[ent_mom]

Would you please give me an example of what coercive discipline is and then the GD way to handle the situation? I was reading Scott Noelle's 'Daily Groove," and I feel uncertain as to what he means by coercive discipline and it being "bad."<br><br><a href="http://www.enjoyparenting.com/daily-groove/bad-parents-2" target="_blank">http://www.enjoyparenting.com/daily-.../bad-parents-2</a><br><br>
I know this sounds like a dumb question, so please bear with me!<br><br>
Thanks!<br><br>
p.s. I tried searching on this, but I'm not finding what I'm looking for

 

[georgia]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><b>practices conventional, coercive, adversarial parenting.</b></td>
</tr></table></div>
If I told my dd to "I'm ready to go. Get off the swing. Now." and she doesn't want to get off and cries she's not ready...I grab her and remove her and carry her to the car...<i>that's</i> coercive. These actions don't take into consideration <b>her</b> needs/desires or how we could have worked together to reach an agreeable solution to her wanting to stay and swing longer and me wanting to leave. It has me being the one "in power" and her being expected to do as I say, no matter what she might be feeling.....<br><br>
Did that help explain it better?

 

[ent_mom]

Yes! That does help, thank you! I think I was taking it to mean something much more subtle.<br><br>
More input welcome. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[DevaMajka]

I also think that rewards and ultimatums are coercive, in that the child doesn't *really* have a true option.<br><br>
It sounds like what he is talking about is discipline that puts the parent's desires above the child's, and the parent has no qualms MAKING the child do as the parent wishes.

 

[4evermom]

"If you don't do what I want right now, I'm not going to let you do that other thing you want."<br><br>
"Good girls listen to their mommy. You're a good girl, aren't you?"

 

[The4OfUs]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>4evermom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/6379550"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">"Good girls listen to their mommy. You're a good girl, aren't you?"</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Ewwwwwwwww...this gives me the heebie jeebies. I feel so badly for children who hear this kind of thing regularly.

 

[georgia]

Oh, I heard this yesterday:<br><br>
"If you don't come right now, I'm not going to let you wear your costume and go trick-or-treating. Do you not want candy?"<br><br>
Now, that might be a statement of fact if it were on the day they were to go trick-or-treating (we need leave soon so we have time to get dressed up...) but used as a threat, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">

 

[4evermom]

"Take one more bite...come on...just one more...open up..."

 

[blessed]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>4evermom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/6379704"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">"Take one more bite...come on...just one more...open up..."</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Helloooooo eating disorder!

 

[irinam]

<b>co‧er‧cion</b>  /koʊˈɜrʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[koh-ur-shuhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation<br>
–noun<br><br>
1.the act of coercing; use of <b>force</b> or <b>intimidation</b> to obtain compliance.<br>
2.force or the power to use force in gaining compliance, as by a government or police force.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[Wugmama]

I'm having a hard time with that Scott Noelle groove myself, but maybe for different reasons. I'm imagining all the "bad" parents I"ve seen lately, and the story cc gave in another thread, and trying to think of how Scott's advice makes any sense.<br><br>
Maybe he isn't thinking of some of the really "bad" parenting I've seen and heard about lately. I just don't think that if I see someone wailing on their 2 year old because he's crying because he wants to go on one more ride that it is "about something in you". I think it is about the poor 2 year old getting hit, especially for age-appropriate behavior.<br><br>
I guess maybe I'll email him or post a comment. I don't want to talk behind his back here. But just to say I say that same groove and also had questions.<br><br>
~Tracy