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Ok, I'm a new momma, so I'll start the next chat thread per Amy's suggestion.

NOV. 15-30

Question for new moms-to-be:
How many children would you like tohave/do you see yourself having (or raising)?

For current mammas: you can answer the same one, but I'd also like to know -
What is one thing you wish you had known when you were pregnant with your first?

Looking forward to getting to know you all better,
Rachel
 

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Quote:
How many children would you like tohave/do you see yourself having (or raising)?
I think that I would like to bear 3 children and eventually foster/ adopt at least one


Quote:
What is one thing you wish you had known when you were pregnant with your first?
Good question! My mom told me something really special when I was preggo and having a down day- she told me that I was the only one meant to be my son's mother and I was the best person for the job. I think it is improtant to know that you are good enough, strong enough, and you have an inner wisdom that is inherent in your being, and you just need to trust yourself.

I also wish that I had known that you really don't need that much "stuff" to have a baby
I ended up returning many many things that I got at my baby shower because we just did not need them.
All your baby wants is YOU!

okay, gotta run


sorry
 

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Quote:
How many children would you like tohave/do you see yourself having (or raising)?
My DH and I always said "0-2". Well the 0 is obviously out, so I think we'll probably end up with 2 eventually.

Another question from a first-time mama to the current mamas: What are your thoughts about spacing your children, in terms of years?

I only have anecdotal evidence of my neice and nephew who are about 2 years apart, and they fight A LOT; he seems too imature to realize she wants to be just like him and cut her some slack, and maybe he wasn't ready to stop being the baby yet. Because of that, I always thought we'd space ours out 4-5 years apart. Then my cousins (girls) are 6 years apart, and never really fought, and now that they're adults, they're best friends. Oh, and I'm an only child, so I have absolutely no personal experience with this. Just wondering what everyone else's experience with it is!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Keeta
I only have anecdotal evidence of my neice and nephew who are about 2 years apart, and they fight A LOT; he seems too imature to realize she wants to be just like him and cut her some slack, and maybe he wasn't ready to stop being the baby yet. Because of that, I always thought we'd space ours out 4-5 years apart.

Just my 2 cents from my experience growing up - my brothers and I are each about 4 1/2 years apart. We get along now as adults, but we were all at such different stages growing up - it was hard to do much together. In other families that are closer - about 2 years apart - rather than further apart or less than 2 years apart - it seems like the kids may fight a bit more, but also have more common interests. (I think all siblings fight from time to time anyway
)

Besides that - this will be our 2nd and last child. The only way we will have more than 2 is if this is a twin pregnancy (haven't had u/s yet and pregnancy symptoms have been severe - so we'll see, but I think it's just one) We talked about the possibility of our dd being an only child, but we both have great relationships with our siblings and wanted Caroline to get to experience that. A family of 4 feel perfect for us


Kate

oh, and what did I wish I had known during 1st pregnancy? Fiber One!!
 

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We will take as many children as God sends us. My dh would like 6, but I am not sure I have that many years of fertility left in me (I'm 36) since we married late in life. As far as spacing, we do not try to control that, and I EBF which gave me 12 months of infertility, so that gave a nice space of 21 months. Hopefully that pattern will hold for the later children - I think 2 years is a good space.

What I wish I knew was a little something about the baby blues. I had it for about 3 weeks, and I was not prepared for the intensity of emotions and how psycho I was. I wish I knew that it would take a little while to "get over" birth. I also wish I knew how totally inept I would feel at times and how little I would be able to accomplish in a day. This is hard for someone who used to consider themselves very organized!!
 

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This little bean is baby #3 for us. When we first started dating, we agreed on at least 3 kids as dh wanted 2 and I wanted 4 (we took the average!
). We think after this one we'll have one more - and that will probably be it for us. By the time that one comes around, I'll be about 35, and thinking that might be old enough for me. This pregnancy has already been more intense than the first two, and I chalk it up to age and already running around after two boys.

