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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey everybody,<br><br>
I wanted to get something off of my chest. It starts with a long story. Well when I was 12, my older sister (age 15) announced that she was pregnant. She didn't live with us at the time and was a "problem child"(she lived with foster parents). Long story short she accused my fabulous parents of abuse and was removed from our home. Basically as she later admitted, she just wanted to get our parents out of the way so she could do what she wanted. She had a healthy baby boy who she named after our little brother. Then she got into another relationship and at 17 became pregnant again. At age 33 she has 6 children from 4 different men. She was married once, had numbers 4 and 5 and again had another baby before marrying her present husband.<br><br>
My eldest sister became pregnant at age 19 and didn't know who the father was until the baby came out. She was sleeping with two men (best friends btw). She had a beautiful baby girl. She made choices that even at my young age I disagreed with. She refused to breastfeed. She was always trying to put her child on someone else. She married the baby's father and it lasted all of 7 months. He was a dud. He beat her. After the divorce, she met another guy. She got pregnant again. In her flawed sense of reality, she thought that she would keep the baby and the father would marry her. Not so. Before she got pregnant, she gave her daughter away to her ex-in-laws to care for. They raised her until about age 17. They abused her, physically and emotionally. All these years passed by. My sister had several other pregnancies from other men, all of which she aborted. Her last pregnancy she tried to abort, but at 36 she had fibroids and the docs wouldn't touch her. The baby had a cord accident and was stillborn at 32 weeks.<br><br>
Why am I telling you all of this? The reason why is because I'm trying to cleanse my heart so that I can make the way for a baby. Not to offend, but I for such a long time have had such resentment toward women who have had "oops" babies. I didn't know it was so ingrained in me until I started my own ttc journey and have been unsuccessful each month. I felt as if it wasn't fair that women like me who wait and plan babies must go through all of this before we get pregnant while women who are "irresponsible" (I use this term very loosely) get pregnant right away. I didn't understand why or how that could be possible. Like it was the cosmic joke of the century that we who plan and chart and time must go through this when so and so down the street who is 16 and gets with some guy out there gets pregnant.<br><br>
I've come to a realization that every child comes at his or her own time. These women have been blessed even though they may not know it and it's okay for the so called "oops" babies to happen. What I'm saying is that I get it, when before I was jealous and covetous of what others had. Now I feel free. Free to accept whatever the Lord has in store for my husband and I. Strong in the knowledge that we will have our baby on His time and not ours. I hope that I didn't offend anybody. I wanted to get this off my chest and cleanse the way for me.<br><br>
If you got this far...Thanks.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I've had those thoughts too. It often seems so unfair. There are so many loving and deserving people who desperately want children and struggle to conceive. Trust. Just trust. Your baby will find you.<br><br>
Peace.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thank you. I had the conversation with my DH who was very happy that I've come to the peace I've found with this. It's deep rooted in events that happened when I was a pre-teen and teenager and those things seem to stick until you hit the trigger. I feel good about things and I know that my baby will find me.
 

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((((hugs))))
 

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<span style="color:#000080;"><span style="font-family:'Book Antiqua';"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I understand exactly how you feel. I'm glad you found your peace <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></span></span>
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm so happy you are finding some peace in all of your past.
 

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((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))<br><br>
I understand much of this.<br><br>
I have had similar life experience with a younger sister, and to this day have been struggling with many of the same things.<br><br>
I think you have a great idea to cleanse the soul and mind for a new babe, and I should join you on that quest.
 

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I so get you! I work with teenage moms as a counselor, and when i was TTC dd, I would get so angry at times.<br><br>
and, I just want to let you know your chart looks so good!!!! From looking at past charts, it appears your luteal phase was 13 and 14 days, but on the 14 day one, your temp was already plummeting...you are now 14 DPO and your temp...*ROSE*!<br><br>
Seriously, you are going to give me a heart attack. TEST! 14 dpo is going to be VERY accurate.....i'm betting you've got a BFP!!!<br><br>
I am going to start the "official badger Kjad until she tests thread" if you don't test soon!!<br><br>
LOL<br>
Best wishes!
 

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I hope letting go of this will allow your body to receive your baby. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
It sounds like reconciling your past and your family's past might be the first step toward healing and conceiving.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thanks everybody for your kind words and understanding. I'm feeling really good now. I basically had to look at myself and see why I was feeling this way every month. I was getting more and more irritated and upset and angry and resentful and almost to the point that I would emotionally shut down for a day or two before accepting the fact that I wasn't pregnant and it would just take a little bit longer.<br><br><b>Fiberlover</b> I want to give you a hug too <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">. I just really took it one day at a time and when I thought of it, I asked myself "Why do you feel this way?, What does another person's experience have to do with you?, and Do you really know what's going on behind the scenes of the Universe to make such a judgment?" Those got the ball rolling for me and I realized that I can't change the Lord's plan (or Universe if you want to call it that) for others. I just have to accept the plan for me and how it will play out, I do not know, but the fact that I'm putting effort towards it and meeting God halfway is what I can control. So I'm happy with it and I feel lighter because of it.
 

