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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Let's pull up a chair here, shall we?

Whether you are recovering from a recent cesarean delivery, are planning one or are processing a past experience, this is a safe place for sharing support and information. I would ask that everyone here respect each other's unique path and keep this as a place for empowerment and healing. This is also a supportive place to celebrate your cesarean delivery if you've felt there's no other place to do so.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Treelove-how are you doing? Getting all of those last minute things done? 5 MORE DAYS!!!!

And how is everyone else doing that's planning a cesarean delivery?

Update for me-5 more days, feel calm and happy to finally meet Alena, enjoying the time I have left w/just dd, and closely watching Hurricane Isabel-hopefully my mother will be able to get here for our birth...
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thank you gossamer, good to see you here
. And hi Missgrl!


it's_our_family--I hope you keep talking and sorting things out for yourself.


lilirose--welcome, and thanks for sharing your story-I'm sorry you had to go through that
.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I can't take the credit-we owe thanks to Cynthia and other powers-that-be for creating the Birth forum as a place to house birth issues like cesarean deliveries. A portion of us don't quite fit in at the VBAC forum, and Finding Your Tribe isn't always easy to find
.

Yes, I also didn't feel the need to prove anything through birth. And that's not to say that everyone who chooses to have a vbac is making that an ego-based decision--everyone has their own journey.

it's_our_family-when I read through your thoughts about others judging your experience it made me remember how much of my healing process was about letting go of (my perception) of what others thought about me. And to sort out how much of that was actually my own projection. I make myself participate in my month's pregnancy thread-even though the talk is of everyone going into labor and having natural births, etc. etc. It's good for me to affirm myself and my individual situation in the presence of that activity, and not feel "less-than." Do you think people are really judging you? I really believe that when we feel judged by others it's actually us judging ourselves-maybe there's some truth to that for you?
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Hikaru, I got the same spiel from my doctor the first time around about being "small." DD was breech, and he was unwilling to try turning her because of my size and the fact that I hadn't birthed before.

I agree with you, though.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I'm glad you wrote that letter, regardless of the response, Hikaru. I think the natural parenting community as a whole could use quite a bit of sensitivity training on this subject-certainly your yoga teacher didn't know how to handle it.

So, how are you feeling-physically, emotionally? I remember you were trying to make arrangements for your son while you deliver--did everything work out? Are you happy with your doctor at this stage?
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Our daughter Alena was born September 19th at 7:54 am--7 lbs 13 oz, 19.5 inches!!! We were in the hospital for two days and came home yesterday--we were able to nurse half an hour after delivery and overall, it was a very positive, beautiful, and joyous birth. She's doing wonderfully and I'm feeling good, as well.

I must say I'm annoyed by how this forum is set up without any mention of cesarean deliveries other than VBAC--it's very difficult for anyone who is unable to have a VBAC BUT IS STILL A NATURAL PARENT to find support. I suppose I can understand Mothering not wanting to mention the C word without a VBA before it--but I no longer feel particularly interested in supporting Mothering if that's the case. It has been repeatedly asked that there be a *clearly* identified place where we can find support, and I feel this issue has been swept under the rug over and over again.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Thanks for the congrats!! Alena is a sweet, sweet baby-we've all fallen in love.

Gee maybe we should start a yahoo group...just kidding, no time!-Hikaru

I know! I had the same thought, and arrived at the same conclusion of having no time! All the best to you & wishing you a wonderful birth Hikaru-it won't be much longer now!

PS-Welcome GoodWillHunter (my husband and I saw it on our first date
)-that is an interesting comparison & I've often wondered about it myself.
 

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Discussion Starter · #21 ·
Oh, and when the anesthesia wore off I would have KILLED for one of those backscratcher thingies--I was lying there ITCHING all over for two days! Bless the nurses for scratching my back several times a day :LOL.
 

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Discussion Starter · #24 ·
Cynthia, thanks for the congratulations.

The board is Birth and Beyond and will accomodate c-section discussion for those who need the info and support there. If I can get the descriptions working again that will be reflected in the title.

The exclusion of cesarean deliveries in the title was exactly what I was objecting to--thanks for clarifying that it will be part of the Birth and Beyond description.
One more thing, and sorry to be a nudge, can we get rid of the word "section" and use "delivery" instead? Language is so powerful, I know I don't like to feel like I'm an orange being sectioned.
 

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Discussion Starter · #38 ·
Thank you for the congratulations, everyone! Congratulations Tree Love, can't wait to hear more from you, and welcome melixxa!

Can we open up a dialogue about where to house this thread? My personal feeling is that I do not want to be here in the Birth forum after all-for various reasons, and would prefer to be back in finding your tribe. I'd like to hear what others feel and see if anyone else would be interested in doing this, or if it matters to you at all.

dlb--I also feel the same way-thanks for writing what you did. This is why I would rather be back in Finding Your Tribe.

Have a great day everyone!
 

