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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Although I have yet to tell them this, my thoughts are to have MIL & my mom come to take care of DS during the birth. The problem is that I really don't want either one of them here. I don't know exactly why, but I just don't. However if I had anyone else come to do that job they would both be highly offended.

DS will be about 28-29 months old. I do want him to be involved as much as I can take stand & he is comfortable with. And we have been trying to prepare him for the birth by watching videos & he loves the book Welcome With Love (he calls it "baby born" & wants to read it almost every night
) But just in case I feel like I should have someone here to help with him.

I am starting to stress about it a little, but I have yet to talk to my mw about it. I just keep having visions of a middle of the night labor & birth, but even then I'd be afraid he would wake up & need to be comfortated just as I was about to push the baby out or some other critical point.

What has everyone else done, or do you plan to do?
 

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I do have older children now who can help with the little ones if needed, but generally, they have not had to deal with them at all, other than getting them a sandwich or something. My littlest ones have been attracted to the labor. They weren't ever scared... if they showed some concern over the noise I was making, we told them I was "singing the baby out". Sometimes they even joined in.
The youngest child I've had watching was around 2 years old. For the most part, they just wanted to be close by and watch. They were very quiet and absorbed with what was happening. Granted, they were all really interested that the baby had blood on it after it was born. They talked about that for weeks. LOL

I'm currently expecting my 8th child, so we've done this several times.
I do give each child the decision of whether they want to see or not. My oldest son has never opted to see a sibling born... but all the rest of them have.
 

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It's your birth, you don't have to be influenced by other people being offended.

Our kids either slept through OR I sent them off to MIL's so that I knew they would be 100% comforted if and when they needed it w/o me having to worry over having extra/unwelcome people present at my birth.

In my thought, it was better that they had someone then I had them at the births. I also found it was the best decision so that this new baby could be welcomed by just the two of us.
 

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Would you be comfortable having your mom or MIL watch your DS at their house during the birth?

I had planned on having a friend take my 22 month old DS during the birth. I had 3 people lined up, in case one was out of town or sick. As it turns out, I had a quick (2 hour) middle of the night labor and DS slept through the whole thing.
 

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I have *no* idea on what to do with DD when I go into labour. I dont know anyone here and my family and the ILs are on the other side of the country.

Granted I have 20 weeks to go, but still...*sigh*
 

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I have a close friend who will be here to stay with DD. She is going to help DD be as involved (or not) as she pleases. If our friend can't be here for some reason, then DF is going to be in that role.

I'm honestly hoping that all or at least part of this labor is at night, while DD is sleeping, so that she can be here, but just sleep through the whole thing!

It was tricky to figure out, because this friend is the only person I would want in my home taking care of DD, so I am glad we at least have the plans all laid out!
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyBug & BabyBug
Would you be comfortable having your mom or MIL watch your DS at their house during the birth?
No
Maybe I am just being to picky, but they are both about 30 min away & I really don't want either of them driving him anywhere (can you say over protective mom
) I don't want DH to try to take him either since I'm afraid he'll miss something. Plus I'd like for it to be a family event. I guess that thought does help to put it in perspective though since I'd much rather them be here then take DS somewhere else.
 

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My MIL arrived today from Florida. She will be here until Aug 8th. She's going to watch 11 month old DS during everything. Having her here is a godsend because I honestly couldn't deal with anyone else. My mom is not supportive of my home birth, and had a hard time watching me give birth the first time, so she won't be here until after the baby is born. I couldn't bear to have DS away from me either. If he went somewhere else, like to a relative's house, I would be such a nervous wreck that I know I wouldn't be able to focus on and enjoy my labor and birth. My best advice is to have someone you are TOTALLY comfortable with to watch your older children.
 

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My mom came to watch dd, but ds was born at 5am, so dd slept through the whole thing anyway. We had prepared her (she was 2 1/2), but in the end I was glad she was asleep.
 

