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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
evening ladies <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wave.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wave"><br><br>
i am hoping/planning to homeschool ds (he's 3 and a half now). here's my question: do you think he might oppose me on homeschooling??? meaning, he will want/ask to go to school? he has little concept of school right now, although he did start preschool (just 2 mornings a week) last month. when i ask if he likes it, he says he 'likes it sometimes'. what have been your experiences?
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/notes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="notes">: I'll be interested to know the collective wisdom, too. My DD is 3 1/2 also, and already knows "we're homeschoolers," but I wonder if one day she'll start clamoring to go off to school "like everyone else." Fortunately, we're well-connected with other hsers, and her big brother is hsed, so I'm hoping that will go a long way toward normalizing hsing. I chose not to send her to preschool because I didn't want the added pressure about schooling, I don't want her doing excessive amounts of "schoolish" things, and we're busy enough already. Not that I think all preschool is negative (DSS did go to a wonderful cooperative preschool and that was a great thing for him) -- I just wanted to keep the school-pressure to a minimum from the get-go with DD.
 

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Yeah, I've had a problem with this. Dd has been around her cousins and friends that were all starting school, and of course that is always the topic, so I think she was starting to feel left out. She kept saying that she wanted to go to public school, not homeschool. I would ask her why and she would say that she wanted to have recess and bring a lunch... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes"><br>
So basically she was starting to notice that everyone else was "going" to school, and that she is different. But last week we went to our first homeschool field trip with a bunch of other homeschoolers, and she had a blast. It was really good for her to see that there really are a bunch of other kids like her that are learning at home too. So, I hope that is the end of the complaining about wanting to go to public school! It wasn't fun to deal with.
 

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My dd is close to 5 and has been formally homeschooled for 1 year now. Before that she attended two different preschools, which she both loved and was stressed out by at times. They were just not a good fit for her.<br><br>
Dd still wants to go to school but when I asked her about it, she said she wanted to do school at school *and* school at home. She loves homeschooling. She is cooperative and enthusiastic most days because it's one-on-one time for the two of us. I do her schooling when her sister is napping. She misses her teachers at preschool even though she was showing signs of stress while at school, and her behavior is much better now.<br><br>
Next year I'm going to put her in a full day enrichment program one day a week that's for homeschooled students. Maybe if your child still wants to go to school you can find a similar program for him or her. What my dd really misses is the bright colorful classroom, the toys, the neat art supplies, the songs, having her own cubby, having the encouragement and affection of other adults.. I can duplicate some of that at home but not all of it.<br><br>
I would love to hear from others who have more experience.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lurk.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lurk">:<br><br>
I have also been wondering about this. My dd is 3 and has played with the older girls who live behind us. They go to school and so Kylie has heard about it from them. She has mentioned it a few times but I know she doesn't *really* know what goes on there. She does see the school bus and says she wants to ride it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Hopefully I can satisfy her yearing to ride a bus with some trips on the public bus system.<br><br>
I'm hoping to make our schooling/unschooling at home so much fun and so natural that she won't feel too left out not going to school.<br><br>
Jill
 

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We joined a homeschool coop for this very reason. My oldest is not yet 3, but her 4 year-old friend is already talking about how big girls go to school, etc. (She's reflecting the way in which her parents are gearing her up for school, she's not being mean or bossy toward dd).<br><br>
We go to the coop once a week, maybe twice a week in the future. So that's our "school" outside the home.
 

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My 4yo has just started talking about going to "real school". He's never been to preschool or in a program like that. He's getting the idea from TV and also from the realization that his beloved older cousins attend school. He thinks that school is basically painting all day in between multiple recess periods and possibly daily field trips led by Ms. Frizzle. As he told me, "Miffy goes to real school!". Miffy is cartoon rabbit.<br><br>
We told him that we hs, but he has kept pushing the issue. The first comeback worked really well for a while: his little brother would not be allowed to go with him. But after a while, he started asking again. I tried to emphasize the positives of hs, but since he's only ever known those positives, I had to come out with a bit of the anti-school stuff. I told him that there would be no toys in school and that he'd have to learn what they want him to. He couldn't decide to learn about engines, for example, and he couldn't read what he wanted. He couldn't talk to his friends all during the day and he couldn't draw for as long as he wanted. He couldn't snack when he wanted. I don't think he believed me, because it does sound kind of odd when you say it out loud. I hope he asks his cousins, because they hate school. And we even pointed to the fact that the school-kids have to get up earlier than dh does and that they wait in the cold, dark (he hates dark) for the bus to come.<br><br>
I don't think he's able to really comprehend what I'm saying, because TV portrays it otherwise. If I had one thing to do over, I would have never played shows that glorified school as a big long party like they do (that's all of them basically).<br><br>
In the end, I took him to Sunday school at our church. It seems to be working. He felt like he was missing out on something, so now he feels like he's been clued in. If I were not religious, I would consider enrolling him in an art class or something like that. We also said we would "play school", although it was not going to be really fun, since there's no playing with toys and people need to sit at their desk and do what I say. I think the Sunday school is working though.<br><br>
He was funny in that Sunday school. He was like a little alien observing people in there. It's hard to describe. He was unfamiliar with hand-raising, for example. He was silently studying the kids and the overall dynamic. It seemed to satisfy his curiosity.
 

