They can call themselves whatever they like but that don't make it true.
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Gentle Discipline is part of AP.
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My thought are as above. I think AP, like GD, has a million definitions.
Originally Posted by thismama They can call themselves whatever they like but that don't make it true. |
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Dr. Sears is anti-spanking though. He does say in his book that, if you choose to do so anyhow, there are ways to make it safer/less harmful. I think he kind of takes that stance on every AP practice -- you don't have to do them all --- in order to encourage people to do as many as they can. Same as he says that you can lovingly bottlefeed, if co-sleeping doesn't work for you then you shouldn't do it, some people circ for religious reasons, etc. I think he's trying to reach a wide audience but never actually says those things are AP, does he??
I'm sure he never actually says that hitting is an attachment-fostering practice. So I would never associate Dr. Sears with pro-spanking (not that you do -- just wanted to make sure people knew that he disapproves of the practice and has lots of material about how it is not Christian, beneficial or necessary).
Originally Posted by katallen They may think it is AP to spank because Dr. Sears, who came out with the AP books says you can be AP and spank. I don't think they could call themselves gentle though. |
Dr. Sears is anti-spanking though. He does say in his book that, if you choose to do so anyhow, there are ways to make it safer/less harmful. I think he kind of takes that stance on every AP practice -- you don't have to do them all --- in order to encourage people to do as many as they can. Same as he says that you can lovingly bottlefeed, if co-sleeping doesn't work for you then you shouldn't do it, some people circ for religious reasons, etc. I think he's trying to reach a wide audience but never actually says those things are AP, does he??
I'm sure he never actually says that hitting is an attachment-fostering practice. So I would never associate Dr. Sears with pro-spanking (not that you do -- just wanted to make sure people knew that he disapproves of the practice and has lots of material about how it is not Christian, beneficial or necessary).
There are so many facets to AP....My friend couldn't breastfeed due to a breast reduction, and she was flat out told by another momma that there was no possible way she could call herself an AP momma....because all AP mommas breastfeed. I don't believe in checklists and labels, I think it sets one up for failure and stress...I've seen it happen. I agree with many AP philosophies, but I don't necessarily like to label myself "AP".
With that said.....the scenario stated by the op reminds me of people who eat chicken and/or fish, and call themselves "vegetarian". I think because GD is such a huge part of the AP philosophy, I just can't see rationalizing spanking. I've spanked out of desperation...never once did I even try to rationalize my behavior. I have committed to never allowing myself to go there again....it's such an aweful thing to admit to
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With that said.....the scenario stated by the op reminds me of people who eat chicken and/or fish, and call themselves "vegetarian". I think because GD is such a huge part of the AP philosophy, I just can't see rationalizing spanking. I've spanked out of desperation...never once did I even try to rationalize my behavior. I have committed to never allowing myself to go there again....it's such an aweful thing to admit to
I can't stand labels. The only thing it's useful for is finding other people who *say* they are the same. IRL I've never met anyone who is a gentle person at all. In fact I have a hard time hanging out with anyone I know who isn't family. I actually don't have many friends
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Hitting kids is surely not an ap thing though
Hitting kids is surely not an ap thing though
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Originally Posted by bec My thoughts on AP are that there is a wide range of the "ideals" that might not work with a particular family. That doesn't eliminate them from following the AP philosophy, either. There are many AP families that don't breastfeed, or aren't able to wear their babies, or don't cosleep. With that said, I think there are a couple of practices that absolutely are not compatible with AP. Spanking and CIO are the biggest ones, in my mind. And we're talking about deliberately deciding that CIO is the way to go. Or that spanking is the main method of discipline. I say this to distinguish from an other wise AP household that has spanked in a desperate moment of loss of temper, or walked out on a screaming kid to collect themselves. We're all human, and we are none of us perfect. Generally, I despise the AP checklist. I hate the mommy-wars, and the "I'm more AP than you because..." But, I do not believe it is possible to reconcile spanking within the AP framework. |
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True
Originally Posted by thismama They can call themselves whatever they like but that don't make it true. |
True
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I have a friend that calls herself a purist, but she vax's, eats fast food, and uses disposable diapers.
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Maybe if she says it long enough it will become true.
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So true. For instance, I am a supermodel
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Originally Posted by thismama They can call themselves whatever they like but that don't make it true. |
So true. For instance, I am a supermodel
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Another yeah that!
As a matter of fact I think emotional attachment that is promoted by GD is even more important than physical attachment that is provided by carrying the baby for example.
Not to diminish other aspects of what is considered AP, but if I had to choose just ONE thing to do, I would choose GD.
Originally Posted by thismama They can call themselves whatever they like but that don't make it true. |
As a matter of fact I think emotional attachment that is promoted by GD is even more important than physical attachment that is provided by carrying the baby for example.
Not to diminish other aspects of what is considered AP, but if I had to choose just ONE thing to do, I would choose GD.
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Exactly what I was thinking
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love and peace.
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Originally Posted by thismama They can call themselves whatever they like but that don't make it true. |
love and peace.
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