Mothering Forum banner

1 - 6 of 6 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
11 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi There,<br><br>
Does anyone have any suggestions: book references, websites, anything that will help me help my 16 mo old cope with next month's changes?<br><br>
In mid April we (my son and I) are moving from a suburban house into a city apartment, he will also have to change daycares (still looking for one!) and he will no longer see his dad everyday. (Since my ex and I split in Oct. my ex has been picking him up at the daycare and giving him dinner at my house every night but we won't live close enough for this). This on top of him still adjusting to me returning to work full time in January.<br><br>
All are HUGE changes and they're all going to happen BANG over one weekend. We co-sleep and I'm still BFing so that should help a bit, but I'm really scared for my little guy. I can't take much time off work (maybe a couple days) because I don't have any paid time left and I don't have a very sympathetic boss. btw -- I don't have any family here, so they can't help out.<br><br>
I'm sure some of you have been through this and probably more Any ideas?<br><br>
Thank you
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
421 Posts
Hi!<br><br>
Well, I know your son is still quite young but some things that might help keep him connected with his dad are daily phone calls, or more often if you both wish. He can draw pictures, paint, etc for Daddy, put stuff (new toys or gifts he received) in his backpack ahead of time (in between visits) that he wants to show him next time he sees him. Later, you could use a webcam if you wish. There are lots of ways you can include his dad in your everyday life without seeing him. My children always include him in our evening prayers.<br><br>
A lot depends on your relationship with his father and the way he interacts with your son. You don't want to do anything that would make your own healing and ressourcing after the separation too difficult (like too much contact with him if it's negative or painful) or let his father do anything to confuse him (saying mean things about you for example).<br><br>
I would just follow your intuition and your son's reactions.<br><br>
Let us know how it works out!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
982 Posts
Well, if it were me, I'd conveniently develop the flu on the Tues or Weds. before the move, and take the time unpaid. If you're within driving distance, I'd take ds to the new daycare every day that week and spend time there helping him acclimate, so that when youstart the new daycare, it won't be completely strange, and he'll have some attachment to the caregivers. Try to find one where they hold the littles a lot on laps, or carry them around. It can make a huge difference.<br><br>
I wouldn't worry much about the daddy thing -- yes, he'll say daddy, daddy, but he hasn't got a sense of time yet, so he won't really know how long it is between visits.<br><br>
The house, well, that will be a big transition, but you'll be there, and so will favorite toys. Wander up and down the halls and look at all the doors -- this will be fascinating.<br><br>
Good luck, mama --
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
618 Posts
Our situations are pretty similar -- LO's are the same age, we still BF and co-sleep, I'm not near family, etc. We even moved from the burbs to the city too. My DD was 17/18 months when I moved out. In that one week, she moved from the infant room to the toddler room at daycare, cut two eye teeth, and moved into Mommy's new house. And it actually went fine.<br><br>
She has a photo album with pictures of me, her dad, her pets, and both sets of grandparents. She likes to look through it and find her dad when she's at my house. She calls her dad every night once she gets her jammies on. Thankfully, my ex and I are very cordial and friendly, so it has been pretty easy on me to make sure I keep things positive for her. The three of us have dinner together once a week or so and he comes into my house or I come into his house when we exchange DD so the transition goes a little more smoothly for her. We also both hype up how cool it is that Anna Has Two Houses! She loves that. She has Two Kitties, Two Eyes, Two Hands, Two Ears, Two Carseats, and now Two Houses! Woohoo! TWO!<br><br>
I think that it's definitely easier at this age because they aren't aware of the stigmas of divorce yet. If we do this right, our LO's will grow up in happy homes with loving parents, and never realize that divorce is "bad." My DD has a mom who loves her and a dad who loves her... and my ex and I are completely focused on making sure that that stays our top priority. As long as we do that, they'll be fine.<br><br>
I agree with the PP though. It's so important to remember to take time for your own healing. Even though my ex and I are friendly, we aren't best buddies anymore. Sometimes, when things start to get heated, we just need to stop the conversation and realize that, duh, we're never going to agree on some things. I don't have to convince him that I'm right anymore. I can back off and just keep things about DD now... it helps me greatly to keep that in mind.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Wow, I was thinking "No one has any suggestions" and then there were 3 awesome responses!<br><br>
Firstwomantomars -- great ideas for when my son is a bit older, but perhaps it's time to start letting him share in my prayers.<br><br>
Mama41 -- thanks for the daycare tips, I'm still looking for one. I've been on the waiting lists in the area I'm moving to since Dec 06! It took my son 3 months to get used to daycare and he'll only sleep in his stroller and often for only 15 minutes. I'll try the mid-week sick days -- they'd be less obvious that way.<br><br>
Eurobin -- very similar -- thank you. I'll start working on the photo album this week.<br><br>
The ex and I are still friendly, we never argue. He is actually really amazing with ds, a natural father, except his big problem. Not worrying anymore about what he does when I'm not around really makes things easier on me! All the visits must occur at my place since my ex has a drug problem (he hid it from me for years). I'm trying to get him to come over at least one night a week to visit after we move. I'm not sure how that will work when he gets a new gf. I know he's shopping around. UGH -- I guess I'll be reading posts down the road when I start worrying about the gf! Focus on resourcing...<br><br>
Packing with a toddler is quite a feat, too! I'm moving April 19th -- I'll let you know what happens.<br><br>
Thanks!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
798 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lurk.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lurk">:
 
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
Top