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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
As some of you read in a previous thread, my DS has a friend with Aspegers. The friendship is currently quite strained due to various reasons (mainly poor social skills).<br><br>
Anyways, my son told me today that his friend said "Why don't I have any firends? I should just kill myself....see how you like it when I am not here".<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Please note this child is 10!!!<br><br>
Ok - what do I do?<br><br>
Do I:<br><br>
a) tell the parents (OK, I am inclined to leave a signed note on their door - they can call me if they want)<br><br>
b) tell the school. This will ensure he gets help - but it may be more help than he needs. What if he is a 10 year old saying a stupid thing? I am sure CAS would be called and get involved.<br><br>
Help.<br><br>
Kathy
 

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I would talk to his parents, it's likely they have already noticed this type of thing and I wouldn't trust the school to handle it.
 

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I think telling the parents is the best thing, especially as it's a weekend.<br><br>
I'd alert the school if the threats are persistent or the stress they cause is interfering with your son's education.<br><br>
I think it's also important that you let your son know that threats of suicide are serious things, and that you're glad he told you.
 

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I would tell his parents for sure. As a parent, I would certainly want to know about this. Not sure about telling the school. If I weren't absolutely certain the parents would take this seriously, I would definitely tell the school too. Even if I thought they would take it seriously, I still might tell the school.<br><br>
I think you should be proud of your son for telling you this. He sure did the right thing.
 

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I know that at 11 I was suicidal. It can happen. I was lucky that I had parents, especially mom in my case, that saw something was up and talked to me. I cried myself to sleep nearly every night for well over a year, with my mom often crying with me and comforting me. It was a rough time period and I was NT. (well, mostly. lol)<br><br>
I would let the parents know especially.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I spoke to DH about this last night....we will definately be telling the parents. I am still undecided about the school - I do not know the parents that well, and the one time I did try to talk to her (about why my son was having difficulty in the relationship with her son), she was not that receptive.<br>
So I do worry she will not take what I say seriously.<br><br>
However, like others here, I worry about the repercussions of what will happen if I tell the school.<br><br>
Thanks everyone!<br><br>
Kathy
 

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Kathy,<br><br>
I do understand about your son having difficulty with his friendship, but I am wondering if this mom is focused on doing things for her family and focused on them and didn't have the time or energy of the conversation you attempted with her about your son.<br><br>
And I don't know the context of your attempted conversation, but I think I would wonder why you would want to add more stress to mine and my child's life with issues your son is having?<br><br>
This doesn't sound right and I have typed it out three different ways. I am sorry if this comes across as anything but respectful.<br><br>
I am trying to say, maybe she wasn't receptive because she was to busy? But saying only this doesn't get my point/concern/question across.<br><br>
Or I wouldn't judge her based only on that one incidence?
 

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Potty-Diva,<br>
I think you missed what's going on here. These are problems the OTHER child is having (like threatening suicide) and the poster's son is caught up in the middle.
 

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No I understood the situation, I was just wondering if perhaps this mama was so caught up in her own situation with a child with asperger's that she may not have been able to take in what the OP said concerning her son's issues with the relationship (pre-suicide threat).
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Hi Potty Diva,<br><br>
I understand why the other childs mother is not open to hearing from me. There was a situation a couple of weeks ago, with my son at the centre, that probably was not handled as well as it could have been. I do not blame her for her lack of receptiveness. I also know I should not judge her on one incident.<br><br>
Now, however, I have this new dilemma - I am worried that her son may be suicidal. I will leave a well crafted (hopefully<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> ) and compassionate note on her door. Hopefully she will take my concern seriously.<br><br>
I have thought of calling the school - the school is probably obligated to take this seriously. Unfortunately, that would probably involve CAS - which may make the situation worse (or, if the parents do not take it seriously, and he is serious, calling CAS may make the situation better). So many IFS.<br><br>
Kathy
 

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Thanks for understanding that my post was not an attack.<br><br>
Now, since this involves your own son I most definitely would call the school. Once something as serious and potentially dangerous extends beyond one family and is life threatening I think as many people that can help should be involved.<br><br>
I am so sorry that your son may be feeling so miserable and hopeless.
 

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That sounds like a good idea, but is it really better than calling her? It may be an uncomfortable conversation, and since it would start with "I'm concerned with your son's wellbeing", it might go better than previous ones. It would really help if the two of you could work together.<br><br>
I would take this seriously as it indicates he is depressed and frustrated and that these feelings are building. I would take it to the school if 1) the parent's clearly don't take it seriously and the suicidal comments continue or 2) he gets specific about when, where, and/or how he would kill himself. I would definitely be more concerned with 2.<br><br>
Sherri
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
"I am so sorry that your son may be feeling so miserable and hopeless."<br>
Potty Diva<br><br>
I think we have a miscommunication of sorts....my son is not feeling hopeless and miserable. My sons <b>friend</b> (whom has aspegers) has expressed thoughts of suicide. Granted, if this were an adult relationship between NT's - one person threatening suicide due to "having no friends" in front of an ex-friend would be deemed manipulative and abusive. So I am sorry that my son is being caught in the middle<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Potty Diva: Miscommunication or not, I am glad for your and everyone elses responses. I feel a little overwhelmed and torn by what I need to do.<br><br>
While it is clear in my mind that I have to contact his parents (tomorrow morning), I am wonderring if I should contact the school. Because this could be life-threatenning, there is a part of me that beleives I SHOULD contact the school. The more people you tell, the more likely he is to get help. On the other hand, I have an inate dislike of CAS and I KNOW they will be called if the school gets involved.<br><br>
kathy
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>kathymuggle</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7974763"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">As some of you read in a previous thread, my DS has a friend with Aspegers. The friendship is currently quite strained due to various reasons (mainly poor social skills).<br><br>
Anyways, my son told me today that his friend said "Why don't I have any firends? I should just kill myself....see how you like it when I am not here".<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Please note this child is 10!!!<br><br>
Ok - what do I do?<br><br>
Do I:<br><br>
a) tell the parents (OK, I am inclined to leave a signed note on their door - they can call me if they want)<br><br>
b) tell the school. This will ensure he gets help - but it may be more help than he needs. What if he is a 10 year old saying a stupid thing? I am sure CAS would be called and get involved.<br><br>
Help.<br><br>
Kathy</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br>
Tell his parents but do not leave a note. Call them and tell them what your son told you.<br><br>
Also, tell the school.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I took a deep breath, knocked on the door, and handed her the note I composed. We had a short conversation, but it went fairly well. His mother was aware he had been depressed, but thought he was "over it". She was glad I came to her instead of going to the school. It went fairly well and I feel a sense of relief.<br><br>
kathy
 

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I'm glad it went well. It's so hard to know what to do in those situations.
 

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I am glad to hear that you talked with her and it went fairly well. Hopefully you can both gradually get more relaxed with each other. I think it's good you didn't go to the school, too, but I know the argument for doing so can be a good one as well.<br><br>
I am sad for both boys and hope things get better in the future.<br><br>
Sherri
 
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