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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Do you see differences in kids you know who were left to CIO as a baby and kids who were not? I know a little boy whose mom let him CIO (he is now 2), and he is a very insecure, whiny, just generally not-so-happy child <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I don't think his demeanor can be attributed entirely to that factor, but maybe if she had been more responsive to his needs, he would be less that way? I don't know any older CIO kids, but I wonder if generally they exhibit behavior or personally traits that are much different than kids of AP parents. Also, maybe CIO parents are just overall less emotionally available which could contribute to insecurity issues in their kids (is that unfair?). Just a thought...
 

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Honestly, no.
 

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I think I can sum up the next 50 posts really quickly:<br><br>
First 10 posts: Yes! Totally!<br>
Post 11 : It's ridiculous to extrapolate behavior to an entire group based on one child.<br>
Posts 12-20: Yeah that to Post 11, especially since my child never uttered a whimper without me attending to him and he totally manifests the traits you describe.<br>
Post 21: And what about the children who are special needs? Kids with autism or SID often display characteristics that are "different" from the norm.<br>
Posts 22-35: Big yeah that to Post 21 and Post 11, plus some anecdotal stories of my child that acted this way or that at different times and people would certainly think I was a bad parent by his behavior.<br>
Posts 36: See, this is why judgment is wrong. Maybe the kid was having a bad day, maybe he has a food allergy, maybe he is sleepless.<br>
Posts 37-45: Can you recommend some books to the mom, like <i>Sleepless in America</i> or <i>The Highly Sensitive Child</i>, or <i>Your Explosive Child</i> or <i>Protecting the Gift</i>?<br>
Post 46: OP responds either defensively or gratefully, saying either hey, get off my back, I know this kid better than you do! or, I never thought of those alternatives. Thank you for enlightening me.<br>
Posts 47-50: You're very welcome, mama, be gentle with yourself. ((hugs))
 

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i don't know. all kids are so different regardless! But, cio parents are way more well rested!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">:
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>daniedb</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8166497"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think I can sum up the next 50 posts really quickly:<br><br>
First 10 posts: Yes! Totally!<br>
Post 11 : It's ridiculous to extrapolate behavior to an entire group based on one child.<br>
Posts 12-20: Yeah that to Post 11, especially since my child never uttered a whimper without me attending to him and he totally manifests the traits you describe.<br>
Post 21: And what about the children who are special needs? Kids with autism or SID often display characteristics that are "different" from the norm.<br>
Posts 22-35: Big yeah that to Post 21 and Post 11, plus some anecdotal stories of my child that acted this way or that at different times and people would certainly think I was a bad parent by his behavior.<br>
Posts 36: See, this is why judgment is wrong. Maybe the kid was having a bad day, maybe he has a food allergy, maybe he is sleepless.<br>
Posts 37-45: Can you recommend some books to the mom, like <i>Sleepless in America</i> or <i>The Highly Sensitive Child</i>, or <i>Your Explosive Child</i> or <i>Protecting the Gift</i>?<br>
Post 46: OP responds either defensively or gratefully, saying either hey, get off my back, I know this kid better than you do! or, I never thought of those alternatives. Thank you for enlightening me.<br>
Posts 47-50: You're very welcome, mama, be gentle with yourself. ((hugs))</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:
 

