[Breathe]

I am so angry I am shaking! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/rant.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rant">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Cuss.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="cuss"><br><br>
Today at the playground I witnessed how very far we are from having a "village" to raise our children, and I feel SICK.<br><br>
A local park is outfitted with these very cool sprinkler systems in which children can push a button and then run thru these child-sized loops that spray water and periodically go on and off and shoot in different directions. Ds (2.75) had been playing happily in the water for about 30 minutes when one of our playgroup friends arrived. We stepped into the shade with our friends to chat with them while they got suited and suncreened. Then ds and his friend jumped up and ran back to the sprinklers.<br><br>
The sprinkler was about 30 feet away from the shade where we had been, so we adults stood up so we could watch the two children playing. In between us and the sprinkler was a low wall, with about 6 moms sitting on it, watching their children in the sprinkler, about 5-10 feet away. Around the perimeter of the sprinkler were another 3 or 4 moms.<br><br>
Ds was in the water about 2 min when he started to cry. In the time it took me to lean to one side so I could see around the wall of moms, his upset escalated quickly, and as I started walking toward him, he went into full hysteria. He was facing one of the sprinkler jets that was at exactly his eye-level and it had just come on and was squirting him full in the face. He was PARALYZED with fear and was not moving away from the jet. I have never heard him scream like that, except for when he had to get 7 stitches in his head as a baby.<br><br>
In the time it took me to SPRINT (5.5 months pregnant) to him, NOT ONE SINGLE "MOTHER" moved to him. It probably only took me 12 seconds to dodge around them, but if you've ever seen a hysterical child, 12 seconds feels like a frickin' LIFETIME, and since he was within arms reach of many of these women, they could have moved him out of the spray within 2 seconds, no exaggerating.<br><br>
So I dive into the spray and grab him to me, and he clings to me, SHAKING and SOBBING and CHOKING. And you know what?!? STILL NOT ONE OF THOSE BUMPS ON A LOG HAD MOVED HER LAZY A$$!!!! No one even stood up! No one was even looking around to see if this child's mother was on her way. THEY were paralyzed.<br><br>
With what?!? Confusion? Lack-of-concern? Fear of a lawsuit for touching a child not related to them?!? Not wanting to GET WET?!?! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Cuss.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="cuss"><br><br>
My adult friends with me were equally as mortified -- maybe more than me bc they weren't focused on comforting my ds. Which I did, and we ended up leaving bc he was so traumatized and exhausted.<br><br>
But now I am *really* angry at myself for not saying something to this crowd of ninnies. To get this off my chest, here are things I wish I had said, in order from polite to seething:<br><br>
To the group:<br><br>
"It would have been alright for one of you to help him."<br>
"Next time, could one of you help out, please?"<br>
"If it were YOUR child, I would have helped!"<br>
"What is your f#$%ing PROBLEM?!?"<br>
"It's good thing he wasn't DROWNING!"<br>
"I hope none of you are ever at the scene when *I* need help!!!!"<br>
"You people are WORTHLESS. So much for 'it takes a village'!"<br>
"THIS is what's wrong with society . . . Right here in the middle of lily-white, contry club suburbia! If you good-for-nothing losers aren't going to participate in helping to protect ALL children, why DON'T you get jobs and hire someone CARING to take your frickin' place?!?!?!"<br><br>
AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!<br><br>
So help me out here, people . . . I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir, but don't YOU help other's people children when help is called for?!? Don't you step in?!? Don't you have enough compassion to go around?!? Can I not tell my child that other mommies are okay people to ask for help?!?<br><br>
Or have we truly reached an age where it is unthinkable to help our neighbors, no excuse me, our neighbors' CHILDREN, even if they are strangers?!?!<br><br>
PROMISE ME that you AP mamas are different! PROMISE ME THAT YOU'LL HELP MY CHILDREN IF THEY NEED IT. I promise I'll help yours -- in a heartbeat, without a moment's consideration. I have and I do and I will. ALWAYS.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl"><br><br>
My poor child. I have this feeling that this could be one of those permanent memories for him . . . The day Mommy couldn't get to him to save him from the spraying water, and no one else around helped him.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl"><br><br>
Trying to resume Breathing,<br>
E.

 

[mthomas]

oh poor baby! I can see why you were LIVID. I don't understand how mama instincts wouldnt take over. Who cares who's child it is. He wasnt just whimpering (even then), he was shreiking! How horrible for him. I'm sure it won't permanantly damage him or anything. He will prob remember less abt those 12 seconds and more abt how mommy rescued him. FWIW, if I had been there I would've grabbed him.

 

[nikirj]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to you and your DS. If I were you I think I would have shot them down with my eye-lazers, but I'm not very good at coming up with things to say at the moment, it always comes to me later.<br><br>
If it restores any of your faith in humanity, I'm that freaky lady who will help a kid up and dust him off if he falls down near me at a playground.

