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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My grandfather proposed to his girlfriend a few weeks ago. Since then my mom is racking her brain trying to fgure out how she'll visit me for xmas( Seattle WA) and be in S Fl January 3 for a wedding.<br>
My dad sent me an email and pretty much said that<br><br><br><b>If I wind up going with a C-section (as I very well might) and I can do it early, then instead of my mom dad sis and niece coming to Seattle at Christmas, we can instead come to Florida right after and EVERYONE will be there for my Papa's wedding ). Plus some of DH's family is there.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="dropjaw"><br><br>
He also said the whole clan can meet my baby instead of the three of them who can afford it at Christmas time. Then he offered to help pay our way from what they'd save on an extra cross-country trip.<br><br></b><br><br>
WTH? Even if I have a c-sec(which I'm not!) And it's not likely! There's a 3 out of 4 chance I'll be successful! That's traveling cross country 3 weeks after a major abdominol surgery with a unvaxed newborn!!!! I'm so mad I can't even vocalize it!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><br><br>
Thanks for the guilt dad!
 

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Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. How frustrating!
 

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Not in your DDC but popping in to say I'm so sorry. You must feel so hurt and angry.<br><br>
It's all part of today's culture of scheduled convenience births. Yuck.<br><br>
Anyway, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to you!
 

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I'm so sorry. Do you have the kind of relationship with your dad in which you could tell him that he's offended you? Because what he said is very inconsiderate of you and your new baby.<br><br>
Nealy<br>
mama to T, 5; L, 2; and EDD 12/20/08
 

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Candy I swear I would respond as if it were all a huge joke, because "of course" it can be nothing other.<br><br>
"Dear Dad,<br><br>
You are so funny, I'll just pack me and the bed and the baby all on the plane together and you can wheel me up the aisle on a stretcher, we can toss flowers as we go! LOL, Too bad I can't get baby to agree to sign on, and of course my doctor's would never agree, but I have to admit you are right it would be fun! I'm afraid though the only way I'm going to be at that wedding is if Grandpa schedules it for another month. Darn!<br><br>
Love Candy<br><br>
Seriously though, why can't grandpa and girlfriend reschedule if they know you are due then? Seems unfair to put that kind of pressure on your parents. If not though well, Mom and Dad will just have to suck it up and purchase an open Jaw flight and make a really big triangle and you and baby can meet the clan next Christmas.
 

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Yeah, in that sort of situation, I would definitely be using my MW and pediatrician as the bad guys. The doctors said it was unsafe for both of us for all these reasons-- sorry! No one ever thinks there is any reason to miss their wedding, even the birth of a child. What an awful thing for your father to ask of you! Hope you can find a graceful way out of this situation-- no one needs that sort of stress or guilt near their birth.
 

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How $%@#%$ inconsiderate! If my dad suggested such a thing, I would tell him off good and proper - people need to get this idea that births can be scheduled for everyone's convenience <i>out</i> of their heads! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/soapbox.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="soapbox">
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I spoke with my mom and emailed them a phamplet comparing csec and vaginal births<br>
dad wrote back and basiclly the disscussion came up while they were disscussing the stress and expense of traveling, ( like my sis traveling w/ an 11 month old) so he had to mention it.<br><br>
He thought the phamplet was ridickulas and I need to reaserch vbac (uh geez dad I have)<br><br>
Plus that only my mom got to meet Bryce so everyone would want to see this lo.<br><br>
Oh no you didn't bring the death of my son into this. I am very aware of the fact that my family didn't meet him. Anyone is more than welcome to come visit us it's not my fault I've only gotten 2 visits in 10 years prior to my son being born. And only mom came when he was born.<br><br>
Plus um a c-sec is a lot more $ than a birth so my dad's excuse about saving money is only good for their side.<br><br>
At this point I don't want any of them to come visit us after the baby at all.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hopmad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hopping mad">
 

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Ugh, Sorry you are going through this. *hugs*<br><br>
Dear Dad,<br>
We hate to miss the wedding, and would love for everyone to see our new baby, but there is no way we will be able to make the trip. I'll call Gramps myself and tell him.<br>
Love, Candy.<br><br>
Leave it at that. Don't give any excuses. It just opens it up for him to argue points with you, and you don't need that right now or any time in the future. he got his say, you've already told him your plans for a VBAC prior. No need to beat a dead horse.<br><br>
And I'm cheering you on about the VBAC! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Oh Candy I'm so sorry he dragged Bryce in that way. You just need to let go of any guilt you feel about this, and ignore anything they have to say about it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> They are the ones that should feel guilty.
 

