Ceasarean after VBAC: Mourning the perfect birth

753 Views 7 Replies 8 Participants Last post by pinky, Jun 18, 2005

robugmum

Discussion Starter · Jun 9, 2005

So, I had baby #3, my beautiful Mary. Another C-section. Even though I feel better about this one, I was in control. The surgery was for a good reason (abrupting placenta), I wasn't pushed into it etc. I still feel deeply sad that I'll never have the beautiful, peaceful birth I've envisioned so often. Mary is our last baby. With Oscar I had the typical intervention after intervention fiasco leading to what I'm almost certain was an unnecessary surgical birth. With Rose, I had a VBAC, and even though her birth was complicated, I felt so good afterwards. Words can't even describe how high I was after giving birth to her. Despite a very difficult post partum period including a severe pp hemmorhage and 5 week old babe being hospitalized for RSV, I felt great. Now here I am 1.5 weeks after my second C-section feeling like I failed again. Has anyone here been where I am?

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navessa

· #2 · Jun 9, 2005

this is a fear that i have to work thru - to have a c/s after a wonderful vbac. i am not pg yet but i hope to have another vbac, i think part of the reason why i am not gung-ho with baby fever is that fear.
obviously your c/s was very necessary but it still hurts to think that it had to come to that. i can understand your emotions.

congrats on your new baby! i hope you heal physically and emotionally...

Sending

: your way.

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onlyboys

· #3 · Jun 9, 2005

Much light to you...

Please keep in the forefront of your mind that your cesarean saved your baby's and your life. This is what surgical birth is for. I can't imagine your pain over this, but as you grieve, keep in mind that your previous cesarean had nothing to do with your recent c-birth.

Amanda

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gossamer

· #4 · Jun 9, 2005

I am so sorry you lost your chance to have the birth you wanted. But praise God that you were able to bring your baby home. I had an emergency C-section with my Mary Rose and they had to do a classical incision so I cannot ever go into labor. VBAC is out of hte question for me. No OB or midwife in my city will attend a VBAC for a classical incision and I am not brave enough to attempt a UC. I wrote that to write this, I understand the loss. I too grieve the "perfect" birth, but I can tell you that right now I would push this baby out of my left nostril if it meant I for sure got to bring him/her home.
Gossamer

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Storm Bride

· #5 · Jun 10, 2005

robugmom: I haven't had a VBAC at all, so I'm in the position of mourning something without even knowing what it is I'm mourning. I'm currently hoping for a VBA2C, but I'm not feeling very supported in it. The only people who don't seem to think I'm crazy for trying are my dh and my OB.

I'm sorry your last birth didn't work out the way you wanted it to. I really don't know what else to say.

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Ms.Doula

· #6 · Jun 15, 2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by onlyboys
Much light to you...

Please keep in the forefront of your mind that your cesarean saved your baby's and your life. This is what surgical birth is for. I can't imagine your pain over this, but as you grieve, keep in mind that your previous cesarean had nothing to do with your recent c-birth.

Amanda

Yes! very true!
And

to you mamma for your disapointment though. I know its tough.

Gossamer, I hear ya though & I know what you mean. but you did make me choke on giggles to hear you say

Quote:

"would push this baby out of my left nostril..."

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mightymoo

· #7 · Jun 15, 2005

I am in a similar situation, without having ever gotten the VBAC experience to compare. I just gave birth to my second child via c/s a week ago. We were going for a VBAC but I reached 42 weeks and it was clear I was having another very big baby, we chose to schedule a c/s. This was much better than my first cesarean and was as great a birth as I think a cesarean could get, the choice to go for the c/s was very stressful, all the choices are murky at best, but I think we made the right one. I don't know if we will have a third child or not, but I am sure that I will not even try for a VBA2C. My track record so far confirmed by 2 children is that my body builds big babies (10lbs 8oz and 11lbs even - no GD) and will not go into labor before 42+ weeks. Given all the factors involved I don't see myself even attempting a VBA2C if we have another baby.

While I am ok with the fact that this birth went to way it did (although recovery sucks

) I am very sad that I never got to experience the birth I wanted and now I feel I never will. I try not to don't focus on this - once my children are a little older I'm sure this won't be as important to me anymore. I'm sad I won't get to experience this, but there are a lot of things in life I will never get to experience, I figure I'll just get on living the ones I can do.

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pinky

· #8 · Jun 18, 2005

Mightymoo

I could have written almost all of your post 7 months ago, although I did labor and push before my 2nd. c-sec.

I'm feeling less raw about my experience, but find that stories of others' natural births still brings up a lot of grief for me.

Hang in there, I really turned a corner when physically I started feeling like myself again, which took much longer this time.

Congratulation on your new baby!

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