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I can't tell a difference.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>daniedb</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8166497"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think I can sum up the next 50 posts really quickly:<br><br>
First 10 posts: Yes! Totally!<br>
Post 11 : It's ridiculous to extrapolate behavior to an entire group based on one child.<br>
Posts 12-20: Yeah that to Post 11, especially since my child never uttered a whimper without me attending to him and he totally manifests the traits you describe.<br>
Post 21: And what about the children who are special needs? Kids with autism or SID often display characteristics that are "different" from the norm.<br>
Posts 22-35: Big yeah that to Post 21 and Post 11, plus some anecdotal stories of my child that acted this way or that at different times and people would certainly think I was a bad parent by his behavior.<br>
Posts 36: See, this is why judgment is wrong. Maybe the kid was having a bad day, maybe he has a food allergy, maybe he is sleepless.<br>
Posts 37-45: Can you recommend some books to the mom, like <i>Sleepless in America</i> or <i>The Highly Sensitive Child</i>, or <i>Your Explosive Child</i> or <i>Protecting the Gift</i>?<br>
Post 46: OP responds either defensively or gratefully, saying either hey, get off my back, I know this kid better than you do! or, I never thought of those alternatives. Thank you for enlightening me.<br>
Posts 47-50: You're very welcome, mama, be gentle with yourself. ((hugs))</div>
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Funniest. Post. Ever. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>daniedb</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8166497"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think I can sum up the next 50 posts really quickly:<br><br>
First 10 posts: Yes! Totally!<br>
Post 11 : It's ridiculous to extrapolate behavior to an entire group based on one child.<br>
Posts 12-20: Yeah that to Post 11, especially since my child never uttered a whimper without me attending to him and he totally manifests the traits you describe.<br>
Post 21: And what about the children who are special needs? Kids with autism or SID often display characteristics that are "different" from the norm.<br>
Posts 22-35: Big yeah that to Post 21 and Post 11, plus some anecdotal stories of my child that acted this way or that at different times and people would certainly think I was a bad parent by his behavior.<br>
Posts 36: See, this is why judgment is wrong. Maybe the kid was having a bad day, maybe he has a food allergy, maybe he is sleepless.<br>
Posts 37-45: Can you recommend some books to the mom, like <i>Sleepless in America</i> or <i>The Highly Sensitive Child</i>, or <i>Your Explosive Child</i> or <i>Protecting the Gift</i>?<br>
Post 46: OP responds either defensively or gratefully, saying either hey, get off my back, I know this kid better than you do! or, I never thought of those alternatives. Thank you for enlightening me.<br>
Posts 47-50: You're very welcome, mama, be gentle with yourself. ((hugs))</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>daniedb</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8166497"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think I can sum up the next 50 posts really quickly:<br><br>
First 10 posts: Yes! Totally!<br>
Post 11 : It's ridiculous to extrapolate behavior to an entire group based on one child.<br>
Posts 12-20: Yeah that to Post 11, especially since my child never uttered a whimper without me attending to him and he totally manifests the traits you describe.<br>
Post 21: And what about the children who are special needs? Kids with autism or SID often display characteristics that are "different" from the norm.<br>
Posts 22-35: Big yeah that to Post 21 and Post 11, plus some anecdotal stories of my child that acted this way or that at different times and people would certainly think I was a bad parent by his behavior.<br>
Posts 36: See, this is why judgment is wrong. Maybe the kid was having a bad day, maybe he has a food allergy, maybe he is sleepless.<br>
Posts 37-45: Can you recommend some books to the mom, like <i>Sleepless in America</i> or <i>The Highly Sensitive Child</i>, or <i>Your Explosive Child</i> or <i>Protecting the Gift</i>?<br>
Post 46: OP responds either defensively or gratefully, saying either hey, get off my back, I know this kid better than you do! or, I never thought of those alternatives. Thank you for enlightening me.<br>
Posts 47-50: You're very welcome, mama, be gentle with yourself. ((hugs))</div>
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if there was a post 'hall of fame', this would be inducted.<br><br>
brilliant!!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>daniedb</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8166497"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think I can sum up the next 50 posts really quickly:<br><br>
First 10 posts: Yes! Totally!<br>
Post 11 : It's ridiculous to extrapolate behavior to an entire group based on one child.<br>
Posts 12-20: Yeah that to Post 11, especially since my child never uttered a whimper without me attending to him and he totally manifests the traits you describe.<br>
Post 21: And what about the children who are special needs? Kids with autism or SID often display characteristics that are "different" from the norm.<br>
Posts 22-35: Big yeah that to Post 21 and Post 11, plus some anecdotal stories of my child that acted this way or that at different times and people would certainly think I was a bad parent by his behavior.<br>
Posts 36: See, this is why judgment is wrong. Maybe the kid was having a bad day, maybe he has a food allergy, maybe he is sleepless.<br>
Posts 37-45: Can you recommend some books to the mom, like <i>Sleepless in America</i> or <i>The Highly Sensitive Child</i>, or <i>Your Explosive Child</i> or <i>Protecting the Gift</i>?<br>
Post 46: OP responds either defensively or gratefully, saying either hey, get off my back, I know this kid better than you do! or, I never thought of those alternatives. Thank you for enlightening me.<br>
Posts 47-50: You're very welcome, mama, be gentle with yourself. ((hugs))</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Best post I have seen on MDC<br><br>
BTW, my DS was born whiny, just like his mommy. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>daniedb</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8166497"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think I can sum up the next 50 posts really quickly:<br><br>
First 10 posts: Yes! Totally!<br>
Post 11 : It's ridiculous to extrapolate behavior to an entire group based on one child.<br>
Posts 12-20: Yeah that to Post 11, especially since my child never uttered a whimper without me attending to him and he totally manifests the traits you describe.<br>
Post 21: And what about the children who are special needs? Kids with autism or SID often display characteristics that are "different" from the norm.<br>
Posts 22-35: Big yeah that to Post 21 and Post 11, plus some anecdotal stories of my child that acted this way or that at different times and people would certainly think I was a bad parent by his behavior.<br>
Posts 36: See, this is why judgment is wrong. Maybe the kid was having a bad day, maybe he has a food allergy, maybe he is sleepless.<br>
Posts 37-45: Can you recommend some books to the mom, like <i>Sleepless in America</i> or <i>The Highly Sensitive Child</i>, or <i>Your Explosive Child</i> or <i>Protecting the Gift</i>?<br>
Post 46: OP responds either defensively or gratefully, saying either hey, get off my back, I know this kid better than you do! or, I never thought of those alternatives. Thank you for enlightening me.<br>
Posts 47-50: You're very welcome, mama, be gentle with yourself. ((hugs))</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/spitdrink.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="spitdrink"><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:<br><br>
And in answer to the OP's question - Not at all. Never noticed a difference. At least no differences that couldn't be chalked up to other issues. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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Daniedb-- <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I only know one child whose parents made him CIO, and I don't think it's fair to come to any sort of conclusion based on one kid.
 

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i'd love to be able to say that yes, cio could be a cause to behaviors such as whining, because the thought not meeting a child's needs by allowing them to cry it out is personally reprehensible. but i don't think it's a causal relationship.<br><br>
the human psyche is so much more complicated than that. we all have differences in perspective, experiences and levels of coping and resilience. to say that cio causes whininess etc. is like for instance saying physical abuse causes a child to be ____ (fill in the blank). speaking from my own personal experience as a physically abused child <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:, i ended up 'shutting down' instead of lashing out. i was so quiet and always was and still am a peaceful person. i was an overly compliant child in school (very often the teacher's pet) and no one ever guessed that i was being beaten at home. so it's not always the obvious outcome that comes to pass.<br><br>
cio also doesn't occur in a vaccuum. perhaps a child has a doting grandparent, or another attentive person in their life, that might serve as somewhat of a mitigating factor to the cio. i do feel in my heart that cio is psychologically damaging to a child, but how that could manifest in terms of the child's behavior is extremely variable.
 
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