In terms of spacing, ds#1 and ds#2 are 28 months apart and I love the spacing. They play well together and are close enough that the span isn't so great that they don't have anything in common. Ds#2 and little bean will be 27 months apart. I like the idea of about 2 1/2 years apart. I got my cycle back more quickly with ds#1 (didn't ecologically bf), but we waiting a bit. If I hadn't m/c'd after him, they would have been 23 months apart. But then we wouldn't have ds#2.
I got pregnant the 2nd month after the m/c (a month earlier than my doctor advised, but oh well!
) Anyways, with ds#2 I practiced ecological bf'ing, and didn't get my cycle back until 17 or 18 months ppd, and we started ttc right away.

Now, what I wish I would have known ... for me, it boils down to having the guts to quit work. With ds#1 I went back to teaching Kinder when he was 8 weeks old. I wasn't allowed time to pump unless one of the morning kinder teachers was willing to cover my class for me. I didn't know my rights and didn't stand up for myself. Between being exhausted (we didn't really explore the co-sleeping because we thought we were supposed to have him in his own crib) and hating my job, I ended up loosing most of my milk by the time ds was 9 months old. He went on nursing strike in response and we weaned. I look back and think if I had just quit work and trusted that we'd make it somehow, things would have been different. With ds#2, I did just that and I've been home ever since.
 

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Dh has told me from day one that 6 six is the magic number, not a chosen one, but a predestined one. I told him 4 pregnancies is my absolute limit, and we would really like to adopt at some point anyway, so it's no big deal. I do worry about how I will stay sane with so many, but being LDS we see it happen all the time. Though, this pg has left me wondering if I'll ever have the guts to do this again, so maybe a few more adoptions than we thought! As far as spacing, I was 3 years younger than my sister and we've always been close, though I believe God will do as he will. If I'm meant to have them 16 years apart, or 16 months, I'll follow my promptings and do as I feel I should.

There are a lot of little things I wish I'd known. But the thing I've been most surprised by is how my daughter is so much more than my child to me. She's by far the most amazing, interesting, loving person I've ever met. She's my friend. She makes things I'd have never thought of seem so simple and matter of factual. She is instinctively nurturing. I knew I'd love her, but I didn't know how honored I'd feel just to KNOW her.
 

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We are expecting our third and this will probably be our last one. Maybe we'll have more later or adopt internationally, it depends on our finances.

As far as spacing, we opted for 1-2 years apart, we wanted them to be able to relate to each other. Our daughters are exactly 2 years apart and rarely fight. In fact, there was little jealousy at all, even when our youngest was born. I think everyone has to do what feels right to them.

In my first pregnancy, I was innocent and naive, blissfully unaware of what could go wrong. I wish I would have been a little bit more aware of reality.

In this pregnancy, I wish I could be more innocent. I can never quite assume things will be okay.

Mommy to Meara (6/21/02), Raina (6/10/04), Baby Lovebug (edd 6/16/06), and our angel (m/c 6/8/05 at 10 wks)
 

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Hi everyone!! I have been MIA for weeks, just catching up here, hope everyone is doing well! I have been super-busy with various things, including the kids being sick and then being away at an LLL conference....anyway just catching up on all the posts now! Things are good here, I'm 9 1/2 weeks and the nausea is basically gone, the tiredness is getting better and I'm getting my energy back, finally (typical for me, wks 6-8 are usually the worst). We had a u/s at 7 1/2 weeks and the baby looked great, we saw the heartbeat (yay!) and the baby measured *exactly* to the day what he or she should according to my ttc chart!

As for the questions.....

Quote:

Originally Posted by StacyL
We will take as many children as God sends us.
:

DH and I want a big family - no "magic number" but just, well, LOTS! I love love love being a mommy and I don't think I could ever feel "done" no matter how many kids we end up with! We got started right away, dd1 was a honeymoon baby and I was 24, I was 26 when dd2 was born and I'll be 28 when this baby is born, so I figure if we're on the "2-year-plan"
and I still have a decent number of fertile years left, we could have 6, 8, more? May sound
to some but I would be the happiest mama in the world with a whole house full of beautiful kiddos!


