[khrisday]

I don't have teesn, yet, but am staying with my sister who has a 15 yr old dd. My niece has been with her boyfriend, off and on since almost the beginning of school. They have been sexually active for sometime, and she is on birth control pills. Last night, my sister caught her dd's boyfriend in her bed at 3 am. Obviously, they had been having sex. I feel stuck in a wierd position here. They know she's sexually active, and on birth control. She's in a relationship with this boy, and my sister knows she's going to have sex with him. I guess it's her choice if she doesn't want it to happen in her house, but it almost seems to me that they may as well acept it. The issues they have are her sneaking out of the house (and apparantly sneaking him in), sneaking the phone (usually in the middle of the night) and staying out past her curfew. Seems to me that if they allow her to bring him home and into her bedroom with the door closed, she woudln't have to be doing these things. Sure, it's be nice if she would just decide to be abstinate, but I don't see that happening.
What do you parents of teens think?

 

[woobysma]

Not a parent of a teen yet, but the topic caught my eye...... I think there's a difference between house rules (like curfews, phone time, sneaking out, boyfriends in your room, etc) and being safe about sex.

Just because your niece is on birth control and is known to be sexually active doesn't mean she's ready for an "adult relationship" and all that entails, like over-night guests. She should still be expected to follow her parents rules while she's a teenager living under their roof. (OMG, I suddenly feel old

)

I'm really glad my parents enforced certain rules, especially when they knew I was having sex. I made some of my worst choices after midnight - If I'd been home like I was supposed to be, it wouldn't have happened.

 

[Arduinna]

I agree with you, Khris. And I do have a teenage dd. She isn't sexually active, but we have discussed birth control, charting ect. She hasn't dated and doesn't have a boyfriend, is homeschooled and I know all her friends. She flat out say that she doesn't need to worry about birth control at this point. I haven't actually come out and said anything regarding rules about sex in our house because as I said no dating or boyfriend has happened. I plan to discuss it with her though.

 

[broodymama]

I'm not sure how I would react to the sex occuring in my own house. Realistically, I know that it wouldn't stop (I remember the things I did at that age). OTOH, I would still sneak out late and stay out past my curfew even if I had been allowed "private time" at home with my boyfriend, for me those things were a thrill all own their own.

What would concern me was my child being depended on birth control pills alone, I would worry about transmission of STDs. I was on BCPs at a young age, however I never had sex without a condom until I was engaged as I was too worried about diseases. Sorry to go off-topic here, but this just reminded me of what my 17 year old brother is going through right now. I just want to beat him on the head and tell him to use a condom too!

 

[khrisday]

woobysma,
I did not mean to suggest that her boyfriend should be welcome to stay the night. She is *not* ready to have an adult relationship, although she is having one anyway. I agree that she should follow the house rules, I am just questioning what those shoudl be I guess.

Ladybug,
I agree with you about the pill alone. My niece actually ran out of her BC pills and I reminderd her thst they need to be using second method. My sister has bought condoms for her, so am I hoping they have been using them all along.