Mothering Forum banner
1 - 20 of 25 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,781 Posts
People can call themselves whatever they want but I personally cannot imagine anything more destructive to parent-child attachment than violence. I think it's kind of like saying you are AP but you CIO or think that holding a baby spoils her.

I DO think that someone can be attachment-oriented if they hit but are genuinely working on stopping. But to rationalize hitting kids? That, to me, is the antithesis of AP.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,781 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by katallen View Post
They may think it is AP to spank because Dr. Sears, who came out with the AP books says you can be AP and spank. I don't think they could call themselves gentle though.

Dr. Sears is anti-spanking though. He does say in his book that, if you choose to do so anyhow, there are ways to make it safer/less harmful. I think he kind of takes that stance on every AP practice -- you don't have to do them all --- in order to encourage people to do as many as they can. Same as he says that you can lovingly bottlefeed, if co-sleeping doesn't work for you then you shouldn't do it, some people circ for religious reasons, etc. I think he's trying to reach a wide audience but never actually says those things are AP, does he??

I'm sure he never actually says that hitting is an attachment-fostering practice. So I would never associate Dr. Sears with pro-spanking (not that you do -- just wanted to make sure people knew that he disapproves of the practice and has lots of material about how it is not Christian, beneficial or necessary).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,615 Posts
There are so many facets to AP....My friend couldn't breastfeed due to a breast reduction, and she was flat out told by another momma that there was no possible way she could call herself an AP momma....because all AP mommas breastfeed. I don't believe in checklists and labels, I think it sets one up for failure and stress...I've seen it happen. I agree with many AP philosophies, but I don't necessarily like to label myself "AP".
With that said.....the scenario stated by the op reminds me of people who eat chicken and/or fish, and call themselves "vegetarian". I think because GD is such a huge part of the AP philosophy, I just can't see rationalizing spanking. I've spanked out of desperation...never once did I even try to rationalize my behavior. I have committed to never allowing myself to go there again....it's such an aweful thing to admit to
:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,233 Posts
I can't stand labels. The only thing it's useful for is finding other people who *say* they are the same. IRL I've never met anyone who is a gentle person at all. In fact I have a hard time hanging out with anyone I know who isn't family. I actually don't have many friends


Hitting kids is surely not an ap thing though
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,008 Posts
My thoughts on AP are that there is a wide range of the "ideals" that might not work with a particular family. That doesn't eliminate them from following the AP philosophy, either. There are many AP families that don't breastfeed, or aren't able to wear their babies, or don't cosleep.

With that said, I think there are a couple of practices that absolutely are not compatible with AP. Spanking and CIO are the biggest ones, in my mind. And we're talking about deliberately deciding that CIO is the way to go. Or that spanking is the main method of discipline. I say this to distinguish from an other wise AP household that has spanked in a desperate moment of loss of temper, or walked out on a screaming kid to collect themselves. We're all human, and we are none of us perfect.

Generally, I despise the AP checklist. I hate the mommy-wars, and the "I'm more AP than you because..." But, I do not believe it is possible to reconcile spanking within the AP framework.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,582 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Thanks ladies. i thought I was missing something.. because I did not believe that using spanking as a regular discipline method was very AP at all. In my mind too, Cio and spanking are a big no-no when it comes to forming a secure bond with your child.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,664 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by bec View Post
My thoughts on AP are that there is a wide range of the "ideals" that might not work with a particular family. That doesn't eliminate them from following the AP philosophy, either. There are many AP families that don't breastfeed, or aren't able to wear their babies, or don't cosleep.

With that said, I think there are a couple of practices that absolutely are not compatible with AP. Spanking and CIO are the biggest ones, in my mind. And we're talking about deliberately deciding that CIO is the way to go. Or that spanking is the main method of discipline. I say this to distinguish from an other wise AP household that has spanked in a desperate moment of loss of temper, or walked out on a screaming kid to collect themselves. We're all human, and we are none of us perfect.

Generally, I despise the AP checklist. I hate the mommy-wars, and the "I'm more AP than you because..." But, I do not believe it is possible to reconcile spanking within the AP framework.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
43,705 Posts
Sure, she can call herself whatever she wants, but that doesn't make spanking "AP." I also see a difference between a parent who thinks spanking can be a part of "good discipline" and one who knows hitting children is bad, but slips up sometimes and lets her anger get the best of her at times.

Maybe the OP's friend means she follows some tenants of AP (breastfeeding, babywearing, etc) but not all of them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,993 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by thismama View Post
They can call themselves whatever they like but that don't make it true.
Another yeah that!

As a matter of fact I think emotional attachment that is promoted by GD is even more important than physical attachment that is provided by carrying the baby for example.

Not to diminish other aspects of what is considered AP, but if I had to choose just ONE thing to do, I would choose GD.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,008 Posts
Another thing to keep in mind is that after all the "baby" things of AP are done with, GD is still going strong. It is one of those things that helps to maintain and strengthen those attachment bonds. Spanking only weakens that attachment.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,757 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by thismama View Post
They can call themselves whatever they like but that don't make it true.
Exactly what I was thinking


love and peace.
 
1 - 20 of 25 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top