 

[anothermama]

Yuck. How scary for you AND your baby!<br><br>
At risk of getting flamed, though.....I probably WOULDN"T have done a thing...my first reaction would have been to look around for the kids mom and if I would have seen you sprinting towards your baby, I wouldn't have interfered because I wouldn't want you to think I was trying to beat you there or that I was trying to do anything to your kid. If I *didn't* see any mama coming forward after a few seconds, *then* I would have done something. (However, if I didn't see a mom around, I would have been irked that a mom left her kid in that situation and that she didn't stay close enough to her child and that she assumed other moms would take care of her kid............).<br><br>
Maybe the moms saw you going to your baby.......I *personally* wouldn't want another person to interfere if I was on my way, so I can see how maybe some other moms might feel the same. If they saw you, they may have assumed they should just let you do your job.<br><br>
It's no fun, but the reality of the society we live in today is that people *are* afraid to butt in on someone elses parenting. And, I don't like it, but it is a legitimate concern. *sigh*<br><br>
Again......I'm sorry that happened to your poor little guy. Just hearing about it breaks my heart. Poor guy.

 

[Breathe]

Thanks for the love, mamas. mthomas and nikirj, when I read your compassionate replies, I fell on the floor and sobbed it all out. I think for me it represents how very isolated we are . . . that in fact, my child may NOT be safe out there in the world . . . I know there are good people out there, like you all, but apprently we we are all scattered too widely to form a sufficient safety net for our babes. (And nikirj, if looks could kill, they'd all be dea, but then none of them even LOOKED at me or ds once I had him. They did a fine job of staying in their little bubbles.)<br><br>
Anothermama, thanks for your honest reply -- no flames here. But I would like to ask you to reconsider your approach on this matter. If you were ever close by my child when he was upset or hurt, *I* would want you to comfort him first, even if without touching him, and THEN look for me. That's my reaction -- I also pick up children on the playground and at LEAST say things like, "Here comes your mommy!" None of the people even turned their heads to see me coming -- and I know, bc it was like watching the whole scene in slow motion.<br><br>
I feel we have a responsibility to put children's needs first -- before their parents' feelings about being usurped -- and I will do this time and time again. Any parent who would rather me watch their child suffer than intervene can SUE ME. Our litigiousness is an ILLNESS and I will not allow it to prevent me from lending a helping hand to an innocent child.<br><br>
FWIW, not 30 min before I had been comforting an unknown child (at least 6 yrs old) bc she had been scared by a ladybug landing on her. I didn't touch her, but empathised and tried to be kind. She wasn't crying, wasn't hysterical, wasn't MORTIFIED as my child had been, but she looked to me for comfort and I offered it. It would be so comforting to know that others would be as gentle with my son.

 

[mountain mom]

Wow Breathe thats rough...<br><br>
I think I would have jumped up and gone over to your boy and then looked to see if you were coming. If you weren't I would have tried to guide your son away from the spray, still looking for you, but trying to calm him without being to invasive.<br><br>
When you arrived I would have helped you both....seeing that you are pregnant and you son was really upset.....offering a towel....a drink of water etc.<br><br>
I agree with anothermama too though...I have tried my tactic in the park before and was flamed by the other mother...."Oh just leave him, he has to learn".<br><br>
It is hard to guage a reaction.

 

[UrbanPlanter]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s Mama! That would make me soooo MAD! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"><br><br>
I can't stand it when people are so selfish and inconsiderate. The playgrounds I go to are full of nannies who just sit there and talk to each other and hardly even go to the aid of the children they are watching, let alone any other child who needs something!<br><br>
But OMG if I ever saw a hysterical child I would RUN like crazy to assist him - while glancing around to see if his mama was near.<br><br>
Sorry you had to go through that. Hope your dc is feeling a little better now (and you too!)

 

[UrbanPlanter]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mountain mom</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I agree with anothermama too though...I have tried my tactic in the park before and was flamed by the other mother...."Oh just leave him, he has to learn".</div>
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Sorry, but, no WAY would I "just leave" an hysterical child! My response to the mother would be "oh, sorry, I couldn't help it - he seemed to be in great need of help!"

 

[UrbanPlanter]

And another thing that just came to mind: (if I may rant a bit more? sorry to hijack a bit...) but the moms who say "oh just leave him, he has to learn" really burn me up sometimes. Sometimes the event is beyond the child's level to handle it, and so many parents want their kid to be "independent" so young - how can I explain it? I hope you all know what I mean. It just really makes me sad for the poor baby. (Even my toddler is too young to handle many things, in my opinion...)<br><br>
ETA: not that I would try to but in on anyone else's method of parenting - I try not to tell anyone what to do ever - it's just that if I see a crying child I have a physical response similar to the one I have to my own child and I just have to go to the rescue.

 

[mountain mom]

ITA AdrianneWe...I cannot leave a child who is distressed...I would rather be flamed than have the child be upset.

