[2goingon2]

I tend to get wordy so I'll try to make this short and sweet. My daughter is 15 and has had her own cell phone since she was 12. Her dad (my ex) pays nothing on it as he thought it was an unnecessary extravagance at her age. Well, now that she's 15 and out and about more you can bet he uses it to keep in contact...but...I digress. Ever since I added her to my account I've had overages to pay each month with the exception of maybe 6 months scattered here and there. Each time it gets worse. I've changed our plan to accommodate more minutes. I've changed it to include text messages and I've changed it to have unlimited text messages for her. I have replaced her phone twice. Once when we switched providers and once when hers got hosed up...the buttons were literally messed up from texting so much. Last month I paid $100 extra for Internet charges that she wasn't even supposed to have access to. I evidently thought I had blocked all of that. So, I call and have it blocked and explain to her why. She completely understood (or so I thought) and had no problem with it. This still left her with minutes to use and unlimited texts. So my husband is looking at the bill and it's $300 when it should be right around $100. We see that part of that is from the last billing when they blocked the Internet (dates after) so yeah, guess I have to pay it. But...part of it is SHE IS STILL DOING IT. The provider didn't block it like they said and even after I had the conversation with her...she is doing it. Not only that, she is texting her friends on school nights after 11:00and all hours from 1 or 2 and even 4 in the morning. Some are media texts...meaning she is sending or receiving pictures...or something. These are included in her text plan but still. So, I am livid. I sat crying when I saw the bill because that's a whole lot of Christmas, you know? And, after I explained to her how expensive that crap is she continued to do it. My husband and I are printing everything out and going over every bit of it with her because we want to know what she is sending. He said sometimes if an email address is tied into the phone it automatically "checks" for new mail resulting in a charge. That may be one or two of the new charges but not all. I want to take her phone away until after Christmas. I also want it handed to me with the passcode UNLOCKED. I want to see what she is sending. Now, part of me thinks this could be an invasion of privacy but the other part of me thinks - hey - I am paying the bill and have been and have dealt with paying extra on nearly every bill for 3 years now. And yes, she has been grounded from her phone before but only for a week at a time. I am so upset. Thoughts? Suggestions?

 

[BedHead]

I just got a $450 cell bill because my 17 yo ds misunderstood what I told him about using his new plan, and I have to pay it too, so I feel your pain.

A couple of things you can try: call your provider and ask to have it reduced. I did that and they actually reduced it by $150 as a 'good will credit'. Also, call them and tell them you will NOT be paying the internet usage fees because you specifically requested that it be disabled - that is THEIR fault, not yours. Then deduct that amount from your bill and continue to do so until they credit you. I had to do that for 8 months with some charges I disagreed with on my bill, and they finally credited them. (make sure you don't pay the late charges either)

You should also be able to have anything but plain text messaging disabled on the phone - ask about that too.

As for your daughter - I have never taken away my kids' phones because it's important to me that they be reachable. But that's my thing. It sounds like she deserves to have it taken away, at least until she has paid you back for the extra charges that are her fault. Does she have a job? Maybe it's time she got one if she doesn't, and pays for her own cell phone. Or does chores around the house to pay you back. You've been paying things for her for the last 3 years already, and it is time to put your foot down!

 

[2goingon2]

Bedhead - yeah, I'm going to ask the provider to remove the charges that have accrued since I changed the plan but most of them are dated from before. It sucks but yes, I'll have to pay it.
I don't like her being without a phone but she has proven that she can't be trusted. Plus, she doesn't go places a lot since she doesn't drive yet and the friends that she does hang out with have phones so I tend to think that she could use theirs.
She just started babysitting but nothing on a regular basis. Guess I'll have to ask for a portion of that money but guess what - she also owes my husband for driving into our mailbox in his huge diesel truck. She took it down the lane over the summer to take the trash out and accidentally hit the mail box. It's a big truck and not easy to drive and we were glad the damage was minor (well, $1200) and she wasn't hurt of course but the kicker was...she came back to the house, parked the truck and then wandered over to the neighbor's house. My husband looked out the window and said "what happened to the truck?!!"! She said she was going to tell us later...she didn't want to "talk about it" then. *sigh* Teenagers.

 

[CarrieMF]

IMO you pay for what you had agreed to on the phone, SHE pays for the overages & internet charges. Once she has to start paying for those herself then she'll quickly stop doing it.

 

[Cherie2]

oh, we've been there ...

 

[Dar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CarrieMF IMO you pay for what you had agreed to on the phone, SHE pays for the overages & internet charges. Once she has to start paying for those herself then she'll quickly stop doing it.

