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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Not sure about this.<br><br>
all intrest in sex is gone; has been for years. When Dh and I met there was a little, new-ness and all that. But it was better (and then i had more ememergy --physical and emotional) to play along anyway.<br><br>
Frankly I have NEVER -- since starting to date at 18 -- had any intrest or drive. Never got a rush off of it, never though much about it. every time i met a new guy ther eis a bit of the newness thing, but not really a sex thing. this dates back to my first boyfriend in HS..............<br><br>
But since the birth, i really am starting an adversion to being touched in some ways.<br><br>
DH love me, worries that there is "something" in my past. If there is, i am clueless.<br><br>
DH is willing to go to therapy with me..........<br><br>
who to go to?<br><br>
should I try?<br><br>
can it help?
 

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I think that before you go to therapy, or even while going to therapy, you should go to the doctor, tell him you do not really have a sex drive, and allow him to test your hormone levels, etc. Also make sure to tell him if you are taking any medications, especially anti-depressants, because those can also affect your sex drive. I am pregnant with my first so I can't say from experience, but I also know that changes in sex drive and sexual relations can occur after a birth.<br>
Your DH seems very loving, and it seems like both of you want to work on this. That's why I would say rule out physical problems, then consider therapy. It may not necessarily be that there is abuse or something of that sort in your past-- maybe it is that other worries/thoughts/issues are getting in the way of you being free and relaxed and comfortable in life.<br>
I don't have any specific suggestions for choosing a therapist. I had to choose one that was covered by my insurance for financial reasons. Then, sometimes you just keep trying different ones until you find yourself very comfortable. It may sound like a frustrating process, but it's worth it.<br>
This is just my two cents.
 

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Yes it can help, but you need to find someone that you trust enough to be open with and is a good counselor. If the first person you work with doesn't seem to click with you or you aren't getting anywhere find someone else. Oh and you can find therapists willing to to treat on a sliding scale if you don't have insurance or the best person to see isn't on your approved insurance list. Paying out of pocket can be the best investment you make in a happy future.
 

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the first thing that comes to my mind is a hormone issue... i think it is progesterone that increases your sex drive? not sure...<br><br>
definitely have your hormone levels tested in addition to seeking talk therapy if you choose. also, did you have any sort of interest in intimacy during your pregnancy? if you did, that would be a sign to me that it truly is something biochemical. if not really, probably therapy, both individual and as a couple, would be beneficial.<br><br>
wishing you peace on your journey of discovery...<br><br>
~claudia
 

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a sex therapist would be a great start. even if there is no past trauma or anything like that, a sex therapist can help you discover ways to get more pleasure out of sex. Once you find sex pleasurable your drive for it will probably increase greatly. And an aversion to some types of touch (especially having your breasts touched) is pretty normal for nursing moms. I'm sure a good therapist could help you sort out your feelings and help give you some advice on how to get that rush you're missing.
 

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I agree with many of the pp's--check for a physical issue first. Also, have you taken or been taking birth control pills during that time? I lost all interest while I was on bc in my early 20's, and the problem persisted for years afterward due to hormone level issues and a long-term undiagnosed yeast infection.<br><br>
And yes--nursing does make a difference for sure! I had ZERO interest until after I'd been nursing my daughter about a year, or more. And some people don't regain interest until they wean completely and give their hormones time to adjust.<br><br>
Keep in mind also that this may simply be a normal state for you--yes, the vast majority of folks find sex enjoyable, and most "sexual disfunction" is probably physically or mentally induced, but there are also many, many variations of "normal." I know that personally, my interest in sex was "acceptable" when I was 30, then went through the roof when I hit my mid-30s--and that's just my own normal hormonal variance with age. So I'd say, get help and deal with any problems that come up, but don't dwell too much on it--and especially don't try to judge your own sexuality by other people's standards (perceived or real)!
 

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I didn't have a physical urge to have sexual relations with another person until I was in my late '20's. I think it was partly hormonal, but it was clearly also psychological, being as I was always able to bring myself to orgasm by masturbating. I don't want to go into detail here, but I'd be happy to talk to you more via PM.
 

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Was your baby born just in November? You are only 4 months pp. That is going to kill your libido. But more than that, this is a pattern for you. I agree with the above...talk to a medical doctor first about hormone levels (although being only 4 mo pp they may wait a bit..) then maybe explore with a therapist the psychological and emotional elements contributing to the situation.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks<br><br>
OBGYN told me there is no point in doing a hormone work up at this point, the DSis EBF and that will effect the "score" making it look almost menapausal due to low estrgon.<br><br>
But, while i know pp has a lot to do with it, this is a long term patteren.<br><br>
not srue what we are going to do.<br><br>
i want it to be better, but don't, frankly, have the mental, physical or emotional eneergey to put into makeing it better.<br><br>
Aimee
 
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