[Strong Mama]

Dh thinks ds(2) should sit at the table while we eat and not get down for a while. He gets really frustrated when ds is running around while we eat and ends up blaming me telling me i havent *taught*him well.

: To me, ds is 2. He eats and hes done its time to move on. Any ideas?Or am I wrong?

 

[allgirls]

some can, some can't...depends on the child...sounds like you have one that can't yet.

I know my dd is good for about 15 minutes and always has been...we go to a restaurant and we walk around until we sit, then we order, walk around a bit and show her things until the food comes, then we sit her in the chair..after about 15minutes she's antsy...but usually we are done eating then...if desert is there she will eat that for a while...she was like this at two but we have gotten many many comments from parents how their child wouldn't sit like that at that age.

good luck...

eta..this can be taught but not until he's ready

 

[happyfrog]

My toddler is 2. I bought a wooden highchair at a recent auction and it works GREAT as a booster style chair - it's higher seating than a 'regular' chair, but he doesn't have a high chair tray in front of him separating him from the family table.

He sits and eats wtih us at meals. He stays at the table til he is excused (he'll sign 'may i be excused') or til the dinner bible reading (one chapter) is done.

He's always sat at the table with us as soon as he was big enough, so it was gradual for him. his little brother is now doing similarly.

I would suggest maybe gradually encouraging toddler to stay at table longer - maybe let him color or something - to get him used to the idea??

((hugs)) I think it's all about what works best for your family, personally. I just got in the habit with ds at table from 'the beginning' so it hasn't been a hard transition to stay at table. Sure, there are some nights, ds doesn't want to stay at all, and if it's a big hassle, I let him go play instead, but those are rarer and rarer anymore. (Now watch, the next 2 weeks, he'll do that and not sit at table, lol.)

My son still isn't able to sit in church services - and I've seen other 2 year olds that can. Each child is different. Work with your child's uniqueness.

It'll be rare if he's unable to sit at table when he's 18. . .

BettyAnn

 

[Strong Mama]

Thanks mamas. Dh really upset me today as he yelled as ds and we are very GD and it broke my heart.

: Thats where this came into play. He has always sat in a chair at the table, but he just gets down too soon. I am going to work on it, I guess it just wasnt a big deal to me, so I didnt really see it as a problem until today. Thanks for the hugs too!!:

 

[faithnj]

I dunno. I don't require my DD to sit at the table, so she sits there with us as long as she wants to. And frankly, she stays a pretty long time. Seems she likes our company! LOL! But when she doesn't want any more food-- she says "All done!" And if she wants to get down or out, she says done or out. I dont' think this really helps you......But what I do want to say is if you can show DH all the things your son does that are agreeable to DH, perhaps you can convince him to let DS slide on the table thing until he's older??? I mean, I've got so many positive things to say about my DD....when my DH is frustrated with some one thing-- I try to remind him of all the good things she does, and it usually gets him to relax on the things like she still makes a lot of messes for fun.

Faith

 

[octobermom]

My DD was taught pretty much from "birth" that we eat at the table so yes she sat with us at two, but yea when shes done shes done. now we do work with her on not doing the lick a roll and say done and run off

but ifs she eatten then shes done. shes well done I wont make her wait while DH and I discuss problems in the Middle East for an hour. Were just now (3.5 plus) teaching to ask to be excused its a work in progress though

 

[MamaTaraX]

My oldest sat the table for dinner at 2. My middle just tuend 3 and has been sitting at the table for a long time. They do get up and it's okay when they do. When they are older I have them say "May I please be excused from the table?" but not when they are two

Namaste, Tara

 

[irinam]

Well... I still don't sometimes

DD sometimes does sometimes doesn't. Dh sometimes... well you catch the drift.

To me if the family meal is to be a bonding time, then it should not be "forced" bonding, yk?

And can please somebody educate me on what exactly the kids ask to be "excused" for? I thought "excuse me" was used when you did something to upset somebody (not a sarcastic comment, honest, I am a "transplant" in this culture and still working out the details

)

 

[octobermom]

Quote:

And can please somebody educate me on what exactly the kids ask to be "excused" for? I thought "excuse me" was used when you did something to upset somebody (not a sarcastic comment, honest, I am a "transplant" in this culture and still working out the details )

to ask for an excuse has multiple reasons we teach our child to ask permission to be excused like in the bolded part.. At three this permession comes in several forms actually saying May I be excused please comes out more TA SUZ Please, may times she say simpily Done down please and thats fine by me.

Quote:

ex·cuse (ĭk-skyūz') pronunciation tr.v., -cused, -cus·ing, -cus·es. 1. 1. To explain (a fault or an offense) in the hope of being forgiven or understood: He arrived late and excused his tardiness in a flimsy manner. 2. To apologize for (oneself) for an act that could cause offense: She excused herself for being late. 2. 1. To grant pardon to; forgive: We quickly excused the latecomer. 2. To make allowance for; overlook: Readers must excuse the author's youth and inexperience. See synonyms at forgive. 3. To serve as justification for: Brilliance does not excuse bad manners. 4. To free, as from an obligation or duty; exempt: In my state, physicians and lawyers are excused from jury duty. 5. To give permission to leave; release: The child ate quickly and asked to be excused.

 

[captain crunchy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by irinam Well... I still don't sometimes DD sometimes does sometimes doesn't. Dh sometimes... well you catch the drift. To me if the family meal are to be a bonding time, then it should not be "forced" bonding, yk? And can please somebody educate me on what exactly the kids ask to be "excused" for? I thought "excuse me" was used when you did something to upset somebody (not a sarcastic comment, honest, I am a "transplant" in this culture and still working out the details )

I agree. I don't get the "can I be excused" bit either and won't be enforcing that in our home. By modeling, I trust that our daughter will eventually learn *socially acceptable* forms of leaving a table --- "excuse me" or "I am finished thanks" or whatever, but she doesn't need mine or dh's permission to leave the table.

