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Discussion Starter #1
I need to vent. I feel like I have a deep depression, and I have never been the type to not deal with my emotions well. I am pretty sure I have voiced myself here before. Is it possible to have ppd before you even give birth? Yes, I am happy I am having baby, ok that is an outright lie. I hate knowing I am not happy and I cry about ti daily because to me, saying and feeling like you dont want another baby when you are pregnant means some thing very very terrible. I cry EVERYDAY!!!!!!! What is wrong with me? This one wasnt planned, ad I am alone and I feel like a terrible person for feeling the way I do. I am not pro choice and could never not have the baby, I also could not live with myself with giving the baby up, but I am having a hard time living with myself anyhow. I have never been this sd on a daily basis my whole entire life, except for when my son died. I feel so alone and isolated. I really just feel alone. I have always been a strong person and could deal with anything. I though that as the pregnancy progressed I would start to feel better, happier. This is the easiest pregnancy of my life and if my tummy wasnt growing I wouldnt even believe I m pregnant. Why do I feel so sad and overburdened? I love children, I love my children I always loved getting pregnant when I was married, we planned each and everyone of our children. Why dont I feel any better about this yet? My goodness im 16 weeks, I am feeling movement, and it doesnt excite me, just reminds me that I am pregnant. I cant tell anyone, I couldnt possibly admit how I feel. What kind of person feels this way? Is it too early to have ppd? I hate myself for feeling the way I do. Im sorry for bringing sadness to the board. I really do try to keep upbeat and carry on with the other mommy to be's, but to be honest I am not feeling it this time. Quite the opposite. What is wrong with me??? Is it going to get worse? Is it possible to have something hormonally wrong with me that is causing this?
 

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I'm sending you a bug huge virtual <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> mama.<br><br>
Yes it possible to have depression while pregnant. I cant remember the name of it, but it's not unheard of that's for sure.<br><br>
Get yourself to a caring doctor and explain what you're feeling. Or a naturopath for some natural help if that suits you more. You cant go on feeling like this. Don't feel bad about venting here. We are here to offer support in good times and bad.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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DDC crashing. This popped up in new posts and I could not read and not post.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I don't think you can get post-partum depression before delivery but you can be depressed. I gather from your post and signature that you are now a single mom and this time around it will be just you and the kids. Clearly a different circumstance that I could see being less joyous than the others. You also mention that you lost your son. I don't know the circumstances of that loss but could see where you might fear bonding with the new little one. Hating yourself because of the way you feel is not constructive and you really do need to talk to someone. Can you see a therapist?<br><br>
Best wishes to you mama. This does not make you a bad person or a bad mother. Just human.
 

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It is definitely more common than is generally known to be depressed while pregnant. When I was PG last time there was a PhD student studying this and I was part of her study. I was depressed mostly during my second trimester which is supposed to be the easiest time of pregnancy. I also suffered from PPD and I am prone to depression anyway so take that FWIW.<br><br>
This time I don't feel great or anything but I did go off of my anti-depressants and I've also been very sick.<br><br>
Is there any sort of counselling you could go to that will help you to deal with your mixed emotions? Also, making sure your body has enough Omega 3's helps...I take fish oil daily.<br><br>
If all of that doesn't work, there are anti-depressants that are safe to take while PG and they can help immensely. Don't go through this alone, at least talk to your OB about how you've been feeling and see if he/she can refer you to a counsellor.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I think that what makes it sooo much worse is that to be honest, I never believed depression was real, that it was just people who "couldnt deal with things, or didnt want to" I know that sounds terrible of me to feel that way, but I think it stems from me always dealing with everything and doing so well no matter what happened. But I know something is wrong, my kids see me cry all day. My insurance will cover mental health care but I am scared to go. What if they decide that since I am feeling this way that it is a CPS issue? If I tell them how I feel, how I really feel, will they try to take the new baby? My other children? It really is bad and I know I need help, the way I feel is rotten and the things I think about this pregnancy is nothing anyone should think.
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">I think that what makes it sooo much worse is that to be honest, I never believed depression was real, that it was just people who "couldnt deal with things, or didnt want to" I know that sounds terrible of me to feel that way, but I think it stems from me always dealing with everything and doing so well no matter what happened. But I know something is wrong, my kids see me cry all day. My insurance will cover mental health care but I am scared to go. What if they decide that since I am feeling this way that it is a CPS issue? If I tell them how I feel, how I really feel, will they try to take the new baby? My other children? It really is bad and I know I need help, the way I feel is rotten and the things I think about this pregnancy is nothing anyone should think.</div>
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Mama it's not your fault you're feeling like this, and a mental health care provider will know this. They'll fix you up and monitor you to make sure you're improving.<br><br>
No one will think its a CPS issue. No one will take your kids or the baby. Do you have one person you can trust with your feelings who can go with you the first time?
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Not really, I know that my OB/midwife office has a psychologist, but to be honest Im not sure I want to see the one in my office an have my midwife know. I might call my general practitioner, she is a woman and she is pretty open with me. I might call her tomorrow and see if she knows anyone I can see. Thanks for your support ladies!!!
 

