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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I was wondering how many of you newly single parents have thought about celibacy? I've been thinking about it, commiting to it for a certain amount of time, I think it may be a good idea, for me any way.

I had a fairly "wild" youth, so I'm no innocent, but now that I have my son
and my husband is "doing his own thing for a while" I just think I'd like to keep things simple, kwim?

It's not about being faithful,dh made his intentions about sex clear, I don't know.

I just wanted to see what some other people thought about it.
 

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I know I did not set out to intentionally be single for awhile, but with my kids being so young and needing so much, I had NOTHING to offer anyone, hardly even myself and the kids, especially in those first few years of single-parenthood.

I do think it's wise, especially when relationships are newly ended to take time and reflect about the relationship, about life, about who we are as individuals and where we are heading. When we have kids, they certainly play into the whole equation and it does impact the decisions more. I think when we are truly ready, the opportunity presents itself and it all works out okay.

It sounds like your situation is a little complicated, so it's probably a really great idea to take some time alone with your child and really figure out who you are as a woman, as a mom, as a family.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by MsChatsAlot
I know I did not set out to intentionally be single for awhile, but with my kids being so young and needing so much, I had NOTHING to offer anyone, hardly even myself and the kids, especially in those first few years of single-parenthood.
:

I broke things off with my dd's Dad while I was pregnant. I wanted
to take time for myself and my dd. So celibacy just worked into the
situation. I took 2 years to be relationship free. I then dated some
but in my heart I knew I wasn't ready. So another 2 more years I
have taken off of relationships.
It's been the best thing I could have ever done for myself and my dd.
I know myself better, I am more confident, I feel totally fulfilled. I
now feel like I can be the best I can be in or out of a relationship.

Many of my friends think I am crazy. But as I hear their stories of
issues in their relationships I feel good about my own situation. I
don't have time for the drama of a relationship, not even small normal
drama. I have my dd to think about, she is my priority. I think there
is plenty of time for a relationship and sex in the future. She will only
be little for a small amount of time.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by trinity6232000
:

Many of my friends think I am crazy. But as I hear their stories of
issues in their relationships I feel good about my own situation. I
don't have time for the drama of a relationship, not even small normal
drama. I have my dd to think about, she is my priority. I think there
is plenty of time for a relationship and sex in the future. She will only
be little for a small amount of time.
:

It has been 3 years since I left my ex, and I know I'm not ready yet. I'm very happy and fulfilled, and have no energy for other people's drama. I'm finally at the point when I tell my friends that "maybe next year" I'll be ready to date.

 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Trinity, you're words have inspired me! That's what I want. My ds deserves a focused happy mommy, and I know how relationships can kinda warp everyting else in your life. I'm one of those "exterme" people, I can become so consumed with a guy. I only need one little man in my life, he's more than enough.


I know I'm gonna have a hard time keep the aunts at bay...they are forever trying to hook us single girls in the family up. They're from that "a woman needs a man" generation.
 

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i have been separated for over a year and a half but 'celibate' for nearly 3 years. i wasnt planning about being celibate but like u all i dont have any time for anyone else except my dd in my life. but....

she is wanting to spend more time with her dad and he wants to take her more too... so i do have a little time on my hand. apparently my dd thinks so too because seh keeps asking me when she will meet 'my other daddy'.

but i am not out there loooking for someone. if someone falls in my lap then i wont say no. but i am not going out of my way to look for anyone. nor am i going to put up with any drama either.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Raynbow
Yeah, I'm going on three years of celibacy... *sigh*

I really miss sex. Quite a bit.
**** ****
****SIGH****
**** ****
So did you commit to 3 yrs celibacy or was it kinds a default?

