Ok, I'm a big baby. Today stbx and my two older boys are loading up a truck and tomorrow a.m. they are heading down to Ventura where we're moving. I'm alone at my house with our 3 yr old in Cambria, and *I* am moving next Saturday, temporarily in with my parents down there, until the end of Sept. when my house will be ready to move into. Next Monday the 14th I have to start a new job--the first 8 am-5 pm job I've ever had (always taught college before so had a more flexible schedule); and I am scared out of my wits that I won't be able to handle it, scared I won't be able to keep up a cheerful front on my days with the kids even for the short while after work before bedtime, scared I'll just bawl when I drop my 3 yr old off for a *very* long day at daycare, scared my 13 yr old will never forgive me or us for not making the marriage work; scared I'll end up in the poorhouse (figuratively), scared I'll cry at my new job...the list goes on and on. I'm trying to work up to an effective dose of this antidepressant the doctor gave me, but the side effects make it hard to go up in anything but tiny increments at a time. I am now 44 years old and I am starting over and I am moving in with my parents! This is too humiliating. I know the most important thing is my kids and how *they* are feeling; but I can't stop crying long enough to get my face to turn from red to white again so that when they come by later I'll look normal. OH GOD!!!!!! How do you all do this? Never mind; you all already told me how you do it when I posted about "how to manage 3 kids, single" a while back. Please just send me some courage, single mamas! Now my little one wants to make cookies and we are going to do that, but he has noticed that I'm crying! I can't believe I let him see me cry. He is kissing me to make it all better. Ok, I'll shut up and let people with real problems continue to post. I'm just wallowing in self-pity and fear and have to pull myself together and be grateful I have three healthy boys.