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my mother took my kids to her house while I birthed, even coming in the middle of the night to get them,

i wanted the kids to be there to watch/participate, but not more than I wanted my mother NOT there. I really had no one of like mind (which is so important, especially during a homebirth) who didn't have there own kids to care for to come watch them.
 

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My dd is 28 months. My friend is going to come over and watch her if she needs to be watched. She would do best with my MIL or mom, but there is no way I want either of them anywhere near here when I am in labour.
 

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Very pertinent thread, as we just starting dealing with this issue...

With my last birth, my mom was present to watch DD but she ended up sleeping through the whole thing.

This time around, though, I really had this strong feeling that I didn't want my mother there this time... but, like you, had the worry of knowing how insulted my mother would be if we had someone else. Particularly bcs that someone else would be most likely be a doula... So not just another friend or something, but someone I actually had to hire and pay.

But ultimately, after talking through it with DH and my midwife, and just really thinking about exactly what would work out best for us for this birth, I realized that I had to do what was best for me and the baby, and not worry about hurting feelings. My main thing is that I feel comfortable laboring in front of a doula, but I really don't feel that way about my mother... Last time we had a sort of "birth suite", so I labored in that room only and my mom was downstairs. This time around, that room is DD's bedroom, so no more "birth suite for us". I'll be laboring all throughout the house... and I just would feel so self-concious about my mom being there. Plus, she's got lots of "worry" about her, esp. when it comes to her daughter, granddaughter, and a homebirth. I don't need that nervous energy around me when I'm giving birth. So, we're talking to the doula next week... And I'm slowly working up the courage to tell my mom about our plans (yikes!)

So, long rambling post to just say... If having someone other than your mother be there to watch your DS is going to be the best thing for you, then you need to go with that. Good luck!
 

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I don't want any friends or family to know when I'm in labor, none are supportive. Even if they were, I would feel hindered having anyone there, but that's just me. I thought I'd get some new movies that he'd be really into, and some snacks that he'd love. He's 4. He has said that he wants to see the baby come out, and I plan to have him nearby for that part. Hopefully this will be a fast labor. I really don't mind having him nearby, he's almost old enough to listen.
It's just that dh and I might want some alone time, I think some really great movies will work like a charm.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thanks Megan, we really do have a similar situation.

We are going to have a Doula, but she is a friend that offered her services for free, plus the midwife & most likely 2 of her assistants. So in addition to me, DH & DS there will be 5 people here already. I just hate to ask any of them to help w/ DS becuse that is not their "job". My friend/doula has a 12 yr old daughter that DS really likes & she's offered to bring her daughter to help watch DS. I could probably be comfortable with that & manage to not offend my MIL & mom.

I still don't know how DH feels about it all either. I keep tellin him I don't want them here in hopes that he'll offer some other suggestion or his opinion, but he never says anything. I don't know if he is just being a dumb boy, is in denial about the upcoming birth or thinks I am being dramatic about it. I need to stop being a dumb girl
& come out & ask him.

At DS's birth (at a birth center) MIL & mom were called when I started pushing & the plan was to have them be there to see the baby actually be born. By that time however I had decided I didn't want them in there & they waited in the waiting room until after he was born. I just didn't want to feel watched by them (for some reason being "watched" by birth attendants doesn't bother me) or have my mom try to comfort me & end up just annoying me. They aren't unsupportive of my choice, but they aren't really supportive either. They just don't say anything one way or the other, atleast to me that is


I just don't know!!! I think I will wait until after the home visit in 3 weeks & have a chance to talk to DH & the mw about it all. I guess I'll stop rambleing on & on now
:
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by maciascl
We are going to have a Doula, but she is a friend that offered her services for free
I think it would be ok to ask a doula to help with other children - if you are paying them to help you in labor and birth, and that helps, it's ok. Now if you're not paying her, and she's a friend that might add more to consider. I don't know, maybe doulas wouldn't like to be asked this?

It sounds like having the 12 year old there to help might be ideal.
 
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