I think the roughly 2-year spacing, give or take a couple months either way, is ideal. I kinda think it's what God (read: nature if you don't believe in God) intended in how He designed our bodies: if you ecologically breastfeed and practice attachment parenting, etc., the average return of fertility is around 14-15 months, which gives you that 2-year spacing naturally, without you having to do anything about it! (I know there are exceptions here, 14-15 months is just an average, but still...)

Anyway, my personal experience bears this out, we've never used contraceptives (not even NFP) and my first two are 22 months apart, and these two will be around 25 months apart. It was really perfect, when our dd2 was born, dd1 was old enough to be a bit more independent (i.e., walking, talking, getting interested in the potty, not nursing as frequently, ok with short separations from me) but still young enough to be open to change and not have major issues with sibling rivalry (I was 3 1/2 when my brother was born, and by then I was firmly enshrined as the center of the universe and never quite got over it, LOL!) She doesn't even remember a time before her little sister was born, and they ADORE each other. I know everyone is different, but I really think that often parents have more control over sibling relationships than they think they do. Things like tandem nursing, cosleeping with both kids, reading books to prepare them for a sibling, spending time at playgroups, etc. around kids who have new baby brothers and sisters, wearing the new baby in a sling so you can get back into your routine quickly and still do all the "usual" stuff your firstborn wants to do - all this helps minimize the disruption to them or any feelings of being "displaced".

What did I wish I had known with my first....well, since you're here you already know it! I wish I'd known more about attachment parenting, natural parenting, LLL, etc. I was pretty mainstream when I had my first, I hadn't yet been exposed to much of what I know now. I sooooo wish I'd been aware of fora like this at that time! I did breastfeed of course, but I had (avoidable) problems in the beginning because of lack of knowledge. I tortured myself, my DH, and my poor baby by trying to force her to sleep in a crib for weeks because I thought it was "weird" or dangerous to cosleep. I lugged around the bucket everywhere, because I didn't know about baby slings. I wasted money on scratchy, uncomfortable disposable dipes because I thought nobody cloth-diapered anymore! We registered for tons of plastic baby-holding contraptions (seats, swings, playpen, etc.) we thought we needed, 99% of which went to the consignment shop before our second was born! Anyway, I envy you first-time mamas who are already here and know about these things already and won't have to learn the hard way!

Wow that was a long post, well making up for lost time
 

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Hi Iam Christina and Iam almost 10 weeks along I have a question for those of you that still nurse your toddlers? Iam still nursing my 19 month old and I still plan on doing so intil shes 2. this is my question do I need to up my calarioe intake? I dont want to starve the new baby Iam scared about this. Thanks
 

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How many children would you like tohave/do you see yourself having (or raising)? This will be our second and most likely last child. Dh and I feel 2 is enough.

What is one thing you wish you had known when you were pregnant with your first? I can't really think of anything. I did a lot of reading up on everything before I got pg the first time and felt pretty well informed.

do I need to up my calarioe intake? I say if you feel hungrier, eat more. I am still nursing my 21 month old. I don't think I am eating much more now that I am pg, but then again I have never had a problem eating enough. Maybe if you are underweight or something, but otherwise, I would just go by how you feel.
 

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DH and I often jokingly argued over how many we wanted. He said 2 and I said 4. So I'm thinking I'm going to win.
Especially if my mom's prediction comes true and after so much of a struggle with infertility I'll easily get pregnant soon after birth.
 

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What is ecological breastfeeding?

We will have as many kids as god wants...but only in this pregnancy. I am so sick of being sick and also I am an emotional wreck because I am so scared there is something wrong with my baby.

I don't think I could go through this again.

