[welldone]

I'm hoping to connect with fellow Christian TTCers to provide support and advice. Are there others?

I'm Serina, a natural childbirth educator and stay-at-home mom to Maya, 20 months, and wife to Jason. We're trying to conceive #2 as of this month. I'm 7 DPO, and having a hard time waiting to take that pregnancy test!

Does anyone else struggle with God's timing? We waited longer than we anticipated to TTC after having Maya because I wanted to lose weight. But, that effort was essentially failing, so now we've decided to go ahead and TTC. It's exciting--but I always wonder what outcomes my choices will have, and did I seek God before making them?

Baby blessings to all!

 

[Annie]

I too have struggled with God's timing. We've been TTC for three years now and sometimes i wonder if it has something to do with that year or two we decided to have for ourselves. I had been told that it's best to wait at least two years to have the first, for the sake of the marriage.
Now I'm thinking maybe I should never have tried to avoid, and should have left it more in His from the honeymoon on. Dunno. Maybe God has His reasons for making us wait. I do know that when we finally do have a baby I'll definetly cherish it beyond words.

Baby blessings!

 

[Shorin_Mama]

Add me to the group.

I haven't had trouble with God's timing yet (just started TTCing) but I have another issue. I have a hard time believing God would entrust one of His gentle souls to my care. It seems like such a responsibility. I pray every night that he will guide me on this new path.

Jess

 

[welldone]

, all! Glad to meet you.

dogmommie_annie, I understand your thoughts. I've had similar ones myself - were we right in waiting and keeping those two years to ourself, or should we have just left it go from the honeymoon? Maya was born just after two years into the marriage, and she was a surprise blessing. Even though she wasn't in our original plan, she was obviously in God's! And it's been wonderful. I pray for God to bless you with a little one soon.

Jess, I'm with you on that. I often feel ill-equipped to shepherd my daughter. We often step back in amazement, questioning how God could entrust us with such a responsibility! And I can't tell you how often I doubt how I'm doing. But that's the nature of human existence...we're fallible, and we're going to make mistakes. It's all in how we strive to live. I'm always seeking to bear more fruits of the Spirit, especially patience!

Related to dogmommie_annie's comments...we were convicted about using hormonal birth control after about 8 months of marriage. That changed our thoughts about family "planning" and our whole perspective on Christian marriage. (Check out http://www.epm.org/prolife.html for more info; scroll down to the "Birth Control Pill" section.) I'm so glad I've discovered Taking Charge of Your Fertility now! It really makes natural family planning a lot easier.

Okay, sorry for being long-winded.

I probably won't be around again until Monday. Have a blessed Sunday!

 

[welldone]

Just checking in and bumping. Hoping for you, Jess. Keep us posted on how you're feeling.

Another big fat negative today. Shouldn't have tested, but I have the patience of a puppy.

I'm going to try to focus less on whether or not I'm pregnant and more on praying for our future child(ren). I'm praying for a healthy pregnancy (I had a hard third trimester with my daughter), a healthy baby, and a good marriage relationship with my husband.

 

[Shorin_Mama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by somewhere to grow Another big fat negative today. Shouldn't have tested, but I have the patience of a puppy. I'm going to try to focus less on whether or not I'm pregnant and more on praying for our future child(ren). I'm praying for a healthy pregnancy (I had a hard third trimester with my daughter), a healthy baby, and a good marriage relationship with my husband.

I could have written that exact post (except for the part about having a daughter already

).

I'm doing okay, my stomach is still really bugging me but I'm beginning to wonder if that's just in my head. Wishful thinking maybe. My chart looks just like countless other charts from when we were avoiding -- big dip 11-12dpo followed by menses the next day. Of course I'm hoping the basement temp is a fluke but I'm becoming more and more open to the realization that this may not be the time for us. I didn't tell Matt about this yet. He's been getting so excited -- every time I feel nauseated he gets a big grin and says "This doesn't seem like a stomach bug." I decided I'm not going to say anything until I know one way or the other for sure. I don't think it'd be fair to drag him along on this roller coaster I'm on now.

I've been praying a lot this morning, trying to connect to the source of infinite love and support. I need to remember that He and I made this plan for my life, struggles and all. My soul will grow and flourish with His guidance, all I need to do is have faith and trust.

Trust. Yeah, that's the big word for today. Trust -- and a little surrender. What is is and what isn't isnt.

If, by some miracle, my temp is up tomorrow and AF doesn't arrive I'm planning to wait until Thursday to test again. That's 15dpo and our 4th wedding anniversary. I told Matt I'd update him then, unless AF shows earlier.

Guess I should hide the HPTs when I get home. . . .

Jess

 

[welldone]

Aw, Jess, I'm hoping for you. I'm with you on the trust issue - in the long run, "when" will not be as important as what kind of mothers we are/will be. There are so many things we can do to prepare for pregnancy, besides making love and testing like maniacs!

