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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We have one ds (almost 5) and one dd (just over 2). We used to talk about having three dc's. After dd was born I really wanted a third and dh didn't. So, we agreed to just not talk about it for a while and see how we felt later. We said we would talk at the end of the summer as we felt 3 years would be a good age gap. Now, seeing as it's nearing the end of summer we talked and dh is leaning towards having a third but I'm not quite ready. So, once again we are going to wait a little while longer and see how we feel in the future.<br><br>
But I keep feeling like there's this deadline because the longer we wait the larger the age gap will be between the third child and our current children. Ds and dd are 2-1/2 years apart. What would it be like for them to be much closer in age than the third will ever be? As it stands now, the third child will probably be at least 4 years younger than dd which is about 6-1/2 years younger than ds. I know so much can be said about different age gaps but people tend to do one or the other (close spacing or further spacing) but I haven't heard much said about two dc's being close together and a third trailing behind. Anyone have a family like this? What was your experience?
 

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Your third will probably be a bit left out. I am a third child, 4 years younger than my next older sister and they were just under 3 yrs apart. They had a pretty intense bond and so I was a bit of an imposter. But my mom had 3 more after me, so I don't know if I would have felt more left out. We're all friends as adults.<br><br>
DH is also a third (and youngest child). His sisters are 5 & 10 years older than him. It was like having 3 only children in a way. He's not real close to his sisters. But I think that's partly because he's a guy.<br><br>
But you should go for it - don't worry about family dynamics so much because they all come out w/different personalities.
 

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I'm the youngest of 3 kids and my sisiters are 9 and 10 years older than me. Their age gap is 14 months. I was pretty much an only child. I think that the closer they are (within reason) the better. My kids are going to be 31 months apart. I wanted them close together so that they could really grow up together. I always felt left out and I really don't know my siblings very well. Of course the age gap you are considering in far closer and may really work for your family. You as the mother need to feel confident in your decision before having another baby.
 

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I don't thik it's such a great deal. We have 5, and they are all close in age. But I have found that the children that are 4 years apart #2 and #4 will pair up just as often as the two closest in age.<br><br>
In my family I was #@ or 6, and today am closest to the sisters I am 10years apart in age with and the other one that is 3.5years gap.<br><br>
I persoanlly believe that <b>parenting and personality</b> more then # of years of spacing determins sibling love or rivalry.<br><br>
Certainly don't create a child just because you feel it *should* be time to have one.I felt very mach alone and loney growing up in a house of 6. My closest in age siblings teamed up on me and they had 5yrs between them and I was the middle child.<br><br>
Ours work in pairs and threesomes. Exclusionary talk or behavior is againt our family rules.
 

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I think your next one, when you are ready will have the benefits of one on one care from you. The sibling will accept him.her as one of the kids in time. Ours accept the new baby as "one of us" not before they start room sharing. You can tell even in the way they refer to themselves and expect the new one to follow the same rules and have the same chores<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I could have written your post. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> My boys are 3 years apart. SAme deal as you...DH wasn't ready so we waited...then I wasn't ready...we waited....still waiting and trying to decide. My boys are now 6.5 and 3.5 so the minimum age gap will be 7 years and 4 years. If I wait a bit longer the gap will be 8 and 5. What to do....<br><br>
My sister is 7.5 years younger than me. She spent a lot of time with me when I was living at home. I was very excited to have a sister. However, I moved out when she was only 10 and I know that had a huge impact on her. She has told me that she wishes we were closer in age. She has always been in a different world as me. Like I'm married with two kids and she is just now engaged. So it is hard for her to relate with me about my life. That said we do have a good relationship. Yet, it would be nice if we were closer in age.
 

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Well I was the oldest of 3. Mom waited 5yrs after me before sis and only 2yrs b/t sis and my brother. So I was kind of always the older "by myself" kid. I decided I wanted mine close together and no one to themselves like that. So for me because I also don't think I could take 3 babies at once <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: I wanted either 2 or 4. Not 3. I had DD and DS arrived 22mo later. If we were going to have anymore I would want to wait about 4more yrs and then have two more. Maybe after 3yrs get pregnant and have the last 2 within 2yrs of each other. I would just want these two in school or almost before I had more. But with a boy and girl I'm not sure if I want to start over again. We'll see.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks for the replies. I do realize that spacing is only one of the factors to consider. Personality plays a lot into it as well. Ds is a very spirited child and we had planned on waiting at least 3 years to conceive dd but well.....things happen <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> . I think ds would have been a child that does pretty well with a larger age gap as he is very much a realistic player (likes "real" things as opposed to toys) and enjoys adult company much more than other children. He does love dd but he does a much better job of "taking care" of her than he enjoys playing with her. I suppose that could change though. Dd is the very easy going child who I think would love having a younger sibling.<br><br>
brittneyscott - my SIL said the same thing. They have two dc's (7 and 4) and they want another one but she wishes she would have twins. Myself, I am almost certain that I wouldn't be able to have 4. I think it would be beyond my patience level and my ability to be the mom I want to be. Plus, dh would never go for it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 
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