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Maia is almost 7 and has NEVER wanted to go to school. Not once has she asked.<br>
Forest is 3.5 and seems to think that he will be going to school <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br>
I think that he assumes that Maia just isn't old enough, or something like that...I've explained to him that we're a homeschooling family and he just doesn't truly understand.<br>
Like LeftField explained, he sees school EVERYWHERE he looks. Television shows, other friends and cousins who go to school and the school buses that never seem to stop driving past our house. LOL!<br><br>
Honestly, all that Forest wants to do is ride the schoolbus. Heck, I'll take him on the city bus if that will help.<br><br>
Once Maia was around 5 (or just before) I started enrolling her in homeschool classes. She loves it, and it satisfies her need to be in a group of children. Just not 30 of them at once. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"> She had 6 kids of varying ages in her nature class yesterday.<br>
As soon as Forest is old enough, I will be putting him in them too. Already he tags along during Maia's hsing classes and he LOVES it.<br><br>
That said, it's MY DECISION to have a homelearning family. At such a young age I would never let my kids have the choice in their hands. Not when they think that school is Ms.Frizzle or all-day school bus riding! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">
 

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My 4.5 yo does *not* want to go to school, lol! Which is a bit ironic, because dh is a schoolteacher <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
As for the media portrayal of school, I agree that books and tv can make school look really attractive. Especially the books geared toward preschoolers--everything is fun and warm and wonderful. BUT--dd and I have read a couple of books that are geared toward elementary-aged children, and these books painted a very different picture. We read one Junie B. Jones book, and are reading Clarice Bean, Utterly Me. Both of these books paint teachers as bossy and negative and unbearable, lol. And there is a lot of teasing and rudeness from fellow students. And school seems to be something to be tolerated. Hmm....I wonder which books are closest to the truth? lol
 

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My ds is 4 and goes to preschool every afternoon for 2.5 hours. He will probably want to go to Kindergarten as well. Although he loves it and it seems like a great fit for him NOW, I think in a year or so he won't really have as much fun as he's having at the moment. I plan on homeschooling him sometime in the future.<br><br>
The thing is, I am letting him be where he wants to be. He was in a different school the first week of September and had a bad vibe about it and I did not make him go back. I saw our options as either homeschooling or a different preschool. I asked him what he wanted to do and he said he wanted to go to the "big school". Ok, so I called the large elementary by us and he started there the next week. He can't wait to go everyday.<br><br>
I could have been staunch about homeschooling him and not allowed him to go to school, but then how would he know what it was like? Preschool and Kindergarten are just fun places to be (usually). If kids want to try it out, I say let them. You can always take them out later on. I guess I'm not completely "anti-school" since 2 of my kids are still in it and for them things have been nothing but positive. I think that trying out all your options is the only way to know that you're ultimate decision is the right one. Does that make sense? JMHO.
 

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My 6 yr old had a dream where she said I made her to go to K. :LOL She laughed , 'As if you would do that". Her brothers are in school by choice, one after a period of hsing, and she has been to their schools for many fun events. She still doesn't want to go. So, ime, it's possible to be exposed to school and still identify strongly as a hser. She has a very nice core of other young hsing friends, however.
 

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Last year my dd (then age 5) announced that she needed to go to school because she just wasn't learning anything here at home.<br><br>
Delving deeper, the main issue was that she thought she should already be able to read. I pointed out that she wasn't old enough to actually attend kindergarten (her birthday is after the cut off). Also, kindergartens around here don't actually teach reading, just letter recognition, which she already knew. So, we discussed that by the time she was able to attend kindergarten (this year) she would be bored with it.<br><br>
She was still pretty sure she wanted to go, but I know this kid -- she's the one who insisted she really really really wanted to take dance classes, but then decided there were too many students so she didn't want to go back (there were 4 little girls in the class). She wants the OPTION to go to classes on the days she's interested, but doesn't want compulsory attendance ... and the schools around here don't work that way.<br><br>
Overall, I'm not convinced that a 5yo knows what she needs to do to get to where she wants to be. Dd knew she wanted to learn to read, but needed input on whether school was the best way to learn. She may also want some of the other school perks, like recess, but it's up to me to help her decide if school is really the best way to get what she wants.<br><br>
That last sentence reminds me of the Pippi story where Pippi decides to go to school because she wants to have a Christmas vacation -- if she never goes to school she doesn't get a vacation from it :LOL BTW, since dd has become a Pippi-addict she no longer asks to go to school.
 