Sounds like we're in a similar situation. Our cycles are similar, and our 4th wedding anniversary is in August.

May I ask why you're TTC for June only?

 

[Shorin_Mama]

TTC for June only --

Well, we had been planning since last fall to start TTC in June of this year. Matt has had some stomach problems for the last several years that no doctors have been able to explain. I don't need a doctor to explain, I know exactly what the problem is: stress. Matt's a little stressball, always has been (we've known each other since preschool).

Anyway, last month he went to yet another doctor who decided that Matt needs the full battery of tests to determine the root cause. He's going to have it all: radioactive barium, CT scans, ultrasounds, whatever insurance will pay for (some of which he's had already).

There's nothing wrong with him, the doctor even said so. He said that with the tests Matt's already had he's pretty sure there's nothing serious wrong. No ulcer, no cancer, no bizarre new Matt syndrome. But, as we all know, insurance will pay for the big guns and doctors will take the money.

:

The problem with all this is they may compromise his sperm. We really don't want to take any extra chances so we mutually decided that after his tests (which are scheduled for next week) we'll wait three months before trying again. SO, after waiting so long, we're only getting one cycle to try now.

I did get Matt to go to acupuncture this month and he hasn't had a single "episode" since. I wish he would see what the real root of his problem is. He's very non-crunchy, mainstream to the max. That's slowly changing but I think health will be the last bastion of resistance. He's already resigned himself to homebirth (has no choice, really), cloth diapers, cosleeping, extended breastfeeding, and gentle discipline.

Jess

 

[Snow Cherries]

Oh Serina I'm so glad you started this thread! I'm also a Christian and have been struggling big time lately with waiting for God's timing. I'm just so impatient and my mom has been giving me these pep talks that center around waiting for God's timing. And although I believe in my heart that He does have a plan for me and my family, I have a real hard time giving up the control I believe I have! I just want to control it. So surrender should be my mantra this week! (Every week, really)

Before we got married (which was about 2.5 years ago) DH and I talked extensively about when we wanted to have children. We've always known we wanted to have children earlier rather than later, but we too got the advice of waiting a couple of years in order to give our marriage a stronger foundation. So we decided that we would wait to TTC until about a year - year and half after we got married. That way I could work two straight years, we could save some money etc. One reason this was a big deal for us was that I was told by my Gyn. that I would probably have a hard time getting pregnant due to the fact that I've had very irregular cycles since I was 14. I'd been on bcp since I was 17 because I would bleed all month, then go two months with no period etc. So we knew we wanted to try earlier in order to take full advantage of our fertility.

SO when we lapsed on bc about 1.5 months after our wedding, I wasn't too worried because I really thought it would be hard for me to get pg. I was wrong! I got pg with DS. We were thrilled though! Financially, it's been hard at times, but we are managing for me to be a SAHM and I really love it.

And my SIL who helped me greatly when we were trying to decide all this continues to tell me, "You don't make babies, God makes babies!" That definitely was the case with DS, because we werent' trying. But looking back I know it was THE BEST thing for us, so why can't I trust that God will ensure that the best thing happens this time?

I'm so sorry for my rambling! It just feels good to get this out!

And Jess, I just wanted to tell you that the keeping all stress in the stomach thing runs in my family and several of us have gone through all the tests that end up proving (like you believe) that there is nothing wrong. But perhaps the peace of mind will help DH. I've also found a homeopathic remedy for "nervousness and hyper-sensitivity due to everyday stress" that does wonders for my stomach! There's also this great book that I think is by Elizabeth George that addresses worry (which is a big part of stress for me) and is largely based on the bible verse "Whatever is lovely, whatever is true. . . .think on such things" and it has helped me let go of my worry. THe premise is that this verse is a command and we are commanded to think about what is TRUE. So worrying about something that might go wrong for example means you are not thinking about what is true, because 'the computer might crash' is not true, it's not real, it's not actually happening. Anyways, if you're interested let me know and I'll dig out the book and give you the title!

Still KHA for you, by the way!!

 

[welldone]

, Tanya! So glad to meet you! Your Matthew is just a month older than my Maya. May I ask how long you've been TTC this second time around?

I'd love the title of that Elizabeth George book.

Jess, I hope all goes well with the battery of tests. No way you can talk anyone out of having them done? Seems like a lot of body and mind stress, not to mention the effect on the...er..."guys."

Off to prep for small group Bible study, which is at our house, and pray for patience. (I think I'll have that prayer request engraved in my journal, as it doesn't seem to go away...)

 

[Snow Cherries]

Thanks for the welcome Serina! I have a neice named Maya, but they spell it Maia, she was born in Aug. 02! I'll dig out that book tonight and let you know the title! Good luck with your Bible Study!

