[Hikaru]

Quote:

Originally posted by its_our_family Ok, so I know all the reasons they say to VBAC is better. I don't want another c/s. My issue is, I'm trying to proces whether or not I'm wanting a vbac because it is "better" or to prove that I can do it.

I so totally agree with this!
For those who don't know me, hi, I'm Hikaru, and my baby is due
mid-October. My 3 year old DS was born by cesarian and this one
may be too. The only thing that has gotten me through this pregnancy, not knowing how it's
going to turn out but having to accept that a repeat cesarian is a very real possibility....is reminding myself that this is NOT about my ego. It's about giving my baby the best and safest possible start in life. I don't at all say that the mother's feelings are unimportant. It's just that ultimately this is about the baby,
and the best interests of the baby have to come first.
Ladylee, this was a good place to move the thread. Lots of
new people will find us here.

Also I have a question...I was just wondering how many of us who have ended up with cesarians are petite? I'm 4 foot 10 and on the old thread someone mentioned her doctor said that a woman under 5 feet has only a 50% chance of giving birth vaginally. Personally I think that's silly. I live in Japan, Japanese women tend to be petite, and the cesarian rate is lower here than in the States. MY own MIL is smaller than me and she gave birth to DH who was over 9 pounds (4 kilos). And I know a couple of very big women (both American) who have had cesarians for tiny babies.
Anyway my theory is that size has little to do with how a birth will go.

 

[Hikaru]

LadyLee...you're brave. I'm in the same birth month thread as you and I've really downplayed the fact that I had a cesarian and may have another. I just don't think I can handle one more person telling me to "think positive" or that "OF COURSE I can have a VBAC".
I too have felt judged, or at least that my experience was discounted, even by Peggy O'mara! In response to an editorial
last year about how most cesarians are unnecessary I wrote to Mothering and said well, some are necessary in spite of our best efforts, and please don't
leave us out of the discussion. Her response was basically, "Oh but I wasn't talking about cases like yours". Very dismissive, although I doubt that's how she meant to sound.

Also, my prenatal yoga teacher(who by the way has no kids of her own) never spoke to me again after I called her and told her I'd ended up with a cesarian. I think she just didn't know how to deal with it...like somehow she had failed because one of her students hadn't been able to give birth naturally.

 

[Hikaru]

Physically...can't sleep, can't breathe, gotta pee every 5 minutes. Same old same old.but getting by.

I thought we had it all worked out as DH is going to work from home while I'm in the hospital, and DS will go to his daycare every day during the month of October instead of just twice a week. I really think it's for the best as he'll have other kids to play with and it's a familiar place. Much more fun than sitting at home while I nurse the baby all day and yell at him for being too noisy....

Major stress...starting next week they'll be doing major painting
and repairs on our building, which will go on till the end of November. I am sooooo pissed, as I'll have to spend my last weeks of pregnancy breathing in paint fumes and listening to construction workers bang around all day. Then my baby will have to spend the first few weeks of his/her life in that environment, ugh. And during that time we won't be able to use the washing machine for two weeks which (temporarily)shoots to Hades any thoughts I had of using cloth diapers....grrrrrrr!

 

[Hikaru]

Congratulations ladylee! Great news!!
And I totally agree with everything you said about cesarians being discounted by this forum. VBACS are great for those who can have them but it isn't possible for all of us and it's unfair that our experiences are discounted. Gee maybe we should start a yahoo group...just kidding, no time!
Anyway, hugs to you and Alena. Very glad to hear breastfeeding is going well.

Hikaru, still gestating away.....

 

[Hikaru]

Cynthia, I understand what you're saying and I have no intention
of leaving thse boards (I get too much out of it and I LIKE to be a fly in the ointment

)
I totally agree with dlb, and this is the exact problem I had with
Peggy's response when I wrote to the magazine a year ago
(posted that story above in this thread).
I highly doubt that most of us here on this forum would have had an elective, scheduled cesarian for convenience. I for one went
through 34 hours of contractions, was still not dilated and my son wouldn't descend at all. I burst into tears when
I finally agreed to let the doctor do the cesarean. I felt like a failure and that feeling comes back when it is implied all cesarians are unnecessary.

 

[Hikaru]

(((melixxa))) , congtratulations on the birth of your child.
Your story sounds so similar to mine it's scary!
Sometimes, even when we set up all the "right" conditions
for a non-interventive birth, things go differently from how
we planned.
To paraphrase Janet Balaskas (mother of the active birth movement) , "all births are 'natural' births," even if some of us end up requiring medical help for the safety of ourselves and our babies.

 

[Hikaru]

(((dlb)))
Ditto everything you said. Keep talking, we are here to support you.

Its-our-family wrote:

>>>>I willsay to Hikaru that I have had that thought of "of course you can VBAC!" But I'mmnot saying do it if you arent comfortable. To me it is like parenting. We have to make an educatated decision on what we do with our births as well as our parenting.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

What bothers me about that kind of comment is that, realistically, maybe I can VBAC maybe I can't. I was NOT going to even
entertain the possibility of a cesarian the first time, yet I ended up with one. If I am not realistic this time, if I were set on a VBAC and had to have a cesarian again, I'd feel even more like a failure than I did the first time. I am not being negative, I am just accepting the fact that I'll do my best but ultimately the safety of
my baby is what matters most. It isn't a matter of "comfort", it is
a matter of knowing that even under the best conditions this is not something I can control 100%.