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What do other parents do if their children didn't want to go to public school? They would coax them into it and force them. Go watch the first week of K or any other class you find kids that simply don’t want to be at their institutionalize school. Why as a home schooler do you worry about this but not as an institutional schooler? If you were planning to go to send her to school you wouldn’t be worrying like this. You might buy some books and hold conversations to prepare her for the change but not overly worried nor thinking about the other option as a solution.<br><br>
My son went to public school for K and one month of first grade. Sending him to school was no big deal. Bringing him home, I did worry but he was more than willing to come home. After 1 month of first he loathed school. I would have to battle him to get him into a school. After the experience with sending our son to K I would not send another child. Even though it was “fun” he also learned bad habits. It is much harder to unteach something they have learned. He had fun but he also was negatively effected by it.<br><br>
My oldest dd 7 did want to go to K. I explained to her this is how we do things. That some people go to public, some private (she has friends that go to private), and some home. We have other home schooling friends and this is just how it was going to be. Know at 7 she hears her friend’s complain about school or play “weird’ games. And even though she is a touch curious there is no strong urge. She is actually horrified that she would not be able to eat, drink, or go pee at any time that she likes.<br><br>
My youngest is 5, technically not school age. She doesn’t even think about it this is just how our family is.<br><br>
Your child might not want to school the way you decide but be gentle in how you help her except your decision. At 5 they are not mature enough to understand, be much part of, or make the decision themselves. Now as they grow they , IMO, should become part of the process. I would like to home school my children through out high school but a teen could have a need/desire to be in that type of environment. I am not into limiting my child’s education because I don’t agree with the place it is in. I do know that if my children have this desire I am going to have to find a source better than our local public school though. If they keep on having the issues they are then I have to find a different way to respect my child’s needs.
 

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In my experience, kids who watch a lot of TV (esp. PBS, which is VERY encouraging of school) and kids who spend a lot of time around PS kids tend to want to go to school. Kindergarden is talked up a lot by people- K is so great, K is so fun, all the big kids go to K, blah, blah, blah. It can be hard for kids to be the only odd one out when everyone else they know is going to school.<br><br>
DS is 5 this year and didn't go to school with the rest of his neighborhood friends. But although he was a little disppointed at first, he's okay with being homeschooled. I just asked him right now if he likes being homeschooled, and he said "yeah." I asked him, if he had the choice, would he rather go to school, and he said, "no, I think it would be boring." I suspect that his view of school as 'boring' has a little bit to do with conversations I've had with him about school, and some of it comes from talking to his neighborhood buddies about school.<br><br>
In our family, going to school was not an option (at least to start with, when the kids are older we may reevaluate). In all families, there are some decisions that are made for the well-being of the children in which the children have no say. My child does not have the option of skipping doctor or dentist appointments. I view homeschooling the same way- it is a decision that has been made for my child for his own good. I think that the fact that the decision wasn't up to him has made the decision easier to deal with.<br><br>
We also emphasize that different families do things differently. Some families go to church, some don't. Some families eat meat, some don't. Some kids have lots of siblings, others don't have any. Some kids go to school, some kids don't. When we take that kind of approach, my kids can easily see the differences between different families and they know that not every family does things the same way, and that's okay.<br><br>
I will also add that my DS attended nursery school/preschool when he was 3. I chose not to send him when he was 4 because of the way that kindergarden was promoted and encouraged. He would've felt much more left out if he would've been the only kid in his class not to move on to K.
 