My 15 year old daughter had the same suggestion....

Dar

 

[ziggy]

As soon as I got a cell phone I paid the monthly bill on it - I was 13. I babysat a lot. Until a few months ago I was paying the bill for my younger siblings (my mom refused and I felt better if I knew they could reach me (there's family issues at play here). My little brother, now sixteen, pays both his bill and my little sisters (14).

She can CERTAINLY pay the charges over the regular bill.

 

[mikaela]

ITA with calling the provider to get the charges reduced, especially because it sounds as if some of the fees are their fault. Although I agree that it was wrong for you daughter to continue to go online... I can kind of see where that may be a VERY strong temptation for a 13-year-old to resist. I think you're right in simply removing the access

I have had text messages appear on my bill as 1am when in fact they were received at 10pm. Not sure if that's the case here, but I would let bygones be bygones on that one. And if you're really concerned, just make sure the phone is turned off and charging on the other side of the room when she goes to bed.

As far as privacy issues, there's nothing wrong with rules, so long as they are fully disclosed. It's all about expectations, and if everyone is on the same page (here's your phone, I reserve the right to check your calls, texts, etc.) and in agreement (you take the phone, you agree to the rules), then there's no invasion of privacy. Another option, and the one that I happen to use here is this: it's not my son's phone; it's MY phone, which I am allowing him to borrow. After all, I bought the phone and I pay the bill every month, right?

When you make that change in perspective, all kinds of attitudes also change. How would he treat a skateboard borrowed from a friend? A video game borrowed by a neighbor?

I'm sure it'll all work out soon -- keep us posted!

 

[snoopy5386]

I'm sorry you are having such trouble. Your story made me think of my sister. When she was a teen she was meeting folks in chatrooms on the net and then calling them long distance and staying on the phone for HOURS. She racked up a several THOUSAND dollar phone bill over a two or three month period. Nothing my parents did stopped her. They eventually had to password protect the phone through the phone company. She figured the password out a few times and racked up hundreds more again. Eventually she outgrew it. If I were you I'd switch her to either a prepaid phone or a "baby phone" like a firefly or something similar where she can only call like 4 numbers. Either way will be much cheaper in the long run. If she wants something better she pays for it, period. That way she is still reachable by you, but can't rack up a huge bill.

 

[sarathan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CarrieMF IMO you pay for what you had agreed to on the phone, SHE pays for the overages & internet charges. Once she has to start paying for those herself then she'll quickly stop doing it.

Yeah, totally agree with this. And if that doesn't work (like she can't pay), then take away the cell phone. I think teenagers having a cell phone requires a certain amount of responsibility.

 

[bigeyes]

Quote:

Originally Posted by snoopy5386 I'm sorry you are having such trouble. Your story made me think of my sister. When she was a teen she was meeting folks in chatrooms on the net and then calling them long distance and staying on the phone for HOURS. She racked up a several THOUSAND dollar phone bill over a two or three month period. Nothing my parents did stopped her. They eventually had to password protect the phone through the phone company. She figured the password out a few times and racked up hundreds more again. Eventually she outgrew it. If I were you I'd switch her to either a prepaid phone or a "baby phone" like a firefly or something similar where she can only call like 4 numbers. Either way will be much cheaper in the long run. If she wants something better she pays for it, period. That way she is still reachable by you, but can't rack up a huge bill.

This. One of our dcs totally lost her cell phone privileges after a stunt with hers. We do not tolerate any funny business with the cell phones, period.

:

It's either no phone or the 'baby phone.'

I'd be confiscating that sucker, yesterday.

If one person in the family does something that makes it impossible for the rest of us to do other things because they've totally trashed our budget, they don't get a chance to do it again.

 

[1littlebit]

yuck. i did that as a teen. once between the house phone (long distance b/c i went to private school and my best friend was in the next state) and the cell phone (mostly texting) i racked up $1000. my parents were so proud lemme tell ya.

what they did was password protect the home phone (which i figure out eventually) and took my cell anytime i was home or out with family. now i didn't use the internet.. even i knew that was dumb... my mellow reasonable generally accommodating father would have lost it if he knew i was being that financially irresponsible.

the other thing i would check for is ringtones and such...is she downloading all that crap?

oo i second the baby phone thing thats a great idea!!

 

[VegAmanda]

Can you get everything disabled except basic calling, and then take the phone from her before bedtime? That's what I would do. A phone is a necessity when they're away from home, IMO, but texting, internet, ringtones, games...Those are all privileges to which she's proven she's not entitled by abusing them.

