You can't expect an 11 month old child to sit still for 45 minutes during a church sermon....it's unreasonable IMO. Why do they have to be able to sit through a sermon by the age of 1? Why don't they have a nursery for young toddlers?
Church behavior
My dd is almost 11 months old. When she turned 10 months she started sitting quietly with a few "shh" reminders during Sunday School and at least the morning church service. Then she got sick and we stayed home for about 2 weeks and now when we went back, she won't sit or be quiet. I understand that part of the trouble is that we have a new sanctuary now and she doesn't understand that it is still church- I don't know what she thinks it is but I know she thinks it isn't church. She did fall asleep during Sunday school and when she woke up looked at her books and sat quietly on my lap. The morning service she threw the toys and would not stop talking. Finally gave her to daddy and he took her out and spoke sternly to her to sit still and be quiet. Came back in and she sat for the last 10 minutes.
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Then, the evening service, she threw the toys even when I said "no" and then started crying when I didn't give the toy back to her. I took her out and scolded her for throwing the toy and bawling- she bawled louder and wouldn't stop. I sat out in the nursery with her for awhile and finally she was calm so we went back in. Sat for maybe 10 minutes and suddenly started bawling again. We spent the rest of the service in the nursery where she sat on my lap and had some snacks that she really wasn't interesed in and cried every now and then. I don't know what to do with her any more. I am trying to sit down every evening and read a story or have daddy read and hold her on my lap or his and insist on a "quiet" time before bed. In case you're wondering why she needs to sit in church, all the kids are expected to sit in church by 1 yr. If they get hungry or wet or something you can take them out but they are suppossed to sit for most of the time which is about 45 min of preaching. Any ideas?
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In addition to thinking it is an unrealistic expectation to sit through (multiple?) church services in one day, I also think it is unrealistic for an 11 month old to 'understand' when you scold her for anything. I really don't understand why you would be punishing a BABY for CRYING. I would protest if my things didn't get returned to me.
She doesn't see the big picture about not throwing toys, let alone what is expected at church.
My suggestion is to listen to what your baby is telling you she is ready and not ready for. And if that doesn't conform to whomever set up the church rules, then maybe that needs evaluated not punishing your child.
Originally Posted by Mama2 '05'06 he took her out and spoke sternly to her to sit still and be quiet. Came back in and she sat for the last 10 minutes.
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She doesn't see the big picture about not throwing toys, let alone what is expected at church.
My suggestion is to listen to what your baby is telling you she is ready and not ready for. And if that doesn't conform to whomever set up the church rules, then maybe that needs evaluated not punishing your child.
Working with a small child is one thing we have always had our child in service with us there is no nursery and untill recently no cryroom, we gently worked with her on using a quiet voice we allowed snacks small toys ect if she got too noisey we just walked with her in the back but did say we had to use qiet voices and calm hand for sitting. Shes three now and does well. Whats rubbed me wrong was this
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Your using threats thats just not fair a 10 month old is just too young to be expected to have the same impulse controll as an adult. Also to scold her for crying??
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Deanna
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| Finally gave her to daddy and he took her out and spoke sternly to her to sit still and be quiet. Came back in and she sat for the last 10 minutes. Then, the evening service, she threw the toys even when I said "no" and then started crying when I didn't give the toy back to her. I took her out and scolded her for throwing the toy and bawling- |
Deanna
Agree with pp... please don't scold your baby.
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But I'm glad you're working at staying together during church. I've found this website helpful, Faith At Home. Keeping children in service is very challenging, even in a highly liturgical setting with lots of repetition week-to-week, congregational responses verbal children can participate in, and a 15-20 minute sermon.
When my girls were tiny like your little one, we had lots of in the pew nursing, and I carried them in a wrap carrier walking the back of the church as needed (often entire services) until about age 18 months or so. Then they were able to stay in our aisle and draw and look at books, eat cheerios and have a sippy cup. Of course I take them out if they are fussing and give them a chance to settle down. This past Sunday dh and I actually had one dd each on opposite sides of the entrance when they melted down at the beginning of the sermon. We are in a very tolerant and child-friendly congregation, so children are not expected to be "seen and not heard".
You may also want to read the book Families Where Grace is in Place by Jeff VanVonderen, Arms of Love Family Fellowship, and Gentle Christian Mothers for encouragement in gentle discipline from a Christian worldview.
You're on the right path, mama. Hang in there.
When my girls were tiny like your little one, we had lots of in the pew nursing, and I carried them in a wrap carrier walking the back of the church as needed (often entire services) until about age 18 months or so. Then they were able to stay in our aisle and draw and look at books, eat cheerios and have a sippy cup. Of course I take them out if they are fussing and give them a chance to settle down. This past Sunday dh and I actually had one dd each on opposite sides of the entrance when they melted down at the beginning of the sermon. We are in a very tolerant and child-friendly congregation, so children are not expected to be "seen and not heard".
You may also want to read the book Families Where Grace is in Place by Jeff VanVonderen, Arms of Love Family Fellowship, and Gentle Christian Mothers for encouragement in gentle discipline from a Christian worldview.
