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A woman on another board (won't say where of course) has lost a child, who suffocated during co-sleeping. I can't even begin to imagine the pain she is going through. But she is now going to all the boards posting things like "Never EVER co-sleep" and that "60% of babies die from co-sleeping" (what?!). Anywho, I just want to know how some of you would respond to this situation compassionately while still defending co-sleeping. I know she is very hurt, and I know she must feel like she should "warn" moms about co-sleeping, but I would like to post some information about co-sleeping safely as opposed to writing it off altogether. (after all, when someone gets in a car wreck, we still drive, but we remember to drive safely). I would love anything anyone has to offer. Statistics, safety measures, and personal experience.
Thank you so much!

~Kati~
 

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OMG, I know exactly who you are talking about. I'm on that board too, and when I read her post, I was very upset. Don't get me wrong, I am very sadden by her loss and wish her well. But, to go around posting that co-sleeping is bad just infuriates me. So, many people are reading this and believing that co-sleeping is a bad and dangerous thing to do with your child. Quite a few women already have replied to her post saying thank you for the warning and now they know they will never co-sleep with their child.

What can you say to these ppl? There were a couple of posters who posted links to provide better info on co-sleeping, but for the most part it seems to be ignored. My heart just hurts seeing this go on when co-sleeping has been the most wonderful thing that we have ever done for and with our kids.
 

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The best thing to do is to respond calmly, respectfully, and with hard facts. I came across a great deal of data supporting co-sleeping in a paper that I wrote for a college class. Since it had to demonstrate both sides of the argument, I also dug through studies that refute co-sleeping.

If you carefully inspect the studies that most people use to lobby against co-sleeping, they have a different definition of what co-sleeping is and includes many unsafe practices. In these studies, co-sleeping includes any form of sleeping in an adult bed, be it with siblings, caregivers, or any adult. It also includes sleeping areas such as sofas, daybeds, and other unsafe sleeping arrangements. Some studies also don't differentiate between smoking and non-smoking adults, breastfed vs. formula fed, and premature vs. full term, etc.

True co-sleeping has strict guidelines for safety. First, the parents must take precautions to prevent the infant from rolling out of bed, such as using a guardrail or pushing the bed flush against the wall. Second, the baby should be adjacent to the mother, rather than between both parents. Mothers seem to have a heightened awareness of their baby and are unlikely to roll over onto them. Next, parents should use a large bed, such as a king-size bed. Also, never co-sleep on a waterbed. Another option is to use a sidecar arrangement of the baby's crib.

I too, am sad for this woman's loss, but I have co-slept safely with both my sons, and plan to co-sleep with my next one. I follow the guidelines and have used both the sidecar arrangement and had the baby in bed with me.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by frontierpsych
after all, when someone gets in a car wreck, we still drive, but we remember to drive safely
I think you already said it.

Babies die in cribs, babies die in swings, babies die in cars, babies die in hospitals, babies die in birth centers, babies die in their parents care, babies die in day care centers, ....

If we didn't take/put our babies anywhere where they MIGHT die, we would be hiding in closets (BTW, they could die there too!). I think it would be best to remind her and the other people who view the board that there are no guarantees, but we try to be as safe as possible with anything we do. No one can disagree that more babies die each year in cribs than in adult beds ~ regardless the circumstances.

I also second that you should post the link to Dr. Sears.
 

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: EXACTLY!

unfortunately, there is a huge portion of the population that doesn't stop to look hard at actual risk and just kind of latches on to these scare tactics. Good luck!! I hope you can help keep parents calm so they can make informed decisions.
 

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I was just wondering if you actually knew this lady before it happened? Maybe its just someone who is against co-sleeping, and wants to 'prove' all the co-sleepers wrong by making up a story ya know? Someone tried to do something like that on another board (she said they didn't get her baby vaxed and he died of Polio, all the nonvaxers knew she was lying because, well, DUH) and it turned out she was just a "troll".

~Melissa~
 

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I responed to the lady on that board. BTW my screen name is baritonezone on there my birth club buddies
. I gave her MDC web site co-sleeping info and did not send to all just the last poster. She wont get it in her email box and feel like she is getting harrased or anything. But really she wasnt due with a baby, just going on all the forms saying this. Sad
. Sound like the Dr. siad she must have smothered it cuz she coslept but she siad they thought it was SIDS. Sad a Dr. would put that guilt on her. I really would think you would know if you smothered your child right? Wouldnt there be bruising in the eyes or something ( I watch to much CSI BTW) ? i know she didnt elaborate and she must be trying to "save others" sad if i keeps people from co-sleeping because of her scare tactics.

BTW I was SO going to post this LOL but didnt know how
 

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I don't know - maybe the best thing in this case is to respond, like you said, with compassion, but without any pro-cosleeping facts. I mean, she's coming from a place of horrible grief right now and it makes sense that she's having a big reaction against co-sleeping. Anything that challenges her position right now is going to make her angry, not more reasonable. There might be a few people who are scared by her story and refuse to cosleep because of it, and that would be sad, but I think this woman is doing this to vent her grief and outrage - she could also be dealing with feelings of self-hatred, etc. I can't even imagine how I'd feel. Maybe it's better to let this one go, and continue our pro-cosleeping work outside of this particular situation. Just a thought.
 

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:

I don't think anyone will be able to convince that mama that co-sleeping is safe right now because of her anger and pain, but I understand the frustration at her condemnation of co-sleeping... Maybe her doctor did put an unnecessary guilt trip on her, too. It's not uncommon for doctors to do that!

Geez, babies die in cribs and you never hear people saying "Don't ever put your baby to sleep in a crib."

Kristin
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by majorsky

Geez, babies die in cribs and you never hear people saying "Don't ever put your baby to sleep in a crib."
 
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