Being pregnant changed that, as it became very uncomfortable for me. And still is now with him (not with DD).

DS is almost 3, slightly older than your DD, but my tactics lately have been:
- Not nursing at all in a particular moment if he is being really obnoxious about it, while explaining that nursing is something that we both have to be happy about to do together, and that when he demands loudly and throws a tantrum for it, I get unhappy and then don't want to nurse.
- Telling him he can nurse "a little bit" and then giving him advance warning before I start counting to 5 to signal when it is over.
- Talking to him while he is nursing. I get him to tell me what he dreamed about at night, or what he did earlier. He just likes to know that he could be nursing but gets really excited about what we are talking about. So he talks instead of nurses....nice for me!

I just feel sick about this whole dilemma most of the time though. In theory I really want to nurse him totally on demand for as long as he wants. In practice I feel like my body just doesn't want to do it (often it feels kind of like my skin is crawling, not to mention the tooth marks). So I am trying to find compromises that will allow me to nurse as long as he needs it without making myself insane.
See less See more
I can really relate, Mykids are 25 months apart DD is 35 months, DS 10 months) .I too thought I was all for CLW with DD, but lately, I just cannot keep the patience to tolerate her demands, and I find myself limiting her, and when we do nurse, I am seething with resentment. And she reacts poorly to limit setting and any denials. It really doens't help that she leaves tooth marks all the time, but no matte r how much I work to correct it or we talk about itit is still a problem. And now that DS is getting bigger and taking in more, I think it's my body's way of telling mre I'm worn out. I feel guilty about it all, and damned if I do-damned if I don't.
So I guess I should add, I am not sure how to love nursing the older child again, but I am going to try to be more tolerant, and remind myself that soon she won't need me like this.
See less See more
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.