Mothering Forum banner

1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
899 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband got laid off on Monday.......Our water got cut off Tuesday.........I borrowed $250 from my grandma so my kids could attend childcare this week b/c I started classes......My husband has gone to ONE job interview, and it was not promising, but he is not going to try anywhere else until he heres something for sure about that one. On top of all this, he tells me I am too stressed, and I need to calm down......That is kinda hard to do. He isn't even staying at home, straightening the house, helping with ANYTHING, he's just been spending all week at a friends house (until 4 this morning, for example) playing video games. Why can he not understand the severity of our problem?? I have to go to class, but will add more later.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
687 Posts
Just wanted to send you a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I watched my dad go through the whole lay off thing, and when my DH first graduated from college it was kind of hard to for him to look. He was just so overwhelmed, and insecure. I had to make it about me. As in, "honey, I know you want to hear about this job first, but I would feel so much better if you had another application or two in. . .could you do that to relieve some of my stress?"<br><br>
Don't know if that would work for you but it might. Also, if you can seem less stressed that might help him feel less pressured? I know it's hard though!<br><br>
Hope he finds something soon!
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,345 Posts
good luck - sounds like he's overwhelmed and avoiding thanks to his own stress and seeing yours (that is valid of course) is making him feel worse. I hope you guys get a chance to talk it out...<br><br>
Kulia
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,794 Posts
Not that it helps much, but I think when guys lose their jobs it often causes a crisis of sorts....lots of depression, and a general feeling of being a failure. Sometimes it's hard for them to motivate (or put themselves out there again) if they're depressed and fearing failure/rejection.<br><br>
I'm sorry things are so hard right now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
717 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>RedOakMomma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9053599"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Not that it helps much, but I think when guys lose their jobs it often causes a crisis of sorts....lots of depression, and a general feeling of being a failure. Sometimes it's hard for them to motivate (or put themselves out there again) if they're depressed and fearing failure/rejection.<br><br>
I'm sorry things are so hard right now.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I agree, though I'd amend to say *people* in general go through a crisis when they lose their jobs. I was a mess and totally unmotivated when I lost my job a couple years ago and it took me months to get on my feet again. Thank god for unemployment - has your DH filed yet? If he was laid off, it should be no problem to get the benefits you have coming.<br><br>
Lay offs are some tough sh!t. You have my empathy. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,486 Posts
First I am very sorry to hear this, for your dh and your family.<br><br>
Quick question:if your water was shut off how come he didn't watch the kids to save child care cost and use that money to pay the bill? I'm not judging I PROMISE...I was just brain storming cause it would SUCK not to have water.<br><br>
Where is he thinking of applying? And where did he get laid off from?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
899 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
We had already paid the child care, and I was hoping he would job hunt more. I totally agree, though <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,999 Posts
I think a nice little talk stipulating that you are glad that he got to kick up his heels, and have a little fun time is great. Isn't it lucky you had child care already? So nice.<br><br>
Maybe he should take 2 more days, have some fun. Then it is time for him to get back into the game, don't you think dear?<br><br>
Give him some understanding, then give him a chance to get on board with you by making it easy to do so.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,601 Posts
<span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size:medium;"><span>Offer to help him. <span style="font-size:small;"><span><b>"This situation really sucks, but we can make it through. We're a great team when we work together! Is there anything I can do to help you find another job? You're skilled at SKILL, and you're smart and pick things up quickly. I'm sure you won't be without work for long! Can I help you put together a resume, or perhaps I could ride with you as you hand out applications? Tell me how I can support you right now."</b></span></span> Showing him that you're not abandonning him during this difficult time is probably the best way. When he tells you to calm down about it, it's because he feels like he's failed you and the kids, and your stress drives home the point. Make a point to let him know that you understand his job loss wasn't his fault, that you're not disappointed in him (but rather the crummy timing) and that when you make it out of this hole, that you'll make a budget and plan out some savings in case you're faced with this type of situation again.</span></span></span>
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top