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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I need to wean my dd. I've been bf'ing for 5 years straight and I'm freaking out right now. I nurse my first dd until almost 4 yrs and now I want to wean my dd#2 and she is only 20 mos. I just can't bf anymore. The thought of anyone touching my breasts makes me cringe. I dread sitting or laying down because as soon as i do, she wants to nurse. I hate naptime bcuz she won't let me leave her. For 2 hours I have to lay with her, biting me most of the time. As soon as I try to break free she screams and then won't nap. My older dd is in pre-K for 2 hours a day and this is usually her naptime. I was hoping that I would finally get some alone time, time to pay bills or clean but she absolutely won't let me. I can't parent like this anymore. I have no time to recharge, I have no time to take care of myself. Anytime I do go away for an hour or two she screams when I leave and has to immediately attach when i come home. I'm jealous of moms out there who can cuddle their child. I wish I could just hold her and rock her and kiss her on the head. But she doesn't want me. She only wants the boob.<br><br>
I know that I should bf for longer. I remember defending bf'ing my 3 yr old with all the facts and statistics about extended breastfeeding. Maybe if I can just bf once a day it will be better on both of us, but how do you do that? I know the way I parent is the reason why both of my kids wanted the boob so much. I don't know what it is, but I know it's my fault. I'm not blaming my kids or bf'ing for my bf'ing problems. They are mine and now I have to fix them. I can't stand the way I think towards my baby when she is nursing. I've even screamed back at her when she won't let me go and I'm tired. I can't be that kind of mother. I don't want to see my child scared of me because I'm losing it.<br><br>
So how do I wean? I loved when my almost 4yr old weaned herself. She decided she wanted a boobie party and we had cake and she never boobed again. It was wonderful. No crying, no sleepless nights, no torture on her part. But was it worth it? I don't know. There were times when I was pg and nursing that I thought I was going to go out of my mind. Then tandem nursing and dealing with a 3 yr old who wanted to nurse every hour just like her newborn sister! Ugh, seriously I don't think I would do it again looking back on all the emotional torment I went through.<br><br>
Do I just cut it out cold turkey? I have no boobs so I'm not really worried about engorgement. I am less than an A cup, which is why she bites so much - she has to just to keep it in her mouth. But is it better to just go through a week or so of crying and be done or months of crying trying to cut out one feeding? Right now she bf about 7-10 times a day. She would do more if I gave into her every time she asked.<br><br>
OK, I'm gonna stop writing now. I've clearly vented a lot and shared probably way TMI, but it felt good to write down my thoughts. Thank you to anyone who reads this. We're gonna go have lunch.
 

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I have only a one year old so I have no experience to lend to you, just some thoughts and praises.<br><br>
First of all, I think you have done a great job holding it together this long. There are time at one year that I can barely hold on. I think bf till 5 is incredible and for 20 months is VERY, VERY respectable!!!<br><br>
Secondly, you need to start taking care of yourself too in order to keep being such a super mom. I cannot say for sure, but I don't see why you could not bf just once a day. Perhaps before bed to end the day and bring you both close together.<br><br>
I think it may be a little harder for you to get her adjusted to once a day than by going cold turkey but I'm wondering if it will be better for YOUR psyche in the long run. That way, you have not completely stopped but you have gained a large portion of your life back (well, as much as kids in general will let you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">: )<br><br>
I read an article awhile back about a mom who fretted over ebf weaning to the point where she cried about it and couldn't get any sleep. LLL (as much as I admire them) made her feel like a failure. One morning, she finally couldn't take it anymore and when her son asked for numnums, she said no more numnums (totally afraid of his reaction). His final reaction: "Umm, juice?"<br><br>
So, try not to worry. You've done a great job, now it's time to rejuvenate a bit to get ready for those terrible twos. Good luck!
 

