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<p>Mamas, I SO need to vent this morning and I don't know where else to do it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Can you all contribute to this thread so that I don't feel like a whiny little wimp?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>k, here's mine:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This week-end (and part of last week) I am continuing to work on DD's potty training. Yes, she's 3.5 years old and she's not fully potty trained. Yes, I am a potty training failure. Must be, because it's just not friggin working!!! My mother has been pressuring me lately to "get it done" because she's deathly afraid that if DD isn't potty trained by the time pre-K rolls around, she'll be made fun of by other kids, which she thinks is worse than pressuring DD at home to potty train. So she's been coming up with a Plan of Action to just get in done in two weeks, like she did for me when I was a child. I was of the opinion that if we just let DD alone, she'll do it on her own, in her own time, because she is the MOST STUBBORN CHILD IN THE WORLD. K, frustrated here. At time point in time though, I'm not sure anymore whose strategy is the best...</p>
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<p>DD is trained for pee, and rarely has accidents, except when she's playing hard and forgets OR (and this is a recent one) when she's angry about something and WILFULLY goes to pee someplace to get revenge. That's what she did this Saturday morning when my mother told her "no tv" unless she had breakfast. So DD went and peed on the carpet. Like a dog. AAAAAAAAAH!!!!!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What we are trying to do is get DD to stay dry at night, so I've bought waterproof covers for the mattresses, training underpants, and started denying her fluids after 18h30 and make her go pee a lot before bed. So far, it's worked three times in the past 6 days. Other times she wakes up soaked, but since she's in my bed for the latter part of the night, my bed gets soaked.</p>
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<p>The other part of this potty training nightmare is that DD holds in her poop until she's got a sore belly because she refuses to go on the potty or toilet, or in her undies. I think I scared her into not pooping in her undies by having such a negative reaction when she did it...poor thing. My mother's been freaking out about this poop holding and has been suggesting enemas, suppositories, and even THERAPY because there MUST be something WRONG with DD if she can't go by herself at 3.5 yrs old. I talked her down and her next solution is to give DD Lansoil, a gentle laxative she gave me when I was a child. After a 3 day poop holding stint, I finally gave in and I gave her some Lansoil for a few days; DD did poop, albeit standing up in the tub, but then this week-end (TMI WARNING), she had this terrible diarrhea, leaking brown-orange fluid everywhere. I think we went through 15 pairs of undies.</p>
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<p>I guess I was at my wits' end this week-end...I feel bad about this...I stopped my BCP for three days to get my period and it gave me a HUGE migraine...I started making comments about how the laxative was a terrible idea and that we shouldn't be doing that again. My comments really hurt my mother's feelings and we had our first tiff in a long time...</p>
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<p>UGH.</p>
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<p>All the while, I'm doing a zillion loads of laundry, putting DD in the tub to clean up the gross orange goo over and over and over, battling the migraine from hell, and focusing all my energy on DD because I feel guilty that we don't get time together during the week.</p>
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<p>My tiff with my mother results in her telling me she thinks I don't want to potty train DD and just want to "do nothing" until it happens on its own...and that there's something wrong with DD because she's just super difficult and needy. Add to this the fact that DD is just acting out like crazy all day Sunday, demanding attention, whining, breaking things, when I NEED to work on my final big assignment for my grad course and it's just impossible.</p>
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<p>I put her to bed on Sunday and basically ran out of the house to go tango dancing, knowing she wasn't asleep yet, just because I SO needed to get the F out of there before I screamed.</p>
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<p>This morning my mother accusingly tells me that DD finally had a big poop last night that *she* had to clean up because I was out, oh unfit mother that I am.</p>
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<p>I feel like I just can't win. DD is a terrible and difficult child, NOT potty trained at 3.5 yrs old, because I'm a terrible mother. <span><img alt="gloomy.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1328537725856_151" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="width:15px;height:25px;"></span></p>
 