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It can feel confusing to be feeling depressed when you know you should be feeling excited and happy. I struggle with depression, rather extreme a year ago. Since then, I've had a low level of depression. Since getting pregnant, I've struggled more. For me, I know it is a nutrient issue. I am just using up the nutrients I normally use for seratonin creation for other things. When I can't get all the nutrients in I need, I take 5-htp, it is a body chemical precursor to serotonin. I get it at the health food store. I can talk more about it if you are interested.
 

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obviously my situation was different thAN YOURS, BUT (oops, caps) but i was in a REALLY bad place w/ my last pregnancy (we were done, had been for almost ten years, i was on my way to becoming a midwife, attending births like crazy, dating my dh, just generally onto the next chapter in my life and thoroughly loving it, etc) and i weeped on a daily basis and cursed my husband for doing it to me. (he literally hid/stayed outta my way for *months*) i wouldn't wish those emotions on anyone and am so sorry you're having a tough time. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> (part of why i wanted to do it again was to end on a better note....)<br><br>
anyway, no words of wisdom, just empathy and some acknowledgement for this tough place you're in. you're surely not alone. be gentle and patient w/ yourself and hold no expectations for the way you *think* you should be feeling.
 

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Oh, fairy, I'm right there with you! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I'm newly single (ish?), and this baby made it right through those birth control pills. I can't afford another one on my own, and who knows how much child support I'll get (I'm hoping it will be enough). I'm trying to find another single mama to move in with me, to help with the bills and emotional support.<br><br>
I was DONE having kids after DD (my first and only until this baby). I struggled with whether I should keep the pregnancy. I even thought about adoption for about 5 minutes. Neither one sits on my emotional do-ability scale.<br><br>
I was miserable every day. Once the morning sickness wore off, it got easier, because I could forget about a lot of it. Once I found my HB midwife that my insurance will pay for, it got a lot easier because I was no longer dreading the hospital. Most days, I don't even remember that I'm pregnant.<br><br>
I'm not excited. I'm terrified of how I'm going to heal, care for a newborn, and deal with my toddler (she'll be 2.75 when the baby is born). My budget currently goes negative once this baby has to go to daycare - I've been calling the child support people every week to get them moving on my case... I haven't had any monetary support since I kicked him out in February. It's brutal.<br><br>
You are not a bad person. You are a nice person who is dealing with a situation you weren't planning on dealing with.<br><br>
A counselor will not have your children taken away unless you say that you want to harm them or your unborn child. A pregnant woman with depression is taken very seriously. Start off with your OB or midwife. Explain how you feel, and ask about your treatment options. <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/antidepressants/dn00007" target="_blank">Here is a link</a> that talks about what medications may be available to you. That, plus someone to talk to, is going to help a lot.<br><br>
I wish you lived closer so we could chat in person. More <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I know where you are coming from to an extent... I am a single mom to 3, one with special needs and got pregnant 2 months into dating someone new. I havent even posted yet in this ddc, after everyone telling me to abort and now having big issues with the father I am just depressed and emotionally spent all of the time. You can pm me anytime if you want to chat or just vent.
 

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I'm sending you a big hug <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I had some really tough emotional days in the 1st trimester... it doesn't make you a bad person at all. There is a really wonderful therapist who leads a meetup for pregnant woman who's practice is focused on moms and moms-to-be who are having a really challenging pregnancy or parenting experience. She is in the Los Angeles area but I bet she could recommend someone to you in NY. I hope you feel better soon.<br><br><a href="http://therapists.find-a-therapist.com/andra-brosh.aspx" target="_blank">http://therapists.find-a-therapist.com/andra-brosh.aspx</a>
 
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