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Discussion Starter · #41 ·
I'd be happy to explain my position more. It's very simple-I do not feel cesarean births (by necessity) are being given fair representation in this forum and am feeling left out. I understand that Mothering is not here to be everything for everyone (I never asked it to be,) as it's so frequently said, but it is also my and other s' right to try and affect positive change for our circumstances and create the best environment for ourselves. If someone who has had a cesarean by necessity browses through the forums they see "Birth and Beyond:Subforums Homebirth, Birth Stories, VBAC." That's not exactly a green light to come on in and find support for their situation. And it seems it's being suggested that what's now being offered in the Birth and Beyond forum is ample enough for us. Even in the former I'm Pregnant forum setup a message would come up saying "cesarean births by necessity" when your cursor landed there. Unless something is wrong with my cursor, I see no such message on the Birth and Beyond forum. I'll go check that now, though.

I feel precisely the way dlb expressed-you can go back and read her observations to know how I feel.

I'm not trying to beat the proverbial horse--I'm interested in seeing if it matters at all to people, or not. If it doesn't matter, that's fine. I certainly want what's best for the group, but as an individual, this is something I'm having a very hard time getting around.

its our family--the VBAC forum exists for people to process their cesareans as they plan for their VBACs. Those of us who did not have VBACs made people uncomfortable in the forum when we discussed repeat cesareans. There was really no place for us, thus the creation of the thread in Finding Your Tribe. Certainly the intention of that group is to help anyone at any stage in their cesarean experience, but it is primarily the only place where those who don't have VBAC as an option can go for support.

I'm done!
 

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Discussion Starter · #46 ·
Why can't the word Cesarean simply be added to the Birth and Beyond tagline?-melixxa

This is what I've been asking about also, melixxa.

Missgrl-ok, thanks for telling me that.

Again, my concern is that people know where to find us.

Thank you, mamaley! I need to visit the September thread.

itsourfamily--I didn't notice any pronounced movement at the incision-I had three years between my first cesarean and this pregnancy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #56 ·
Agreed that more people will be able to find us here-staying in Birth and Beyond is fine with me. Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts.

Cynthia, I would also like to see some mention of Cesarean as a necessity in the forum heading.

I hope everyone shares their birth stories here!

Just wanted to mention-someone I know said something very helpful about the importance of taking ownership of one's birth-whether it be natural, medicated, or cesarean. And I think it's never too late to take ownership of our births and turn them into positive experiences.
 

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Discussion Starter · #68 ·
I'm afraid that this birth will hurt me like the first one.-Hikaru

It was the same for me during this pregnancy-at my last appointment before our birth my doctor asked me how I was feeling about the upcoming cesarean. And I didn't lie-I said how *furious* I was that I was denied a VBAC by the hospital & that I didn't want to go through with it. I talked to her a lot about refusing surgery as an option. I really let myself be angry because I knew I had to acknowledge the feelings or I would be completely blocked. The morning of the birth I made everyone wait for twenty minutes while I emotionally grounded myself.

The good news is, and this is just my experience, that I *didn't* feel hurt by the birth this time, as I did with dd #1. It was such a *completely* different experience-the doctors did a better job than the first ones did, my recovery was/is far less painful, and two weeks later I am feeling euphoric about dd 2's birth/presence in a way I never did with #1. I try not to analyze it all too much, but suffice to say I'm happy with how it went, how I feel, and can be rather philosophical about how I'm destined to give birth.

I think the biggest lesson for me has been ego-related--when you have cesarean births you must be your own cheerleader and support to a large extent. It's a very internal process of giving yourself approval and recognition where others may not. There's something very gratifying in that, almost like it makes the birth more personal, more mine in a way because not everyone understands what I went through. Overcoming the emotional challenges that cesarean births present is very life-altering-just as overcoming pain with natural delivery is, I imagine.
 

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Discussion Starter · #71 ·
How are you Hikaru? I hope I didn't come across as negating your feelings--just felt moved to share that I also felt that way prior to the birth and was surprised to have felt differently during the birth. I also experienced a degree of resentment w/dd #1 as though she were responsible for "putting" me through all that. It's natural, isn't it? And I felt a small degree of resentment w/dd #2 as well. Fortunately, those feelings have passed. It's all so complex to sort out. I hope you're doing well with everything on all levels-mentally, physically, etc.

Welcome, Devaskyla. I see that you're new to Mothering-just wanted to mention there's also a VBAC forum here at MDC if you haven't discovered it already.


Week two of new motherhood, and I have to say that the universe has been making up for a lot of the emotional pain I experienced with my first birth. A lot of the loss, sadness, and anger I felt has been reconciled somehow. I look back on my first birth experience and have a lot of admiration for myself--I went through some very tough times (dealing with an open incision, breastfeeding challenges, a high-need infant) and I managed to perservere and overcome many problems and deal with the emotions. Things are much different w/dd#2 and everything feels effortless--I can truly appreciate what I went through the first time around.
 

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Discussion Starter · #73 ·
vwmama--first of all, congratulations on the birth of your little one-
I hope you're both doing well
.

"It still makes me think I did something wrong, I didn't try hard enough, I made a wrong decision. "

I felt this way for a long time as well-it's very hard when you're second guessing yourself, isn't it?

Thinking of you, and I hope it gets better day by day...
 

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Discussion Starter · #79 ·
Something I've been pondering lately is why some women need to hold cesarean births as something apart. For example, I participate in another parenting community which does a monthly newsletter. In the newsletter our birth was announced as "via c-section." Another woman who is expecting in October is also mentioned as "via c-section." Other women who also had babies weren't listed as having them "through their vagina"-why the need to make the cesarean ones stand out?
 
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