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I know what you mean. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Its not easy to ttc for just about all of your adult life when it comes so easy for most people. I always have a hard time with oopsie babies myself - even when they are wanted. I even have a hard time reading about them here on MDC: women who get pregnant after having sex one time in their cycle while BF an infant and have 3+ other children <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">:<br><br>
Also, its so hard to read about women like your sisters who don’t appreciate the gift they have. I'm trying to make peace with those situations also, even though its a small step in accepting the possibility of never having children.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br>
I haven't had the same experience you talked about, but similar: I had two oops pregnancies while in a terribly abusive relationship at age 19/20. The first I terminated, which is haunting; and the second is my dd. Long story short, it has been a long, difficult, but unquestioningly worthwhile journey from that dark place to where I am - in a loving, secure, wonderful relationship with a gentle man who has become my daughter's father.<br>
It is frustrating now to have been off birth control for months and to be so eager, so ready - but nothing. At least so far. I try to focus on all the positives - I have a loyal partner, a beautiful, well-adjusted dd, our collective health and stability...the list could go on. Letting go of past emotions has been a very big deal for me in starting this TTC journey, and I am <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/clap.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="clap"> for you sharing your story!
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thank you Azuluna! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/happytears.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="happytears">: Thank you for sharing your story.
 

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Thanks so much for sharing, Kemi.<br><br>
After reading someone's post on here (the person will remain nameless) a couple weeks ago, I realized that I was harboring a lot of negative energy. I was angry at those who had unplanned pregnancies, angry at those who conceived easily, etc. My DH and his cousin (who has struggled with infertility for years) both told me that I need to let go of my timelines because I'm not the one in control. God has a plan for me/us and will show us-in His time, not mine/ours. I am now only letting positive energy come into my life-I changed my job around and am generally looking at things from a new aspect.<br><br>
Although I have to admit that I feel a bit sad when others go to DDCs, I just try to remember that it gives me one more month to get to know everyone here a little better!
 

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Kemi you sound like you have lots of reasons to feel that resentment. Congratulations on recognizing the need to let it go and hopefully you will be able to feel some peace. Your chart does look really great!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> A beautifully written and inspiring post, Kemi.<br><br>
Thank you for sharing it with us. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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"I just really took it one day at a time and when I thought of it, I asked myself "Why do you feel this way?, What does another person's experience have to do with you?, and Do you really know what's going on behind the scenes of the Universe to make such a judgment?" "<br><br>
Yes!<br><br>
I need to get over that other people's experiences don't have anything to do with me, and my desire for a child.<br><br>
That if I can let it go, and release that negative energy, I will be in a better place to become a mother.<br><br>
And this, is what I'm striving for now.<br><br>
*hugs*
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> I know how you feel. What a great idea to clean your mind and heart. I am glad that this has helped you. Thanks for sharing your story! Mind if I share mine too?<br><br>
Much like yours my sis had 3 kids and 1 on the way from 3 different men, would have been four but she lost one when she was 17. She started ttc'ing this time when she found out that I was then she decided to make it a "race" well needless to say, she won which she proudly let me know letting me be "the first" to know ha ha ha beat ya! I can still hear the gloating in her voice. Sometimes I have nightmares about it.<br><br>
She got preg in the month that she went off the pill claiming that she needs to get surgery first for her endomitriosis (sp?) it is so bad that she would never be able to O on her own. One of her problems is that she has every sickness and disease in the book, she has time to look up things, she is a nurse. You name it she or her kids have had it.<br><br>
She is a really bad mom as soon as the baby is a toddler it is not interesting any more and is always sent to their rooms or left to do what they want. She had her daughter when she was 17, she was left often on her own to do what she wanted when she was about 4, which included watching tv the whole day long. She is now 17 and is living with her boyfriend, which my sister allowed, she has been living with him since she was 16. She was also pregnant but lost the baby at 12 weeks .<br><br>
Her son is now 14 and is allowed to do anything he wants, well that is a problem because he doesn't want to do anything eccept sit in front of the comp or tv with chips or some kind of snack he is very obese and doesn't have any friends. She doesn't care, she allows this to happen. Her other son will be 2 as soon as this baby is here he will be left on his own to do as he pleases. Why is she allowed to have another baby????<br><br>
Why is it so easy for her to get preg when it is a big mistake. Ok, her dh now is a great guy and he loves his kid. But anyway, why? I want one so bad and it just isn't happening.<br><br>
My other sis, (I love her like crazy) is my best friend, she also gets preg real fast 2 oops babies. I am not jealous of her or anything She is a good mom and loves her kids. I guess if my other sis were a good mom I wouldn't be so hurt?<br><br>
Time for me to give up this crap now too so I can make place in my heart and mind for a baby.<br><br>
Thanks <b>kJad29</b> for starting a thread like this!<br><br>
.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Oh Jezzy!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Thanks for sharing. I totally understand. I'm sorry your sister has to be so mean about getting pregnant first like it's a race or something. You're going to be a wonderful mother. It just may take a little longer than you expected. Just know that your path to motherhood and the path that your sister has chosen are different, thus different results. You are not responsible for how your sister's children turn out. You are only responsible for how your choose to raise your own children and guide their progress to becoming responsible, productive human beings. It was the choice of your sister's children to have her as a mother if you want to look at it from a spiritual perspective. I had to really wrap my head around that for myself before I could really move on and be at peace with where I am in this whole TTC process.<br><br>
It's good to get these things off our chests so we can make ourselves more ready for our baby. I'm so happy that there are so many who understand and who are forging individual paths of their own to a state of peace with themselves and the process. I know I sound all Zen about this now (DH is a Zen Buddhist btw <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> ), but that's where I am at this point.
 
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