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<p>Oh my gosh...not potty trained by 3.5 is NO BIG DEAL!!!  Those magic 2 yr olds that do it are the standard everyone feels like crap about if their kids don't!  DS couldn't go through the night until 4.5.  And then relapsed for a few months and where I had to wake him up by 10:30pm each night to pee or he'd wet the bed. </p>
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<p>I don't even remember how daytime training happened.  I think it was preschool.  He got the idea from seeing the big kids use the potty.  And eventually wanted to wear underwear to school.  Some kids will only do it on their own time.  A friend of mine has a VERY VERY(x1000) spirited little girl who just turned four.  She was in a major panic to get her daytime trained before starting preschool at 3.5...something they both desperately needed!!!  Bribes, begging, stories, potties all over the house, naked time, every book and video there was, threats that she couldn't go to school in pull-ups (Fine!  Then she just wouldn't go to school!).  And then somehow, about a minute before school started, she did it!  She used to hold her poop too.  Somewhere in the OMGSHE'LLBEINPULLUPSFOREVER at 3.5 and her fourth birthday, it all pulled together.  Nothing worked except that Miss Stubborn decided to do it.  They even tried picking out special toys that were left in the packaging.  She was allowed to hold the toy and look at it while on the potty, but it wouldn't be opened until there was actually pottying in the potty.  (Let's just say, this never worked!)</p>
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<p>There's a light at the end of the tunnel!!  :) </p>
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<p>I'm vent free at the moment.  Still a little stressy about the creepy playdate guy yesterday.  But that will fade out.  But I'm sure I'll be back with a vent soon enough!  Just wanted to share the story of the child that would never potty train ever...only she finally did!!   :)</p>
 

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<p>My son withholds his poop- he has encopresis.... it has been hell... honestly hell.</p>
 
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<p>Nighttime bedwetting is a totally different issue than potty training.   My son wore pull-ups until he was six and still sometimes wet the bed. Pediatrician doesn't even start "treating" it until they are 8-9 so just let the bedtime thing go.  It is completely normal at her age.  It's a physiological/maturity issue that has to do with muscle tone, etc.  A sanity saver is to double make the bed with two sets of waterproof sheets/regular sheets so in the middle of the night you can take off the first set of wet sheets and have clean sheets ready to go.</p>
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<p>From my experience as a preschool teacher, pull-ups are a nightmare and don't work.  They are GREAT for bedtime but confusing as hell for daytime.  She may HAVE to bed potty-trained for pre-K.  It has to do with state regulations/ratios/bathroom set ups, etc.  The easiest way seems to just have them wear real underwear 100% of the time during waking hours.  Sticker charts work great.  Potty-training is the one area that I have resorted to bribery on all three of my kids plus various daycares/preschools. </p>
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<p>As far as the purposefully peeing in her pants, very calmly make her clean it up.  Don't make a big deal of it.  The natural consequences for peeing in your pants is taking of wet and nasty pants.   Peeing in the potty is her responsibility.  I mean this with TONS of love--your daughter has a pretty big audience that loves and adores her and is helping make this a big deal.  If she knows that she can pee on the carpet and make grandma and mommy totally freak out then she's going to work that angle!  I have heard a 3 year olds give threats like "If you don't let me ....., then I will pee in my pants."    </p>
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<p>I taught 2/3 year old preschool for years.  I have potty trained TONS of kids.  For some odd reason, it is a very stressful time for many parents.  I don't know why it has become such an issue.  Just act like it is an expected behavior and stay calm about it.     I PROMISE--she will get it.</p>
 

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<p>Oh I soooo feel you, HAM!!!  *hugs*  My Mom has gone on tirades about what a terrible Mother I am too because my 3 year old isn't potty trained yet and how  all three of us (me and my 2 younger sisters) were potty trained in 2 weeks at 18 months old and how I missed my window and it's because I work and can't be at home doing what I should be doing. *sighs*</p>
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<p>But yeah... my DD has been going on the potty on and off since she was 18 months old but still refuses to go at all some days so is still in pull-ups. It's SUPER stressful. Because honestly, the financial reasons. It sucks. But if she got potty trained, she'd transition to the pre-school room which is a cheaper tuition cost. So not only would I save on diapers, I'd save on daycare expense. I've tried it all even keeping her in just panties for a week. Nothing has worked.</p>
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<p>I do think if I did just panties again, it'd go better... but my Mom won't let me do it at home because she doesn't want her house ruined with pee everywhere. So not sure what to do about that... and I'm not sure if I can send her to school in panties when we all know she hasn't been consistent. I should talk to her teachers and see what they think/say. Some days they have it marked off that she stayed dry and went on the potty the whole day. She goes on the potty everyday at school no problem, it's the staying dry part that is iffy. And at home... forget it. It's hit or miss when she goes to the potty, totally depends on her mood.</p>
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<p>As for holding poops... my step daughter did that at the same age. She also did the deliberate peeing too. She even pooped in her bed once deliberately. I guess it's a stage for some kids at that age.</p>
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<p>I feel like a total failure with potty training too. You're not alone.</p>
 

