Caucasian Mama ISO AA Mama/s to discuss racial issues with...

Wow. Shay, considered yourself friended. I have been dying to make friends with AA mamas for years but it's ridiculously difficult. Our society is still so screwed up about race. It's so easy for signals to get crossed that even well-intentioned folks end up hurting each other.

I consider the first mother of my adopted daughter to be an amazing, smart, strong woman and I was surprised to hear from her how much she distrusts white people. How we [dh and I] are the first white people she's really gotten to know and trust. I don't blame her for that point of view - I think it probably reflects her experience of the white world. It was just really eye-opening to realize how intense it can be for POC.

And since first fostering our adoptive daughter almost 2 years ago, it really opened my eyes how ingrained the assumption of whiteness and white-centricity is in the US.

I could babble on about things because I am so eager to talk about it and LEARN other's experience of our culture...

Instead since I don't have an interesting signature I'll just say a few things by way of getting to know you. I am a sahm to my 6.5 yr old son, and my 3 yr old daughter and I am 22 weeks pregant with another girl. I am 38 and we are living in ruralish NW VA with 2 geriatric cats, an elderly [and ailing ] dog and a tank full of fish. Pre-mamahood I worked in a non-profit that did education and advocacy work on issues of hunger and poverty.

I am hoping others will join the dialogue...

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I agree that it is so easy to get our signals mixed but I think its when people are really able and willing to put their baggage on the table that true dialogue and understanding can happen.

You mentioned how in adopting your daughter it opened your eyes, I think this happens a lot for whites who some how end up intimately involved with a person of color particularly an African American. I know my dh admitted many years ago that he never really saw the societal roadblocks that I deal with on a daily basis until we were married and he saw my life day in and day out. Its hard.

The flipside is that for me as a AA woman, I deal with so much crap that sometimes its easier to just shut down rather than feel I need to "school" a well meaning but uninformed white person.

An example of this is the fact that I live in Maine, and I belong to a AP playgroup where frankly sometimes I deal with folks saying really ignorant things to me (last meeting a Mama actually made a comment about wondering how I afforded my house : ). Its stuff like that, that totally makes me wanna go ape (crap). I ended up just leaving group early rather than blowing my lid.

Anyway I am rambling, but I will stop back in later.

Shay

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I have heard this from AA people before which is why I am very tentative about broaching these issues. I am very aware that just because I want to learn about this, each and every AA person that crosses my path does have the responsibility of being my guide or tutor.

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Shay, I am very, very sorry you have to deal with ignorance like that. I cannot imagine how alienating and painful it must be.