Oh, and we've only been TTC this time for one one cycle so far, but this one cycle started May 8, so I'm now on day 52!! Ugh! I feel so embarrassed that I'm already so impatient and it's only been one cycle!

 

[cappuccinosmom]

I am struggling with God's timing right now. We always have wanted many children, and since ds was concieved a few days after our wedding (we weren't preventing conception, just enjoying the honeymoon!

), I thought for sure I'd get preggo again pretty soon. I wouldn't have minded an 11-15 mo space between ds 1 and the next. But God clearly had other plans. Ds is 14 mo now, and I've been fertile for about 3 months, no baby. We are not actively TTC (as in charting, etc) but leaving it in His hands, and I have to say, the waiting and wanting is much harder for me than accepting a baby a year, which some were convinced would happen if we didn't use bc. I am so, so sad not to have another baby. Our son is more boy than baby now, and I miss the infant stage so much! And I really would love for our children to be close in age.

I feel for you!

 

[welldone]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snow Cherries Oh, and we've only been TTC this time for one one cycle so far, but this one cycle started May 8, so I'm now on day 52!! Ugh! I feel so embarrassed that I'm already so impatient and it's only been one cycle!

I'm with you on that...being involved in a TTC community really puts things in perspective for me. So many have been trying for so long, and we just started this month!

, Maggie! Where abouts in SW Pennsylvania are you? We're moving to Pittsburgh sometime this year, as my husband is changing careers from engineering to college ministry. We'll be working at Carnegie Mellon University.

I appreciate your thoughts about baby longing. My best friend from high school also conceived her first on her honeymoon, and will have her second this fall (when her first is just 16 months old). Some give her flack for "letting God decide," as it's often put. If God had given them more space between children, say 2-3 years, would others be so critical? I know others who never used hormonal birth control and have children consistently spaced a few years apart. You just don't know what God will give.

I have hidden fears about not being able to conceive this time. My first pregnancy was a "surprise," though we know exactly when we conceived her. It was only one "weak" episode without condoms, and she came along eight-ish months later! Since we were given her so easily, I don't know what it's like to TTC. This is our first month. And what if it's not so easy? What if God chooses to teach me a different lesson this time?

 

[welldone]

10 dpo and needing to fill my mind with non-pregnancy thoughts. Prayer? A new hobby? Hmm...

 

[Snow Cherries]

I feel the same. I've been so obsessive lately and it's starting to make me crazy! I've been trying to spend a little less time on the computer and more time cleaning the house, working on my scrapbooks etc. According to FF, there is a chance I may have ovulated about 9 or 10 days ago (I was thinking I hadn't ovulated this cycle) so now that has totally propelled me full force into pregnant thinking. However, I am having some period-like cramps today so AF may be on the way. At this point I think I'd be glad just to get this horrid cycle over with. This waiting is the worst. I'm sorry, I'm no help at all!!

 

[welldone]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snow Cherries I've been trying to spend a little less time on the computer and more time cleaning the house, working on my scrapbooks etc.

I need to do that, too, especially scrapbooking. My daughter needs her baby book completed before she turns 2 this fall!

With a little tot around, it's a bit easier to get distracted from pregnancy obsession. If I had been TTC before my first, I would've had nothing to do but work, come home, and obsess! The Lord knew that I was best surprised on that one! This time around, the only "me" time I have is one nap time a day. Problem is, I often have to choose between cleaning, returning calls, and checking email/internet. Cleaning should probably be more of a priority!

Oh, to have pregnancy as an excuse to be a bit lazy!

I've committed not to test until Saturday. There, I said it! Keep me accountable, ladies!

 

[cappuccinosmom]

Serina, We are about an hour south-and-east of Pittsburgh. PM me so I can welcome you when y'all arrive.

Dh and I were talking baby-stuff today. Before, he's always just said "Leave it to God. Stop worrying about it", kind of gruffly, but today he was a bit more sympathetic. I wonder if he's seeing his baby boy growing up so quickly and starting to understand why I am wanting another baby so much.

Still, dh is much more able to put something in God's hands and leave it there. I tend to want to worry and work things out myself!

 

[Taedareth]

Hi ladies

I don't know if I belong on this "TTC" forum but I wish we could ttc right now so I'll post anyway

I wish I'd looked into FAM before we got married! I've been on Depo 3 years now and my last shot just wore off in the first week of April. My charts look very erratic. Twice they've looked like ovulation, but stayed high after AF should have started. No AF, and negative pregnancy tests (well several tests actually...

if only they were cheaper so I could be even more excessive with them.) We've recently become good friends with another couple at our church who have a newborn. While I enjoy holding her baby, it's also hard not being able to conceive our own. I think the worst part though is having NO IDEA how long it might take to get my cycle back

I've been haunting depo forums and it looks like for many women it really does take the full 6-12 months, with many in the 9-12 months category.

