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632 Views 8 Replies 6 Participants Last post by  mamamillet
I have been lurking here for awhile. I was just wondering if there are any moms or dads here that have done their divorce different with a plan of resolving things quickly, not fighting and basically putting the child first in the divorce proceedings. I am not saying that everything is perfect bwt my ex and I but it is much better for us to be friendly and co-parent peacefully than to be fighting and being nasty to each other and that in turns will affect our two year old son.
Please post if you co-parent peacefully with your ex and what things helped in your joint custody. Alex's mom 02-17-04
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Well, we were trying to coparent, but his now live-in-girlfriend is unfortunately getting in the way of that. I'm very disappointed. In theory, he agrees we should be coparenting. In practice, though, he's not too good about it.

We were trying to set up a schedule so each of us would have one on one time with each of the kids. I was hoping he'd want to see the kids more often than he has been. We get along great for the most part... it's just it seems that as time goes by he's less and less involved with his own kids, and is spending more time with his girlfriend's kids... which is exactly how she wants it.
It makes me very sad.
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We co-parent succesfully...most of the parameters were worked out with a mediator and that has worked. We only disagree on a few things and agree on most...we put the DC first. He *does* owe me alot of $$ but in order to keep the peace I'm being 'nice' about it. I want to file for full physical custody through the courts but that would cause alot of upheaval (X would be as mad as a bee in a jar) The reason i want to file is so that he has to pay CS. In the meantime i sorta feel doormat-ish, but i know that he really doesn't have the $$ and he is being completely agreeable about the DC living pt with their grandparents (we have joint custody and they *live* 3 days without me

That being said, I feel that the sacrifices I'm making keep the peace and are less harmful to the DC. I don't know what i'm gonna do in the future, but for now things are working (somewhat)

I still have other major issues that I have to work out about X and his GF...that's another post *shrug*
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Whoops...double post
We co-parented very well until the arrival of ex's girlfriend too. I wanted to say that because I think I had the misunderstanding that because we had been peaceful, it would always be peaceful. Not necessarily., we get along okay. We are both comfortable in each other's homes....although we don't spend much time there. We do things with the kids lunch, have a big things together.

It works okay. I found that clear boundaries and keeping 'argumentative topics' to phone calls or emails helps. We mostly make small-talk or talk about the kids when we are all together.

Originally Posted by MsChatsAlot
I found that clear boundaries and keeping 'argumentative topics' to phone calls or emails helps. We mostly make small-talk or talk about the kids when we are all together.
That's very wise and important MsChats
I assume it would be easier or at least something that I could actually consider if the person I was divorcing was not abusing drugs and alcohol and mentally unstable. I AM putting my children first, I need to protect them and sometimes you have to fight for them when they are too young to do it themselves.
You are right to say that it would be easier to co-parent with your ex if he or she insn't a abusive, Alcohlic, drugs or mental person. My ex and I don't have those problems so I was just asking about people who can co-parent and what kind of things helped with the transitions from being at mom's house and then dad's house. Right now because Alex is two he only goes to his dad's house on Wednesday's and Saturdays and remains with me the other times. Usually dad pops in to see Alex at my house on other days if he insn't busy with work. We aren't going to do the usual standard joint custody until he is three years old. So anyways any helpful tips, things that were useful to you while you co-parented with your ex would be helpful to know. Thanks, Alex'smom
We were never married and not together at all when ds was born. I filed for full custody and we went through mediation. The mediation process was good for us. We also spent about 6 months in counseling together to improve communication so we could co-parent. For the most part it has worked very well.
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