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Discussion Starter #1
Every time one of these stroller or leash or whatever threads comes up, someone's always got to mention the horror of the bucket babies, referring to the infant car seat carriers.<br><br>
For all those who hate to see those poor bucket babies, I'd like to know what you would have preferred that I do given our situation, which I don't think is very dramatic, BTW, but rather something that a lot of parents face.<br><br>
Ds always feel asleep anytime we went anywhere in the car. If I tried to lift him out sleeping, he would without fail wake up crying and screaming, and it would go on for awhile. I tried putting him in the carseat with the sling already around him, thinking that I could just pick him up and strap him on while he was still asleep. Nope, he still woke up screaming just from being shifted around.<br><br>
So all I need to do is go into the grocery store to get eggs. Why the heck would I wake up a sleeping kid instead of just grabbing the seat, going inside, and then putting the seat back, all with him still happily asleep? After he grew out of the infant seat and into the one that didn't remove, I spent hours sitting in the car and reading (or sleeping myself) waiting for him to wake up. Sometimes it was fine, and sometimes it really sucked. It was nice to at least have that first year where I was able to do some basic quick errands without having to sit in the car for 2 hours first. How was he harmed by sleeping in the bucket seat while I went into the store vs. sleeping in his big seat while I sat in the car? Both times we're together, both times he is not attached to my body, both times he is asleep and being watched and cared for.<br><br>
I am a better AP parent if I disturb his sleep just so I don't have to use a 'baby bucket?' We do the whole laundry list of AP stuff, and I don't consider myself any less attached for using a removable infant carseat.<br><br>
There doesn't seem to be a single person on these boards who has ever said that they are in favor of strapping their kid down, crying and screaming, and then ignoring them for hours. So we can assume that that is not the case with ANY of the baby devices we are talking about. So can we please stop with the whole 'bucket baby' thing?
 

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I think I hear what you are saying and I agree with some of your post. But to ask the entire board of what, 14,000 members not to use a term is unreasonable, imo.<br><br>
I first learned of 'baby bucket' from Kate Allison Granju's book, 'Attachment Parenting'. I don't think that term is going to be eradicated from the AP lingo.<br><br>
I think it's sometimes easier to know in your heart who you are as a parent and what your relationship is with your child and be at peace with that, but not require the approval of others to find that peace. There will ALWAYS be those, even under the 'AP' umbrella who do this or that differently or seem to judge but at the end of the day, it's just you with your child(ren) and NO ONE else matters. Even if there are whole forums dedicated to bashing 'baby buckets' - that can't touch what you know you have with your son, yk?<br><br><br>
Kinda like the 'do you think I'm fat?' question!
 

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Gosh, Im sorry for the many inferences to bucket babies-- none of which i posted- and am also of the opinion that using this functional device is perfectly okay. and really really think how lucky we are to have such a thing just as in the cases you mentioned. we moms need all the help we can get. and while I am in favor of it's intended use, I am not liking the situatiions i see that are where the baby is Always always in the seat, awake. It's simply like any other convenience that gets abused. I hope we havent gone so low here as to imply that all uses of the seat beyond riding in the car is bad.<br>
Laura
 

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Discussion Starter #4
I feel more than at peace with our situation - I've never seen a happier or attached kid than ds, and I plan to do the same things with this baby on the way.<br><br>
I just find it insulting that on a board of this type that people would still think that anyone using these is somehow less attached to their children.
 