I wanted to ask you guys about the financial aspect of starting a family, and the faith that requires. DH and I are committed to having me be a SAHM. Right now I'm working full time (not a great wage but on my husband's income alone we could pay the mortgage OR all the other bills, but not both). So, starting a family for us would be almost cutting our income in half. *trembles in fear* We feel that God is calling us to be parents and has put that desire in our hearts, but eep... how will the $$ work out? Logic tells me that lots of other couples have had "surprise" babies and somehow stayed financially afloat, but still, maybe it would be wiser to keep using FAM to avoid pregnancy until we have more money? (I was unemployed for several months last year and we have 5k in debt that we're trying to pay off. At our current income levels, that will take 2 years to do, and if we lose some income, then from a human perspective, it will never get paid off!) Also how can I know for sure that God wants us to TTC right away when I start ovulating again? If anyone else has a similar experience with the great "when to start a family" question I would love to hear about it

 

[Snow Cherries]

Serina - I'm also trying to get DS's babybook done before he turns 2!! I'm so behind. I'm also in the exact same position as you as far as "me time". As soon as DS goes down for his nap I run around like crazy trying to get things done! Often, that's my only time to shower too! By the way, I'm still looking for that book - we recently put a bunch of books away to make room for some of DS's toys, but I know I can find it in the next couple of days.

STAY AWAY FROM THE TESTS!!!!! I'm also trying not to test until this weekend. We have Kaiser, so I might go into the lab for a urine test on Friday since it's free.

Welcome Taedareth! There are a lot of different opinions out there about finances and children, but here's my two cents. DS was a bit of a (happy) surprise baby, so we didn't have much choice, but for us having children and me becoming a SAHM meant not owning a home for now. We live in the SF Bay Area and it is ridiculously expensive (I think the median income around here is upwards of $70,000! And DH doesn't make anywhere near that! You can't find a home under $300,000 here) so for now we are renting an apartment. Sometimes that gets hard - we feel a little cramped and I'd LOVE to be able to paint my walls, but it works. If you look at our finances on paper, it doesn't make any sense that we manage to pull it off each month, but somehow we do. The Lord always provides just enough for us! And we aren't suffering in any way - we've just learned how to cut corners here and there.

We truly feel that God's plan for us, is for me to stay at home with our son and we find that when we are faithful to that plan, we find amazing blessings. It's not easy, but I also think that sometimes the hard times draw us together even more!

Is there any way you can cut out some expenses? If you are considering staying home, you might want to figure in that you wont have to pay for you to commute, or for a work wardrobe for yourself. Maybe your cell phone bill (if you have one) would go down, your grocery/eating out budget might be less etc. We found that the actual cost of having a baby is not that bad at all. If you breastfeed you don't have to worry about food for the baby for quite a while, and once baby starts eating solids, you can easily make your own. You can Cloth Diaper to save money (we didn't because of the apartment thing, but it was still only about $20 a week for disposable diapers).

DH and I took a class on money managment at our church last year called Master Your Money by Ron Blue (from Walk Thru the BIble Ministries) that was so helpful and comprehensive!! I was amazed at the things we learned. I would recommend this series to anyone! If you can't find a local church that offers it, you might be able to "rent" or borrow it from somewhere. Beyond that I'd have to say just pray, pray, pray about it! I think that the important thing is that you and your DH are on the same page and that you are faithfully presenting your plans to God. That sounds so cliche, and I hate it when people say that to me sometimes, but I find that when I calm down and do this, I find peace. I hope this helps you a little. You can totally PM me if you want.

 

[cappuccinosmom]

The financial aspect of TTC/accepting babies.........

I could write a book.

We had decided before marriage to just accept as many babies as God gives. From our perspective (humanly speaking), it was *really* scary. My husband was working two jobs in his country, but not making very much. At the beginning of our marriage, we put it all on God, and have been asking Him daily for provision. Amazingly, He has arranged things so that we have what we need, and more. Right now, dh has been working a 6.75/hour job. He does a lot of overtime, but we still don't gross more than $2,200/month. The net is much less because of taxes. And then 10% goes to God, and about 25% goes into savings to support his folks in his country. The leftovers are what we live on.
I think the really important thing is to evaluate "needs". There are so many things our culture calls "necessary" that really aren't. So, you have to decide if "bare-bones" living with a happy, stable family and SAHM is what you want, or if you want more of the material goods and plan your family according to that. It is still a walk of faith, but making sure that an "I want" attitude isn't there makes it a lot easier.
A good resource for learning to cut and budget is Dave Ramsey and financial Peace University. Also Crown Financial Ministries.

Perhaps I'm not very helpful--we lean toward being abnormal anyway, so being "poor" doesn't really bother us.