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Discussion Starter #1
How do you do it? I don't really mean big picture stuff, but in the moment, when what you'd really like most is a partner to support you when you're down in the dumps. This should be a really exciting happy week around here - my nephew was just born & I finished my last day of my graduate program (graduation is next week). But instead, it's turned into an emotional hot mess because of some crap between me & my mom (I live with my parents). It was partly my fault, partly her fault and a big dose of "emotions running high/time of big transitions." I've apologized, tried to talk to her, but no dice. I'm getting the cold shoulder, and I anticipate there will be no thaw for quite a while. She's really & truly angry & hurt.<br><br>
So, since I live here, I can't very well just "give her space" to any real degree. And because I live here, talking to friends gets complicated because I don't want to drag them into something when they see her a lot. Plus, I really don't like calling friends to unload on them - there's nothing they can do. It's just put a damper on the whole week, and next week and makes me really, really want a partner with whom I could curl up and just be a little sad until it lifts. I so crave that emotional intimacy.<br><br><br>
Anyone else have these moments? I know this too shall pass, but how do you make yourself feel a little better?
 

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I read, or write, or go for a walk. Anything to remind me to slow down and breathe. Distraction. I lived with my family on and off over the last two years and there were nights where I literally almost felt panicky, anxiety-ridden and I would just lay there as still as I possibly could with a cold towel on my face. Obviously that's not as serious as your situation, but it was helpful. Now, I live with a married couple and sometimes the single mom thing really hits home (like tonight when my dd is w/her dad and my housemates are here on the couch with their dd). I will usually read the blogs I save that inspire me, or write, or take a long hot shower...little things that I don't get to do when dd is around. I look for comfort in myself because I don't know when I'll have a partner and I'm not really interested in looking (mostly because when I have looked, I haven't found much more than late-twenty-something men who can't get their crap together...ha). Sometimes, like tonight, I come here and I read through all of the other single mom stories. Sometimes I talk to a friend.<br><br>
*hugs*
 

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In the midst of a bad moment, I just try to find quiet and sit with my thoughts and feelings.<br><br>
I am working on my meditation practice, so I try to use a lot of those techniques to give me a break from the yuckiness too.<br><br>
Additionally, I have a couple of mantras I use to keep it all from consuming me.<br><br>
Try a couple of different things and see what works best for you.
 

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I get lost in a book or a movie for a little while...lush, historical pieces really seem to take me away. I go for a drive or a walk (slow or fast, depending on my mood...er, the walking...I try not to go <i>too</i> fast in the car, LOL!) and really turn up the music and rock out. ;-)<br><br>
Many times, playing with DS and getting really silly and giggly works miracles. Be as loving and gentle with yourself as you would with a friend or partner...draw yourself a bubble bath with candles, indulge in your favorite beverage or snack, journal, that sort of thing. Sometimes I'll go to a few blogs (or anything comic...a funny newspaper columnist, etc.) guaranteed to make me laugh and lift my spirits. Sometimes I'll take myself on a date with my camera ;-), and just take pictures of anything and everything. It helps me really focus in on the little things and gets me out of my own head for a bit.<br><br>
Hugs!
 

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Just remembered this and had to come back and add links to these two blogs. Both are single women, though not mothers, and I find them alternately entertaining, inspiring, and comforting.<br><br><a href="http://www.susannahconway.com/2010/03/how-to-fall-in-love-with-you-step-three/" target="_blank">http://www.susannahconway.com/2010/0...ou-step-three/</a> (link to one post in a great series)<br><br><a href="http://wonderingsandwanderings.wordpress.com/2009/04/03/rewind-back-to-the-beginning/" target="_blank">http://wonderingsandwanderings.wordp...the-beginning/</a> (very funny blog, in general, but this link is to the first post in one of my favorite travel tales...the beginning of her solo trip through a bit of England, then Spain, Italy, and somewhere else I can't remember.)<br><br>
Enjoy!
 

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I've had an intense week, with similar feelings coming up. This is a big time of transitions and relationships issues - astrologically, seasonally, however you want to look at it.<br>
Practical stuff that helps me keep going,<br><br>
- gardening<br>
- walks<br>
- yoga<br>
- nature<br>
- meditation<br><br>
but mostly I am really truly learning what it means to be *with* the feelings and let go into them, not try and transform them or do something with them. also learning to be with these things *alone* and not keep turning to friends or distractions in the hard moments. so challening but i believe i'm just getting stronger by the day...
 

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but mostly I am really truly learning what it means to be *with* the feelings and let go into them, not try and transform them or do something with them. also learning to be with these things *alone* and not keep turning to friends or distractions in the hard moments. so challening but i believe i'm just getting stronger by the day...</div>
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This is also something I am working on.<br><br>
In fact, one of my mantras is Buddha's quote, "Look not for refuge to anyone besides yourself."
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Thanks all! Learning to live with the feelings is a good idea, as are the others. I think I struggle most with the setup of the living situation. This house is NOT designed for intergenerational living. It's very open, so I can't really be off by myself. You can pretty much hear everyone in the house, no matter where you are, including my bedroom. I would kill for a little privacy, and I'm acutely aware of how un-private it is because I clearly remember listening to my parents, in other rooms, talk about the problems with me when I was a teenager. Ugh. I guess I struggle with not having any respite from the family dynamic - my parents' personal issues, my parents' being exhausted by my kids, etc. I totally realize this is not easy for my parents either - they don't get a break from me & the kids...<br><br>
Ok, I need a mantra!
 

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oh rosehip i totally forgot you *live* with your mom, how incredibly challenging! the most irritating and yet helpful mantra that everyone loves to give me since divorce: this too shall pass. it will change, somehow, we just can't see how right now....<br><br>
holland, thankyou for that reminder! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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Discussion Starter #10
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>muse</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15410052"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">oh rosehip i totally forgot you *live* with your mom, how incredibly challenging! the most irritating and yet helpful mantra that everyone loves to give me since divorce: this too shall pass. it will change, somehow, we just can't see how right now....</div>
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Yes, you're right, thank you! Much of the time, I'm happy with/grateful for my living arrangement. It affords me a LOT of freedom, saves me a ton of money and has allowed me to pursue school. HUGE. But, there are also times, like these, when the down mood of the house gets to me. There's a lot of glumness as well as lack of warmth and intimacy here. Which really wears me down. Frankly, I can see that I chose in a husband someone who embodied the worst traits of my family of origin without any of their (many) strengths.<br><br>
Today was my graduation, and really, the family mood was pretty in sync with the rainy weather. I have a hard time just carrying on being cheerful when other people (adults) just have no patience for enjoying the moment, being festive, enjoying others' company. A whole lot of toying with utensils over dinner going on here<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Sorry to be such a downer. I know this next week will be much, much better!
 
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