I look forward to more responses about what you all would have liked to know the first time..thanks!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Asana Mama~
What is ecological breastfeeding?
Get the book "Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing" by Sheila Mattgen Kippley. That will tell you everything you need to know about EBF.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Asana Mama~
What is ecological breastfeeding?

We will have as many kids as god wants...but only in this pregnancy. I am so sick of being sick and also I am an emotional wreck because I am so scared there is something wrong with my baby.

I don't think I could go through this again.

I look forward to more responses about what you all would have liked to know the first time..thanks!
Jo- relax there Mama!! The sickness goes away. Mine just left about a week ago. The great news is- the sicker you are and more exhausted you are, thats a very healthy baby in there! It will get better!
 

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To anwer the questions:

This is our second and these two will be exactly 4 years apart. I had a hell of a time with my first being on bedrest w contractions etc for 7 weeks. Also I EBF for 30 months when dd clwd. I did not get a period from aug 2001 until Nov 2003. So I could not be fertile but I do know mamas who have gotten pregnt w/out a a/f.

But since we wanted a clwing, I would not bf while prgnt- I was told not to because of contractions etc and a LLL leader friend who went thru the same thing also said not to. So once dd weaned, I wanted 6 mos without pregncy or breastfeeding before we started trying again.

We have no clue how many we want or will have. We are not big planners that way. I did like having the time I have had w DD. Its nice not to worry about an infant and nursing around the clock while trying to chase a tot/preschooler. Also it was nice having dd just be an extension of us. Also she is 3 1/2 now and has her own thing to do.- Best part of AP, they are not clingy since they get so much of Mom and Dad, they have the confidence to venture out and do things.

So if we want more, we would have to start sooner than later since I will be 34 when this babe comes. We shall see.
 

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I didn't even try to use bfing as birth control. I got my period back 8 weeks pp (I was exlusively bfing) and have had the heaviest periods of my life from that month on! I guess I'm either hopelessly fertile, or just an unlucky freak of nature.

My dd is also 3 1/2 and I think that spacing is going to work well. Shes old enough to help out and I think that will give her a feeling of purpose and belonging, as opposed to jelousy. Shes also very secure with herself and independent. She's old enough to understand what's going on with my body (this child understands pg and birth better than some women who have done it!). She's really excited about being a big sister.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by TryingMommas

How many children would you like tohave/do you see yourself having (or raising)?
This is number 5 and I am DONE. I know I have reached my limit!

Quote:

Originally Posted by TryingMommas
What is one thing you wish you had known when you were pregnant with your first?

Hmmm...I wish I knew more about health issues and healthy living. My first two were sick more and I think they wouldn't be if I was more educated in that area.

I also wish I knew that what other people thought wasn't worth squat. I know my babies, and if I don't want them to cey, I don't have to let them.

I guess I wish I knew there was AP parents out there. I think my instincts were pretty AP, but with no support and everyone telling me I was doing it wrong, I caved on some issues.

~C~
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by BundleFishMama
As for the questions.....

DH and I want a big family - no "magic number" but just, well, LOTS! I love love love being a mommy and I don't think I could ever feel "done" no matter how many kids we end up with!

I said that up until a year ago. I was convinced I would never be done. How my tune has changed!! I still love being mom, of course, but I think I wasnt to now focus on the five I will have instead of always wondering about the "next" one and almost holding off on things because we don't know about the future...

~C~
 

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How many children would you like tohave/do you see yourself having (or raising)?
I grew up in a family with 4 girls, so I really can't imagine just having one child, so I'd hope for two, but not more than that as I believe in zero population growth. However, as this one was a bit difficult to concieve, that may depend on how things go with the next IVF. I dont' see myself doing IVF a million times, so if we want more than two (or future IVFs aren't successful), adoption will be how our family grows.
As for spacing, my original 'plan' was about 3-4 years, but since I'm now 34, and really don't want to be pregnant in my 40s, we will probably trying for #2 after a couple of years.
 
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