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I totally agree Oceanbaby! You rock! I have thought the same thing many times but never wrote! Anyway, we only used our for 6 months (ds grew out of it by then). I considered it a blessing when we had it because it let him stay asleep!<br><br>
Susan
 

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OMG i've NEVER heard the term "bucket baby" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"> i opened this thread picturing like, a baby stuck in a bucket? you know? like this was going to be some horrible new form of child abuse -- "these people are putting their children in BUCKETS!"<br><br>
ah.<br><br>
fwiw, w/ my son, i *always* carried him around in his carseat and had him sitting in it in the cart when we were out shopping, when he was an infant. why? <i>because i didn't know there were such things as affordable baby carriers.</i> if someone had come up and given me a baby sling i probably would have used it, presuming they had also shown me how. ditto on any sort of babywearing baby carrier thingy.<br><br>
i can't believe there are people out there judging other mamas for having their babies in a car seat. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/headscratch.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="headscratch"> seems a little absurd to me... especially if it prevents emotional trauma to the child (i.e., sleep, wake, sleep, wake, sleep, wake, all the time they're shopping...)
 

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I don't like that term either, oceanbaby. I think there is a huge difference between allowing a sleeping baby to remain asleep in his carseat and being a "bucket baby." I don't think I've ever used the term, but when I hear it I think of those moms I see whose babies always seem to be in the carseat wherever they go. You know, the mom goes to a baby shower, brings in the baby in the seat from the car, the baby is fully awake, and she remains in the seat sitting on the restaurant table the whole time. That bugs me, but even then I do try to step back and say maybe she holds that baby all day and this is the first chance she's gotten to interact with adult friends in six months, so as long as the baby seems content she doesn't want to give up the opportunity. Not necessarily what I would do, but not deserving of condemnation, KWIM?<br><br>
I am offended at the implication that the use of strollers, bouncy seats, exersaucers or whatever is a form of detached parenting. I don't think that most people here truly believe that, but there is the occasional remark that seems so extreme - I remember one occasion where a person fed her toddler on her lap because if he was in a highchair she would not be in physical contact with him and then would be failing some test of AP. Pretty silly IMO. Feeding a toddler on your lap is fine if that's what you want to do, but doing so out of fear of not being AP enough...you see my point.<br><br>
Someone who always parks their baby in a piece of equipment and rarely holds her is making a mistake, but I really do not think it is necessary to feel compelled to be touching your baby every single second of the day. I used many of the items people label as non-AP but I never used them to get rid of the baby for a while. If she was in her exersaucer, I was often right next to her, playing with the toys along with her, giving her snacks, talking to her about the fun she was having. Or I was cooking dinner and talking to her at the same time. Whatever. What I know is that my now five-year-old is a securely attached child, and I know that because of her spectacular ability to separate from me without any distress. She knows I'm coming back, because I was always there! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I've used the term before to refer to a specific behavior that involves a child carrier. I have now given it some more thought and I'll refrain from using the term and instead describe the behavior.<br>
It's "foot nudging", you know, the baby's in the bucket, on the floor, and mewling. The adult keeps kicking the bucket (ha) with the side of her foot to try to keep the baby occupied to absolutely no effect. No eye contact is ever involved. It's sometimes accompanied by the no-look paci stuff. Pop-spit-pop-spit-pop-spit-nudge-nudge-nudge. Can I nominate the word "NUDGE" instead?
 

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I am not in favor of keeping babies strapped in car seats all the time, but I am with you in using it when all you have to do is run in the store with your baby and toddler to grab some milk. I hold or wear my little one as much as possible, but I refuse to take her out of her carseat if she is sleeping and I am out running quick errands. It would wake her up and she would be miserable. I think the term "bucket baby" more refers to using the carseat as a substitute for mom's arms, and it refers to people who do it as a consistent parenting practice.<br><br>
I think that your peace about your own parenting practice can be your guide. I am attached to my kids, they are attached to me, and I know that I don't have a bucket baby just because I keep her in the carseat for a short time when she is asleep. I don't like the term, either, but I think it is here to stay.
 