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<p>I can vent! DD has been sweetly driving me CRAZY lately. I finally realized why it's making me crazy, too. She just grew an inch or two, and now can reach her hand over the tops of most flat surfaces in my house by about 6 inches. This means there are only 3 narrow places high enough that I can set important papers, bills, writing utensils, breakable items, food, etc that I don't want her destroying or using to destroy other things. </p>
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<p>She's been so clingy and demanding lately, that I'm getting next to nothing done. She wants to be on my lap if I'm on my computer, if I'm sitting anywhere, wants me to carry her around and snuggle her, wants to play with my face, poke me in the eye, gets mad any time I tell her no about the zillion things I'm trying to keep her little fingers out of. Then she's back to trying to climb my body by clinging to my legs. Or she'll follow me so closely that when I stop, she bounces off my leg and into the wall or nearby furniture. Not hard, but she'll cry, and I feel awful. </p>
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<p>It's worse today because on Saturday I had someone help me reorganize all the boxes in my patio storage closet, so now I have a ton of random stuff to put away. My sewing room was full of boxes and Christmas crap, so now I can walk in there and reorganize that. By next week I should be able to actually cut things out, sew, and iron them! Yay! But right now, it's crap creeping all over the house in all directions because she is attempting to be naughty to get my attention. If it's harmless, like she got into a box of stuffing fluff, I just encourage her since it won't hurt anything. But now every floor is covered. Haha. </p>
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<p>I do take plenty of time to sit and play with her, which she loves. I try to incorporate her into my activities as much as is possible. I just need a break!!! I need to get more than the usual cleaning done, and I need a nap. Grr and I have errands to do that are not going to happen today because naptime is 3 hrs long, then we eat, she poops, has a bath, and then the bank and post office are closed.</p>
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<p>Potty training! We haven't even started, and DD will be 2 in June. I figure summertime is better for potty training because I can let her be naked outside. I don't want anyone peeing on my carpet, eww. I'm all for pull-ups at night. DD's daddy and all 9 of his siblings all wet the bed until the age of 8, some until 12 yrs old, then at some point they outgrow it. I'm hoping she didn't inherit that gene, but I think ex's dad and his 3 siblings had the same problem. That makes me think it's passed on by the men in his family. </p>
 

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<p>J didn't potty train until right before he turned 4.  I didn't push it, I was not up for the argument. One day he figured it out and there was no turning back!  You mom is probably freaking the poor child out.  She is obviously freaking YOU out.</p>
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<p>Right now I am pulling my hair out trying to get DS through an ALGEBRA class.  He is diligently working on the final.  Anyone want to trade places?</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>zebra15</strong> <a href="/community/t/1344403/can-we-have-a-vent-thread#post_16865441"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><p>J didn't potty train until right before he turned 4.  I didn't push it, I was not up for the argument. One day he figured it out and there was no turning back!  You mom is probably freaking the poor child out.  She is obviously freaking YOU out.</p>
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<p>Right now I am pulling my hair out trying to get DS through an ALGEBRA class.  He is diligently working on the final.  Anyone want to trade places?</p>
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MATH HOMEWORK....panic....we haven't even done shoe tying yet! </p>
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<p>(yes, I'm smart with an advanced degree, but it is a degree you can b.s. your way through without remembering formulas!)</p>
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<p>Ok, guys, how goofy is this...Saturday I really needed to go to the grocery store.  No food in the house.  DS adamently didn't want to go...not a tantrum or anything, but just didn't want to go.  (Usually he loves to go shopping with me.) </p>
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<p>DS:  No, I'm not going.</p>
<p>Me:  You can't stay by yourself.</p>
<p>DS:  Just get a babysitter.</p>
<p>Me:  I don't know any babysitters.</p>
<p>DS:  Call one of your good friends to babysit me.</p>
<p>Me:  My good friends don't babysit.</p>
<p>DS:  ...try calling one of your not quite so good friends.</p>
<p>Me:  ...Get your darn shoes on NOW.  We need milk.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He's getting smarter than me.  Doooooooom.</p>
 

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<p>RCM---I go thru this with ds all the time- your son sounds very smart... I always say living with ds is like living with a lawyer.  He is 8 now is way smarter than me in many ways- He also knows how to push my buttons.</p>
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Owen didn't potty train until 3 1/2. Nothing I tried worked, he just decided one day to do it. Go figure.<br><br>
My vent of the day... Mr "plead with the judge and claim financial hardship as a reason he can't pay medical bills, visit ds and should have his child support reduced" bragged to Owen on the phone last night that he bought a new tv just in time for the super bowl. W. T. F.
 

