[OwensMa]

DH feels like our 'intimacy' is suffering from cosleeping. Not necessarily BDing, per se, but just the closeness we shared pre-Owen, before sleep. He does, however, enjoy cosleeping too, I think. At least, he's never had any complaints of it until now. I, on the other hand, feel that the lessening intimacy has more to do with simply being parents. We did have a single bed butted up to our queensize, which worked fairly well, but had to remove it for asthetics purposes (selling house). Also, IL's are here from England for the holiday season, for a lengthy visit, so this problem, as I've pointed out to DH, can't easily be resolved until they leave on Jan 19. Until then, we simply can't just use the LR floor, the spare room, etc as our makeshift 'lovenest'. He has brought this issue up 2X is the last 2 weeks, and I feel completely torn. Honestly, I don't think DS is ready to be in a bed of his own, in a different room. It simply goes against my/our parenting philosophy. I nurse him/meet DS's nighttime needs with (usual) ease by cosleeping, and it keeps us all so together and close. To make the issue seem worse, we are TTC#2, and with my past fertility issues, timing is definitely key. I've pointed out to him that with each child we have, there will be less time for intimacy. I do think that we will have to reassess our situation once my IL's have gone back home, as we will have much more time to ourselves when Owen is in bed. 4 adults in a house simply doesn't equal ease of intimacy. I don't know if Im asking for advice, or if this is just a rant to get my feelings off of my chest, or what. I just don't want a conflict of interest between my 2 most beloved men in my life. I don't know how to meet both their needs at this time, and I feel torn.

 

[mama24-7]

I can understnad feeling torn between dh and dc. My dh didn't share a bed w/ dd and me for almost 2 years. Talk about no intimacy! Do you think his concerns are stemming from your IL's being there? Have they given him a hard time about co-sleeping? If he hasn't brought this up in the past, I'd try to find out why it's a concern suddenly and go from there.

Good luck!
Sus

 

[plantmommy]

Can you move ds to the bed in the other room for long enough for you and dh to have some time together, and then bring him back in? Or, alternately, can you move to the twin in the other room for your private time, and then back to your bed with ds in it, later?

There's always the bedroom floor, if you have extra blankets to make it cozy.

 

[OwensMa]

Thank you for your ideas and replies

.

Quote:

Do you think his concerns are stemming from your IL's being there? Have they given him a hard time about co-sleeping?

Actually, my IL's are soooo easy-going, and I know that they haven't said anything to make him feel like this. Actually, I think chances are, that it feels this way to him b/c of the houseguests. I've asked him in the past for us to wait and make sure we know exactly what we want to do, as anything we change will impact dirently on DS. Likely, things won't change, except that I make a concious effort to add more intimacy where I can

, and DS will still cosleep. I'd be a very unhappy mama if DS were in another room, and DS would be unhappy, and I can't imagine DH being happy with us both miserable. We'll reassess our situation once MIL&FIL go back home. Anyone who has more suggestions or similar problems/experience, please LMK.
Thanks!

 

[Indigomama]

House guests = less intimacy

Parenting = way less intimacy

I know dh struggles with cosleeping sometimes (ds is now 4) but everytime we make any effort to move him into his own bed.. softie dh relents almost immediately and brings him into our bed.

As ds usually wakes us up, and i usually crash with ds...... we're just simply out of time for a little love

Besides I like the fact that with ds in our bed, we get to test out the rest of the house.

Maybe in the inlaws and evacuate during nap time????

So basically - totally understand your situation.

 

[IncaMama]

yeah...i agree that you shouldn't make life altering decisions when there are houseguests. regardless of how great they are, they change the dynamic in the house i'm sure. i like others' suggestions about going to the twin or putting ds there until you're done with some "alone time" (that's what we do)...it'll get better! it's all about creativity. LOL

 

[OwensMa]

Well, we've moved DS's single into our room, so we not have queen plus single sized bed. It's terrific. Of course, he's teething now, but that's truly another issue altogether. DH and I can hug all we want before going to sleep. Thanks for the suggestions!