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My husband likes structure, routine and schedules. They chafe for me as I feel tied down and under pressure to do things on time. There is a happy medium that is possible. Our son likes to know what to anticipate, and sometimes that means he wants to do the next thing, NOW!
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It really depends on the child's age (and personality) regarding the amount of structure that they prefer. You can tailor a schedule with fexibility; but it sounds like that is disruptive to your son.
The couple things I thought of while reading your post were that the routine is starting before (or perhaps after) he is tired enough to go to sleep. If he isn't ready to lay down in the dark and drift off, I'd imagine that he may want quiet engagement instead of rest at that time. Or perhaps he is anticipating that you are going to leave when he falls asleep. Does he awaken and seek you out or does he rest soundly once asleep? I would think that the possibility exists that he is awakening and not feeling like you will be there if he sleeps separately or without a night light? Or that he really isn't ready to sleep, or is too tired to be still. I know that our son likes to have some intense physical activity when he is getting more and more tired. This amps him up enough to stay awake for all the fun of having dada home. But as soon as he stops moving he knows he'll fall asleep. You might consider more physical activity earlier in the routine and then a wind down time. You may have tried these things, I am just brainstorming.
Or you might find a quiet but engaging activity that doesn't include laying down. Dh and ds created a routine where they snuggled together in the same chair and watched the same video each night after some boucing and wrestling type exertion. And they both would consistently fall asleep.
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Choosing a 'night-night' video that became so familiar helped to create that drone of white noise but also engage ds enough to hold still while watching and having dh's participation met everyone's needs.
Another idea before changing a routine is to create a story board of activities or create a "book" with photos of the different parts of the bedtime routine and involve ds in adding engaging activities. This way he will know that the routine is changing beforehand. What I find most often if ds isn't ready to stop playing, but is too tired to continue, is that he is trying to stay awake for engagement with us. By providing the engagement earlier in the evening, the need is met before he is too tired but wanting the engagement. Does that make sense?
HTH, Pat
Originally Posted by kindacrunchy I've been reading the CL thread and realized that CL is a philosophy pretty close to what I strive for in my house (although it hasn't been happening thaat way but I'm trying to ge tback on track). Anyway, I was wondering How does CL go with routine, especially with bedtime. My DS has been extending the routine for bedtime lately and he really is exhausted.He's fighting going to sleep and he isn't really getting enough. We don't have a strict bedtime such as 8 pm every night no matter what. We do bath, books, bed. I still lay with him in bed until he drifts off but lately he has been tantruming and procrastinating, etc. How do we deal with this harmoniously. I know we should ask how we can do things differently to help him but whenever we slightly change it up, it seems to create more problems since he doesn't transition well. Suggestions? |
The couple things I thought of while reading your post were that the routine is starting before (or perhaps after) he is tired enough to go to sleep. If he isn't ready to lay down in the dark and drift off, I'd imagine that he may want quiet engagement instead of rest at that time. Or perhaps he is anticipating that you are going to leave when he falls asleep. Does he awaken and seek you out or does he rest soundly once asleep? I would think that the possibility exists that he is awakening and not feeling like you will be there if he sleeps separately or without a night light? Or that he really isn't ready to sleep, or is too tired to be still. I know that our son likes to have some intense physical activity when he is getting more and more tired. This amps him up enough to stay awake for all the fun of having dada home. But as soon as he stops moving he knows he'll fall asleep. You might consider more physical activity earlier in the routine and then a wind down time. You may have tried these things, I am just brainstorming.
Or you might find a quiet but engaging activity that doesn't include laying down. Dh and ds created a routine where they snuggled together in the same chair and watched the same video each night after some boucing and wrestling type exertion. And they both would consistently fall asleep.
Another idea before changing a routine is to create a story board of activities or create a "book" with photos of the different parts of the bedtime routine and involve ds in adding engaging activities. This way he will know that the routine is changing beforehand. What I find most often if ds isn't ready to stop playing, but is too tired to continue, is that he is trying to stay awake for engagement with us. By providing the engagement earlier in the evening, the need is met before he is too tired but wanting the engagement. Does that make sense?
HTH, Pat