 

[bigeyes]

Quote:

Originally Posted by VegAmanda Can you get everything disabled except basic calling, and then take the phone from her before bedtime? That's what I would do. A phone is a necessity when they're away from home, IMO, but texting, internet, ringtones, games...Those are all privileges to which she's proven she's not entitled by abusing them.

Our service can, we found out after the fact. We can block texting, downloads and all internet access. AFAIC, there is no reason for a phone that is meant to be used for emergencies and family contact only to have games on it. It isn't a toy, it's a tool.

 

[caldo]

I got my phone at 15 and I have paid for it entirely myself ever since. It was part of my parents plan so it wasn't extraordinarily expensive (about $15 a month). Texting I had to pay for separately.

I would talk to the phone company because they SHOULD have blocked the web. But more importantly, your daughter should have known not to continue the behavior after you explicitly asked her not to. IMO, she should be responsible for those charges, whatever that means. If she doesn't have a steady income, maybe she should do some chores around the house.

You seem to have accommodated her texting/talking habits enough by changing your plan. I would keep the phone when she's in the house (you have a house phone for talking I assume). She shouldn't be on her phone late at night, she should be sleeping.

I think it's necessary that she learns to be responsible.

 

[bigeyes]

That's another rule in our house, cell phones get plugged in (in a common area) when we get home, they don't go into bedrooms. There is no reason for anyone to have their cell in their room after school since we're the only people they should be calling anyway.

In the morning, it gets put back into the backpack to have if it's needed, and we make sure it's turned off. It isn't to be turned on until school lets out and they are in transit, unless there would be an emergency, which so far has not happened.

When they're older, the rules will change. But for now, the phone is strictly for emergencies and parental contact. No matter how old they are, breaking the rules will have consequences.

 

[2goingon2]

Thanks everyone for the replies and great advice. We had a LONG talk with her Friday night. Right now, my husband is going to call the provider since he has a better idea of what is going on with her and the phone. We don't think it was the phone randomly checking. So, we are taking her phone on school nights and keeping it with us. I have instructed her dad to do the same thing. If one more extra or unknown charge shows up on the bill then we are disabling everything but dialing in and dialing out. We discussed buying out the contract and getting her a "pay as you go" phone but at this point, decided against it. It turns out she was downloading ring tones. When I had my talk with her in November about disabling the Internet and how she wouldn't be able to email from her phone anymore, she thought that was it. And since the provider didn't cancel it, in her mind, it was still on the phone so that must have been okay. She really is a great kid so we're giving her the benefit of the doubt on this one. Yeah, I'm the one who's a pushover. My husband told her to get the email connection off her phone and we would turn it off at night to see if any random charges appear. He said it was either that or go through the bill line by line and go through her phone. She of course doesn't want that but if that's what we have to do, then that's what we have to do. We'll see how the bill looks next month.

 

[Cherie2]

I had an idea along the lines of the baby phone. What about an old phone off of like craigs list? One with no web capabilities and one she would not want to be "seen" with

 

[Peppermint Leaf]

a year ago our ds decided to "abuse" the minutes on his cell phone and we received a bill for $200. Here is how we handled it:

• he has a small part time job -- I removed all the funds from his account to pay the bill
• I cancelled his phone
• I purchased another phone with a $100 card. The minutes are .17 cent each.
• I told him NOT to give out his new number
• I told him this phone was so I can get hold of him. that $100 card is good for one year .. thats plenty enough minutes for me to get hold of him. If he uses up the $100 card prior to the one year then he MUST get another card because I bought the phone so I can get hold of him and those are "mom minutes"
• So essentially I paid $100 to be able to get hold of him for one year ... I was not willing to pay for his friends to get hold of him!
• THat year is almost up and he has plenty of minutes left from that card .. so I guess he learned his lesson.

 

[claddaghmom]

I got a phone at 16 and always paid for it myself.

I added my two brothers and my sister onto my family plan last year. Unfortunately, my 17yo brother just isn't ready for that much freedom. Despite unlimited text, 700 minutes, unlimited mobile to mobile and myfaves, he is still crazy with the thing. He finally had to sell his phone and I gave the sim card to my mom, who then gave her little pay as you go phone to him.

There was the one time when I was dating DH....he ran up $500 on his parents' phone line talking to me. But that was a misunderstanding on the phone company's part and I think they got the charges removed.

It's funny how much teens talk on the phone lol. I use my cell about once a week now it seems. But during my teen years