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Hi -<br><br>
First I want to offer you a hug <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> because you are obviously struggling right now. Second, I want to commend you on the fantastic job you have done and are doing with your children. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> They are very lucky!!<br><br>
I don't know that I'll be much help, but I'd like to offer my support. Nursing is a relationship between you and your baby. It's not one-sided, and your baby does not, and should not, dictate the entire course of the relationship. Like any good, successful, fulfilling relationship, it is maintained by commitment on the part of all involved and based on mutual desire to maintain that relationship. In short, if it ain't working for *you*, then you should change it. A happy mom is a good mom, and if you aren't happy because of the state of your nursing relationship, then you should consider changing it. So don't beat yourself up for wanting to wean or cut back.<br><br>
Having said that, I'm not sure what the best next step for you is. Sounds like you are frustrated not only by the number of times DD is nursing but also by the way in which she is nursing. It also sounds like your DD is very, very attached to her nursings. This combination is tough. Any change will likely bring tears and tantrums.<br><br>
I would look into some good books on the subject - <span style="text-decoration:underline;">Mothering Your Nursing Toddler</span> or <span style="text-decoration:underline;">The Nursing Mother's Guide to Weaning</span> may be good places to start.<br><br>
I'm sorry that I don't have much solid advice to give you. But know that you are supported here in whatever decision you need to make - weaning, cutting back, continuing as is. I'm nursing my 20 mo two times per day and this is the perfect situation for us. We both so enjoy our two nursing sessions and I couldn't have asked for a better arrangement. And I'm so lucky in that it just happened this way - no special effort from me. But I can completely understand that if things were different for DD and I, I might very well be posting the same thoughts as you.<br><br>
Hang in there.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thank you so much. Your words are quite easing to me.<br><br>
I haven't nursed her since yesterdays naptime frenzy. She looked like she understood when I told her the milk was gone and no more booby, even though I know she couldn't possibly truly understand what I meant. I went out last night to get some mommy time and by the time I got back everyone was asleep. She woke up once around 4am and when she wanted to nurse I said no more milk. She cried and sobbed for about 5-10 min then cuddled up next to me. It was the first time I have EVER snuggled my baby to sleep. It was so great. I could actually hug her and kiss her! When she nursed I couldn't really hug her unless she was laying on top of me. Even then she was so low that it didn't feel like a real snuggle.<br><br>
This morning she asked for it again, but I offered breakfast and she was ok with that. Now I will just have to do stuff around the house, trying not to sit down. No computer time today! But it's beautiful so I plan on taking them to the park and the zoo. Staying out of the house will be good for both of us. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Most days, Joy, I would do almost ANYTHING to be able to wean my little "nah"-aholic. He would like to be attached to my breast all day long. I miss just holding him. He has great dexterity and can undo most of blouses, move my shirt aside, unhook my bra and he's all set. I have come to dread his chubby little foot steps at night, because it sets off an extended acrobatic nursing session.<br><br>
I keep at it simply because he is such a little monkey, nursing is the only thing that keeps him quiet and settled long enough for a break. But, if he found another way to soothe himself, I would be one very happy mama!<br><br>
I wish all the best today. Drop a line and let me know how it went today. Nursing a baby 20 months is an incredible accomplishment! You are doing what's best for you and your relationship with your baby.
 

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I hope these smart moms help you come to terms with your feelings. Sometimes we get feelings like this, nursing 7-10x/day is torture, I need to wean! And then the feelings pass and it doesn't seem so bad anymore. Sometimes it can be blamed on hormones, are you cycling yet?<br><br><br>
Goods book recs like the ones above will tell you, keep busy, do not sit down. Now that we hare having lovely cool fall weather (I am, i hope you are too!) stay out, go to parks, playgroups, all kinds of fun kid places. Let her nap in the car, will she fall asleep that way? Park in a nice spot and read a book or something. If you can't get mommy time when she naps anymore, try to let go of your expectations and make a compromise to get it some other way. How about a mother's helper? a young teen girl is often a godsend, they are full of energy and fun.<br><br>
Maybe she is missing her sister?<br><br>
Toddlers do not always nurse b/c they need to. Sometimes when they nurse desperately and rudely they are actually telling you nursing is not satisfying and they need a different kind of entertainment.<br><br>
Maybe she is cutting molars?
 

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Nursing a toddler once a day is better than not nursing at all, and it is definitely possible, however if complete weaning is best for you as a mother then... Good luck.
 
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