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I agree. Both my children spent a lot of time in their carseats - 99% of it was sleep time. Obviously we had to use the car seat in the car, legally. If they were asleep when we got where we were going, they stayed in their seat. Sometimes it did bang against my leg (something people hate, but nothing I would do on purpose) and we used it everywhere we went. When they kids woke up, we held them, used a sling, etc.,.<br><br>
Only once did I have a crying baby in the seat and I was rocking it with my foot. It happened when I was giving blood, and it was a terrible experience. I agree that it's awful to see parents eating at a restaurant or having a conversation while their baby screams in the seat and they casually rock the seat, give the baby a pacifier, and never pick the child up. But that has nothing to do with the majority of the people who use car seats.<br><br>
We even got a travel system to I didn't have to wake the kids up, I could pop them in the stroller. I would put the sling in the basket underneath and use the stroller for my diaper bag if they woke up so I could hold them. But to wake a sleeping, peaceful child just so I didn't have to use the baby seat?? Why??<br><br>
I agree with whoever said that how you feel about your parenting is more important than other people's opinions. But I know how hard it is to read so many extremely negative posts about something you use responsibly. I think the people we see who use the seats inappropriately give all moms who use them a bad name.<br><br>
Take care,
 

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I think that what most people are referring to when saying 'bucket babies" is that there are MANY people out there, we have all met them, that let their children live in those infant carseats. Dh's cousin would come in with her 3 month old and he would be awake and she would plop him on the floor and leave him in there. If he got upset and started to cry, she would not pick him up, but start rocking the carseat instead. This kid lived his entire infant life in some kind of plastic contraption or another. It was so sad. He was never held by human arms, but held in the carseat, stroller, swing, jumper, excersaucer, walker, playpen. ANd as a toddler you can tell how "detatched" he is.<br><br>
Now, I'm not saying that a carseat, swing, jumper, excersaucer, or playpen is inherently evil. But I think many parents in American society overuse these items. Heck, I owned or borrowed every one I mentioned. But my kid didnt live in them, and neither did yours from what you are saying. I think all of these baby gadgets have their place, and sometimes can even be a lifesaver. I totally understand what you are saying about living in the car because your toddler wont transfer to the sling or stroller without awakening. It was so nice when they would take their naps on the run ( and I get so upset when I do see toddler sleeping on the run in strollers and stuff. Mad because I am JEALOUS!!)<br><br>
Baby gadgets are all fine and dandy, but what I think some posters are venting about is when they see babies not touched and constantly in some type of carriers.
 

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I agree, I don't think the term "bucket baby" is refering to using the carseat as a helpful tool, but rather the poor babies who spend most of their time in one. I'd leave Orion in his "bucket" when he was asleep (he's grown out of it now), or even put it up on the shopping cart when out shopping when he was awake when he was tiny because he was at a perfect level to interact with (and he didn't like slings until he was oh 2 months old or so). I don't even see a problem with a happy baby being in a carseat on the table at a resturant being *interacted* with. I used to do that with Orion too, or leave him in the carseat in the stroller while I ate. But I/my company would be interacting with him, talking to him, tickling his feet, caressing him, ect. Its HARD to eat something two handed with a slung baby. Sometimes I wanted a break without his little body on me when I was sitting (its sorta awkward with my short waist). The carseat was a nice portable seat for him before he had good neck control.<br><br>
Babies being ignored in buckets, or treated like luggage, or left in them so much they become second homes bug me. A mom using one as a tool? Not a problem. I would wager a guess that the "bucket baby" thing refers to a baby being ignored in one.<br><br>
I do get very confused by parents lugging those things with baby in them everywhere though, like walking through the mall with them, my god its SO hard to carry those seats! SO heavy! Slings are SO much easier and lighter!<br><br>
Being AP is listening to your child's needs. If your child's needs are fulfilled when using a portable carseat, then use it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> I don't think anyone is refering to attentive, loving, parental use of a carseat as "bucket babies"... and if they are, well that's just *way* too high of a horse for me to climb up on!
 