 

[2Sweeties1Angel]

DD is 18 months and has no problem sitting at the table with the rest of the family. She enjoys it. She's also a little piggy and can out-eat the rest of the family if we'd let her, so that helps.

 

[Ellien C]

Mine sat at the table pretty well. Like others have said, she seemed to enjoy the time we were all together, but she was free to come and go as she pleased. It helped to have a chair (Kinderzeat) for us that she could get herself in and out of. The adults in the family don't ask each other to be excused so we don't expect our now 3.5 yo to do it. But we will ocaisionally ask each other - do you mind if I go upstairs to finish something while you're still eating. The spouse is always free to say, yes, I do mind. I'd really like to talk to you or for us to be together a little longer.

Asking to be excused is somethting some children to do for parents, but it's not something practiced in my house. I think it used to be more common in the past and is probably used more in the south today. I grew up in the North East and while we were expected to sit at the table and be polite, we never asked to be excused.

 

[ShaggyDaddy]

my wife and I are 26. We can't sit still for a 15 minute dinner.

Oh and also we are not ADD, we just value our time more than others.

 

[Mama Poot]

Our 12 month old has always been involved with family meals. Even if he wasn't nursing often I would still hold him in my arms while I ate. He definitely has a "time limit" on how long he will "sit still", or at least sit without screaming to be let down from his high chair. We respect this, and when he wants out of his chair, I let him down and he will crawl around under the table or go play with something. Some people are bothered by this, but we're not. And when we're at a restaurant, it doesn't matter if dh and I haven't finished our meals, if DS is getting really antsy and showing us that he's done and wants to leave, we ask for the check and a few boxes and we go. I don't want my meal ruined by someone's crying, tired child, and I definitely would not force others around me to listen to it from my own child. I think you're right on target with handling your 2 year old

 

[octobermom]

Quote:

I agree. I don't get the "can I be excused" bit either and won't be enforcing that in our home. By modeling, I trust that our daughter will eventually learn *socially acceptable* forms of leaving a table --- "excuse me" or "I am finished thanks" or whatever, but she doesn't need mine or dh's permission to leave the table.

It may be more a southern thing (I grew up in Texas) but here in my home yes she does need our permission just like I wouldn't expect her to just get up and leave a table at someone elses home. Its simpily a standard we have though I don't think its inappropiate weird or odd that another family does it diffrently.

 

[Strong Mama]

Thanks for all replies! WOW! I have taken away many thoughts on this, and dh and I spoke about it and we have compromised, that yes, ds should sit at the table with us, but the time limit is small,10 mins no more than that. I will work on it with him, but I am in the process of potty learning right now, and I can only cross one bridge at a time! LOL Hey, he might be sitting at the table, and there may be a puddle of pee under him!

 

[MoonJelly]

Quote:

Originally Posted by captain crunchy I agree. I don't get the "can I be excused" bit either and won't be enforcing that in our home. By modeling, I trust that our daughter will eventually learn *socially acceptable* forms of leaving a table --- "excuse me" or "I am finished thanks" or whatever, but she doesn't need mine or dh's permission to leave the table.

That's pretty much how I look at it.

With the definition mentioned above, that's a great example of a dictionary giving a definition but not a reason.

And I am not even sure if that qualifies as a real definition. I find it sort of interesting and maybe a little disturbing the example used is children being asked to leave the table. I would be interested to know if they have any more examples that don't involve that scenario.

 

[octobermom]

Quote:

I find it sort of interesting and maybe a little disturbing the example used is children being asked to leave the table. I would be interested to know if they have any more examples that don't involve that scenario.

Disturbing why? replace a child with an adult it still can work. I still when at anothers home.. Thank you for XX meal say please excuse me.. and while I'm no waiting for an "approval" so to say I do wait for an acknowlegment. I also ask my DD to ask permission simpily so I can clean her hands and face before shes let down to smear jelly or fruit juices all over everything.

Quote:

And I am not even sure if that qualifies as a real definition

Huh?? To give permession is simpily an approved defination clear in probably any dictionary. I simpily gave the text book defination to show excused can have diffrent meaning. What do you mean by a real definition?? I get that its not for your family fine but why is it disturbing for another????

Deanna

 

[Luthien Arcamenel]

Quote:

Originally Posted by octobermom It may be more a southern thing (I grew up in Texas) but here in my home yes she does need our permission just like I wouldn't expect her to just get up and leave a table at someone elses home. Its simpily a standard we have though I don't think its inappropiate weird or odd that another family does it diffrently.

I just didn't want you to feel alone here.
We do that to.
My children are not required to clean their plate, and they may leave the table whenever they like, but we do think that asking to be excused is simply good manners, and therefore our children always do that before they set off to do their things.
And we're not southern either.

 

[MoonJelly]

I wasn't directing that personally toward you, octobermom. Sorry if you thought that. I just find it an interesting in a social commentary sort of way that the child asking to leave the table is the example. I also think that definition 5 is really the same as 4 and the fact that they are making a distinction is sort of amusing. Dictionaries are a reflection of the culture. Language is being created and changed all the time. I am a nerd who finds this noteworthy I guess.

As far as the adult versus child argument, that was not mine. Sorry if you took my post personally. I was just adding my thoughts and opinions along with everyone else here. I don't agree with the permission aspect of it. Sorry.