I don't know....I'm a real impulsive person, I think I'll actually have to take a vow of celibacy for a certain time, I'm buddhist so I might use that time for some spirtitual deepaning as well. I was thinking 2 or 3 years. The whole vow thing might make me stick to it.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs.BlackFrancis
I don't know....I'm a real impulsive person, I think I'll actually have to take a vow of celibacy for a certain time, I'm buddhist so I might use that time for some spirtitual deepaning as well. I was thinking 2 or 3 years. The whole vow thing might make me stick to it.
Wow! I don't know how old your child is or what your lifestyle is like, but I certainly don't get offers. If I wanted to meet someone or have sex, I'd actually have to put some effort into it. I don't have an adult social life, don't go out to parties or anything in the evenings where I could even be asked, so I guess, for me there's really no temptation. My life is really kid-centered, so I guess that's different than if I were going to dinner parties, a pub or whatever.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Raynbow
Yeah, I'm going on three years of celibacy... *sigh*

I really miss sex. Quite a bit.
**** ****
****SIGH****
**** ****

Two years here.

My boys are older (13, 9 and 6). I have not chosen celibacy but because of the nearly 24/7 involvement of their dad's girlfriend in their lives I have made a decision. When, hopefully it won't be if, I date and enter into another relationship, that person will not be involved with the boys until we are certain it is a long term committed relationship.
 

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i actually made a formal commitment to a year of celibacy in August. i am an impulsive person when it comes to sex, mainly because i enjoy physical intimacy immensely--which is a primary reason why i am a single mother right now. my 6mo old daughter motivates me to reflect on my past relationships and i'm realising that i was mistaking that physical intimacy for love. this is not the example that i want to set for her. so, i want to take this time to become a better lover to myself.
 

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Well I can't figure out how to phrase this so my words don't come back to haunt me so I'll just say that going on 6 months of celibacy, didn't think it would happen to me. I guess I'll live through this but I would love a pleasant distraction. Unfortunately I'd probably hook up with mister even worse that the one before.
:
 

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it will be 6 years for me in January. complicated by the fact that I'm middle aged so its not like I have a plethora of hot stud muffins banging on the door, lol. I would say all in all I don't miss it, except when I ovulate or if I have a particularly strong dream about ewan mcgregor or the like.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by MsChatsAlot
Wow! I don't know how old your child is or what your lifestyle is like, but I certainly don't get offers. If I wanted to meet someone or have sex, I'd actually have to put some effort into it. I don't have an adult social life, don't go out to parties or anything in the evenings where I could even be asked, so I guess, for me there's really no temptation. My life is really kid-centered, so I guess that's different than if I were going to dinner parties, a pub or whatever.
It's not that I get a lot of offers
but there is always some guy around tempting me, I'm a thrill of the chase kind of a girl,altough I have to admit I haven't had any desire to chase anything but my son lately. I've just seen the sad things that happen when women put guys before they're children (my mom was into that whole disco cowboy scene so I hardly ever say her as a small child) I guess I'm just trying to set up a safe guard so in case I ever become tempted I can just say to myself "remember your vows"


note: disco cowboy-a badly dressed urban cowboy who couldn't let go of the drugs and sex of the disco era
 

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I'm soon to be single, dh and I decided to stay together untill I got out of the navy. I think I'm going to make a commitment to my ds as well, to be there for him, make him my first priority always. I think celibacy is a good idea once in a while, even if you don't have kids. It's good to just take a break from all the drama.
 

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Well, two years of celibacy here...not exactly planned (didn't know my relationship was about to end or I probably would have stocked up a bit!!
) but welcomed. I really needed a break, needed to have some time just for myself and the girls. Also, as I saw what jumping into a new relationship did for my now-ex, how it consumed his life, drastically altered his priorities, and spiraled him into debt, well...not exactly appealing. I'd rather be ready when I get involved with someone. I think I might wait another year...although...

I get awfully tempted sometimes just because I miss the physical intimacy. Uggh, I went to a play last night, and there were actually a couple of make out type scenes, and I was in the front row, and...well...I got rather hot and bothered and afterwards couldn't keep my eyes off the poor guy!! Maybe it's O time, that's always a problem around here too
. Sometimes I just wish I had someone for casual sex...to take care of the urge without the committment (and how funny, because in my younger days I totally was against the idea, especially when proposed by men, but now I see the appeal).
 
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