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Hi all, I have been reading your boards for awhile but haven't poasted yet. I do so now because I would really like to hear other's opinions on this matter and haven't seen this exact situation yet. I became a grandma in Feb. at the age of 41! My daughter is 20 and her daughter is almost 6 mos. old now.
She became somewhat involved with the son of a co-worker and 1 month later was pregnant by him. We have confirmed that he is the father through the local child support office. He already had 3 children, I know big mistake daughter should have known better. He does not live with any of these children but pays child support because he has to, mom's are all on state aid.
He tells her to have an abortion, he does not want anymore children. His mother tells me the same thing, she should just "get rid of it." Well, after many tearful discussions between her, her father and me she decides against abortion. We promised to help her raise the child. She quit her job there and never heard from him again. She lives with us and we love our granddaughter and would do anything for her. My daughter decided to go back to school this fall, and needed a little financial assitstance, well in CA when you apply for aid they automatically open a child support case, when he got the paperwork for that, all hell broke loose. He calls and tells her he has since married, and has yet ANOTHER baby on the way, #5 for him, and his new wife has 3 children that he is going to adopt, and he can't afford to pay child support. Well of course she wasn't actually asking for it, the state is. I felt bad until I thought about him saying he did not want anymore children, then making another and taking on 3 more. One, will he be allowed to adopt 3 kids when he can't pay for the biological one he aready has? Two, what opinions do you all have about my daughter keeping the baby against his wishes? They have court tomorrow, my daughter filed for sole custody, as he has said he does not wish to see her. Sorry so long, thank you.
 

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it is your daughters body and her life. she has every right to keep a baby that she and he made together. if he didn't want any more kids he should have used a condom.

and I think she should absolutely go for child support. she didn't get pregnant by herself.

*ETA* and since your grandbaby is already 6mos old then what is the point wondering if it is okay? the baby's already here...
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by CalebsMama05
it is your daughters body and her life. she has every right to keep a baby that she and he made together. if he didn't want any more kids he should have used a condom.

and I think she should absolutely go for child support. she didn't get pregnant by herself.

*ETA* and since your grandbaby is already 6mos old then what is the point wondering if it is okay? the baby's already here...
:

Quote:
One, will he be allowed to adopt 3 kids when he can't pay for the biological one he aready has?
Of course. He is probably doing that so he can count them on his income so he doesn't have to pay as much in CS to his other kids.
 

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molly65 said:
what opinions do you all have about my daughter keeping the baby against his wishes? QUOTE]

well i say more power to her. i am in her situation. i am 20 (21 next month) and had a baby in june. when i told the father he told me to abort it. i told him i couldnt do that but i could consider adoption and he was against that. well i finally convinced him that adoption was the best thing for the child, but once i started filling out the paper work i knew that i couldnt do it so i told him i changed my mind. now we have a beautiful little boy. unlike your granddaughter's father, he is involved... a little. (well he has come to see the baby twice but was only successful once. the second time he came i was out of town. we live an hours drive of each other.) but i take partial responsibility for this. i dont exactly want him in our lives (he is really immature and i am afraid i may fall for him again and end up getting into a bad situation. i never really "got over" him. there is still a big part of me that loves this boy.)
 

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She doesn't really have a choice about going for support, does she? The state is the one who will enforce it.
Your daughter is lucky to have your support. I believe if a man doesn't want a child, he sure doesn't have the right to say the woman cannot keep the child. If he was so sure he didn't want children he should have worn a condom.

Good luck to your daughter!
 

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Is the question will the court give custody to the father? No court I have seen will take a child completely from his or her mother. I have seen joint custody given, but if he doesn't want anything to do with the child I don't see why she wouldn't get sole custody.

If it's in regards to her age, I'm 21, with an order of protection against my Ex, sole custody of my 9 year old step-daughter, and sole custody of my almost 4 year old DS. DsD's mother still has visitation with DsD, even though she doesn't have custody, and their father has supervised visitation. Courts don't tend to take children from their parents when the parent WANTS to be involved.

That said, I have a friend who has two children who have never met their fathers. The fathers don't want anything to do with the children. They do pay child support though.
 

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The court does not care if the father wanted the baby or not. Since the baby is already born, it's a moot point. It's possible the courts may prevent his adopting the three children if he does not pay his child support but when it comes down to it, since she received public assistance, he WILL pay it. The will take it directly from his paychecks or he risks going to jail.
 

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Hi grandma! It's not really up to the dad, whether or not he "can pay" support. As others have said, the state will make that decision for him.

I'd also say it's your daughter's decision whether or not to keep the baby, but she's going to have to think about what the impact might be on the child, growing up knowing his father didn't want him. So long as you three are supportive, it sounds like the child will have plenty of love, but it'll still be a serious thing & I'd go find some help in tending to it.
 
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