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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Since we co-sleep and nurse to sleep, I have to be here with ds for every nap and bedtime. I don't mind at all, but my dh is started to get irritated that we can't go out at night. Specifically, there's the work Christmas party coming up and he's really bummed we can't go. I am too but ds would be SO traumatized if we left him with someone at bedtime. He'd cry his little heart out (as he does even if my dh tries to put him down), and I'm just not willing to do it for some silly party.<br><br>
So how do all of you do it? Do you just stay home in the evenings until dc is old enough to go to sleep without you? Just curious. . .
 

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My ds was the same and I just went with it. I did go out, from the time he was about 6 months, I was on call though. I would say about 99 % of the time my dh had to call me back home within a few hours. Which was okay by me, it still gave me some time to go out with my friends. Also, dh and I would go out and leave ds with my parents and they would do the same thing, call us back when needed. However, at about eighteen months dh was able to put ds to bed as long as I wasn't in the house.<br><br>
As for the christmas party my dh went to the first one after ds was born alone, and I was able to go to last year's (18 months) and I'll be going to this years as well. I probably won't be able to go to next years b/c our second ds in due in Jan!!!<br><br>
Good Luck!
 

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I nurse to sleep and rarely leave my 7 mo at night. I was SO nervous the first time we went out and left dd w/ my mom. A wreck really. An AP friend even had to tell me, "no baby's ever died from crying. She'll be OK!" And of course on the day of the event she wouldn't nap, which usually makes things worse. BUT...<br>
She fell asleep within a half hour of my leaving and slept for two hours: wasn't doing that for me! When she woke, she was "OK" as long as my mom was standing and holding her. Poor grandma couldn't sit. But I was never called and didn't get back til after midnight. It was hard but we all survived just fine: a good lesson for me, really.<br><br>
But in the case of a holiday party, dh and I would bring her. We take her everywhere, even where babies don't typically go. Its not like she'd be too noisey at such an event. Sure its a change in routine, but she survives and has fun and is a great conversation topic where I don't know anyone. And boy does dh enjoy showing her off! I always bring the sling and nurse her down when she's acting really tired... then rejoin the party wearing a snoozing babe. I think it sends good messages to everyone. Dh just explains that dd can't be too far from the food source. Peope will learn that if they invite dh and I, they invite dd. We are a unit, as a family should be! Plus dd is so well socialized this way.. she even knows to clap at the end of songs.<br><br>
There was one time I had to make an evening presentation and brought her... that was not so great. :LOL
 

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I have the same problem but I am going to the Christmas party. It's this Saturday and I'm a nervous wreck! I haven't ever been apart from dd before so I really don't know how she's going to handle it. My parents are visiting from four hours away to watch her and they are going to bring her to the party in the middle of the evening so she can nurse. My hope is that she will fall asleep on the way back home after nursing and just continue sleeping. Maybe you could try something like this. My parents do, however, have strict orders to call me if she is crying and I will come home right away.
 

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As a PP said, just bring him with you to the party.<br><br>
Everywhere I go, ds goes. The theatre (movies and live), out to dinner, christmas parties. He's portable and loves people. I think my friends and dp's co-workers would actually be disappointed if we didn't bring him along. There are always plenty of arms willing to hold him, so I get a break. And he's right there so I'm not a nervous wreck wondering if he's okay.
 

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I guess the answer depends on your social network. None of my close friends have children and in fact none of them are even married. So, when there is a party, it's a definite adults only situation - and even if no one minded if I brought DS, it would be totally inappropriate b/c of conversation and cigarette smoking and who knows what else. DS is 18 months old and I nurse him to sleep each night and he wakes frequently and unpredictably through the night. So far, we've never left DS with a sitter and if I have gone out, it's for a few hours on my own and I am back in time to nurse DS to sleep. This weekend is a party and I'll be going on my own while DH stays with DS. I am only going for a few hours and back by 11 p.m.ish. I think DH can handle DS but I know he won't sleep without nursing.<br><br>
It irritates me at time because the things I want to do in terms of going out at night are not child friendly: university lectures, plays, symphony, bands playing in a pub. But, then, I realize that this time is so short and I'll have the rest of my life to go out to these social events. DH has a staff christmas party but I guess it's not been an issue for uss since spouses are not invited!<br><br>
I don't know if any of this helps but please know you're not alone in your frustrations or questions.
 