You're on the right path, mama. Hang in there.
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Have you considered alternatives to how y'all are currently attending services? Would it be possible to attend for part of the time? Trading off being in the sanctuary? IMO, just because others in your congregation think a 12 month old *should* be able to do something doesn't make it so. I would be concerned they don't have the child's best interest at heart. It's difficult for many adults to sit through a 45 minute service
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IMO, I would look to why it's important to you for her to behave in whatever way you are expecting her to. Do you feel it's a reflection on your parenting (it's not!!!) when she behaves in ways that are not acceptable to you/the congregation?
It sounds like she might have been frightened in the surroundings and feeling the anxiety surrounding you and dh's reactions to her behavior. Do you think this might be the case?
There are lots of creative ways that families work out handling religious services/meeting spiritual needs with young babies. IMO, it's setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration to expect such a young baby to understand and comply with 45 mins. of quiet. Goodness, some days we're lucky to have 5 minutes of quiet, happy time around here.
Hope you find some solutions that feel right to your heart.
| I don't know what to do with her any more. I am trying to sit down every evening and read a story or have daddy read and hold her on my lap or his and insist on a "quiet" time before bed. In case you're wondering why she needs to sit in church, all the kids are expected to sit in church by 1 yr. If they get hungry or wet or something you can take them out but they are suppossed to sit for most of the time which is about 45 min of preaching. Any ideas? |
It sounds like she might have been frightened in the surroundings and feeling the anxiety surrounding you and dh's reactions to her behavior. Do you think this might be the case?
There are lots of creative ways that families work out handling religious services/meeting spiritual needs with young babies. IMO, it's setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration to expect such a young baby to understand and comply with 45 mins. of quiet. Goodness, some days we're lucky to have 5 minutes of quiet, happy time around here.
Hope you find some solutions that feel right to your heart.
Richella, I
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rockers in the back of the sanctuary. What a great idea!
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DS is still too active at 26 months to be able to sit still for more than 10 mintues at any one activity really. I mean, I could "make" him be still, I suppose, but as Soundhunter said above, I would have to use some pretty serious non-GD parenting techniques to get him there, which kind of defeats the purpose, as far as I'm concerned. And, to be perfectly honest, neither of us would be getting anything out of a service at this point right now if I had to keep entertaining him and he was bored, KWIM? I figure in another year he'll have settled down a bit and we'll start going to services...but until at least ONE of us is going to get something out of it, I don't get the reason to go (then again I'm not into the "required attendance" thing, so that makes a difference, too).
...and I AM sure that not all kids are capable of sitting for an hour-long service at 12 months....I have one, and Soundhunter wrote she has one, so there's at least 2 right there.
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I echo all of the PP who suggest that your church is expecting way too much from "all" 1-yos. SOME 1-yos, sure, will sit quietly for periods of time...but some won't....and there's nothing "wrong" with them, they're not "bad". They're just different.
I'd go with your child's disposition and temperament, and base your attendance on that.
Oh, and ditto on not scolding her for crying - she's not even a year old - this is just the beginning of her beign frustrated at not being able to verbalize her emotions - if your'e scolding her now, you're going to be in a world of hurt when she's 2.
Originally Posted by Soundhunter Wow, I guess it must sometiems depend on the kid no? We don't go to church, but my daughter is very, very, very physically active, as she approached her 1st birthday and was able to walk she did not stay still when she was awake, and kept moving until she was about 20 months old. She just didnt sit still. She wasn't into coloring or drawing, she was very into throwing, jumping, climbing, running etc. I really don't see ow it would've been possible, with a physical kid like her, to have gotten her to stay still and quiet so long at that age. Her cousins loved to color and quietly puruse books at that age, Emma did not. I think the only thing that would've worked with Emma at that age, to accomplish silence and stillness, would've been severe, SEVERE corporal punishment. I'm not sure all kids are capable of doing what your church expects at that age, without stepping far out of GD practises. I'm always open to the possibility that I'm wrong, but with the way Emma was at that age, I just can't see it. |
DS is still too active at 26 months to be able to sit still for more than 10 mintues at any one activity really. I mean, I could "make" him be still, I suppose, but as Soundhunter said above, I would have to use some pretty serious non-GD parenting techniques to get him there, which kind of defeats the purpose, as far as I'm concerned. And, to be perfectly honest, neither of us would be getting anything out of a service at this point right now if I had to keep entertaining him and he was bored, KWIM? I figure in another year he'll have settled down a bit and we'll start going to services...but until at least ONE of us is going to get something out of it, I don't get the reason to go (then again I'm not into the "required attendance" thing, so that makes a difference, too).
...and I AM sure that not all kids are capable of sitting for an hour-long service at 12 months....I have one, and Soundhunter wrote she has one, so there's at least 2 right there.
I'd go with your child's disposition and temperament, and base your attendance on that.
Oh, and ditto on not scolding her for crying - she's not even a year old - this is just the beginning of her beign frustrated at not being able to verbalize her emotions - if your'e scolding her now, you're going to be in a world of hurt when she's 2.
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