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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi Everyone,<br><br>
I am new to this board. My oldest daughter will be 5 in October and I'm putting her in Pre-K this Monday. I'm a mess over it. I love having her w/ me. Last year we did some preschool homeschooling. The problem is my daughter is very shy and we are having trouble finding a community. We just moved to PA 2 1/2 years ago and have met a few nice families. None of them are AP. Most people think I am wanting to keep her home for my own selfish reasons and that it would be good for her to toughen up a little in school. I don't know. Part of me agrees. Anyone have any opinions on this subject? We could use the friends that school would provide. We don't belong to a church, so most homeschooling groups are out for us. Also, she would still be in my constant care and maybe I'm a little overprotective.<br><br>
Sorry, this post is all over the place, but my 8 month dd is tearing apart my desk at the moment.<br><br>
Any comments, thoughts would be appreciated.<br><br>
-Laura
 

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Hi there. I am new to this forum and have just started homescholing our 5 yr old. I am sorry you are having a hard time with this big decision. It seems they're never easy to make. At least for me. I don't know how much help I can be but I am empathisizing with you on people thinking you want to keep her home for selfish reasons. I was just told this by my step mother <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> It really hurt my feelings but it also made me really think if that was the reason I wanted to do it.<br><br>
Its hard to stay true to how you feel when you are surrounded by people that don't have the same beliefs/parenting styles or views as you (mainstreamers). I have noticed myself questioning what I am doing and doubting but then realize at some point that I choose to raise my dc this way and that I need to surround myself with people that have the same beliefs as me. It sure makes me feel better and validates my choices.<br><br>
Come to these boards more often and find a community here if you can. These people are great! As far as finding a place where you live I BET there are homeschool groups somewhere that aren't through church. I live in rural CA and they have a homeschool group that meets at the park. But they do all seem to be religious. As far as meeting people we have met people through gymnastics, at the park, soccer, LLL meetings. It has taken awhile to find people that are like us. I just put myself out there and try to be as outgoing as I can. Which isn't very much at times. As far as shyness goes how do you think school is going to help? Maybe you could write a list of pros and cons. Just something to think about.<br><br>
Geez this has turned into a novel. Good luck and try to do what FEELS right for you and your daughter. Take care, Katie
 

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I suppose you could call it "selfish" that as their mother I think I deserve to spend as much time with each of my children as we *both* desire. That it is even considered an issue just makes me laugh, it's so silly! Mothers and young children are meant to be together. The children themselves will make it clear when they are ready to become more independant and have their own experiences away from the family. A child who does not wish to be separated from her mother and who is shy is *not* going to benefit from being forced to be otherwise in a "sink or swim" manner. It is a giant stinking myth that children become strong, confident, and independant in this way. What happens is that they build survival defenses which can <i>look</i> like strength, but underneath is an unhappy, neurotic child.<br><br>
If you love having her with you and she wants to be with you, those who want to force you apart are <i>wrong</i>. Yes, at a certain point we all need to get out into society and learn to be with people who are not part of our intimate circle, but there is no magic age at which this needs to happen or all is lost. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">: It's certainly not necessary for five-year-olds in general, and even if it *were* a good idea for a *specific* five-year-old, I would argue that school is not a place where that is likely to happen in a healthy way.<br><br>
I'm reading a book right now that you might find helpful: it's called "A Sense of Self: Listening to Homeschooled Adolescent Girls", by Susannah Sheffer.<br><br>
As for community, I guess I have never really understood how school provides that. I'm not saying that it can't, just that you might want to put some serious thought into exactly what social benefits to your family you think school can provide and how realistic they are.<br><br>
If you decide to delay school (or not do it at all), I suggest putting up flyers -- I bet there are other familes in your area in the exact same situation you are, with no organized group to bring them together.
 