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DD is 23 months old and I have never left her at night, if dd can't come with me then I don't go, and I'm finw with that. I'll hear of a lecture or something like that that sounds interesting, but then I think that I will have years later to do stuff like that. Tuesday is right, this time passes so quickly, and I want to enjoy every minute of it. It works well for me anyway, I'm an introvert, I do not like parties, unless they are small and I know the people. Our friends know that dd and I are a pair.
 

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It seems like everything is temporary. My 20 month old daughter goes everywhere with us so you could take her if her bedtime is late enough where she won't get cranky. i nurse her to sleep every night and thought i'd never go out again,but now i am able to go out and come home to nurse her to sleep. You'll never know unless you try(if taking her along is not an option). Some day you'll look back and wish you were needed this way! On that note you can skip the party. If you're not there you're not missing anything!!
 

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I hear ya. For my dh's 30th b-day I set up a party for him at a restaurant...left dd with my mom...went to his party for about an hour, then came back home and left dh there to have some fun. I actually had a good time while I was there and didn't mind coming home back home again to hold my baby. Is there anyway you could take separate cars and come home early?
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
That's so much for all the words of advice. I wish I could take him with us, but they have a separate party for the kids and so ds wouldn't be appreciated at the adults only one. Plus, I'm like you AMB8301--I don't really like parties either since I'm an introvert. I'm just thinking about dh who's more extroverted and likes to socialize with the guys at work (and I do mean guys). But he won't go by himself to the party. I think I'd try leaving ds for a little while if we had family nearby, but we don't even know a babysitter much less have one lined up. I would never leave him with a stranger, esp. at bedtime. Sooo, I guess no party for us. But as some of you said, ds will be older before I know it and this precious time will be over. I'm sure they'll be many parties for us in the future. But I'm glad to hear what you other moms are doing. Thanks for the suggestions.<br><br>
Tuesday, I'm totally there with you about the fact that this is not a child-friendly country. I've been tempting to take ds to a book reading or lecture or concert--and I still might some time--but i'm not sure I'd like the stares and dirty looks I'd get. It's too bad, really, b/c those are wonderful opportunites for ds to learn about the world. I'd like to find a "village" to move to where everyone embraces the children. Never never Land, I think it's called?
 

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My DD goes with me. I attend lectures, she comes with and nurses in Kozy. We stay at the back in case she gets noisy and I have to slip out. She goes with me to a student group mtg at a coffee shop on Friday night, and plays, nurses, stays up past bedtime, and eventually nurses to sleep and gets laid down in the bucket or on a blanket.<br><br>
As she gets bigger, it gets a bit more challenging, but I don't believe bedtimes and naptimes need be set in stone, and if the baby/child will sleep when tired regardless of location, then there you go! For my DD, having me to nurse her is the requirement for falling asleep unless she's really exhausted, then she'll zonk out in stroller, or car, or on my back. Sometimes she gets that way from having too much fun to stop and nurse.
 

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is there no way to convince your DH to go to the party by himself? if you can't get a night out *together* maybe you could at least to in tandem? like he goes to the party while you stay home with your DS and then another night he watches him while you get out for some fun yourself?<br><br>
I'm blessed to have my family and my husband's family right here (within 20 minutes) but even still, it's hard to "justify" nights out together...my mother watches rowan while i go to school 2-3X a week so i feel bad about asking her for ANOTHER night, kwim? and MIL...well...that's a whole other issue.<br><br>
anyway, my point is that i find it really important to get out of the house WITHOUT my DS sometimes...i get "touched out" faster if i haven't had any "me" time in a long time (the 2 weeks that my mom was in Prague were ROUGH)...<br><br>
i also wanted to say that it's so sweet that DH doesn't want to go without you!!! BLESS YOU BOTH! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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We did one night... we were at my parents and it was an emergency, a friend had major surgery and we didn't know if her would make it thru the night. So we left DD with my parents and my mom was able to put her to bed and she slept thru the night... so we knew we would be able to go out and have grandparents put her to bed. Recently, my DH started putting her to bed and that is going well. I think they have to reach a certain level of readiness. At this point she is only waking 2-3 times a night, sometimes not at all, so I think it is overall maturity. I feel lucky and cannot attribute this to anything we've done b/c we've coslept nearly since birth. And after a year of constant nightwakings and no personal time I was about to go batty.
 

