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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So how does one find closure from a relationship that has ended, but is never really going to end?<br><br>
My ex boyfriend (broke up one month ago, really should have happened long before that) has treated me so disrespectfully in the last few weeks that I don't even want to see him again. I wanted to leave things on good terms knowing I'd have to see him all the time for visits with ds, but that obviously wasn't on his mind. From holding my things ransom, to calling me childish names, to saying he never loved me... I'm so hurt emotionally and just want to put him out of my mind and life.<br><br>
How do you find closure while still having the ex a part of your life via the kid(s)? I'm having such a hard time with that. He played so many twisted mind games while we were together and hasn't stopped since I moved out. The lies and mind games haven't ceased. The difference is my filter has gotten a lot finer having known him so I can easily block out what I don't believe. Still I find it hard to handle that I have to converse with him and see him on a regular basis. Without making it totally awkward for ds how do I block the ex out?<br><br>
Today would have been our 3rd anniversary. I celebrated my freedom by moving the rest of my stuff out (except what he's holding as ransom... sigh) and eating a whole bag of chocolate brownies! Hey, I'm single, and back to my pre-pregnancy weight, why not?! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I am so sorry. It DOES get easier, I promise. It's going to be a bit harder now that your DS is so little, but the older he gets, the less contact you will have to have with the ex.<br><br>
For now, the best thing that you can do is ignore him. Deal with him as minimally as possible. If you can, when he is visiting with DS, maintain as little contact as possible. If you drop DS off for visitation, then drop off DS and his stuff, tell your ex only what he needs to know, and leave. If your ex comes over for visits, then leave DS and your ex and go outside for a walk, or go in another room and close/lock the door. Talk to him only about what you must, and if he tries to change the subject, ignore him and change it back.<br><br>
And don't forget to enjoy your new freedom! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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It takes time, and that sucks cause when your in it you just want the childish behavior to end.<br><br>
Saying things like "I never loved you" says A LOT more about him than it does about you. It's his way of keeping you down. Making you feel worthless.<br><br>
Remember your worth without him. After awhile when he sees he can't mess with your head, it won't be as much fun for him, and he'll probably stop. If he doesn't just be glad your rid of him.<br><br>
I'm sorry for your pain. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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dd was in homecare so we picked her up and dropped her off there. we never had to see each other which was great. i kept phone conversations strictly about dd and if he went off topic i would tell him i had to go. i learned that he loved to push my buttons and got off on seeing me upset. so i stopped feeding into it and he eventually stop.<br>
my girlfriend does pick ups and drops off at a neutral place, like park or library. its all focused on the dc's and the interaction between her and her ex is minimal. if they need to discuss something than again it's kept to topic. at times she'll put it in writing, good for record keeping.<br>
you will figure out what best works for you. just takes time...
 

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Closure isn't something you get from someone else. Closure is something you *give* yourself. It might take you some time to get to that point, but ultimately it's up to you. {{{ hugs }}}
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I wasn't hoping to get closure from my ex. Meant how will i reach that intagible desired after a bad break up such as mine with my ex still in my life so frequetly?<br><br>
We are doing the email thing for setting up dates with ds. He has him a few days a week when I work, and set days if I'm not working. Nothing has gone through the courts and I hope to keep it that way. He's not paying child support as he's in full time school and doesn't have an income. He has even threatened to file for full custody if I ask for child support; the kind of childish backlashes he's notorious for which wouldn't hold up in court.<br><br>
He still owes me money for a favour I did for him after we broke up, and for his phone bill. I asked for it to be paid tomorrow when I drop off ds. Grrr.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>westcoastma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11610179"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">We are doing the email thing for setting up dates with ds. He has him a few days a week when I work, and set days if I'm not working. Nothing has gone through the courts and I hope to keep it that way. He's not paying child support as he's in full time school and doesn't have an income. He has even threatened to file for full custody if I ask for child support; the kind of childish backlashes he's notorious for which wouldn't hold up in court.<br><br>
He still owes me money for a favour I did for him after we broke up, and for his phone bill. I asked for it to be paid tomorrow when I drop off ds. Grrr.</div>
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WHAT is w/ these men (and i have heard this a LOT!!!) re. if we pursue child support they will pursue full custody and somehow prove us unfit?! this is one HUGE reason i never legalized paternity w/ my dd's father. he is so vindictive and his grammy has money for court so i figured i'd just lie and say to the state i don't know who 'daddy' is...i still do to this day. he is apparently still in the area...up to his same 'ol lifestyle of partying and going thru women like tp...<br><br>
i have heard my ds' brother apparently stays w/ his wife for fear that she'd take the kids and file for child support...thus, taking his 'money'. it seems about the money, not the best for the children or what the dads would do for the best of the children. bugs me...if i were my ds' father i'd have moved to oregon where we moved from the midwest where he was born and raised and refuses to leave. but...hasn't happened and he has yet to meet ds. child support/paternity is in the process of being established. i'm scared cuz it does legalize it all and i'm scared for the future...sigh. but i already have a restraining order on him for emotional/verbal/physical abuse. so that helps on my side.<br><br>
anyway......................do u have any of these threats on emails or voicemails? i'd keep those if you do for court if ever needed to go...shows what kind of character he has...
 
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