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<p>I don't have any potty training advice except to say that I find that when I feel pressured to parent a certain way because of my parents of DS' teachers, things go terribly wrong. So please just parent your DD the way you feel is best and if you think she will respond better to slow going, then go with that. And as far as nighttime dryness, DS was fully potty trained at 2 (this was complete luck, nothing to do with me at all) but still sometimes wets at night at 3.5 so we do pull ups because I am tired of waking up soaked in his pee. Nighttime potty training is a whole different animal in my opinion. If your DD is staying dry during the day most days, I would say you are doing pretty darn good. Maybe you could bribe her to poop on the potty? Sticker chart for a special gift perhaps?</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
<p>THANK YOU for making me feel like less of a moron. It feels so good to have other mothers validate my feelings.</p>
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<p>As for bribery: we've tried bribing with chocolate, with toys (she's into trains), and even pulled out a sticker chart. The chart seems to work well to motivate her with regards to peeing at night (she got three stickers in the past week), but for poop...she's just...either stubborn or petrified of pooping on the toilet. As I said, I think *I* scared her out of pooping...and after some proding, I find out that she doesn't like pooping with people watching her...at the daycare, all the little stalls are open so that the educator can check on the kids, and I'm sure there are kids standing around watching one another, so if DD is shy about pooping in front of others, she just won't do it there...Either that or it's some kind of control issue. Whatever it is, she makes herself ill with it. That's why I told her "you know DD, mama WANTS you to poop. If it has to be in your undies, your pants or in the tub, then so be it". She was so ecstatic about the idea of pooping in the tub that she stripped and went ahead and did it. My mother was not too impressed. She keeps saying "ALL the kids in DD's class are potty trained...why isn't she?!". This poop issue really has her concerned; she's suggesting I take DD to a THERAPIST or a specialist to see if there's anything wrong with her intestines. For god's sake!</p>
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<p>I'm giving this whole night training thing another week before I go buy more pull-ups and let the whole thing go for another few months. As for my mother, she huffily stated that she won't intervene anymore where DD's parenting is concerned; I found myself apologizing and hugging her as she cried, saying she couldn't handle more stress (her work situation...is beyond utterly craptastic). *GIANT SIGH*</p>
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<p>Even my coworkers tell me how tough I've got it and how THEIR DC's were potty trained by 18-24 months, and were little angels...</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>RollerCoasterMama</strong> <a href="/community/t/1344403/can-we-have-a-vent-thread#post_16865472"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><p>DS:  No, I'm not going.</p>
<p>Me:  You can't stay by yourself.</p>
<p>DS:  Just get a babysitter.</p>
<p>Me:  I don't know any babysitters.</p>
<p>DS:  Call one of your good friends to babysit me.</p>
<p>Me:  My good friends don't babysit.</p>
<p>DS:  ...try calling one of your not quite so good friends.</p>
<p>Me:  ...Get your darn shoes on NOW.  We need milk.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He's getting smarter than me.  Doooooooom.</p>
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<p><br>
I'm not laughing at your situation, but...this made me giggle. Thank you.<br>
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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Halfasianmomma</strong> <a href="/community/t/1344403/can-we-have-a-vent-thread#post_16865590"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><p><br>
I'm not laughing at your situation, but...this made me giggle. Thank you.<br>
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He amuses me frequently.  :)  The funny thing is that I've haven't had a babysitter for him ever other than the experimental one before I got divorced (which went fine, I just don't find myself motivated to use them).  His dad sometimes has a friend watch for a while, but I think it's more talking to kids at school.  Just all of a sudden that was his brilliant idea so he could stay home and watch a dvd instead of going to Target with me!  He was pretty pleased with his solution too. </p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>RollerCoasterMama</strong> <a href="/community/t/1344403/can-we-have-a-vent-thread#post_16865621"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><p><br>
He amuses me frequently.  :)  The funny thing is that I've haven't had a babysitter for him ever other than the experimental one before I got divorced (which went fine, I just don't find myself motivated to use them).  His dad sometimes has a friend watch for a while, but I think it's more talking to kids at school.  Just all of a sudden that was his brilliant idea so he could stay home and watch a dvd instead of going to Target with me!  He was pretty pleased with his solution too. </p>
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<p>Does he have any cash or get an allowance? If he pays for the sitter, it is a great idea.</p>
<p> </p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>bananabee</strong> <a href="/community/t/1344403/can-we-have-a-vent-thread#post_16865746"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><p> </p>
<p>Does he have any cash or get an allowance? If he pays for the sitter, it is a great idea.</p>
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<p><br><br>
No, he's only five.  :)</p>