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Sorry you have to deal with a guilt trip attempt from family. Does you father know that if you do end up with a c-section, you probably won't feel like traveling across country right away? I ended up with a c-section with my first and there was no way I'd have been travelling that soon.<br><br>
Good luck with the vbac - I'll be supporting you all the way! I'll be having one in early Dec as well.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>avivaelona</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11621234"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Candy I swear I would respond as if it were all a huge joke, because "of course" it can be nothing other.<br><br>
"Dear Dad,<br><br>
You are so funny, I'll just pack me and the bed and the baby all on the plane together and you can wheel me up the aisle on a stretcher, we can toss flowers as we go! LOL, Too bad I can't get baby to agree to sign on, and of course my doctor's would never agree, but I have to admit you are right it would be fun! I'm afraid though the only way I'm going to be at that wedding is if Grandpa schedules it for another month. Darn!<br><br>
Love Candy<br><br>
Seriously though, why can't grandpa and girlfriend reschedule if they know you are due then? Seems unfair to put that kind of pressure on your parents. If not though well, Mom and Dad will just have to suck it up and purchase an open Jaw flight and make a really big triangle and you and baby can meet the clan next Christmas.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
LOVE this idea
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jenniferadurham</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11626153"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">LOVE this idea</div>
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me too!
 

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ugh, so sorry your family is being this way! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
FWIW, my mom planned her vacation (one of two big ones this year) for when my sister was due. My mom is in Mexico from the 3rd to the 19th. My sister is having her c/s on the 9th. I cannot explain how much trouble this has caused in our family.<br><br>
Thoughtless people suck <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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My parents were in FL when I gave birth. They were there for their wedding ann. They had had it planned a year in advance...before we even found out we were pg. They couldnt cancel...they would have lost a lot of $$.<br><br>
I ended up delivering, induced, 3 weeks early. Mom made it the day after I had DD.<br><br>
She said that while I was in labor she called and I was cussing her and crying histerically...I con't remember that but it's funny now.<br><br>
And now they are as close as peanut butter and jelly.
 

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Wow. That's just horrible. I'm so sorry!<br><br>
And you are right, bringing your son into this was really, really low.<br><br>
I'm hoping that you can find some peace with the situation. And maybe a bit of distance from them? You don't deserve to have this kind of stress right weighing on you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><br><br>
so yesterday my sister called and "tried to make me feel better" I don't remember what she said but it wasn't making me feel better so I told her I had to go.<br><br>
She called back left a message, then the parents called left a message, then my sister called again left a message. I just couldn't talk to them.<br><br>
I called my sis back and told her I jiust needed my space, I didn't want to talk, she asked if I could tell her what she said that made me mad. I told her I couldn't that it was just everything and I just needed to take care of myself because I wasn't doing good.<br><br>
Then I got an email from my mom saying that they support me in whatever I choose to do that I could throw my dad's idea out the window that they just want what is best for me and the baby.<br><br>
Then I got an email from my dad which really made me go <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/headscratch.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="headscratch"> He said that he never expected me to consider his proposal that he just needed to say it b/c if he didn't and then there were complications he would hate to say " Oh yeah I had thought of it"<br><br>
This made me think well what if their were complications becaise I listened to you??<br><br>
Then he went on a tangent about how he called it a modest proposal which is an essay from Jonathan Swift that's darkly humorous.<br><br>
Now I know my dad is about as sarcastic as they come but I still find it hard to believe that he would write me something for me not to consider kwim?<br><br>
I normally talk to them and my sis everyday but I didn't call today. I still need a break. I want to be able to talk to them and not have this at the forefront of my mind.
 

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Candy, hon, I think you need to not talk to them for as long as you feel like. The initial suggestion was really lousy, but bringing Bryce into the discussion really hit below the belt. You had nothing to do with the fact that none of them got to meet him. Maybe some stony silence from your side will make it clear that you didn't think that the 'modest proposal' was in the least bit funny and it might cross their minds that apologies need to be made. And if I were in your shoes, I would need that measure of time and space to find a place in my heart to forgive them and get past this. I'm not telling you that you MUST do this, as I am sure there are plenty of folks who would find this unforgivable, you just sound like someone who is close to her family and would want to remain so.<br><br>
Just my two cents. I'm going for a VBAC too and hearing a proposal like your dad's would shoot holes in my psyche.
 
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