changing providers this late in the game?

575 Views 7 Replies 7 Participants Last post by FreeSpiritMama, Apr 3, 2006

Stayathomemommy

Discussion Starter · Apr 2, 2006

my midwife that i have now is fine, just fine, not fabulous or anything. she was my midwife last pregnancy and i had one twin vaginally and one twin c/s. the fact that i stuck with her this pregnancy eventhough i had a c/s was probably not smart. it wasnt anything she did really but there were lots of little things not done and i didnt feel like i had anyone in my court trying to prevent the c/s. there was no time it all happened so fast.

anyway she is supportive of vbacs and wants me to stay home as long as possible. but there is just this general discomfort with her now. she talks a lot and it never feels like she is listening or remembering things i tell her.
I think changing providers could create some stress which i dont want but i may just love this new midwife and have a renewed confidence??

and of course i know we pay midwives and they are professionals but i still feel back leaving my current midwife. what do you tell them. i know i could just leave her and never see her again but i feel like i would owe her and explanation. just thinking of doing it makes me stressed.

would you change this late in the game?

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Titus2fam

· #2 · Apr 2, 2006

I know that this late in the game, I would still owe $$$ to my midwife for the care I've received up to this point. If you switch providers, would you be using another midwife or a doctor? If you went the doctor route, they would probably remember even LESS about you! (Only sharing that because I LOVE MY MIDWIFE, but we did have a conflict during this pregnancy in which I forgot she sees tons of other clients, and I expected her to remember more about my previous births than she did without looking at her notes. That was an unrealistic expectation on my part.) Still, if you are THAT uncomfortable, it could be beneficial to switch~only the idea of building a good relationship soooo quickly seems like a daunting task *to me*. I'm a spineless worm, so having to bow out and tell my provider I was uncomfortable with them and why would REALLY STRESS ME OUT!

So basically, I'm NO help at'all, huh? LOL! Keep us posted~we're rooting for you! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

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adtake

· #3 · Apr 2, 2006

I can understand feeling reluctant with a MW..there are 4 in my pratice and a new one since my last birth. I'm not quite sure about her either. Nothing really I can pin point down, just something. but the other 3 mws I'm perfectly happy with. And my best friend acts as doula for me, so I know that we will have the delivery we want with her there.

I know it would be frustrating to leave, but you should listen to your heart and if you feel like a move would make you happier then I say go. You want what is best for your and your baby. And you want a provider who listens to you!

As far as letting her know. If you do feel the need to explain simply write her a letter. Then you can tell her your 'fears' and need to feel secure and not have to see her face to face . *shrug*

Hope you work it out and feel good about it!!

hugs and luffs
hang in there

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Stayathomemommy

Discussion Starter · #4 · Apr 2, 2006

i would definately go with another midwife, not a doctor.
I am having a doula as well so maybe since i have my husband, mother and doula who know what i want then i will not depend so much on my midwife. thanks for the reassurance. i am pretty spinless too when it comes to this stuff so i think i will just make sure my family and doula know exactly what i want so they can help advicate for me.

thanks

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AllisonK

· #5 · Apr 2, 2006

If you do not feel that this person is the right one for you then CHANGE!! I changed at 36 or 37 weeks when I was pg with my DS. It is never to late to change, even in labor!!
Hope you find someone who you like.
Allison

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Carley

· #6 · Apr 3, 2006

Totally follow your gut! You need a provider who is going to help you break through your fears, not fear with you! After a nice push from the ladies on MDC, I made a stressful late-in-the-game from a nervous midwife too. I called around the local birth centers, explained my situation and asked for referals. I was well taken care of and our new midwives are exactly who we needed! I definitely feel understood & supported now & realize how unsupported I felt with my previous midwife. SO glad I made the switch. Cry if you need to! It's a stressful time but to a beautiful outcome!

GOOD LUCK girl!

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doula and mom

· #7 · Apr 3, 2006

You are NOT SPINELESS (I'm stayathomemommy's best friend AND her doula) -- think of how easy it is for you to tell me that I'm a terrible birthday decorator! Think of how easy it is for you to tell Dustin (my dh) that he's a sucker because he lets me sleep in all weekend! Think of how easy it is for you to go to the library when you could practically be arrested for how much money you owe them in late fees! You are NOT SPINELESS. I think you are quite SPINE-FULL.

Just because she caught Addison does not mean you owe her anything. I went with you to an appt. She does not listen to you and she talks over you. She just says "yes" to everything without even discussing it with you. I'm not expecting a midwife to remember every detail about you, or cater to your every wish, but I do not think she is a good care provider.

This is not Jay's birth or mine; this is YOUR birth. I will help you as much as possible, and so will Jay, but you are the one who is going to be laboring and pushing out a baby. Feeling uncomfortable about your provider can actually lengthen the amount of time you are in labor.

I do not expect you to go see Marsha and become bff's instantaneously, but I think she will respect you and your labor more than Susie. You are not the first person to have these concerns about Susie -- my August client has the same feelings. And personally, having met her once, I wouldn't go to her if I were pregnant.

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FreeSpiritMama

· #8 · Apr 3, 2006

I agree with your friend Erika that having a MW there you don't totally trust could lengthen and adversely affect your labour.
I changed at 28weeks this pregnancy and its the best thing I ever did

Follow your gut, good luck deciding

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