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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>RollerCoasterMama</strong> <a href="/community/t/1344403/can-we-have-a-vent-thread#post_16865472"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><p><br><br>
MATH HOMEWORK....panic....we haven't even done shoe tying yet! </p>
<p> </p>
<p>(yes, I'm smart with an advanced degree, but it is a degree you can b.s. your way through without remembering formulas!)</p>
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<p>Ok, guys, how goofy is this...Saturday I really needed to go to the grocery store.  No food in the house.  DS adamently didn't want to go...not a tantrum or anything, but just didn't want to go.  (Usually he loves to go shopping with me.) </p>
<p> </p>
<p>DS:  No, I'm not going.</p>
<p>Me:  You can't stay by yourself.</p>
<p>DS:  Just get a babysitter.</p>
<p>Me:  I don't know any babysitters.</p>
<p>DS:  Call one of your good friends to babysit me.</p>
<p>Me:  My good friends don't babysit.</p>
<p>DS:  ...try calling one of your not quite so good friends.</p>
<p>Me:  ...Get your darn shoes on NOW.  We need milk.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He's getting smarter than me.  Doooooooom.</p>
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<p>I had a conversation with DS when he was around 5 or so at the toystore</p>
<p> </p>
<p>DS: Can I have this for Christmas/from santa</p>
<p>Me: Maybe, you never know</p>
<p>DS: Maybe you never YES</p>
<p> </p>
<p>WTF... put the damn toy in the cart, you earned that one kiddo.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>FWIW, after this algebra final, 'we' are taking a break from math for a bit.  I think science has a class left then a computer class sounds like a wonderful idea.<br>
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<p>((hugs)) HAM and others with potty training issues. I don't have any advice really, my DD is one of those magical ones. I do remember that the more stressed I was about getting her to use the toilet, the more she refused. I know finding patience in such a situation might require the attitude of a saint. </p>
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<p>My vent....I have major decluttering I need to do, and I can't find the motivation. I've got the time. It makes me feel like crap. I have so much to do that it overwhelms me and I don't know where to start, so I do nothing and then feel worse! GAH! And it doesn't help that I am in a tiny apartment that will likely always feel cluttered. I don't have enough cabinet space to keep the food in, so a bunch is on the countertops. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another thing that has me stressed is my dog picked up ringworm and while it's undercontrol and medicated, it sucks cuz I just want to spray bleach water on everything.single.thing but it's not realistic, so I'm paranoid about DD or I getting it too. And I'm sad cuz I miss my baby brother, it's been 1.5 years since he died and I'm missing him terribly lately. I just want to talk to him, after I kick his ass for leaving me behind like he did. <img alt="mecry.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1328571461258_164" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/mecry.gif"></p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>bananabee</strong> <a href="/community/t/1344403/can-we-have-a-vent-thread#post_16865399"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><p>Potty training! We haven't even started, and DD will be 2 in June. I figure summertime is better for potty training because I can let her be naked outside. I don't want anyone peeing on my carpet, eww. I'm all for pull-ups at night. DD's daddy and all 9 of his siblings all wet the bed until the age of 8, some until 12 yrs old, then at some point they outgrow it. I'm hoping she didn't inherit that gene, but I think ex's dad and his 3 siblings had the same problem. That makes me think it's passed on by the men in his family. </p>
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FWIW, I was a bedwetter and XH was not; of my four kids (in order), one wet at night until age 10 (out of day diapers at almost age 4 -- peeing in the toilet sooner than pooping), one until age 7.5 (using the toilet for poop only from age 2 but not for pee until 3), one until age 9 (out of day diapers at 3.5), and the last one was completely out of diapers day and night just before her 2nd birthday.  You just never know; they are all different. </p>
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<p>Thinking good thoughts for you and all who are struggling.  In my experience, they are ready when they are ready -- no matter what you do, no matter how early you start or how many things you try.  Their bodies are all different and I think it's a developmental readiness for the brain to hear the body's signal and react in time, not something we can make happen for them until their little systems are ready.</p>
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<p>My best advice is to be matter-of-fact about supporting their needs and not turn it into a power struggle, because when that happens they dig in their heels just to feel they're in charge of themselves and it can take longer even if their bodies are ready.</p>
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<p>I've had to re-potty train 3 of my kids because of my ex putting them into pullups. They liked the idea of going in the pullup and forget that underwear is different.  I've gone from *fully* potty trained kids to lots of accidents because of him!  Three kids worth now.  Uggg.  My youngest is still getting confused about it. She still comes home from his house in a diaper with him returning completely dry underwear in a plastic bag. And of course, the diaper is wet when she comes back....<br><br>
The vent part of this though is that my son has poop issues. He withheld for so long that he's on daily miralax now. Prescription. <br><br>
My ex considers it "optional".</p>
 
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