[newcastlemama]

(I think this is the appropriate forum but please move if you need to)<br><br>
I would like to come here and say that the Lord has opened my heart now. My conscience/the Holy Spirit was always urging me towards GD and away from punitive punishment but I was not listening well.<br><br>
My mother was always against spanking but not at all gentle (yelling, shaming, face slapping) and my dh was "lovingly" spanked frequently with a paint stirring stick because the "Bible said so". This produced a lot of fear in me and a lot of anger in my husband.<br><br>
These Bible verses have shown me that grace-based living is what God intends for us.<br><br>
Galatians 5:22-23<br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control.</td>
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Matthew 18<br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">1At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"<br>
2He called a little child and had him stand among them. 3And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.<br>
5"And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.</td>
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Matthew 22:37-39<br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'[a] 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'</td>
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Ephesians 6:4<br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">4Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.</td>
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There are many more verses but these were the big ones for me....<br><br><br><br>
I have been so wrong in the way I have treated my precious little Jack (4yo).<br>
I repent of that and look forward to treating you and your baby sister will all the LOVE I have in my heart.<br><br>
I was decieved by other to think spankning was Biblical. IT IS NOT!!! Lord have mercy on me!! I remember when my son was around 2 and my MIL told me it was time to start "using the rod" or something to that effect. I got this sick feeliing like I was going to vomit and pass out. God help me to never brush off that feeling again!! I thought I was just being too emotional. It did not make sense that I lovingly grow, gently birth, cuddle, and nourish this baby to end up hitting him? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/brokenheart.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loss"><br><br>
I cannot tell you how filled with regret I am and how thankful I am to the Lord for revealing this to me. My son is very spirited and is flourishing with me and dh treating him with grace and love..unconditionally. Punitive punishments left all of us angry, frusterated, and worn down. Grace and love have all of us feeling accepted and nutured (and having FUN!) Children are small people made in the image of God. Jesus was especially loving towards them.<br><br>
Thank you to mothering, member dulce de leche, aloff, and gentle Christian mothers website for helping me through this. God help me to never treat my children that way again.<br><br>
I have so much more to say but I am emotionally exhausted from this right now.......Please be gentle with me...I came here so other Christian mothers would not be deceived and would treat their children gently.<br><br>
Jennifer

 

[mamajama]

I'm so happy for you and your son!! It's an exciting and much more peaceful and interesting way to raise a child. If nothing else the intellectual challenges of actually dealing with struggles and working through them will enrich your relationship with him (and yourself) exponentially. Congratulations!

 

[CarenSwan]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> mama! Blessings on your journey, and thanks for your thoughtful reflections...

 

[captain crunchy]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/praying.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="praying">:<br><br>
Praying for your mama. Congratulations to your family for making this breakthrough.<br><br>
Remember, God forgave you as soon as you asked so be gentle with yourself and don't beat yourself up <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">

 

[EnviroBecca]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">: You can do it! And when Jack is older, you can tell him about the powerful experience of <a href="http://blog.earthlingshandbook.org/2008/01/23/thats-all.aspx" target="_blank">finding out you were wrong when you'd thought you were right</a> and how grateful you are that it happened, even though it was hard to admit you'd been wrong...and I bet he will learn from it, forgive you, and GD your grandchildren. Now that I think of it, I've met many people who were harshly disciplined themselves and chose GD for their own children, but I don't think I've ever met anyone who was GD'd and then decided to spank and shame their children!

 

[Attached Mama]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Thanks for sharing your story! It is difficult to be a Christian parent and be gentle -as ironic as that is. I'm grateful for the path God brought my husband and I on. If I'd had a child a decade earlier I'd have been a strict ezzo follower <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">.<br><br>
I have a blog on Graceful Parenting <a href="http://www.gracefulparenting.blogspot.com" target="_blank">www.gracefulparenting.blogspot.com</a> if you are interested. I've personally found the writings of Clay and Sally Clarkson to be incredibly encouraging! Espec Mission of Motherhood! LOVE that book!<br><br>
Blessings to you on your beautiful new gentle journey! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Your son is lucky to have such a tender hearted, humble mommy!

 

[dulce de leche]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Blessings on you and your family! This is a wonderful place to get ideas--I learn from the people here all the time. I am excited and happy for you and your family. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">:

 

[cotopaxi]

Good for you! We can only do our best given the knowledge we have at any given time. It's awesome that you are able to take in new information, be open to it, and change when you found a better way. That's the best anyone can hope to do.

 

[mama*pisces]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Wow....I am so happy that you have seen the light, mama! Your post truly made me smile. How wonderful for you and your family! GD is certainly not the easy way out but always remember there are some wonderful mamas on here that will answer any questions you might have. I know I've learned tons on here myself.<br><br>
Best wishes to you, and thanks for posting all those great passages. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">

 

[newcastlemama]

Thank you so much for all the love and support mamas.<br><br>
I feel like I enjoy being a mother because I don't have to get all in punishment mode. It was wonderful yesterday when Jack came and sat on both mine and dh's lap and said, "I love you guys" and kept hugging and kissing us. Earlier in the day my dh dropped a bunch of electrical parts out of his truck and was very stressed. I told Jack that daddy needed a hug. Jack went over and told him it was okay, gave dh a hug, and then proceeded to <i>pick up the parts for his daddy</i>!!!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> Wow! Our home is more loving and peaceful without coercion/punishment (as well as having peace in my heart instead of this daily inner stuggle).<br><br><span style="text-decoration:underline;">Attachedmama</span>--I actually check out your blog the other day. Jack sat with me yesterday while I looked at it again and now he wants to go for a hike and make a pie! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> I have it bookmarked now.<br><span style="text-decoration:underline;">Envirobecca</span>-Thanks for the positive outlook on the whole thing. It would be great if my grandchildren were raised this way. (I wish I was!)<br><span style="text-decoration:underline;">Captain Crunchy</span>-Thank you for your prayers.<br><br>
I am going to the library today to get <i>Raising Your Spirited Child</i> and <i>Playful Parenting.</i><br><br>
Anyone have a book /website/articles rec for dh? He feels anger still from his childhood (lots of spanking, controlling, father was not approachable, he was the "rebellious" kid). He feels like this affects his feelings towards God and wants to change that.<br><br>
Thanks again everyone!<br>
Jennifer

 

[CarenSwan]

Jennifer, I love that scene from your family life! What a sweet boy you have! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> On a book note, have you or your husband heard of the book, The Shack? It's certainly not for everyone, but I think it beautifully illustrates the healing God has for each of us and the peace that God invites us into in the present, not just the future. It is specifically about a man healing from anger in his past... So perhaps your dh would enjoy that. It's a quick read!

 

[Munchkimo]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>newcastlemama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12095465"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Anyone have a book /website/articles rec for dh? He feels anger still from his childhood (lots of spanking, controlling, father was not approachable, he was the "rebellious" kid). He feels like this affects his feelings towards God and wants to change that.</div>
</td>
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It's not a parenting book but "The Shack" by William P. Young totally changed my warped perceptions of God the Father. My childhood was quite a lot like your husband's and I didn't realize how much I projected my biological father's and step-father's personalities onto God. There is also a free audio series by the publisher's of "The Shack" called "Transition" that you can listen to here:<br><br><a href="http://lifestream.org/transition/transition.html" target="_blank">http://lifestream.org/transition/transition.html</a>

 

[Munchkimo]

Oh, heh, oops. I didn't see the previous post until after I posted.

 

[newcastlemama]

I will have to check out <i>The Shack</i>, I guess! Interestingly, my MIL has been recommending it to everyone.<br><br>
Jennifer