 

[EFmom]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Or have we truly reached an age where it is unthinkable to help our neighbors, no excuse me, our neighbors' CHILDREN, even if they are strangers?!?!</td>
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I have to say that every single time without fail that I have done something to try to help a frightened or hurt child, I have been yelled at/cursed out by the mother. I am still pretty raw from the last time, when I tried to help a crying child who had lost her mother (for quite a long time) in a ChuckESleeze-on-steroids type of place. That woman ripped into me for interrupting her flirting with some guy to unite her with her child. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
So, while I'm very sorry you had this experience, I honestly don't know what I would do given the situation. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">:

 

[UrbanPlanter]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mountain mom</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">ITA AdrianneWe...I cannot leave a child who is distressed...I would rather be flamed than have the child be upset.</div>
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Yeah!

 

[KarmaChameleon]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>AdrianneWe</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">ETA: not that I would try to but in on anyone else's method of parenting - I try not to tell anyone what to do ever - it's just that if I see a crying child I have a physical response similar to the one I have to my own child and I just have to go to the rescue.</div>
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Yeah.<br><br>
We went to a Memorial Day barbeque at some friends' house. ONe of our "friend"'s kids was knocked over by a dog and he was obviously not hurt but he was frickin' TERRIFIED.<br><br>
I was pushing people out of the way to get to this screaming 18 month old and deliver him to his parents...when I rewalized that both of his parents were standing right there and not doing anything but nursing their beers and rolling their eyes at him.<br><br>
Now, because they are friends of ours, I was able to pick the boy up and rock him and kiss him...but when I tried to give him to his mother she said "oooooohhhhhh, are you a silly boy?" and then she told me to let him go cuz he's tough. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"><br><br>
Breathe, I would've run to your boy and held him til you got there. I am not afraid of lawsuits. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">

 

[UrbanPlanter]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>EFmom</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I have to say that every single time without fail that I have done something to try to help a frightened or hurt child, I have been yelled at/cursed out by the mother. I am still pretty raw from the last time, when I tried to help a crying child who had lost her mother (for quite a long time) in a ChuckESleeze-on-steroids type of place. That woman ripped into me for interrupting her flirting with some guy to unite her with her child. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
So, while I'm very sorry you had this experience, I honestly don't know what I would do given the situation. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">:</div>
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Well THAT mom apparently had her priorities mixed up, if I may be so judgemental!!! Please don't let her influence how you would instinctively react, as a caring, nurturing mama.<br><br>
WTF was she thinking??? Her dc is lost and crying and she doesn't care bc it might hamper her love life??? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:

 

[UrbanPlanter]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>KarmaChameleon</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Now, because they are friends of ours, I was able to pick the boy up and rock him and kiss him...but when I tried to give him to his mother she said "oooooohhhhhh, are you a silly boy?" and then she told me to let him go cuz he's tough. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"></div>
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Breathe, I know this is your thread, but some of these replies are really getting to me!!! What is up with THESE parents?????? Do they just not want to deal with children???? And the poor boy who was attacked by the dog will learn that he can't depend on his parents for safety or security??? ARRRGH!

 

[wombat]

I'm sorry to hear about your son's experience. I wonder what I would have done also. I hate these kinds of situations now. My first instinct is to help but experience has taught me to hesitate. For example, once I tried to help a really old frail looking lady who was getting off the bus. I was behind her. She had a walking stick and was very shaky and I thought she was about to fall off the last step so I grabbed her arm to steady her. I didn't even think about it, I just did it out of instinct. Well she started screaming at me and turned around and wacked me with her walking stick.

 

[FreeRangeMama]

I would help a child in this situation in a heartbeat BUT if it were my child he would become even MORE hysterical if another person came to his aid (even a relative, only Mama or Daddy will do). This makes me kind of hesitant when it comes to other children because I fear upsetting them more than they already are. I do anyway (err on the side of caution), but it is hard to know the best approach.<br><br>
The worst thing I have seen is mothers YELLING at their children for crying because THEY GOT HURT and telling them to "Shut up". That makes me so mad!!<br><br>
Breathe I am so sorry for what happened to your ds <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Poor baby must have been so frightened. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">

 

[Dechen]

I don't know if this is an AP issue or not. Maybe a location issue?<br><br>
Two days ago I was at our local park and a little girl (maybe 3) walked in front of a girl on the swings. *thwock* Feet hit head and the younger girl went down hard. Instantly, three different adults went RUNNING to the little girl. Turns out none of them even knew her. (her mom came running too, but my view was blocked by the slides.)<br><br>
Later on, once everyone was calm, I saw one of the other parents talking to the little girl in a kind manner, making sure she felt ok about it all. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br><br>
The parents I've seen at my local park seem to be good people who care. I doubt they are all AP! I think maybe we're lucky here.

 

[Quaniliaz]

Breathe - your post made me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying">. Honestly, I probably would have scooped him right up (I tend to act 1st, think 2nd when ppl are freaking out).<br><br>
The safety and security of our children are obviously the most important things - don't let other people's messed-up priorities stop you all from helping babies that need *someone*

 

[UrbanPlanter]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Quaniliaz</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">The safety and security of our children are obviously the most important things - don't let other people's messed-up priorities stop you all from helping babies that need *someone*</div>
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YEAH! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumbsup.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbsup">