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WE don't curse at our house. I think it is mostly inappropriate for us, and always inappropriate for our children.<br><br>
Our kids don't say those words, and know they are inappropriate words. THey do hear them occasionally (heard "hell" on the radio, and the 7 year old said we needed to change the channel) from the radio, in public, or from my foul mouthed sister.<br><br>
Though, today, 7 yr old ds was playing on our porch with 9 year old neighbor boy from up the street. playing transformers. i leave the screen door open so i can hear whats going on outside. I hear neighbor boy make the transformer say "shut up a-hole" to the other transformer. (we dont even say shut up, so that was a double whammy)<br><br>
i was shocked a 9 year old would talk like that. i rushed out there, told him it was inappropriate and if he ever said anything like that again he would go right home. told my ds if he ever said anything like that he'd never play wiht neighbor kid again.<br><br>
anyways! was so surprised i had to share.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
Wow. He can never play with the neighbor again if he says a**hole?<br><br>
Harsh.
 

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I discourage my girls from saying swear words just like I discourage myself and Dh from doing so. There are more intelligent ways to communicate. However, words like A-hole, f#$&, etc. I don't think they are terrible words. Truthfully, I don't think of hell as a bad word at all. It's a place, fictional or otherwise. The only time I'd become angry is if I heard my children saying prejudiced things.
 

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Just wanted to ask. Why are those words such a big deal for your family? They are just words. I understand not wanting them to say them, but banning a friend for saying a swear word instead of trying to work through it seems a bit extreme to me.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>NaomiLorelie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9063796"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I discourage my girls from saying swear words just like I discourage myself and Dh from doing so. There are more intelligent ways to communicate. However, words like A-hole, f#$&, etc. I don't think they are terrible words. Truthfully, I don't think of hell as a bad word at all. It's a place, fictional or otherwise. The only time I'd become angry is if I heard my children saying prejudiced things.</div>
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I agree- prejudice would scare/anger me much more than the example 4C- mom gave, although I do feel swearing at SOMEBODY is absolutely wrong. In any case I really would rather not hear swear words said around me d/t negativity they promote so I would definitly try to help DD,DS communicate frustration in a different way.<br><br>
I honestly would feel uncomfortable letting DD, DS play often with someone that is consistently using swear words- I'm sure it would eventually become part of their vocabulary too.
 

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I think you really overreacted.<br><br>
As the mother of a child who occasionally swears (and usually does so "appropriately", and not usually AT someone), and as a parent who swears sometimes (and who thinks its ok to do so)i would be REALLY offended/hurt/pissed off to find out my neighbor spoke to my child the way you did, or handled the situation the way you handled it.<br><br>
I think it would have been much kinder for you to say "Hey Bobby Neighbor Kid, we dont like using cuss words in our home, and i really don't want my child picking them up from others, so do me a favor and try hard not to swear around us ok? Thanks!" with a smile. Instead of making the kid feel like crap (my son would have been super embarrassed, run home, and beat himself up over it for hours, and would likely be too scared to return to your home), and instead of telling your child that the most important quality in a friend is whether or not they swear (seriously, one more time and he can't play with the child?! For saying "a-hole"??? Wow!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: ), i think it would be better to treat everyone involved with a little more respect.<br><br>
I can understand that hearing a 9 yr old say that word might be shocking for you, but seriously, it is SO not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. My son is pretty good about knowing what friends are ok to be himself around, and which families he needs to censor himself around---a super Christian kid in our homeschool group corrects my son if he says "god", grrrr. Course he also feels free to say that buddhists worship "false gods" and doesnt think that is at all offensive, but i digress.....<br><br>
Katherine
 

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But I do not think you overreacted. Just because some ppl think curse words are not bad ideas for their household and children, that does not mean that <span style="text-decoration:underline;">you</span> are overreacting if you do not want those words in your home. Completely understandable. I do beleive in setting boundaries for children.<br><br>
If my kids were playing with anyone that said things offensive (racism, cursing, etc)or doing things inappropriate, I would not let them play with them anymore. Period. the end.And thats what it is.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>momz3</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9065496"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">If my kids were playing with anyone that said things offensive (racism, cursing, etc)or doing things inappropriate, I would not let them play with them anymore. Period. the end.And thats what it is.</div>
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They are *children*....you wouldnt first let the child know what is acceptable and what is not? (Maybe this child doesnt know many moms who would freak out at the word he used, and obviously since she wasnt in the room he didnt know she was listening) You wouldnt try to teach the child a better way? (I'm thinking if a neighbor child used a racist term, i would first try to show the child why that isnt acceptable, rather than outright banning them first.)<br><br>
I guess i just find it sad that people dont think its better to teach their own children that there are all sorts of people in the world, and that different families value different things. That swearing is ok in one family, but not ok in yours. Kids are smart, they get that. My kid "gets" that he shouldnt swear around certain people.<br><br>
You think your child won't be confronted with kids who behave differently than you would like, at school at the playground, in the drs office, etc etc? I would rather give my child the tools to deal with that, to understand, then to try to shelter him.<br><br><br>
Katherine
 

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Your ears would bleed if you overheard some of the play with my kids. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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We have pretty strict language rules in our house, too OP! You are not alone. We don't swear, we don't use words like "shut up" or "stupid" or "Oh my God" When other children are playing at our house, they are expected to follow our language rules, as well. OP said that she told him he would have to leave if he continued to use the words. What's wrong with that? I mean, if you (for whatever reason) had a rule that no one was allowed to eat bananas in your house, and a neighbor kid came over on your front porch eating a banana, you might say, "If you bring another banana over here to eat it, you will have to take it home." If you don't like bananas, that's your perrogative, no?
 

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Not accepting certain words in your home isn't, imo, "freaking out".<br>
secondly, I do not need to be told they are *children*. I am very aware of what they are<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
thirdly, if you find ppl not wanting their child being exposed to those words "sad" then thats your perogative. i see nothing "sad" about it at all. No one (even here!) is a perfect parent. Newsflash. But it looks like she (op) is doing her best to bring her children up 'right". And when I say "right" I simply mean <b>right for her family</b>. Not yours or anyone else's.<br><br>
And I didn't recall saying that we should not discuss why it isn't acceptable or that it is even remotely possible to eliminate all "bad" in the world (ie, school).<br><br>
telling the op <span style="text-decoration:underline;">IN MY OPINION</span> that she is overreacting is a little overboard just because of what certain mommies allow in their home.<br><br>
have a nice evening.<br><br>
ETA: At my sons school (elementary school) if you are caught swearing (in an area such as the foyer or other "open" area ) you are asked to leave the building. I was thrilled to see that in the Code of Conduct.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>veggiemomma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9065716"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">We have pretty strict language rules in our house, too OP! You are not alone. We don't swear, we don't use words like "shut up" or "stupid" or "Oh my God" When other children are playing at our house, they are expected to follow our language rules, as well. OP said that she told him he would have to leave if he continued to use the words. What's wrong with that? I mean, if you (for whatever reason) had a rule that no one was allowed to eat bananas in your house, and a neighbor kid came over on your front porch eating a banana, you might say, "If you bring another banana over here to eat it, you will have to take it home." If you don't like bananas, that's your perrogative, no?</div>
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Don't feel like finding the sign, but yeah that.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Not accepting certain words in your home isn't, imo, "freaking out".</td>
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No, it isnt. But this:<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">i rushed out there, told him it was inappropriate and if he ever said anything like that again he would go right home. told my ds if he ever said anything like that he'd never play wiht neighbor kid again.</td>
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IMO, is "freaking out" or at least going way way overboard for the transgression.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">And I didn't recall saying that we should not discuss why it isn't acceptable or that it is even remotely possible to eliminate all "bad" in the world (ie, school).</td>
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No, but by saying:<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">If my kids were playing with anyone that said things offensive (racism, cursing, etc)or doing things inappropriate, I would not let them play with them anymore. Period. the end.And thats what it is.</td>
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I certainly got the impression there was no discussing the inappropriate behavior with the "offending" child, no chance for them to redeem themselves, no second chance, and really no discussion...but rather "Period. the end." Maybe you didnt mean that. Maybe what you meant by "Period. the end" was that you'd explain to Neighbor Child that you don't use those words and don't allow them in your house, and that if he chooses to use them there he would not be able to come back. Fair enough.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">telling the op <span style="text-decoration:underline;">IN MY OPINION</span> that she is overreacting is a little overboard just because of what certain mommies allow in their home.</td>
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Just to be clear, i dont think the OP is "overreacting" by not allowing certain language in her home. It is absolutely her right to have whatever restrictions/guidelines/whatever in her home. What i DO think is overreacting is her *reaction* when she overheard a neighbor child use a cuss word (remember, he didnt call her son an "A-hole", he was playing with two toys and used the word in the course of his play....for all we know he was merely acting out a line from the movie!)...i'm assuming that the OP wanted feedback on this situation or she wouldnt have posted it on a public message board.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">ETA: At my sons school (elementary school) if you are caught swearing (in an area such as the foyer or other "open" area ) you are asked to leave the building. I was thrilled to see that in the Code of Conduct.</td>
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Hmmm....so if a kindergartener says "Damn it" when she stubs her toe on her desk, she is immediately sent out of the building?? Are you freakin' kidding me?? And that "thrills" you? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/headscratch.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="headscratch"><br><br><br>
Katherine
 

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For those of you who "dont allow swearing" in your home....<br><br>
Why?<br><br>
Seriously, i dont really get it. I totally *get* not swearing AT someone ("You MFer!!!"), although to me, it doesnt matter whether you use an actual cuss word, or use a word like "Stupid!" or "Poopyhead!"...its the *intent* to call the person a name, or to hurt them, that i wouldnt allow. I get that.<br><br>
But why does an innocent "Oh damn, i spilled the milk!" offend you? Esp if used sparingly (swear words kinda lose their purpose IMO if you use them for every little thing)and in the appropriate context?<br><br>
My super uber pet peeve, is other children correcting MY child (in a neutral location, not the other child's home)for saying things like "Oh god, i'm so tired" or some such thing. I DO find it offensive when other children try to force my children to tow their religion's line. But i've explained to my child what the deal is, and he tries to remember, just so as to not offend those kids. But what bothers me even more, is that while those kids' parents have apparently taught them its ok to reprimand/correct other kids for their language, they have not taught them its rude to criticize other religions or put down other people's values. I really don't get that at all.<br><br>
I've seen kids who are absolutely not allowed to cuss at any time, for any reason, who think its the height of evil or immorality to do so (treated my son like a pariah for swearing)turn around and act greedy at a bday party, hog toys, etc. It just rubs me the wrong way.<br><br>
It confuses me to see so much weight, so much *moral value* put on such little words. I can think of far more hurtful words ("I hate you!" "You're worthless" "You're ugly!") than most of the benign cuss words kids may use (damn, hell, etc.)<br><br><br>
Katherine
 