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I'm not a fan of that term either, but I *will* tell you what bothers me about infant carseat/carriers -- carrying them by the handle when your child weighs more than 10 pounds is very dangerous! It irritates me when I see people doing it, not because I think that they ought to know, but because I think that manufacturers should make a bigger issue of telling people. Everyone knows that they can't go in the front seat with an airbag, but I don't think I've ever spoken with *anyone* who knew that they're only good as carriers up to ten pounds. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"><br><br>
I also see kids who are too tall or too heavy for them in them, or with their straps adjusted improperly or not buckled at all... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"> *That* bothers me every time!
 

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I WISH my baby would have slept in a "bucket" and I was insanely jealous of anyone I saw in the store who had a baby asleep in a bucket. But no, he didn't ever sleep except on my chest! I think using contraptions as a babysitter is wrong, and that's what the "bucket baby" term refers to. If the next one wants to sleep in the bucket, I'm all for it. I just hope the next one sleeps. Period.<br><br>
But what am I saying, I'm letting my toddler watch sesame street right now because he is teething REALLY bad today and I need a BREAK from the whining. Personally seeing babies in contraptions all the time annoys me because the parents are really taking the easy way out and frankly I'm jealous because I know better and won't just rock my kid with my foot to calm him down (which of course would never work). <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I think that what most people are referring to when saying 'bucket babies" is that there are MANY people out there, we have all met them, that let their children live in those infant carseats. Dh's cousin would come in with her 3 month old and he would be awake and she would plop him on the floor and leave him in there. If he got upset and started to cry, she would not pick him up, but start rocking the carseat instead. This kid lived his entire infant life in some kind of plastic contraption or another. It was so sad. He was never held by human arms, but held in the carseat, stroller, swing, jumper, excersaucer, walker, playpen. ANd as a toddler you can tell how "detatched" he is.</td>
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My sister is like that with her kids!! And both kids were pretty slow with physical development. I'm not sure if that's a genetic thing or from being strapped in various seats so much. It was funny/sad. When we would visit, I'd pick up the baby. My sister would say things like "Oh that's so nice of you. But you don't have to hold her. You can just leave her in the seat."<br><br>
I have an AP friend who uses the "Baby Bucket" a lot. Her son is small for his age, so she could easily carry him in it for the whole first year. It was really nice for her. She'd take him out of the car sleeping and go sit at a restaurant. I see nothing wrong with letting a sleeping baby stay asleep. I think risking waking them up to put them in a sling is kind of crazy. But I didn't really have an option. My DS was a fast grower and didn't fit in the infant seat long.
 

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before we discovered slings we used the "bucket" to protect dd from being touched or sneezed on at the store. i f ound it handy to be able to chat to her and look at her in the cart right in front of me, but keep the visor up, so no one could get at her. (first time mama, here)<br><br>
i actually never heard of this term until now.
 

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Okay, warning...I'm really sleep deprived and grumpy.<br><br>
I'm really really TIRED of hearing this sort of stuff. Oceanbaby, I have always loved your posts and I am honestly surprised that you are falling for this sort of "I need to defend myself" nonsense.<br><br>
NOBODY here has ever said that EVERY PARENT who uses a "bucket" is detached from their kids. It's a generalization, a stereotype even (and they have their usefulness) to describe certain aspects of mainstream parenting that drive us AP-ers nuts.<br><br>
The term "baby bucket" refers to the practice of basically having your kid in the thing all the time. I have NO PROBLEM with seeing a sleeping baby in a bucket being carted around. Who wants to wake up a baby? What I do have a problem with is AWAKE babies who are stuck in them all the time. With people who leave them in there thinking they are safe so they can go tend to toddler, do whatever, and basically ignore the baby. Of seeing babies crying in there when all they need is to be held. Of watching parents lugging these ridiculously unweildy things all over the place b/c nobody ever told them that a sling is an option.<br><br>
THAT is the sort of thing that drive AP parents nuts. And THAT is why the term "baby bucket" or "bucket babies" arose. It's a nice shorthand for describing what I just did above.<br><br>
It is NOT, nor has it ever been meant to mean that EVERY SINGLE PARENT WHO HAS EVER USED THIS EVIL DEVICE IS DETACHED.<br><br>
I'm just really surprised oceanbaby - you are a thoughtful, confident, intelligent mama and I don't know why you suddenly feel like you have to defend yourself for using an infant carrier so as not to disturb your child. It would be absolutely ridiculous for anybody to lump you into the category of "bucket baby mamas" based on what you've said. There are very few people here who have NOT used an infant carrier from time to time when that was what was best for baby. That is the difference between thoughtful parenting, and just ignorant parenting.<br><br>
I'm not saying this in any sort of anger or derision, I'm just really, really frustrated! I guess it just seems to me that these threads are coming up more and more often. People needing to defend themselves for no reason. What kind of board are we? Can't we vent about something that everybody should understand is a generalization about mainstream parenting and the frustrating things about it?? Can't it be ASSUMED that we aren't talking about a thoughtful AP parent with extenuating circumstances?<br><br>
Do we have to post ten-line disclaimers every time we use "CIO" or "baby bucket" or "formula-feeding" so as not to offend everybody?<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead">
 