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I stayed home in the evenings when I had an infant. I usualy found it easier to get out for a few hours in the middle of the day rather than at night.<br><br>
Now my kids are older and I can leave them with my parents to go out for a couple of hours in the evening. Jack still nurses to sleep- sometimes I can get him to sleep before I go out, occasionally he'll fall asleep watching TV with Bubbie or Zadie (my parents) but there are also those times when he waits up for me and goes to bed a little late.<br><br>
I wouldn't consider leaving him for an entire weekend, but I can get my evenings out even with a very attached 3yo. Enjoy this baby time while it lasts, you'll have plenty of years for adults-only parties.
 

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mmm, I go out at night <i>all the time</i> without my dd. of course, it's bc I'm a single full-time college student and I work three evenings a night, so I don't have much choice.<br><br>
DD is 16 months old and I've been working since she was 9 months old. We are still nursing and cosleeping. She does take bottles fine though, so that makes it at least logistically feasible to be gone for more than two hours at a time.<br><br>
DD has simply gotten used to a different routine at grandma's house than when she's with me. honestly, she's a heck of a lot easier for my mom than she is when it's the two of us at home.<br><br>
For me, we do a bedtime routine and I nurse her down, and then she wakes up every 45 min to an hour to nurse again, which takes about 15-20 minutes until I can sneak away. Another 45 min and she wakes up. repeat endlessly unless/until I'm in bed next to her.<br><br>
My mom, on the other hand, does her bedtime routine with a bottle, puts her in her pack-n-play, and dd wakes up the moment I walk into the guest bedroom, whether it's midnight, 3:00 a.m., or 7:30 in the morning. yes, dd will actually sleep through the night (from 9:30p until 7:30a!!!) occasionally - but only when she knows there's no boob. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">:<br><br>
whether or not you go to the party depends on your comfort level. but whether or not your dc can adapt and be perfectly fine with you going out occasionally.... well, yes, it is possible.<br><br>
just my two cents.
 

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Dh and I do go out. My youngest is alot older then the OP's though he is 3, but still co-sleeps and likes momma to put him to bed. Our solution, we go out after my kids are in bed. Bands don't go on til 9 or 10 ish anyway, my kids are well asleep by then. For us it works great because our group of friends need to do the same thing. They have to put their kids to bed them selves, so that is what we all do. We parent our kids at night, get them to sleep, leave them with MIL's or babysitters and go out to a local place to hear bands or just have a drink. If they happen to wake up at night and are not going back to bed we are just 15 minutes away at the most and come home.It has usually worked out, that my ds wakes up right after we get home and I am already in bed with him <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
The point is you can find what works for all of you, sometimes it is a little unconventional. Some parents are coming home by 9 and we are just going out <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I haven't gone anywhere without dd yet and I don't see it happening anytime soon. She needs me to lay down with her and nurse for naps and night-time and even when it's not naptime she simply isn't happy unless she's in the same room as I am. If someone is holding her (even daddy) and I leave the room she gets this terrified look on her face and starts crying.<br><br>
I wish I could take her to dh Christmas party but I'm just not willing as I know there will be people there smoking. So dh will be attending the party without us.
 

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I cannot go out at night either. My DD is 7 months old and must be nursed to sleep. We dont give her bottles, so I have to be there of course. I really dont mind it....I love putting my daughter to sleep at night and holding her in my arms. Of course, sometimes I do wish I could just go to a movie or something...but then I try to remind myself that she will only be little for such a short time.
 
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