I think putting cesarian as a subforum would be a validation of our
experience. As I said before I am not leaving these boards no
matter what, because I just get so much out of being here.
But it would be really nice to be acknowledged and included.

As for moving the thread, Ladylee, I understand your point of view but I think we are more obvious and will reach more Mamas if we stay here. It's worth a bit of discomfort to me to let people know..."We're here, we needed cesarians, we're AP,
Get used to it!" KWIM?

BTW, just for the heck of it I searched Yahoo Groups under "cesarian" and got nada. It seems like Mothering is still the
best place for us to get support! There really do seem to be a lot of us here.

Hikaru

 

[Hikaru]

Had to vent...my Mom(lives in Boston) just suggested on the phone that it might be easier if we just schedule a repeat cesarian because it would be easier for her and Dad to get plane tickets to Japan if she knew the date.
Grrrrrrr....no Mom this is not about your convenience.

 

[Hikaru]

It so hard , if not impossible, to keep your pride out of it.
That's why I still feel like a failure deep down for having a cesarian the first time. And now that I get closer to my due date
I realize that I've been holding back emotionally from this baby, since I'm afraid that this birth will hurt me like the first one.
I want this baby very much but it's like I'm setting myself up to avoid feeling disappointed about the birth, so I'm remaining detached.

 

[Hikaru]

Ladylee, thanks for handing me a little cheese to go with last night's Whine. I was really feeling sorry for myself...
which I know I have to work through, but I also have to GET THE HECK OVER IT as I will be responsible for a new baby very soon,
a baby whom I want and am so looking forward to holding and loving. No matter yhow the birth goes it will not be the baby's fault. S/he deserves my full attention and unconditional love. I
went through that with DS...on some level I was angry at him for not cooperating in "my" birth experience.
At least with this baby I will be a bit more relaxed, more informed, and less focused on myself as I have an older child to come home to who also needs my attention.

 

[Hikaru]

LOL!!! I come home from the hospital and you give me a great giggle...vagina, vagina, vagina.....just love that word!!

Now for my news.....I had a baby girl on October 7th and just got home from the hospital today Yes, I had a cesarian...here in Japan that means you stay in the hospital for at least a week.
I kind of panicked during the birth because they had trouble getting the spinal in and kept having to stick me again and again...but
other than that it had been soooooo much easier than my DS's birth mainly because I have more confidence, I didn't make myself
go through 34 hours of contractions before allowing them to do
the cesarian (twelve hours of dripping blood and amniotic fluid
was enough this time) and I didn't act macho about using painkillers afterwards, so I was able to really enjoy my little girl.
Nursed her on the delivery table and have been falling madly in love with her since!
Her name is Skye, she's big (8 and a half pounds and I'm only 4 foot 10), feeding well and sleeps a lot (unlike her 3 year old brother Satori who woke me up every 45 minutes when he was new...)

I type one-handed pretty well...so you'll be hearing more from me. If my posts have no capital letters or punctuation it's because I'm breastfeeding at the keyboard!
Blessings,

Hikaru

 

[Hikaru]

I too insisted on waiting until the labor started . Unless I had a medical condition that prevented it, I think it's important for m baby to tell me when she's ready to be born.

 

[Hikaru]

Quote:

Originally posted by Missgrl In hyndsight.....I should have insisted I be hospitalized so just in case I went into labor I would be there and be in surgery within minutes.

(((Missgrl))) I empathize with you....
I spent so much time "should-ing" myself after DS was born,
and it just added to my feeling of having failed.
This time, I was determined when I went to the hospital that,
no matter what happened I would have no regrets as long as I ended up with a healthy baby.

 

[Hikaru]

Quote:

Originally posted by stirringleaf about not having regrets, someone above said "as long as they have a healthy baby" they wouldnt regret. i know what you meant, but remember that there are mamas out there who lose thier babies, and i really think those mamas did everything possivble that they should not feel personally responsible either. we all do the very best we can in these situations, hindsight is 20/20, and life is so difficult, you know? i know you didnt mean if you lost your baby or had an unhealthy one you would be more responsible for the outcome, but i just wanted to point that out...

I'm the one who made the original comment and I totally agree with what youre saying. I didn't mean it to sound the way it did and I'm sorry. Thanks for pointing that out.
I've had three miscarriages (not the same as losing a full-term baby I know..I can't even imagine how painful that must be)
and you're right. A mother does NOT need to be
made to feel guilty. We didn't tell my MIL about the miscarriages because we just knew her reaction would be to ask what I had done "wrong" to cause me to lose the babies.

Birth is one of those things that isn't ultimately under our control.
WE set up the best conditions, we can and should be actively involved in the process, but even then we can't guarantee any particular type of outcome.