[jacquelinej11]

My husband will have been on a 16 month tour when he gets back.

He has not had any issues with me co-sleeping with Marshall... However, he is already showing severe signs of PTSD so I do not think that having Marshall in the bed with US is safe...

What would you do? I have about 2 months until he gets back still - but I don't want to kick Marshall out of the bed once Daddy gets home... I guess my line of thinking is that M will associate bad changes with daddy and I don't want that.

Sigh... suggestions???

 

[MCsMom]

(((Hugs))) I do not look forward to having to deal with this when my DH gets home.

 

[katheek77]

Honestly, I'd give my husband some time to adjust back to life state-side before I'd put a small child in bed with him.

One thing to consider is having another bed in the room, laying down with your son to get him to sleep, and then spending some time in bed with your husband, although I know you may have to return to DS's bed. It might be safer for everyone. DH deployed and returned twice before we had DD, and only had mild PTSD. I know the first few months home, I got smacked/punched a couple of times when I accidentally touched/startled him in his sleep.

OT, but related, another thing to keep in mind is driving. DH almost crashed a couple of times when he saw garbage on the side of the road or heard a car backfire (IEDs and gunshots, in his mind). I would be cautious the first few months as far as DH driving with DS in the car.

Good luck - it's tough for any family. And, regardless of what you do, there wil lbe tons of adjustments, for your whole family, and your son will interpret some of those as good, and some of those as bad. To be blunt, he is basically going to have a stranger suddenly moving in. And, for your husband, he suddenly has a toddler living at his house. You are the most familiar with everyone and everything involved. How you react and adjust will probably have a great impact on your son and his relationship with his father.

 

[liberal_chick]

I moved ds into the Pack 'n Play about 4-6 weeks before dh came home. It didn't seem to faze ds at all (he was about 6 or 8 months old at the time) even though we'd been full time co-sleepers.

I like Kathee's idea of laying down with your ds to help him get to sleep and going back to him if he needs you in the night.

I also agree with her driving advice. Dh would always change lanes under an overpass and found himself going 50 MPH on the interstate several times (trying to convoy).

 

[MovingMomma]

Depends on your DH. Mine never had an issue & he's been 3 times & been through some stuff over there.

If I was concerned about violent sleep, I certainly wouldn't let him sleep with a little one, or with me, for that matter. I say have DH sleep somewhere else if you are worried about it.

 

[timeforanuprising]

When my DH came home from his tour, DD could wake him up just by turning over. But he wanted things back to where they were before he left, so he stuck it out the few weeks it took for him to adjust and we were soon back to business as usual.
Unless your DH is a violent thrasher or something similar, I would ask him how he wants to handle it. It might be important to him, to have his life back to what it was before he left kwim? If there isnt a safety issue, I would definitely look at what will make DH feel the most comfortable.
That being said, try to be ready for it if he needs to sleep by himself, or with out your DC in the bed. I would try to find out how he feels about it now, so that any change in sleep routine does not come at the same time as DH coming home.
Congrats on having your loved one back at home!

 

[grniys]

Quote:

Originally Posted by katheek77 Honestly, I'd give my husband some time to adjust back to life state-side before I'd put a small child in bed with him. One thing to consider is having another bed in the room, laying down with your son to get him to sleep, and then spending some time in bed with your husband, although I know you may have to return to DS's bed. It might be safer for everyone. DH deployed and returned twice before we had DD, and only had mild PTSD. I know the first few months home, I got smacked/punched a couple of times when I accidentally touched/startled him in his sleep. OT, but related, another thing to keep in mind is driving. DH almost crashed a couple of times when he saw garbage on the side of the road or heard a car backfire (IEDs and gunshots, in his mind). I would be cautious the first few months as far as DH driving with DS in the car. Good luck - it's tough for any family. And, regardless of what you do, there wil lbe tons of adjustments, for your whole family, and your son will interpret some of those as good, and some of those as bad. To be blunt, he is basically going to have a stranger suddenly moving in. And, for your husband, he suddenly has a toddler living at his house. You are the most familiar with everyone and everything involved. How you react and adjust will probably have a great impact on your son and his relationship with his father.

That's a great post that I agree with a lot. I had a long post written out, but then realized that this post basically says what I'm trying to say.

One thing I did because dh told me while he was still in Iraq in no uncertain terms that he was not comfortable co-sleeping was a few weeks (month?) before he returned I transitioned ds away from co-sleeping, so he was used to sleeping in his own bed already and didn't feel like he was being kicked out because daddy came home.

 

[Miasmamma]

I put my DD's new bed right up against ours before I tried to move her out. She played there but didn't sleep there till late last week. Now, when I say it's time to go to bed, she runs to her bed and waits for me to fix the covers. She does get in bed with me in the mornings, but generally not until right about the time DH's alarm clock goes off.

 

[HappyMommaBear]

DH came home when DS was 10 weeks old. He was in Kuwait when the baby was born and had only met him once by the time he was home for good. He was thrilled about co sleeping and, though DS started to nurse more when DH was here too, everything went smoothly. He did not have PTSD though, so I don't really know what to tell you.

could you try putting a crib/co-sleeper/pack n play in your room and gradually transitioning to that?

Good luck!