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In my own words, it says that parents and visitors (assuming they mean adults) are not to use inappropriate language OR behavior while in the building. Not only that but the noise level must remain low OR...you will be asked to leave.Call me evil, <b>yes</b>, I am thrilled and think that is wonderful.<br><br>
Just wanted to clear that up. Children, however, will recieve disciplinary action for using bad language. (i think its a warning first)<br><br>
As far as further discussion about the op's (and mines) house rules and whether its overreacting, I'm done with it . I guess we'll have to agree to disagree.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><br>
But I truly respect your view. Its just not the same as mine and that is fine.<br><br>
have a good night. (with all sincerity, not snark)
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>NaomiLorelie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9063824"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Just wanted to ask. Why are those words such a big deal for your family? They are just words. I understand not wanting them to say them, but banning a friend for saying a swear word instead of trying to work through it seems a bit extreme to me.</div>
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I want to respond to this, because as a teacher of literature, this is a pet peeve of mine! Words are, in fact, not "just words". They have incredible, incredible power. Words were used to dehumanize slaves, and make them feel inhuman in order for slave masters to dominate them. Words were used by Hitler to create a following so strong that 11 million people were put to death by those that would follow his words. Words were used by Martin Luther King, Jr. to ignite a movement in this country that changed our nation forever...<br><br>
Words are not just words. Not by a longshot.<br><br>
The words you use tell other people who you are.<br><br>
I don't have an answer for the original post, but using profanity does have ramifications for the user. They may be consequences that the user doesn't care about, but there are consequences. It is not a bad lesson to teach a child that words are powerful.<br><br>
Maybe the boy should be just sent home, and allowed to come back when he wants to play but not use curse words?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>NaomiLorelie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9063796"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I discourage my girls from saying swear words just like I discourage myself and Dh from doing so. There are more intelligent ways to communicate. However, words like A-hole, f#$&, etc. I don't think they are terrible words. Truthfully, I don't think of hell as a bad word at all. It's a place, fictional or otherwise. The only time I'd become angry is if I heard my children saying prejudiced things.</div>
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Good post!<br><br>
I like how you say there are more intelligent way to communicate, other than relying on swear words. This is my feeling. I think of language and vocabulary as forms of art. I want my dc to be exposed to a wide range of vocabulary words.<br><br>
To me, swearing often sounds trashy and unnecessary. Although, to be fair, swearing has a historical and cultural place and can be used effectively at times (although IMO not by children).<br><br>
Still, it's a fact of life, so if my DC swears or hears swearing, it's not the end of the world. It's just another opportunity for a lesson in good manners.<br><br>
Kids swear to test limits, the same as they test limits with hitting, fighting, etc. There is a danger if you forbid it, they may test the limits even more.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Maggie05</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9066711"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><br>
Words are not just words. Not by a longshot.<br><br>
The words you use tell other people who you are.<br><br>
I don't have an answer for the original post, but using profanity does have ramifications for the user. They may be consequences that the user doesn't care about, but there are consequences. It is not a bad lesson to teach a child that words are powerful.</div>
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Right....but there is a huge difference in "a-hole" and in words used to demean people. And *that* is my huge pet peeve, when parents get all shocked and bothered about the occasional swear word, but don't AT ALL put as much significance on other, way more hurtful words. I'm not saying the OP is doing that, i dont know her situation, but it just seems to me IRL the people that put the most emphasis on having "good" kids who "dont swear" dont see swear words for the fairly insignificant impact they have compared to SO MANY other words in the English language.<br><br><br>
Katherine
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>momz3</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9065496"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">If my kids were playing with anyone that said things offensive (racism, cursing, etc)or doing things inappropriate, I would not let them play with them anymore. Period. the end.And thats what it is.</div>
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So what does that teach your child? Don't do bad things, but don't try to educate those who do, just avoid them.<br>
I guess it could work, as long as they don't go to school, or college, or a workplace <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>queenjane</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9066816"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Right....but there is a huge difference in "a-hole" and in words used to demean people. And *that* is my huge pet peeve, when parents get all shocked and bothered about the occasional swear word, but don't AT ALL put as much significance on other, way more hurtful words. I'm not saying the OP is doing that, i dont know her situation, but it just seems to me IRL the people that put the most emphasis on having "good" kids who "dont swear" dont see swear words for the fairly insignificant impact they have compared to SO MANY other words in the English language.<br><br><br>
Katherine</div>
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I don't like swearing in general. But, I agree that you have to dinstinguish between mild swear words and the really terrible ones that have terrible, hurtful, and foul intents behind them.<br><br>
When I was a kid, I remember a really cool mom of a friend who told her kids they shouldn't use swear words but it was ok to use a word like "butt hole" because 'everyone has a butt hole.'<br><br>
I don't know that I would use this example with my own kids, but I see her point.<br><br>
In my household, we'll have words that are definitely off limits and others that I'll be more tolerant of...although I would encourage non-use of all swear words and instead encourage using more expressive, refined, well mannered language.
 
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