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I agree with what's been posted. Keeping a sleeping child in it for a bit while you run in and out of a store is one thing. That is not a bucket baby IMO. A bucket baby is a baby who is one all the time. Case in point, we were at the library story time today and there was a woman with a 1 month old teeny baby. The baby was wide awake and she just sat the bucket carrier beside her and left the baby in their. When he started to cry she just jostled the carrier. I see this ALL the time. Babies crying in the bucket carriers and the mother sits there for 5 minutes jostling the carrier and trying to push a pacifier into the baby's mouth. If they do finally pick them up they seem irrated and put them down again as soon as they calm down. When we went to Gymboree there would always be 4 or 5 bucket carriers along the wall with perfectly wide awake babies in them being ignored for an hour. I'm sorry I am NOT okay with that. And before anyone says that I don't know what its like to try and do Gymboree with a baby there - I had my daughter in the sling the whole time I did it (she was 2-8 months during the time we went). The babies would cry and the mother would go over and move the carrier around or pop a pacifier in the baby's mouth. Or the dumbest one I've seen - the parent who sits there swinging the carrier back and forth to try and get the child to go to sleep. I just honestly cannot understand people who don't hold their child. If they are sleeping they can't know they are not being held. When they are wide awake and sitting in the corner - what kind of message are they getting about their importance? I'm sorry I am someone who believes that children and babies are worthy of just as much respect as adults. Letting a child sleep for a bit in a carrier is respectful, leaving a wide awake baby sitting along the wall in a carrier is incredibly disrespectful if not neglectful.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Well, that's why I entitled this post "clearing something up about bucket babies." I know what the term bucket babies is supposed to mean, but there is a lot of mention on here about "those awful car seat carriers,", "those poor babies in the bucket," etc. etc. I generally don't respond to them for just the reasons you mentioned Piglet - I don't feel a need to defend the way I use them, and in my mind it refers to overuse or abuse. But alas, thread after thread, there it is - "those horrible buckets."<br><br>
I just felt like I wanted to get it all out once and for all, and never feel the need to respond to one again.<br><br>
And by the way, it's not a bucket. A bucket is what I use for water when I mop the floors. It is called an infant carseat.
 

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My feeling is this. Anybody who would be so ridiculous as to apply that term to anyone who as ever used an infant carrier, to think that there is never a time and a place for them...well, that is someone of whose opinion I could care less.<br><br>
I had one, used it on a few occasions when it really came in handy. But I like the term baby bucket, probably because it appeals to the childish side of me that enjoys a good taunt. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/demon.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="demon"> It *is* sort of like a bucket. It's plastic and has a handle. But it's the way some parents lug them around like a peice of luggage that really brings home the analogy. At least my bucket had coordinating fabric. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 
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