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The TV issue made me smile <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I noticed that too with Bridget. She certainly was watching a lot of PBS at the time she told me she was thinking of going to school (years ago - she wasn't even school age!). I have a friend who allows her kids to watch as much tv as they like but she discourages PBS for the reason that most of their shows glorify school.<br><br>
Well, this is my 2 cents for what it's worth <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> If you want to homeschool, I wouldn't put him in preschool. I was just talking to someone in NJ about is. Her son went to school up through Kindy and is now homeschooling and wishing he could go back to school, not really understanding that if he went now it wouldn't be what it used to be. I've gotten the sinking feeling that pretty soon he'll be back in school and won't come back to homeschooling until he's absolutely miserable and begs for it (since the main issue they want to homeschool - him being very advanced compared to what the school is teaching - isn't going to go away).<br><br>
I've heard it jokingly compared to as a cult. The child gets sucked in with preschool and kindergarten (though in some areas K is getting more academic). Those first few years of school are full of lots of playing, toys, brightly decorated rooms, snacks and usually sweet young teachers who haven't burnt out yet. By the time the child gets to "real" school and are expected to sit at a desk and pay attention to the blackboard, most have already internalized the message that school is a "normal" and necessary part of life and everyone does it. Try to homeschool them at that point and many will resist. Unless, of course, they start to have major problems with school and want out (at which point they still are often conflicted a bit, missing friends, etc).<br><br>
My advice would be to not put him in preschool, no matter how wonderful and fun it is. Don't put him in preschool *because* of how wonderful and fun it is. Start hooking up with other homeschoolers instead. Start referring to him as a homeschooler and make homeschooling playdates and (with a smile on your face) answer stranger's questions about school with "We homeschool!". Instead of spending a year playing up preschool and letting him get used to that, play up homeschooling and let him get used to your local homeschooling community. Let him internalize the message that he's a homeschooler and it's normal. And then, when he's school age and you're finally, legally, homeschooling, it won't be a huge paradigm shift for him, but just a continuation of what he's been doing all along <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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My darling Miss Divatude is a kindergartener now and she wanted to go to "real school" for two reasons. My MIL was pushing for it, (MIL had been lukewarm about it before but since my Grandma had her stroke and had to come live with us MIL has been very concerned that I can't possibly handle homeschooling too) and the girl wants recess. Surprisingly dd hasn't mentioned that her best neighborhood friend goes to "real" kindergarten.<br><br>
Now we go to a local homeschooling group park day once a week and she plays with other kids on a playground and we call it our recess day. It works. The look of amazement on her face when I gestured to the group as a whole and said "See all these kids... they homeschool too." I think she was afraid we were the only ones in the whole state (we have homeschooling friends one state over that she knows about). Sigh. The mind of a young child often strikes me as being as vast and mysterious as the depths of uncharted seas.<br><br>
Ultimately it's your choice not the kids, whether you choose Public, Private or Home. I'm not adamant that we'll always keep them home, but this is the right fit for us right now, and that's a choice for her father and I to make, not our parents, neighbors, friends, city officials or even our beloved children. Just my opinion on the matter.<br><br>
Thanks,<br>
Crystal
 

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I agree with what people have said about support groups. We began when DD1 was 3yo. Another homeschool mom suggested we start playing with other HS kids so my kids would understand just how normal HS is. It has really paid off. DD knows that some kids go to "away" school and some kids homeschool.<br><br>
I've had DD1 practice telling people that we homeschool. Now when she's getting questions about school, she knows just what to say and it feels normal to her.
 

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My almost 5 yr old is being homeschooled kindergarten and she loves it when its "school time" To her its normal. Having said that I also send her on Mondays to an enrichment program for homeschoolers through the school district. She LOVES it. She has 6 other kindergarten kids in her class and each month they have a theme they focus on. This month is bugs. I am more than happy for her to do bugs elsewhere...lol I'm also learning from her teacher how artistic my dd is, something I wouldn't have noticed right now. So for me its nice to have fresh eyes on her learning style.<br><br>
So I guess I didn't really answer your question..lol<br><br>
My kids think its normal to be taught at home.
 

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My dd is 5. She has never gone to daycare or preschool so she really isn't missing something she had at one point. I don't really emphasize that we are doing school although I ask dd what she might like to learn about. I didn't really ask her if she wanted to homeschool. I know what school is really like and I know my dd. I don't feel it is the place for her at this time. I don't think she would truly enjoy the structure of it or the schedule.<br>
She has said once or twice that she would like to go to school and ride a bus. We discussed it and I found out that her idea of school was that mom or dad would go with her and we would play for awhile and undoubtedly we would leave whenever she felt like it. Not an every day thing.<br>
There is a certain glamour I guess to the bus ride and the other kids in our family all go to school.<br>
I'm not getting a big fight from her on it.<br>
I'm sure the fact that we can do so much that she would miss out on in school will occur to her eventually.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
thanks everyone for your replies - they have been very helpful. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> i also have hesitations about sending ds to preschool. but right now, for us and our situation, i feel the benefits are outweighing my concerns and fears. i could be wrong, but i hope not. here's why: up until last month when he started preschool, ds has had very little exposure to other kids his age. we had belonged to a playgroup when he was little, but all the kids have started school and the playgroup has disbanded. we have no cousins his age around here and the only see the neighbor kids occasionally. i am still working 3 days a week right now (should be going down to 2 or less soon) so it's hard to start up new friendships with other moms right now. i really felt ds needed some time around other kids. i just hope it doesn't warp him for later. :LOL
 
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