<p>hello,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>i am sorry that this is so long, but i really, really need advice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>last year, DD (then age 6) was asked by the school to attend play dates with a new student (age 6) in her class to be a "buddy" to this child and help her adjust to her new school. DD and i went together for the first play date, but during the second two, the classmate's mother picked the children up from school and i arrived an hour later after getting off of work to pick DD up. after the second play date, DD said she never wanted to go over there again. i was very alarmed, asked her why and she said she didn't like the way the child played but that was it. i also asked the child's mother if something happened and she said, no. i felt in my gut that something had happened, so we refused all future invitations for play dates, and i took steps to limit DD's contact with this child moving forward. from time to time, i would ask DD about her experience there and she said nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>a lot of other unsettling things happened with this classmate during the balance of the school year, and i am not going to get into all that, but DD experienced significant emotional trauma resulting from her connection with this child. her self esteem disappeared and she started having recurring nightmares and other anxious behaviors. i spoke to her teachers who told me it was probably developmental and even turned the blame on me for being too concerned about her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we have since changed schools and introduced DD to therapy to help sort through her feelings. things initially got worse, but have been gradually getting better since we are very focused on helping her heal and she has been removed from the unsafe environment she was in at her former school. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>DD recently revealed in therapy that during both play dates at the other child's home when i arrived an hour later to pick her up, the child brought pornographic magazines hidden in a stack of children's magazines into her bedroom, closed the door and showed them to DD. she also brought torn out pages from the magazine to school and showed them to DD during a school field trip. i nearly vomited upon hearing this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>my first question for DD was why didn't she tell DH and me what happened right away? DD explained that the child told her that if she told anyone about it she would get in really big trouble so she was afraid to say anything to me. DD also told me that she was so "freaked out" by what she saw, she didn't even know how to talk about it. the therapist said this is a very common response when a child experiences trauma of this nature. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>the therapist advised us to speak to an attorney. the attorney advised that this was actionable, but we could be subject to a defamation suit by the child's parents if we were to report the incident to our former school. even though we have truth as a defense, since a year has passed, they could deny it ever happened, and DD would be subject to questioning and evaluation by outside counsel and therapists, and did we want to put her through that sort of agonizing process? we also don't have money to pay attorney fees, and this child's family is very well-to-do. another friend whose husband is a police officer said we should press charges. it's all making my head spin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>after much debate, DH and i decided to just put it all behind us, wagon circle around DD and focus on helping her recover her sense of security and self-esteem.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>even so, i cannot shake the feeling that i should tell someone at our former school what happened. it was a private school where we all took care of each other's children willingly and with the faith that our children would be safe in each other's homes. they were the ones who asked us to befriend this new student.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>i have learned a major lesson here, unfortunately at my beautiful baby's expense, and i feel so terrible about that. i don't know if i will ever forgive myself. now i just want to do what's right by her at this point and focus on her healing--not subject her to any more pain.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>what would you do if you were in my shoes?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>i am sorry that this is so long, but i really, really need advice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>last year, DD (then age 6) was asked by the school to attend play dates with a new student (age 6) in her class to be a "buddy" to this child and help her adjust to her new school. DD and i went together for the first play date, but during the second two, the classmate's mother picked the children up from school and i arrived an hour later after getting off of work to pick DD up. after the second play date, DD said she never wanted to go over there again. i was very alarmed, asked her why and she said she didn't like the way the child played but that was it. i also asked the child's mother if something happened and she said, no. i felt in my gut that something had happened, so we refused all future invitations for play dates, and i took steps to limit DD's contact with this child moving forward. from time to time, i would ask DD about her experience there and she said nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>a lot of other unsettling things happened with this classmate during the balance of the school year, and i am not going to get into all that, but DD experienced significant emotional trauma resulting from her connection with this child. her self esteem disappeared and she started having recurring nightmares and other anxious behaviors. i spoke to her teachers who told me it was probably developmental and even turned the blame on me for being too concerned about her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we have since changed schools and introduced DD to therapy to help sort through her feelings. things initially got worse, but have been gradually getting better since we are very focused on helping her heal and she has been removed from the unsafe environment she was in at her former school. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>DD recently revealed in therapy that during both play dates at the other child's home when i arrived an hour later to pick her up, the child brought pornographic magazines hidden in a stack of children's magazines into her bedroom, closed the door and showed them to DD. she also brought torn out pages from the magazine to school and showed them to DD during a school field trip. i nearly vomited upon hearing this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>my first question for DD was why didn't she tell DH and me what happened right away? DD explained that the child told her that if she told anyone about it she would get in really big trouble so she was afraid to say anything to me. DD also told me that she was so "freaked out" by what she saw, she didn't even know how to talk about it. the therapist said this is a very common response when a child experiences trauma of this nature. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>the therapist advised us to speak to an attorney. the attorney advised that this was actionable, but we could be subject to a defamation suit by the child's parents if we were to report the incident to our former school. even though we have truth as a defense, since a year has passed, they could deny it ever happened, and DD would be subject to questioning and evaluation by outside counsel and therapists, and did we want to put her through that sort of agonizing process? we also don't have money to pay attorney fees, and this child's family is very well-to-do. another friend whose husband is a police officer said we should press charges. it's all making my head spin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>after much debate, DH and i decided to just put it all behind us, wagon circle around DD and focus on helping her recover her sense of security and self-esteem.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>even so, i cannot shake the feeling that i should tell someone at our former school what happened. it was a private school where we all took care of each other's children willingly and with the faith that our children would be safe in each other's homes. they were the ones who asked us to befriend this new student.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>i have learned a major lesson here, unfortunately at my beautiful baby's expense, and i feel so terrible about that. i don't know if i will ever forgive myself. now i just want to do what's right by her at this point and focus on her healing--not subject her to any more pain.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>what would you do if you were in my shoes?</p>