Clothing optional....

837 Views 2 Replies 3 Participants Last post by angela&avery, Mar 27, 2006

addiesmom

Discussion Starter · Mar 27, 2006

My DD (3.5 yrs) has always loved being naked - no biggie. We tell her that she needs to wear clothes outside and when company is over, but otherwise, she is free to take them off if she so pleases. Lately, she has become more interested in exploring, and I always tell her that is fine, but her vagina is just for her, and she needs privacy. She looks at me with a look that tells me she is thinking "why?" and tells me she likes it. Again, I tell her that is okay (nodding encouragingly), but she needs privacy. She will stop, but then will start again and I will ask her if she wants to continue (reading the book, playing blocks etc.) or does she want to go to her bedroom for a while for alone time (NOT to be read as a punishment - just an offer of privacy). She will then stop and we will continue with activity. Something always feels like she feels bad/confused/I'm not sure, but it doesn't feel right to me. I want her to feel comfortable with her body, I just want her to learn there is a time and a place. Anyone else BTDT and have advice?

The other thing I am struggling with is how to teach her personal boundaries. I have told her that her privates and others' privates are special and we shouldn't touch others and others shouldn't touch her. She and her baby brother love taking baths together and she is fascinated by his penis and wants to touch it. I have told her that the exception is if she needs help wiping from Mommy or Daddy. But she is now asking if her friends can touch her "bottom". I said they shouldn't, but then she asked why couldn't they when Daddy and I grab her bottom when we are playing/wrestling around? Good question DD! I have no idea how to tell her how to differentiate between good touches and bad touches. I feel like such a moron - please someone help me!

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nonconformnmom

· #2 · Mar 27, 2006

I don't know what to tell you ... it sounds like you're doing everything right.

My dd is 3.5 and I haven't seen any of that, but I'll be noting what you wrote and following your example! Maybe she just enjoys the fact that she gets attention when she does it and that's why she seems to not understand/ hear you when you suggest she go into her room for privacy?

These issues are so tough ... I think you're doing great!

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angela&avery

· #3 · Mar 27, 2006

Well, I totally understand where you are coming from. We are very open to our bodies in our house and my kids reflect that

. They love to be naked, and love to touch. My dd is only 2, so we dont address it but I do have her wash her hands when I think shes done. My ds is 4 and just does general tuggin on his foreskin and I dont say much unless he wont stop doing it, and then I remind him he needs to now wash his hands bc that is where pee comes out and we dont want to touch everything with pee pee hands.

I have mentioned also to ds when it is excessive that that is something he may want to do in the privacy of his room or bathroom, just to introduce the idea that not everyone wants to see him touching his penis. I too, dont want to create a "wrong/dirty" connotation with it. I also seem to find it harder to ignore with dd bc her touching is so much more...involved than his.. i have to contantly tell my self its ok, and I think it may stem from how I grew up. My mom NEVER talked about our bodies and private parts, etc etc... I dont think I knew i had a vulva, clitoris, labia etc until i was an adult (catholic school... no real sex ed).

I think you are doing great!!

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