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Listen to your mothering heart which is telling you to keep her with you.<br><br>
It baffles me people call keeping a child home with you selfish!<br><br>
How does your daughter feel about going to (pre)school? Her feelings should take top priority.<br>
Seems, from your post, that she's happiest with you. And clearly you're happiest with her. That's so healthy!!!<br><br>
She's still SO YOUNG!!! There's nothing ANY school could offer her that you couldn't top ten-fold at least.<br><br>
Schooling at her age doesn't consist of rocket science. The academics covered in a full day at school could be covered in homeschool in less than an hour.<br><br>
Frankly, I think school at her age is basically glorified day care.<br><br>
As far as socialization, how is it that keeping her in a room full of children within sixth months of her age and living in the same zip code a better source of socialization than the real world of people of all ages and races that she would be exposed to while with you?<br><br>
I used to be a teacher and I've seen first hand the cruel ways of children in school. Adults under the same sort of social pressure some children feel at school would quit their jobs. It's not healthy or natural, just normal in the school setting. Your dd's best route to being a strong individual (to "toughening up") is by being allowed to grow on her own terms, not by exposing her to the bullish unhealthy ways of social peers in mass numbers.<br><br>
There are many ways of making new friends, probably actually more for homeschoolers than for those in traditional school. SO many opportunities for homeschoolers...<br>
There are also many non-religious homeschooling groups forming as well.<br><br>
Take it bit by bit, but certainly at her very young age keeping her at home with you is in no way radical.<br>
Seek support though, even if it's just online. Go with you heart!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you all for your posts! I've said these things to myself a million times, but it's nice to hear someone else say it. My dd has expressed desire to go to school, that is where I get the selfish part from. I just don't know if she thinks thats what she needs to do to be "normal" or if that's what she wants to do. I may have pointed her in that direction. One thing I don't want her to feel is that she's failed if she doesn't want to continue or that something is wrong with her. Last year, we tried preschool and she and I hated it; so I took her out. I already have a curriculium (i love calvert's) for her if we do homeschool. She will also be in a music class and she's playing soccer. However, she doesn't socialize in those settings. One on one works best for her.<br><br>
Thanks Again!
 

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Hi insearch, I live very close to Hatboro, and we are planning on homeschooling our 3 1/2 yo DS and 9 month old DD. I worry about my son eventually expressing an interest in going to school, but you have to wonder how much of it comes from seeing school glorified and depicted as the social norm EVERYWHERE - almost all kids books have references to school and it is shown as a great place most of the time, and when all the other parents are talking about their kids going to preschool, I know my son hears it and I'm hoping he doesn't want to go, but even though your daughter expressed an interest in it, she doesn't really know what it entails. Anyway, there is a homeschool group that meets every Friday in Chestnut Hil at a park, and I've met another future homeschool mom in the area and we've been talking about trying to set up a sort of weekly co-op homeschool preschool/ playgroup thing where our kids can connect with other kids that are going to be homeschooled and do some crafts and fun stuff. I know it's hard to find ap moms in our area, but there are a few of us! If you want more info on the Friday group or or interested in helping start a little preschool group, you can personal message me. Good Luck!
 

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i would like to suggest some reading.<br><br>
1. back issues of GROWING WITHOUT SCHOOLING. our library has them and they are very popular. no longer published. totally parent and child testimony, rather than expert opinion. fabulous. there is also a bound copy which your library could order.<br><br>
2. call a waldorf school and ask them to send you the brochure, THE WALDORF KINDERGARTEN. should be required reading fpr all parents, as well as test happy geo. bush. studies on how large motor play until age 7 or 8 results in happy 10 yr old student, while skills based 5, 6 and 7 yr. olds do worse later. more to it than that, please find.<br><br>
a great play group. an art class. gymnastics or dance class. this wd. be a great curriculum.<br><br>
CODEPENDENT/SCHMODEPENDENT<br><br>
RRR
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks RRR for your response. While I may have come off a little like I haven't done my research, that is not the case. I have been reading about Waldorf since my dd was 1 and have visited 3 waldorf schools. I decided that for my dd it wouldn't be in her best interest to do a waldorf style curriculum or an unschooling approach. She really is enjoying how we homeschool and I like it too. She loves to read and write, waldorf might blame it on those adult teeth she's already got.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">: The path we have chosen if she doesn't go into formal schooling is perfect for us. We do a lot of play, arts and crafts and some writing. When I was set on waldorf I felt very much like you. Now, I realize that every child is different and when I tried play preschool she wanted to write and read and said this is boring. Maybe my youngest dd will enjoy more of a waldorf, unschooling approach.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
Almost a homeschooling Mom!
 
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